CHAPTER XVIII.

All that day Harley L'Estrange had been more than usually mournful and

dejected. Indeed, the return to scenes associated with Nora's presence

increased the gloom that had settled on his mind since he had lost sight

and trace of her. Audley, in the remorseful tenderness he felt for his

injured friend, had induced L'Estrange towards evening to leave the Park,

and go into a district some miles off, on pretence that he required

Harley's aid there to canvass certain important outvoters: the change of

scene might rouse him from his reveries. Harley himself was glad to

escape from the guests at Lansmere. He readily consented to go. He

would not return that night. The outvoters lay remote and scattered, he

might be absent for a day or two. When Harley was gone, Egerton himself

sank into deep thought. There was rumour of some unexpected opposition.

His partisans were alarmed and anxious. It was clear that the Lansmere

interest, if attacked, was weaker than the earl would believe; Egerton

might lose his election. If so, what would become of him? How support

his wife, whose return to him he always counted on, and whom it would

then become him at all hazards to acknowledge? It was that day that he

had spoken to William Hazeldean as to the family living.--"Peace, at

least," thought the ambitious man,--"I shall have peace!" And the squire

had promised him the rectory if needed; not without a secret pang, for

his Harry was already using her conjugal influence in favour of her old

school-friend's husband, Mr. Dale; and the squire thought Audley would be

but a poor country parson, and Dale--if he would only grow a little

plumper than his curacy would permit him to be--would be a parson in ten

thousand. But while Audley thus prepared for the worst, he still brought

his energies to bear on the more brilliant option; and sat with his

Committee, looking into canvass-books, and discussing the characters,

politics, and local interests of every elector, until the night was well-

nigh gone. When he gained his room; the shutters were unclosed, and he

stood a few moments at the window, gazing on the moon. At that sight,

the thought of Nora, lost and afar, stole over him. The man, as we know,

had in his nature little of romance and sentiment. Seldom was it his

wont to gaze upon moon or stars. But whenever some whisper of romance

did soften his hard, strong mind, or whenever moon or stars did charm his

gaze from earth, Nora's bright Muse-like face, Nora's sweet loving eyes,

were seen in moon and star-beam, Nora's low tender voice heard in the

whisper of that which we call romance, and which is but the sound of the

mysterious poetry that is ever in the air, would we but deign to hear it!

He turned with a sigh, undressed, threw himself on his bed, and

extinguished his light. But the light of the moon would fill the room.

It kept him awake for a little time; he turned his face from the calm,

heavenly beam resolutely towards the dull blind wall, and fell asleep.

And, in the sleep, he was with Nora,--again in the humble bridal-home.

Never in his dreams had she seemed to him so distinct and life-like,--

her eyes upturned to his, her hands clasped together, and resting on his

shoulder, as had been her graceful wont, her voice murmuring meekly, "Has

it, then, been my fault that we parted? Forgive, forgive me!" And the

sleeper imagined that he answered, "Never part from me again,--never,

never!" and that he bent down to kiss the chaste lips that so tenderly

sought his own. And suddenly he heard a knocking sound, as of a hammer,

--regular, but soft, low, subdued. Did you ever, O reader, hear the

sound of the hammer on the lid of a coffin in a house of woe,--when the

undertaker's decorous hireling fears that the living may hear how he

parts them from the dead? Such seemed the sound to Audley. The dream

vanished abruptly.

He woke, and again heard the knock; it was at his door. He sat up

wistfully; the moon was gone, it was morning. "Who is there?" he cried

peevishly.

A low voice from without answered, "Hush, it is I; dress quick; let me

see you."

Egerton recognized Lady Lansmere's voice. Alarmed and surprised, he

rose, dressed in haste, and went to the door. Lady Lansmere was standing

without, extremely pale. She put her finger to her lip, and beckoned him

to follow her. He obeyed mechanically. They entered her dressing-room,

a few doors from his own chamber, and the countess closed the door.

