(REC.)
If you ever should be
In a state of _ennui_,
Just listen to me,
And without any fee
I'll give you a hint how to set yourself free.
Though dearth of intelligence weaken the news,
And you feel an incipient attack of the blues,
For amusement you never need be at a loss,
If you take up the paper and _read it_ across.
(INTER ARIA DEMI LOQUI.)
Here's the _Times_, apropos,
And so,
With your patience, I'll show
What I mean, by perusing a passage or two.
(ARIA.)
"Hem! Mr. George Robins is anxious to tell,
In very plain prose, he's instructed to sell"--
"A vote for the county"--"packed neatly in straw"--
"Set by Holloway's Ointment"--"a limb of the law."
"The army has had secret orders to seize"--
"As soon as they can"--"the industrious fleas."
For amusement you never need be at a loss,
If you take a newspaper and read it across.
"The opera opens with"--"elegant coats"--
"For silver and gold we exchange foreign notes"--
"Specific to soften mortality's ills"--
"And cure Yorkshire bacon"--"take Morison's pills."
"Curious coincidence"--"steam to Gravesend."
"Tale of deep interest"--"money to lend"--
"Louisa is waiting for William to send."
For amusement you never need be at a loss,
If you take a newspaper and read it across.
"For relief of the Poles"--"an astounding feat!"--
"A respectable man"--"for a water will eat"--
"The Macadamised portion of Parliament-street."
"Mysterious occurrence!"--"expected _incog_."
"To be viewed by cards only"--"a terrible fog."
"At eight in the morning the steam carriage starts"--
"Takes passengers now"--"to be finished in parts."
For amusement you never need be at a loss,
If you take a newspaper and read it across.
"Left in a cab, and"--"the number not known"
"A famous prize ox, weighing 200 stone"--
"He speaks with a lisp"--"has a delicate shape"--
"And had _on_, when he quitted, a Macintosh cape."
"For China direct, a fine"--"dealer in slops."
"To the curious in shaving"--"new way to dress chops."
"Repeal of the corn"--"was roasted for lunch"--
"Teetotal beverage "--"Triumph of PUNCH!"
For amusement you never need be at a loss,
If you take a newspaper and read it across.
* * * * *