"You do not appear to be aware of it, Jeeves," I said, in a cold, level
voice, "but this binge has depreciated your stock very considerably. I
have always been accustomed to look upon you as a counsellor without
equal. I have, so to speak, hung upon your lips. And now see what you
have done. All this is the direct consequence of your scheme, based on
the psychology of the individual. I should have thought, Jeeves, that,
knowing the woman--meeting her socially, as you might say, over the
afternoon cup of tea--you might have ascertained that she was Uncle
George's barmaid."
"I did, sir."
"What!"
"I was aware of the fact, sir."
"Then you must have known what would happen if she came to lunch and
met him."
"Yes, sir."
"Well, I'm dashed!"
"If I might explain, sir. The young man Smethurst, who is greatly
attached to the young person, is an intimate friend of mine. He applied
to me some little while back in the hope that I might be able to do
something to insure that the young person followed the dictates of her
heart and refrained from permitting herself to be lured by gold and the
glamour of his lordship's position. There will now be no obstacle to
their union."
"I see. Little acts of unremembered kindness, what?"
"Precisely, sir."
"And how about Uncle George? You've landed him pretty nicely in the
cart."
"No, sir, if I may take the liberty of opposing your view. I fancy
that Mrs. Wilberforce should make an ideal mate for his lordship. If
there was a defect in his lordship's mode of life, it was that he was a
little unduly attached to the pleasures of the table."
"Ate like a pig, you mean?"
"I would not have ventured to put it in quite that way, sir, but the
expression does meet the facts of the case. He was also inclined to
drink rather more than his medical adviser would have approved of.
Elderly bachelors who are wealthy and without occupation tend somewhat
frequently to fall into this error, sir. The future Lady Yaxley will
check this. Indeed, I overheard her ladyship saying as much as I
brought in the fish. She was commenting on a certain puffiness of the
face which had been absent in his lordship's appearance in the earlier
days of their acquaintanceship, and she observed that his lordship
needed looking after. I fancy, sir, that you will find the union will
turn out an extremely satisfactory one."
It was--what's the word I want--it was plausible, of course, but still
I shook the onion.
"But, Jeeves!"
"Sir?"
"She _is_, as you remarked not long ago, definitely of the people." He
looked at me in a reproachful sort of way.
"Sturdy lower-middle-class stock, sir."
"H'm!"
"Sir?"
"I said 'H'm!' Jeeves."
"Besides, sir, remember what the poet Tennyson said. Kind hearts are
more than coronets."
"And which of us is going to tell Aunt Agatha that?"
"If I might make the suggestion, sir, I would advise that we omit to
communicate with Mrs. Spenser Gregson in any way. I have your suitcase
practically packed. It would be a matter of but a few minutes to bring
the car round from the garage..."
"And off over the horizon to where men are men?"
"Precisely, sir."
"Jeeves," I said, "I'm not sure that even now I can altogether see
eye to eye with you regarding your recent activities. You think you
have scattered light and sweetness on every side. I am not so sure.
However, with this latest suggestion you have rung the bell. I examine
it narrowly and I find no flaw in it. It is the goods. I'll get the car
at once."
"Very good, sir."
"Remember what the poet Shakespeare said, Jeeves."
"What was that, sir?"
"Exit hurriedly, pursued by a bear. You'll find it in one of his plays.
I remember drawing a picture of it on the side of the page, when I was
at school."