Then laying her slight firm hand on his shoulder, she said, in suppressed

and passionate excitement,

"Oh, Mr. Egerton, you must serve me, and at once. Harley! Harley! save

my Harley! Go to him, prevent his coming back here, stay with him; give

up the election,--it is but a year or two lost in your life, you will

have other opportunities; make that sacrifice to your friend."

"Speak--what is the matter? I can make no sacrifice too great for

Harley!"

"Thanks, I was sure of it. Go then, I say, at once to Harley; keep him

away from Lansmere on any excuse you can invent, until you can break the

sad news to him,--gently, gently. Oh, how will he bear it; how recover

the shock? My boy, my boy!"

"Calm yourself! Explain! Break what news; recover what shock?"

"True; you do not know, you have not heard. Nora Avenel lies yonder, in

her father's house,--dead, dead!"

Audley staggered back, clapping his hand to his heart, and then dropping

on his knee as if bowed down by the stroke of heaven.

"My bride, my wife!" he muttered. "Dead--it cannot be!"

Lady Lansmere was so startled at this exclamation, so stunned by a

confession wholly unexpected, that she remained unable to soothe, to

explain, and utterly unprepared for the fierce agony that burst from the

man she had ever seen so dignified and cold, when he sprang to his feet,

and all the sense of his eternal loss rushed upon his heart.

At length he crushed back his emotions, and listened in apparent calm,

and in a silence broken but by quick gasps for breath, to Lady Lansmere's

account.

One of the guests in the house, a female relation of Lady Lansmere's, had

been taken suddenly ill about an hour or two before; the house had been

disturbed, the countess herself aroused, and Mr. Morgan summoned as the

family medical practitioner. From him she had learned that Nora Avenel

had returned to her father's house late on the previous evening, had been

seized with brain fever, and died in a few hours.

Audley listened, and turned to the door, still in silence. Lady Lansmere

caught him by the arm. "Where are you going? Ah, can I now ask you to

save my son from the awful news, you yourself the sufferer? And yet--

yet--you know his haste, his vehemence, if he learned that you were his

rival, her husband; you whom he so trusted! What, what would be the

result?---I tremble!"

"Tremble not,--I do not tremble! Let me go! I will be back soon, and

then,"--(his lips writhed)--"then we will talk of Harley."

Egerton went forth, stunned and dizzy. Mechanically he took his way

across the park to John Avenel's house. He had been forced to enter that

house, formally, a day or two before, in the course of his canvass; and

his worldly pride had received a shock when the home, the birth, and the

manners of his bride's parents had been brought before him. He had even

said to himself, "And is it the child of these persons that I, Audley

Egerton, must announce to the world as wife?" Now, if she had been the

child of a beggar-nay, of a felon--now if he could but recall her to

life, how small and mean would all that dreaded world appear to him!

Too late, too late! The dews were glistening in the sun, the birds were

singing overhead, life wakening all around him--and his own heart felt

like a charnel-house. Nothing but death and the dead there,--nothing!

He arrived at the door: it was open: he called; no one answered: he

walked up the narrow stairs, undisturbed, unseen; he came into the

chamber of death. At the opposite side of the bed was seated John

Avenel; but he seemed in a heavy sleep. In fact, paralysis had smitten

him; but he knew it not; neither did any one. Who could heed the strong

hearty man in such a moment? Not even the poor anxious wife! He had

been left there to guard the house, and watch the dead,--an unconscious

man; numbed, himself, by the invisible icy hand! Audley stole to the

bedside; he lifted the coverlid thrown over the pale still face. What

passed within him during the minute he stayed there who shall say? But

when he left the room, and slowly descended the stairs, he left behind

him love and youth, all the sweet hopes and joys of the household human

life, for ever and ever!

He returned to Lady Lansmere, who awaited his coming with the most

nervous anxiety.

"Now," said he, dryly, "I will go to Harley, and I will prevent his

returning hither."

"You have seen the parents. Good heavens! do they know of your

marriage?"

"No; to Harley I must own it first. Meanwhile, silence!"

