"I shouldn't worry," I said. "There's probably nothing in it. Whole
thing no doubt much exaggerated."
"You think so, eh? Well, you know what he's like. You remember the
trouble we had when he ran after that singing woman."
I recollected the case. You will find it elsewhere in the archives.
Cora Bellinger was the female's name. She was studying for opera, and
young Tuppy thought highly of her. Fortunately, however, she punched
him in the eye during Beefy Bingham's clean, bright entertainment in
Bermondsey East, and love died.
"Besides," said Aunt Dahlia, "there's something I haven't told you.
Just before he went to Bleaching he and Angela quarrelled."
"They did?"
"Yes. I got it out of Angela this morning. She was crying her eyes out,
poor angel. It was something about her last hat. As far as I could
gather, he told her it made her look like a Pekingese, and she told him
she never wanted to see him again in this world or the next. And he
said 'Right ho!' and breezed off.
"I can see what has happened. This dog-girl has caught him on the
rebound, and unless something is done quick, anything may happen. So
place the facts before Jeeves, and tell him to take action the moment
you get down there."
I am always a little piqued, if you know what I mean, at this
assumption on the relative's part that Jeeves is so dashed essential on
these occasions. My manner, therefore, as I replied, was a bit on the
crisp side.
"Jeeves's services will not be required," I said. "I can handle this
business. The programme which I have laid out will be quite sufficient
to take young Tuppy's mind off love making. It is my intention to
insert the Luminous Rabbit in his room at the first opportunity that
presents itself.
"The Luminous Rabbit shines in the dark and jumps about, making odd,
squeaking noises. It will sound to young Tuppy like the Voice of
Conscience, and I anticipate that a single treatment will make him
retire into a nursing home for a couple of weeks or so. At the end of
which period he will have forgotten all about the bally girl."
"Bertie," said Aunt Dahlia, with a sort of frozen calm, "you are the
Abysmal Chump. Listen to me. It's simply because I am fond of you and
have influence with the lunacy commissioners that you weren't put
in a padded cell years ago. Bungle this business, and I withdraw my
protection. Can't you understand that this thing is far too serious for
any fooling about? Angela's whole happiness is at stake. Do as I tell
you, and put it up to Jeeves."
"Just as you say, Aunt Dahlia," I said stiffly.
"All right, then. Do it now."