Friendship and Enthusiasm.
In the place where I resided I had a bosom friend, Moses Lapidoth by
name. We were of the same age, the same studies, and nearly the same
external circumstances, the only difference being, that at an early
period I already showed an inclination to the sciences, while Lapidoth
had indeed a love of speculation, and also great acuteness and power of
judgment, but had no wish to proceed further than he could reach by a
mere sound common sense. With this friend I used to hold many a
conversation on subjects of mutual interest, especially the questions of
religion and morals.
We were the only persons in the place, who ventured to be not mere
imitators, but to think independently about everything. It was a natural
result of this, that, as we differed from all the rest of the community
in our opinions and conduct, we separated ourselves from them by
degrees; but, as we had still to live by the community, our
circumstances on this account became every day worse and worse. 'Tis
true, we noted this fact, but nevertheless we were unwilling to
sacrifice our favourite inclinations for any interest in the world. We
consoled ourselves therefore, as best we might, over our loss, spoke
constantly of the vanity of all things, of the religious and moral
faults of the common herd, upon whom we looked down with a sort of noble
pride and contempt.
We used especially to open our minds, _à la Mandeville_, on the
hollowness of human virtue. For example, smallpox had been very
prevalent in the place, and thereby many children had been carried off.
The elders held a meeting to find out the secret sins, on account of
which they were suffering this punishment, as they viewed it. After
instituting an inquiry it was found, that a young widow of the Jewish
people was holding too free intercourse with some servants of the manor.
She was sent for, but no sort of inquisition could elicit from her
anything beyond the fact, that these people were in the habit of
drinking mead at her house, and that, as was reasonable, she received
them in a pleasant and polite manner, but that in other respects she was
unconscious of any sin in the matter. As no other evidence was
forthcoming, she was about to be acquitted, when an elderly matron came
flying like a fury and screamed, "Scourge her! scourge her! till she has
confessed her sin! If you do not do it, then may the guilt of the death
of so many innocent souls fall upon you!" Lapidoth was present with me
at this scene, and said, "Friend, do you suppose that Madam is making so
fierce a complaint against this woman, merely because she is seized
with a holy zeal and feeling for the general welfare? Oh no! She is
enraged, merely because the widow still possesses attractions, while she
herself can no longer make claim to any." I assured him that his opinion
was thoroughly in accordance with my own.
Lapidoth had poor parents-in-law. His father-in-law was Jewish sexton,
and by his slender pay could support his family only in a very sorry
style. Every Friday the poor man was therefore compelled to listen to
all sorts of reproach and abuse from his wife, because he could not
provide her with what was indispensable for the holy Sabbath. Lapidoth
told me about this with the addition:--"My mother-in-law wants to make
me to believe that she is zealous merely for the honour of the holy
Sabbath. Nay, verily; she is zealous merely for the honour of her own
holy paunch, which she cannot fill as she would like; the holy Sabbath
serves her merely as a pretext."
Once when we were taking a walk on the wall round the town, and
conversing about the tendency of men, which is evinced in such
expressions, to deceive themselves and others, I said to Lapidoth,
"Friend, let us be fair, and pass our censure on ourselves, as well as
on others. Is not the contemplative life which we lead, and which is by
no means adapted to our circumstances, to be regarded as a result of our
indolence and inclination to idleness, which we seek to defend by
reflections on the vanity of all things? We are content with our
present circumstances; why? Because we cannot alter them without first
fighting against our inclination to idleness. With all our pretence of
contempt for everything outside of us, we cannot avoid the secret wish
to be able to enjoy better food and clothing than at present. We
reproach our friends as vain men addicted to the pleasures of sense,
because they have abandoned our mode of life, and undertaken occupations
adapted to their powers. But wherein consists our superiority over them,
when we merely follow our inclination as they follow theirs? Let us seek
to find this superiority merely in the fact, that we at least confess
this truth to ourselves, while they profess as the motive of their
actions, not the satisfaction of their own particular desires, but the
impulse to general utility." Lapidoth, on whom my words produced a
powerful impression, answered with some warmth, "Friend, you are
perfectly right. If we cannot now mend our faults, we will not deceive
ourselves about them, but at least keep the way open for amendment."
In conversations of this kind we two cynics spent our pleasantest hours,
while we made ourselves merry sometimes at the expense of the world,
sometimes at our own. Lapidoth, for example, whose old dirty clothes had
all fallen into rags, and one of whose sleeves was wholly parted from
the rest of his coat, while he was not in a position even to have it
mended, used to fix the sleeve on his back with a pin, and to ask me,
"Don't I look like a _Schlachziz_ (a Polish noble)?" I, again, could
not sufficiently commend my rent shoes, which were quite open at the
toes, because, as I said, "They do not squeeze the foot."
The harmony of our inclinations and manner of life, along with some
difference in our talents, made our conversation all the more agreeable.
I had more talent for the sciences, made more earnest endeavours after
thoroughness and accuracy of knowledge than Lapidoth. He, on the other
hand, had the advantage of a lively imagination, and consequently more
talent for eloquence and poetry than I. If I produced a new thought, my
friend knew how to illustrate it, and, as it were, to give it embodiment
in a multitude of examples. Our affection for one another went so far,
that, whenever it was practicable, we spent day and night in each
other's company, and the first thing we did, on returning home from the
places where we severally acted as family-tutors, was to visit each
other, even before seeing our own families. At last we began to neglect
on this account the usual hours of prayer. Lapidoth first undertook to
prove, that the Talmudists themselves offered up their prayers, not
exclusively in the synagogue, but sometimes in their study-chambers.
Afterwards he pointed out also, that the prayers held to be necessary
are not all equally so, but that some may be dispensed with altogether:
even those, which are recognised as necessary, we curtailed by degrees,
till at last they were totally neglected.
Once, when we went for a walk on the wall during the hour of prayer,
Lapidoth said to me, "Friend, what is going to become of us? We do not
pray now at all."
"What do you mean by that?" I inquired.
"I throw myself," said Lapidoth, "on the mercy of God, who certainly
will not punish his children severely for a slight neglect."
"God is not merely _merciful_," I replied; "He is also _just_.
Consequently this reason cannot help us much."
"What do you mean by that?" asked Lapidoth.
I had by this time obtained from Maimonides more accurate ideas of God
and of our duties towards Him. Accordingly I replied, "Our destination
is merely the _attainment of perfection through the knowledge of God and
the imitation of His actions_. Prayer is simply the expression of our
knowledge of the divine perfections, and, as a result of this knowledge,
is intended merely for the common man who cannot of himself attain to
this knowledge; and therefore it is adapted to his mode of conception.
But as we see into the end of prayer, and can attain to this end
directly, we can dispense altogether with prayer as something
superfluous."
This reasoning appeared to us both to be sound. We resolved therefore,
for the purpose of avoiding offence, to go out of the house every
morning with our _Taleth_ and _Tephilim_ (Jewish instruments of prayer),
not, however, to the synagogue, but to our favourite retreat, the wall,
and by this means we fortunately escaped the Jewish Inquisition.
But this enthusiastic companionship, like everything else in the world,
had to come to an end. As we were both married, and our marriages were
tolerably fruitful, we were obliged, for the purpose of supporting our
families, to accept situations as family-tutors. By this means we were
not infrequently separated, and afterwards were able to spend merely a
few weeks in the year together.