"Silence!" echoed Lady Lansmere; and her burning hand rested in Audley's,

and Audley's hand was as ice.

In another hour Egerton had left the house, and before noon he was with

Harley.

It is necessary now to explain the absence of all the Avenel family,

except the poor stricken father.

Nora had died in giving birth to a child,--died delirious. In her

delirium she had spoken of shame, of disgrace; there was no holy nuptial

ring on her finger. Through all her grief, the first thought of Mrs.

Avenel was to save the good name of her lost daughter, the unblemished

honour of all the living Avenels. No matron long descended from knights

or kings had keener pride in name and character than the poor,

punctilious Calvinistic trader's wife. "Sorrow later, honour now!" With

hard dry eyes she mused and mused, and made out herplan. Jane Fairfield

should take away the infant at once, before the day dawned, and nurse it

with her own. Mark should go with her, for Mrs. Avenel dreaded the

indiscretion of his wild grief. She would go with them herself part of

the way, in order to command or reason them into guarded silence. But

they could not go back to Hazeldean with another infant; Jane must go

where none knew her; the two infants might pass as twins. And Mrs.

Avenel, though naturally a humane, kindly woman, and with a mother's

heart to infants, looked with almost a glad sternness at Jane's puny

babe, and thought to herself, "All difficulty would be over should there

be only one! Nora's child could thus pass throughout life for Jane's!"

Fortunately for the preservation of the secret, the Avenels kept no

servant,--only an occasional drudge, who came a few hours in the day, and

went home to sleep. Mrs. Avenel could count on Mr. Morgan's silence as

to the true cause of Nora's death. And Mr. Dale, why should be reveal

the dishonour of a family? That very day, or the next at furthest, she

could induce her husband to absent himself, lest he should blab out the

tale while his sorrow was greater than his pride. She alone would then

stay in the house of death until she could feel assured that all else

were hushed into prudence. Ay, she felt, that with due precautions, the

name was still safe. And so she awed and hurried Mark and his wife away,

and went with them in the covered cart, that hid the faces of all three,

leaving for an hour or two the house and the dead to her husband's

charge, with many an admonition, to which be nodded his head, and which

he did not hear. Do you think this woman was unfeeling and inhuman?

Had Nora looked from heaven into her mother's heart Nora would not have

thought so. A good name when the burial stone closes over dust is still

a possession upon the earth; on earth it is indeed our only one! Better

for our friends to guard for us that treasure than to sit down and weep

over perishable clay. And weep!---Oh, stern mother, long years were left

to thee for weeping! No tears shed for Nora made such deep furrows on

the cheeks as thine did! Yet who ever saw them flow?

Harley was in great surprise to see Egerton; more surprised when Egerton

told him that he found he was to be opposed,--that he had no chance of

success at Lansmere, and had, therefore, resolved to retire from the

contest. He wrote to the earl to that effect; but the countess knew the

true cause, and hinted it to the earl; so that, as we saw at the

commencement of this history, Egerton's cause did not suffer when Captain

Dashmore appeared in the borough; and, thanks to Mr. Hazeldean's

exertions and oratory, Audley came in by two votes,--the votes of John

Avenel and Mark Fairfield. For though the former had been removed a

little way from the town, and by medical advice, and though, on other

matters, the disease that had smitten him left him docile as a child (and

he had but vague indistinct ideas of all the circumstances connected with

Nora's return, save the sense of her loss), yet he still would hear how

the Blues went on, and would get out of bed to keep his word: and even

his wife said,

"He is right; better die of it than break his promise!" The crowd gave

way as the broken man they had seen a few days before so jovial and

healthful was brought up in a chair to the poll, and said, with his

tremulous quavering voice, "I 'm a true Blue,--Blue forever!"

Elections are wondrous things! No man who has not seen can guess how the

zeal in them triumphs over sickness, sorrow, the ordinary private life of

us!

There was forwarded to Audley, from Lansmere Park, Nora's last letter.

The postman had left it there an hour or two after he himself had gone.

