From this interview Mrs. Edgar went to make her preparations for the
flitting she had already determined upon. She resolved to lose no time,
and consoled Mr. Muir by making known her resolution, and seeking his
assistance, when he was in a condition adapted to the bestowal.
But scarcely were her rooms bared, her trunks packed, and the day and
mode of her departure determined upon, when an order came to H---- from
a high official source, so authoritative as to allow no hesitation or
demur.
"Arrest the organist of St. Peter's Church, Mrs. Julia Edgar."
And, behold, she was a prisoner in the house where she had lodged!
Opposition was out of the question, protest hardly thought of. One
glance was broad enough to cover this business from end to end, and of
resistance there was no demonstration. Her work now was to restore the
room, denuded and desolate, to its late aspect of refinement and cheer.
Well, but is it the same thing to urge others on to sacrifice, and
yourself to bring an offering? to gird another for warfare, and yourself
endure hardness? to incite another to active service, and yourself serve
by passive obedience? to place a sword in the right hand of the valiant,
and bare your heart to the smiting of a sword in the same cause of
glory?
To have urged out of beautiful and studious retirement the painter of
precious pictures, that he may lift the soldier's burden and gird
himself for fasting through long, toilsome marches over mountains,
through wilderness, swamp, and desert, and for encountering Death at
every pass in one of his manifold disguises,--that he may lie on a field
of blood, perchance, at last, the fragment of himself, for what? that he
may say, finally, if speech be left him, he has fought under the flag,
that at Memphis its buried glory may have resurrection, that at Sumter
it may float again from the battlements, that at Richmond it may be
unfurled above Rebellion's grave,--is it the same thing to have
accomplished this by way of atonement, and in your own body to atone, by
your humiliation, by suspicion endured? She deemed it a small thing that
she was called to suffer,--that, when honor was won, she must bear
disgrace instead. What, indeed, was a year's or a lifetime's
imprisonment, looked on in the light of privation or sacrifice? Yet _so_
to atone, since thus it was written, for the sin of one who was in arms
against the nation's government! Oh, if anywhere, of any loyal citizen,
it might be looked upon, accepted, _as_ atonement!
In one thing she was happy, and of right. Music never failed her. Art
keeps her great rewards for such as serve her for her sacred self.
Therefore let her arise day after day to the same prospect of sky, and
sea, and busy street, and silent, shadowy church-yard. I bless the birds
that built their nests in the elm and willow branches for her sake. The
little creatures flitting here and there, in all their home-ways and
domestic management, were dear as their song to her.
But in this life, though there might be growth, it was the growth that
comes through pain endured with patience, through self-control
maintained in the suspense and the anguish of death.
For what, then, did she long in his behalf whose fate was shrouded in
thick darkness from her? For victory? or for defeat? A prison?
mutilation? disablement? burial on the battle-field? or a disgraceful
safety? Constantly this question urged itself upon her, and the heroic
love, that in its great disclosures could not fail, shrank shuddering
back in silence.
Thanks to God, she need not choose. The Omniscient is alone the
Almighty!