THE SPITTOONS.
COULD you tell a feller where he could borrow a little money to pay
taxes with? Here it is June, and taxes are due agin—bridge taxes and
all—and Jobe lacks $22.69 of havin enough to pay his share.
Taxes seem to stay up better than anything else. They really seem to be
on the rise.
I wonder if a feller could borrow that much money from them county
commissioners? They git their pay when they sell a bridge to the
taxpayers—cut-worms or no cut-worms.
Them commissioners ort a have a little spare change by them, when they
git pay from the people of the county for buyin bridges and pay from the
bridge companies for sellin bridges.
Ime a hearin a good deal about that bridge bizness. About them iron
tubes that we paid the same for as stone butments would a cost, and that
sellin out of the Trenton bridge in pieces privately, so that it would
bring more “commission,” and of them contractors that come down here and
got paid for not biddin on another job, and all them things, and Ime a
layin low for Jobe so that the next time he lites into me Ile pulverize
him.
He’s been quiet for a day or two. He’s been out a tryin to borrow tax
money, workin on the “gold basis,” as it were.
He ginerally is quiet durin tryin times. He dont know what minit he may
need my help.
This tax bizness is a deep question, and seems to be a gittin deeper.
How does it come that a feller what has a farm, and owes for it, has to
pay the same tax as he would if he had it all paid for?
Now, here is Jobe and me. We have this farm, that haint worth more nor
$2,500; we owe $1,800 gold mortgage on it. So we own $700 of its worth,
and the banker what holds the mortgage owns the balance. We have to pay
$51.80 a year tax on it. That is, we pay $51.80 tax on $700 we own.
Haint that over seven per cent. tax on all we are worth? Now, if the
banker is permitted to deduct his debts from his tax list, and the
storekeeper and manufacturer is allowed to deduct their debts from their
tax list, why haint the law-makers what Jobe and his likes has been
electin to office made laws to allow the farmer to deduct his debts from
his tax list? Why haint they, I say? Haint a voter what farms for a
livin jist as good a citizen, jist as much entitled to the benefit of
laws as the fellers are what lends money for a livin, or what sells
store goods, or gits rich by makin things to sell to the farmers and
sich?
If we only had to pay taxes on what we have paid on this farm, on what
we have over our debts, we wouldent have to borrow any tax money this
June. If anybody but them crazy Populists would offer to make sich a
law, I believe I could git Jobe to vote for it. But them Populists are
pizen to Jobe.
He is so swelled up and elated over the county offices bein filled with
Republican officeseekers instid of Dimicrats, that I dont suppose he
will ever vote any other ticket, even if doin so would put him out of
debt or bring down taxes and interest and sich.
The second nite arter the cold weather drove Jobe in from the haymow to
the comfortable bed of his lawful wife, I had a experience Ile never
forgit.
[Illustration: “JOBE WAS ON HIS KNEES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BED.”]
We had gone to bed about the usual hour, and as neither was very sleepy
we fell to talkin.
I had tried to avoid anything of a perlitical natur since that tryin
mornin in the kitchen, and Jobe had got along with givin me a slur now
and then.
Well, arter we had laid there some time we got onto the question of
taxes, and I onthoughtedly said:
“Jobe, why couldent there be a law to make interest less and taxes
lower?
“What good does it do you and your likes to vote the same party ticket
year arter year, when you see they dont do anything to make things
easier for you—when you know, or ort a know, that the men what runs your
party only work for the money they can git out of the taxes you pay?
“What difference is it to you what party has the offices? Better laws is
what you ort a look to.
“What satisfaction is it to you to have the Republicans in, anyhow?”
I hadent that last question out of my mouth until Jobe was up on his
knees in the middle of the bed, layin it off with both hands. The moon
shinin in through the winder made him look like a ghost, with his long
gray whiskers and nothin on but his shirt.
[Illustration: “A strait, influential, leadin Republican officeholder.”]
“Satisfaction! satisfaction!” says he, loud and quick. “Betsy Gaskins,
for forty odd years Ive been goin to that air court-house and have had
to pay my taxes to Dimicrats—copperheads, if you please, rebels!—and do
you suppose its no satisfaction for me to go there now and see a
Republican in every office? Betsy, it was the happiest day of my life
when George Sharp told me that the last office in that air court-house
was filled by a Republican. Even the janitor, Betsy, is a Republican.
Yes, sir, the janitor is a prominent Republican. Satisfaction! Do you
suppose it is no satisfaction for me to go into that court-house and see
a influential Republican cleanin them big spittoons and a sweepin of
that stone floor? Do you suppose that when I spit in one of them large
vessels, or throw a chaw of terbacker in one of them, that it does not
give me more satisfaction to know that that terbacker what has been in
the mouth of Jobe Gaskins will be handled and wiped out of that spittoon
by a prominent, influential Republican than if a copperhead Dimicrat was
to do it? Satisfaction! Betsy, you women dont know what real perlitical
satisfaction and enjoyment is—thats one reason you haint got sense
enough to vote.
“Do you suppose that Ive been a votin the Republican ticket all these
years for nothin? No, sir.
“If the Republicans hadent a turned out the Dimicrat what was janitor,
and appinted a tried and true Republican in his place, I wouldent a gone
to the next election. Jist to think of all them court-house offices bein
filled by Republicans—janitor and all—is enough to make any true
Republican farmer rejoice.”
Durin all this time I jist laid there and let him talk. Finally he laid
down, and, thinkin I was asleep, he muttered a few things to himself and
went to sleep too.
[Illustration: “Lots of fellows just like him.”]
Poor Jobe! If I had a knode it would be sich great enjoyment to him and
his likes to knock the Dimicrats out of that court-house, Ide a been in
favor of it long ago. I would, though Ime a Dimicrat.
Jobe says you can find lots of fellers, jist like him, standin around
the court-house nowdays, chawin terbacker and talkin polerticks, jist to
git to spit in them big spittoons and to have the satisfaction of knowin
that it will be cleaned out by a strait, influential, leadin Republican
officeholder.
Well, all Ive got to say is to let them enjoy their satisfaction while
they can, for that is about all they git for the taxes they pay and the
vote they vote and have been a votin for years.
Ime glad they have spittoons in that court-house. If they hadent, what
would Jobe and his likes git for votin the strait ticket? What would
they git, I say?
Susan Swaller is a goin over into Harrison County next week to visit her
aunt, and Ime a goin along.
While Ime over there Ime a goin to find out more about the county
commissioners of our county offerin to sell that county a bridge for
much less money than they charged this county for the same kind of a
bridge. If what I hear is true, Ile give Jobe names and dates and prices
that will make him stand clear up in bed next time, moonlite or no
moonlite, shirt or no shirt.
[Illustration]