The wedding-ring fell on the ground, and rolled under his feet. And

those burning, passionate reproaches, all that anger of the wounded dove,

explained to him the mystery of her return, her unjust suspicions, the

cause of her sudden death, which he still ascribed to brain fever,

brought on by excitement and fatigue. For Nora did not speak of the

child about to be born; she had not remembered it when she wrote, or she

would not have written. On the receipt of this letter, Egerton could not

remain in the dull village district,--alone, too, with Harley. He said,

abruptly, that he must go to London; prevailed on L'Estrange to accompany

him; and there, when he heard from Lady Lansmere that the funeral was

over, he broke to Harley, with lips as white as the dead, and his hand

pressed to his heart, on which his hereditary disease was fastening quick

and fierce, the dread truth that Nora was no more. The effect upon the

boy's health and spirits was even more crushing than Audley could

anticipate. He only woke from grief to feel remorse. "For," said the

noble Harley, "had it not been for my passion, my rash pursuit, would she

ever have left her safe asylum,--ever even have left her native town?

And then--and then--the struggle between her sense of duty and her love

to me! I see it all--all! But for me she were living still!"

"Oh, no!" cried Egerton, his confession now rushing to his lips.

"Believe me, she never loved you as you think. Nay, nay, hear me!

Rather suppose that she loved another, fled with him, was perhaps married

to him, and--"

"Hold!" exclaimed Harley, with a terrible burst of passion,--"you kill

her twice to me if you say that! I can still feel that she lives--lives

here, in my heart--while I dream that she loved me--or, at least, that no

other lip ever knew the kiss that was denied to mine! But if you tell me

to doubt that--you--you--" The boy's anguish was too great for his

frame; he fell suddenly back into Audley's arms; he had broken a blood-

vessel. For several days he was in great danger; but his eyes were

constantly fixed on Audley's, with wistful intense gaze. "Tell me," he

muttered, at the risk of re-opening the ruptured veins, and of the

instant loss of life,--"tell me, you did not mean that! Tell me you have

no cause to think she loved another--was another's!"

"Hush, hush! no cause--none--none! I meant but to comfort you, as I

thought,--fool that I was!--that is all!" cried the miserable friend.

And from that hour Audley gave up the idea of righting himself in his own

eyes, and submitted still to be the living lie,--he, the haughty

gentleman!

Now, while Harley was still very weak and suffering, Mr. Dale came to

London, and called on Egerton. The curate, in promising secrecy to Mrs.

Avenel, had made one condition, that it should not be to the positive

injury of Nora's living son. What if Nora were married after all? And

would it not be right, at least, to learn the name of the child's father?

Some day he might need a father. Mrs. Avenel was obliged to content

herself with these reservations. However, she implored Mr. Dale not to

make inquiries. What could they do? If Nora were married, her husband

would naturally, of his own accord, declare himself; if seduced and

forsaken, it would but disgrace her memory (now saved from stain) to

discover the father to a child of whose very existence the world as yet

knew nothing. These arguments perplexed the good curate. But Jane

Fairfield had a sanguine belief in her sister's innocence; and all her

suspicions naturally pointed to Lord L'Estrange. So, indeed, perhaps;

did Mrs. Avenel's, though she never owned them. Of the correctness of

these suspicions Mr. Dale was fully convinced; the young lord's

admiration, Lady Lansmere's fears, had been too evident to one who had

often visited at the Park; Harley's abrupt departure just before Nora's

return home; Egerton's sudden resignation of the borough before even

opposition was declared, in order to rejoin his friend, the very day of

Nora's death,--all confirmed his ideas that Harley was the betrayer or

the husband. Perhaps there might have been a secret marriage--possibly

abroad--since Harley wanted some years of his majority. He would, at

least, try to see and to sound Lord L'Estrange. Prevented this interview

by Harley's illness, the curate resolved to ascertain how far he could

penetrate into the mystery by a conversation with Egerton. There was

much in the grave repute which the latter had acquired, and the singular

and pre-eminent character for truth and honour with which it was

accompanied, that made the curate resolve upon this step. Accordingly;

he saw Egerton, meaning only diplomatically to extract from the new

member for Lansmere what might benefit the family of the voters who had

given him his majority of two.

