"I met her once, Jeeves. 'Twas on a summer evening in my tent, the day
I overcame the Nervii. Or, rather, at lunch at Aunt Agatha's a year
ago come Lammas Eve. It is not an experience I would willingly undergo
again. The Mapleton struck me then, and I have had no reason to alter
my opinion since, as one of those women best seen through a telescope.
"She wears steel-rimmed spectacles, and the effect she has on the
sensitive male, when faced at close quarters, is to make him feel as if
he were being disembowelled. I can't imagine anything I should enjoy
less than calling on her."
"Indeed, sir?"
"Besides, you remember what happened last time I got into a girls'
school?"
"Yes, sir."
"Secrecy and silence, then. My visit here must be strictly incog. If
Aunt Agatha happens to ask you where I spent this week, tell her I went
to Harrogate for the cure."
"Very good, sir. Pardon me, sir, are you proposing to appear in those
garments in public?"
Up to this point our conversation had been friendly and cordial, but
I now perceived that the jarring note had been struck. I had been
wondering when my new plus-fours would come under discussion, and I was
prepared to battle for them like a tigress for her young.
"Certainly, Jeeves," I said. "Why? Don't you like them?"
"No, sir."
"You think them on the bright side?"
"Yes, sir."
"A little vivid, they strike you as?"
"Yes, sir."
"Well, I think highly of them, Jeeves," I said firmly. "Apart from the
fact that on the links a certain dash, a certain gayety of exterior,
is expected of one, these plus-fours give me confidence. With their
assistance I anticipate going through the opposition like a devouring
flame. They cannot but exercise an impressive effect on my play. I
shall wear these plus-fours, Jeeves."
"Very good, sir."
There already being a certain amount of chilliness in the air,
it seemed to me a suitable moment for springing another item of
information which I had been keeping from him for some time.
"Er--Jeeves," I said.
"Sir?"
"I ran into Miss Wickham the other day. After chatting of this and
that, she invited me to join a party she is getting up to go to Antibes
this summer."
"Indeed, sir?"
He now looked definitely squiggle-eyed. Jeeves does not approve of
Bobbie Wickham. He thinks her a menace to the community and holds that
any extended association with her inevitably leads ere long to the
sickening plunge into the soup. And to a certain extent, I'm bound to
say, events have borne him out. You may remember my having told you of
the perils I had to face owing to her activities in connection with the
Episode of the Dog McIntosh and the Sinister Affair of the Punctured
Hot-Water Bottle.
There was what you might call a tense silence. I braced myself for an
exhibition of the good old Wooster determination. I mean to say, one
has got to take a firm stand from time to time.
The trouble with Jeeves is that he tends occasionally to get above
himself. Just because he has surged round and--I admit it freely--done
the young master a bit of good in one or two crises, he has a nasty way
of conveying the impression that he looks on Bertram Wooster as a sort
of idiot child who, but for him, would conk in the first chukker. I
resent this.
"I accepted, Jeeves," I said in a quiet, level voice, lighting a
cigarette with a careless flick of the wrist.
"Indeed, sir?"
"You will like Antibes."
"Yes, sir?"
"So shall I."
"Yes, sir?"
"That's settled, then." I was pleased. The firm stand, I saw, had
done its work. It was plain that the man was crushed beneath the iron
heel--cowed, if you know what I mean.
"Right ho, then, Jeeves."
"Very good, sir."
* * * * *
I had not expected to return from the arena until well on in the
evening, but circumstances so arranged themselves that it was barely
three o'clock when I found myself back again and doing a bit of ozone
sniffing on the pier. I was wandering moodily to and fro when I
observed Jeeves shimmering toward me.
"Good-afternoon, sir," he said. "I had not supposed that you would be
returning quite so soon, or I should have remained at the hotel."
"I had not supposed that I should be returning quite so soon myself,
Jeeves," I said, sighing somewhat. "I was outed in the first round, I
regret to say."
"Indeed, sir? I am sorry to hear that."
"And to increase the mortification of defeat, Jeeves, by a blighter who
had not spared himself at the luncheon table and was quite noticeably
sozzled. I couldn't seem to do anything right."
"Possibly you omitted to keep your eye on the ball with sufficient
assiduity, sir?"
"Something of that nature, no doubt. Anyway, here I am, a game and
popular loser and----" I paused, and scanned the horizon with some
interest. "Great Scott, Jeeves! Look at that girl just coming onto the
pier. I never saw anybody so extraordinarily like Miss Wickham. How do
you account for these resemblances?"
"In the present instance, sir, I attribute the similarity to the fact
that the young lady _is_ Miss Wickham."
"Eh?"
"Yes, sir. If you notice, she is waving to you now."
"But what on earth is she doing down here?"
"I am unable to say, sir."
His voice was chilly and seemed to suggest that whatever had brought
Bobbie Wickham to Bingley-on-Sea, it could not, in his opinion, be
anything good. He dropped back into the offing, registering alarm and
despondency, and I removed the old Homburg and waggled it genially.
"What ho?" I said.
Bobbie came to anchor alongside.
"Hullo, Bertie," she said. "I didn't know you were here."
"I am," I assured her.
"In mourning?" she asked, eying the trouserings.
"Rather natty, aren't they?" I said, following her gaze. "Jeeves
doesn't like them, but then he's notoriously hidebound in the matter of
leg-wear. What are you doing in Bingley?"
"My cousin Clementina is at school here. It's her birthday and I
thought I would come down to see her. I'm just off there now. Are you
staying here to-night?"
"Yes. At the Splendide."
"You can give me dinner there if you like."
Jeeves was behind me, and I couldn't see him, but at these words I felt
his eye slap warningly against the back of my neck. I knew what it
was that he was trying to broadcast: viz., that it would be tempting
Providence to mix with Bobbie Wickham even to the extent of giving her
a bite to eat. Dashed absurd, was my verdict. Get entangled with young
Bobbie in the intricate life of a country house, where almost anything
can happen, and I'm not saying. But how any doom or disaster could lurk
behind the simple pronging of a spot of dinner together, I failed to
see. I ignored the man.
"Of course. Certainly. Rather. Absolutely," I said.
"That'll be fine. I've got to get back to London to-night for revelry
of sorts at the Berkeley, but it doesn't matter if I'm a bit late.
We'll turn up at about seven-thirty, and you can take us to the movies
afterward."
"We? Us?"
"Clementina and me."
"You don't mean you intend to bring your ghastly cousin?"
"Of course I do. Don't you want the child to have a little pleasure
on her birthday? And she isn't ghastly. She's a dear. She won't be
any trouble. All you'll have to do is take her back to the school
afterward. You can manage that without straining a sinew, can't you?"