“INFORCIN THE LAW AGIN BILLOT.”
WHEN we got to the trial, on Monday, we found our witnesses and the
witnesses and lawyers of Billot a talkin, and a laffin, and a whisperin
together. They seemed to have some deep subject which Dimicrats and
Republicans were both in earnest about.
So I told Jobe to git around among them and listen, and see if they
wasent layin some plan to gain the lawsuit for Billot.
Soon arter Jobe he come in a smilin and said:
“They haint a talkin about the lawsuit at all; they are jist talkin
together how to beat them Populists at the election next month.”
Jobe seemed tickled. He said them lawyers and editors are smart fellers,
and when they git out among them ignorant farmers and laborin class
they’d soon settle all that Populist argament.
“There wont be any change in this country,” says he, “as long as them
editors and lawyers can help it.”
He said they were goin at it purty soon, and from what he could hear it
dident make any difference to these leadin fellers who beats, jist so
them Populists dont git in.
Says I to Jobe:
[Illustration: “Lawyers a talkin and a laffin.”]
“They had better git at it, for if them Populists elects a farmer for
representative, a farmer for treasurer, a farmer for commissioner, a
coal miner for sheriff, and a mechanic for infirmary director, and they
all make good officers, the chance of them lawyers and town polerticians
holdin all the offices herearter will be slim.”
“Why, sich people was never made to hold office,” says Jobe.
The squire come in at that time and stopped the argament between Jobe
and me.
The case was begun.
The fust witness for our side was Sam Moore, editure of the _Times_. I
questioned him.
Question. “What is your bizness, Mr. Moore?”
Answer. “Editure and polertician,” says he.
Q. “Do you believe in the free coinage of silver?”
A. “If we can git it inside the Dimicratic party, I do. If we cannot, I
do not.”
Q. “Mr. Moore, is a treasury certificate issued by the United States
treasury money?”
A. “Well, now, Betsy, I—I—that is, I am not prepared to answer that
question at this time. Cal Bri——”
“Hold! hold!” cried Lawyer Jim Patrick, jumpin to his feet. (Patrick is
Billot’s lawyer.) Gittin red in the face and pintin his finger at Sam,
says he:
“Moore, we dont want Cal Brice’s name mentioned durin this camp—cam—or,
or lawsuit, I mean. You know as well as I do that he can never git back
to the Senate if we let the people know that he is after the office.”
Then, turnin to the squire, says he:
“I object to the gentleman answerin the question.”
I argued that all we wanted was to git at the truth; that we was
intitled to the truth, if gittin it defeated Mr. Brice or any other
canderdate for office.
But Jim he out-talked me, and the squire ruled that “the less said about
Cal in open meetin the better for his chances.” As much as to say that
sometimes things could be done better by suppressin the truth than by
tellin it.
I perceeded:
Q. “Mr. Moore, how long has it been since you quit advocatin the issue
of ‘good old-fashioned greenback paper money’? How long has it been
since you said time arter time in your noosepaper that ‘the greenback
was the best money we have ever had’?”
A. “Well, Betsy, I haint advocated paper money for nigh onto a year. Not
since we decided that we wanted Cal Bri——”
“Hold, hold!” shouted Jim Patrick agin. Says he, jumpin to his feet:
“Moore, what do you mean? Dont you know you are injurin our cause? Dont
you know that if it gits out that Cal is a canderdate he will be
defeated? Dont you know if he is defeated none of us will git an office?
Sam, I want you to bring his name in this matter no more.”
That made Sam mad. He riz up and says, says he:
“Mr. Patrick, I want you to understand that I am under oath now, and not
a editin a free silver paper in the interest of a gold-bug canderdate,
nor am I under the control of the Dimicratic Executive Committee while I
am on this stand.”
[Illustration: “‘MR. MOORE, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU QUIT
ADVOCATIN THE USE OF GOOD OLD-FASHIONED GREENBACKS?’”]
Sam was gittin madder every minit.
So I riz to my feet and says:
“Hear, hear, gentlemen, dont lets drag family affairs into this suit
agin Billot.”
I saw they was likely to give away the secrets of my party.
Seein that Mr. Moore was excited, and, if pressed, was liable to swear
agin us instid of for us, I excused him.
Then Jim took him.
Q. “Mr. Moore, what is money?”
A. “Money is anything the law says is legal tender for debts.”
Q. “Mr. Moore, are not United States treasury notes legal tender? and
then are they not money?”