He began by mentioning, as a touching fact, how poor John Avenel, bowed

down by the loss of his child and the malady which had crippled his limbs

and enfeebled his mind, had still risen from his bed to keep his word.

And Audley's emotions seemed to him so earnest and genuine, to show so

good a heart, that out by little and little came more: first, his

suspicions that poor Nora had been betrayed; then his hopes that there

might have been private marriage; and as Audley, with his iron self-

command, showed just the proper degree of interest, and no more, he went

on, till Audley knew that he had a child.

"Inquire no further!" said the man of the world. "Respect Mrs. Avenel's

feelings and wishes, I entreat you; they are the right ones. Leave the

rest to me. In my position--I mean as a resident of London--I can

quietly and easily ascertain more than you could, and provoke no scandal!

If I can right this--this--poor--[his voice trembled]--right the lost

mother, or the living child, sooner or later you will hear from me; if

not, bury this secret where it now rests, in a grave which slander has

not reached. But the child--give me the address where it is to be found

--in case I succeed in finding the father, and touching his heart."

"Oh, Mr. Egerton, may I not say where you may find that father--who he

is?"

"Sir!"

"Do not be angry; and, after all, I cannot ask you to betray any

confidence which a friend may have placed in you. I know what you men

of high honour are to each other, even in sin. No, no, I beg pardon;

I leave all in your hands. I shall hear from you then?"

"Or if not, why, then, believe that all search is hopeless. My friend!

if you mean Lord L'Estrange, he is innocent. I--I--I--[the voice

faltered]--am convinced of it."

The curate sighed, but made no answer. "Oh, ye men of the world!"

thought he. He gave the address which the member for Lansmere had asked

for, and went his way, and never heard again from Audley Egerton. He was

convinced that the man who had showed such deep feeling had failed in his

appeal to Harley's conscience, or had judged it best to leave Nora's name

in peace, and her child to her own relations and the care of Heaven.

Harley L'Estrange, scarcely yet recovered, hastened to join our armies on

the Continent, and seek the Death which, like its half-brother, rarely

comes when we call it.

As soon as Harley was gone, Egerton went to the village to which Mr. Dale

had directed him, to seek for Nora's child. But here he was led into a

mistake which materially affected the tenor of his own life, and

Leonard's future destinies. Mrs. Fairfield had been naturally ordered by

her mother to take another name in the village to which she had gone with

the two infants, so that her connection with the Avenel family might not

be traced, to the provocation of inquiry and gossip. The grief and

excitement through which she had gone dried the source of nutriment in

her breast. She put Nora's child out to nurse at the house of a small

farmer, at a little distance from the village, and moved from her first

lodging to be nearer to the infant. Her own child was so sickly and

ailing, that she could not bear to intrust it to the care of an other.

She tried to bring it up by hand; and the poor child soon pined away and

died. She and Mark could not endure the sight of their baby's grave;

they hastened to return to Hazeldean, and took Leonard with them. From

that time Leonard passed for the son they had lost.

When Egerton arrived at the village, and inquired for the person whose

address had been given to him, he was referred to the cottage in which

she had last lodged, and was told that she had been gone some days,--the

day after her child was buried. Her child buried! Egerton stayed to

inquire no more; thus he heard nothing of the infant that had been put

out to nurse. He walked slowly into the churchyard, and stood for some

minutes gazing on the small new mound; then, pressing his hand on the

heart to which all emotion had been forbidden, he re-entered his chaise

and returned to London. The sole reason for acknowledging his marriage

seemed to him now removed. Nora's name had escaped reproach. Even had

his painful position with regard to Harley not constrained him to

preserve his secret, there was every motive to the world's wise and

haughty son not to acknowledge a derogatory and foolish marriage, now

that none lived whom concealment could wrong.

