One of our special correspondents started out to try the effect of
taking notes from his motor-car whilst proceeding at top-speed. The
experiment took place in June; but we have only just received the
following account of the result.
"Started away and turned on full head of smell--steam, I mean. Over
Southwark Bridge, fizz, kick, bang, rattle! Flew along Old Kent Road;
knocked down two policemen on patrol duty ('Knocked 'em in the Old Kent
Road'); fizzed on through New Cross and Lewisham at awful
nerve-destroying, sobbing pace, 'toot toot-ing' horn all the way. No
good, apparently, to some people, who would not, or possibly _could_
not, get out of the way. Cannoned milk-cart entering Eltham village, ran
into 'bus, but shot off it again, at a tangent, up on to the footpath,
frightening old lady into hysterics. Onwards we went, leaping and
flying past everything on the road, into open country. Ran over dog and
three chickens, and saw tandem horses take fright and bolt; dust flew,
people yelled at us and we yelled at people. Came round sharp corner on
to donkey standing in road. 'Boosted' him up into the air and saw him
fall through roof of outhouse! Whirr-r-up! bang! rattle! fizz-izz--Bust!"
"Where am I?--Oh, in hospital--oh, really?--Seems nice clean sort of
place.--How long----? Oh, been here about six weeks--have I, really? And
what----? Oh, _both_ arms, you say?--and left leg? Ah--by the way, do
you know anyone who wants to buy a motor----? What, no motor left?--By
Jove! that's funny, isn't it?--Well, I think I'll go to sleep again
now."
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_Ethel_ (_with book_). "What's an autocrat, Mabel?"
_Mabel._ "Person who drives an auto-car, of course, silly."
* * * * *
THE BEST LUBRICANT FOR CYCLES.--Castor oil.
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