Sam begin to color up agin. Answerin, says he:
“Well, now, look here, Jim, you know what shape our party is in—that all
the big fellers are for a gold basis—and you know, too, that there is no
chance for any of us to git appinted to office if we dont come out for
gold. You know I edit one of the leadin papers; and you know it takes a
great effort to hold the party together. Now, Jim, dont you think you
had better not make me answer that question—under oath? Or if you want
me to answer it, dont you think you ort to git this case abjourned till
after election day?”
Jim studied a minit, looked wise like, and says:
“Mr. Moore, youre excused.”
Sam got down and went out, mutterin as he went somethin about it bein
“hard, these times, for a truthful man to be a Dimicrat.”
My next witness was Buckannan.
Q. “Buck, what is your bizness?”
A. “Lawyer—Dimicratic lawyer and polertician.”
Q. “Buck, what is money?”
A. “Gold—gold is money.”
Q. “Who makes money, Buck?”
A. “God—God makes money.”
That was all I wanted. Thats the kind of swearin I wanted to inforce the
law agin Billot. So I turned Buck over to Patrick.
Jim he looked Buck in the face a minit. Buck he dropped his eyes shamed
like.
Then Jim perceeded:
Q. “Buck, what is your bizness and polertics?”
A. “Ime a lawyer—a Dimicratic lawyer and polertician.”
Q. “Buck, did you ever study the money question?”
A. “No, sir; never did; never want to; never will. I know enough. Ime a
Dimicrat—a Dimicratic lawyer—and that suits me.”
Q. “Buck, dont you know that anything that the law says is legal tender
for debts is money? and dare you swear here under oath that a paper bill
issued by the United States treasury is not money?”
Buck colored up and looked hurt like. Says he:
“Patrick, you know the condition our party is in, and you know that our
names would be Dennis if Cal——”
“Hold, hold!” cried Jim, jumpin to his feet—and, pintin his forefinger
strait at Buck, vicious like, says he:
“Here, Buck, dont you know that Brice has instructed us to mention his
name as little as possible. Now, I want you to answer this question
without any reference to Cal or anybody else: Is paper money money?”
Poor Buck, he filled up, and, trimbling like, says:
“It is, Patrick—it is.”
And great big tears rolled down his manly cheek and dropped on the lapel
of his Prince Albert coat.
The squire asked him what was the matter.
[Illustration: “‘Lawyer—Dimicratic lawyer and polertician.’”]
He said he was ruined; that he had been tellin everybody that “nothin
was money but gold,” and now if it got out that he swore in the case of
Gaskins agin Billot that paper money is money, nobody would believe him
hereafter. And, poor man, he cried like a child.
Well, as I had examined what I considered my strongest witnesses, and
they dident swear as they talked to the voters, but jist to the
contrary, I concluded to end the case and let the squire decide it. I
argued that nothin was money but gold, showed how all the noosepapers
said so, and how all the lawyers and polerticians said so (except when
on oath). I showed how Jobe had delivered good wheat and hay to Billot
and took his note for it, how Billot offered Jobe jist common paper
money when the note was due; showed how Jobe demanded gold money and
nothin else, because gold was the recognized money of the world, and
closed by askin the court to give us judgment agin Billot, payable in
gold, and to make Billot pay the costs. I sot down.
Jim Patrick got up and said they had no testimony to offer except Jobe
Gaskins’ own statement that Billot had offered to pay him with paper
money, and now he tendered to the court the same money Billot had
offered to Gaskins, and asked for judgment agin Gaskins for the costs.
The squire took the money, counted it and stuck it in his pocket, then
hemmed and hawed a minit and said that Billot had made a full legal
tender of the amount due Gaskins, as in his court paper money allers had
been good and he hoped it allers would be. He then said:
“My judgment is in favor of the defendant Billot, with the costs of this
case charged to the plaintiff Gaskins.”
It nearly took my breath.
The costs was $18.60, all told.
The squire said that paper money made by the United States was real
money, and if a man offered to pay a debt with it, and the man he
offered it to refused it and tried to make him pay gold, he would have
to pay the cost for tryin it.
Instid of us inforcin the law agin Billot, it looks to me that we have
had the law inforced agin us.
Jobe says that Squire Reed is a anacrist and ort to be hung.
[Illustration]