Audley mechanically resumed his former life,--sought to resettle his

thoughts on the grand objects of ambitious men. His poverty still

pressed on him; his pecuniary debt to Harley stung and galled his

peculiar sense of honour. He saw no way to clear his estates, to repay

his friend, but by some rich alliance. Dead to love, he faced this

prospect first with repugnance, then with apathetic indifference. Levy,

of whose treachery towards himself and Nora he was unaware, still held

over him the power that the money-lender never loses over the man that

has owed, owes, or may owe again. Levy was ever urging him to propose,

to the rich Miss Leslie; Lady Lansmere, willing to atone, as she thought,

for his domestic loss, urged the same; Harley, influenced by his mother,

wrote from the Continent to the same effect.

"Manage it as you will," at last said Egerton to Levy, "so that I am not

a wife's pensioner."

"Propose for me, if you will," he said to Lady Lansmere,--"I cannot woo,

--I cannot talk of love."

Somehow or other the marriage, with all its rich advantages to the ruined

gentleman, was thus made up. And Egerton, as we have seen, was the

polite and dignified husband before the world,--married to a woman who

adored him. It is the common fate of men like him to be loved too well!

On her death-bed his heart was touched by his wife's melancholy

reproach,--"Nothing I could do has ever made you love me!"

"It is true," answered Audley, with tears in his voice and eyes; "Nature

gave me but a small fund of what women like you call 'love,' and I

lavished it all away." And he then told her, though with reserve, some

portion of his former history; and that soothed her; for when she saw

that he had loved, and could grieve, she caught a glimpse of the human

heart she had not seen before. She died, forgiving him, and blessing.

Audley's spirits were much affected by this new loss. He inly resolved

never to marry again. He had a vague thought at first of retrenching his

expenditure, and making young Randal Leslie his heir. But when he first

saw the clever Eton boy, his feelings did not warm to him, though his

intellect appreciated Randal's quick, keen talents. He contented himself

with resolving to push the boy,--to do what was merely just to the

distant kinsman of his late wife. Always careless and lavish in money

matters, generous and princely, not from the delight of serving others,

but from a grand seigneur's sentiment of what was due to himself and his

station, Audley had a mournful excuse for the lordly waste of the large

fortune at his control. The morbid functions of the heart had become

organic disease. True, he might live many years, and die at last of some

other complaint in the course of nature; but the progress of the disease

would quicken with all emotional excitement; he might die suddenly--any

day--in the very prime, and, seemingly, in the full vigour, of his life.

And the only physician in whom he confided what he wished to keep

concealed from the world (for ambitious men would fain be thought

immortal) told him frankly that it was improbable that, with the wear and

tear of political strife and action, he could advance far into middle

age. Therefore, no son of his succeeding--his nearest relations all

wealthy--Egerton resigned himself to his constitutional disdain of money;

he could look into no affairs, provided the balance in his banker's hands

were such as became the munificent commoner. All else he left to his

steward and to Levy. Levy grew rapidly rich,--very, very rich,--and the

steward thrived.

The usurer continued to possess a determined hold over the imperious

great man. He knew Audley's secret; he could reveal that secret to

Harley. And the one soft and tender side of the statesman's nature--the

sole part of him not dipped in the ninefold Styx of practical prosaic

life, which renders man so invulnerable to affection--was his remorseful

love for the school friend whom he still deceived.

Here then you have the key to the locked chambers of Audley Egerton's

character, the fortified castle of his mind. The envied minister, the

joyless man; the oracle on the economies of an empire, the prodigal in a

usurer's hands; the august, high-crested gentleman, to whom princes would

refer for the casuistry of honour, the culprit trembling lest the friend

he best loved on earth should detect his lie! Wrap thyself in the decent

veil that the Arts or the Graces weave for thee, O Human Nature! It is

only the statue of marble whose nakedness the eye can behold without

shame and offence!

"My Novel" — Volume 11 · 第 17 / 19 章