As we were now to hold up our heads a little higher in the world, my
wife suggested that it would be proper to sell the colt, which was grown
old, at a neighboring fair, and buy us a horse that would carry single
or double upon an occasion, and make a pretty appearance at church or
upon a visit. This at first I opposed stoutly; but it was as stoutly
defended. However, as I weakened, my antagonist gained strength, till at
last we agreed to part with him.
[Illustration: OLIVER GOLDSMITH]
As the fair happened on the following day, I had intentions of going
myself; but my wife persuaded me that I had got a cold, and nothing
could prevail upon her to permit me from home. “No, my dear,” said she,
“our son Moses is a discreet boy, and can buy and sell to very good
advantage. You know all our great bargains are of his purchasing. He
always stands out and higgles, and actually tires them till he gets a
bargain.”
As I had some opinion of my son’s prudence, I was willing enough to
intrust him with this commission; and the next morning I perceived his
sisters very busy in fitting out Moses for the fair,--trimming his hair,
brushing his buckles, and cocking his hat with pins. The business of the
toilet being over, we had at last the satisfaction of seeing him mounted
upon the colt, with a deal box before him to bring home groceries in.
He had on a coat made of that cloth they call thunder and lightning,
which, though grown too short, was much too good to be thrown away. His
waistcoat was of gosling-green, and his sisters had tied his hair with a
broad black ribbon. We all followed him several paces from the door,
bawling after him, “Good luck! good luck!” till we could see him no
longer.
When it was almost nightfall, I began to wonder what could keep our son
so long at the fair. “Never mind our son,” cried my wife; “depend upon
it, he knows what he is about. I’ll warrant we’ll never see him sell his
hen on a rainy day. I have seen him buy such bargains as would amaze
one. I’ll tell you a good story about that, that will make you split
your sides with laughing-- But, as I live, yonder comes Moses without a
horse, and the box at his back.”
As she spoke, Moses came slowly on foot, and sweating under the deal
box, which he had strapped round his shoulders like a pedler.
“Welcome, welcome, Moses! Well, my boy, what have you brought us from
the fair?”
“I have brought you myself,” said Moses, with a sly look, and resting
the box on the dresser.
“Ay, Moses,” cried my wife, “that we know; but where is the horse?”
“I have sold him,” replied Moses, “for three pounds five shillings and
twopence.”
“Well done, my good boy,” returned she; “I knew you would touch them
off. Between ourselves, three pounds five shillings and twopence is no
bad day’s work. Come, let us have it then.”
“I have brought back no money,” cried Moses, again; “I have laid it all
out in a bargain,--and here it is,” pulling out a bundle from his
breast; “here they are,--a gross of green spectacles, with silver rims
and shagreen cases.”
“A gross of green spectacles!” repeated my wife, in a faint voice. “And
you have parted with the colt, and brought us back nothing but a gross
of green paltry spectacles!”
“Dear mother,” cried the boy, “why won’t you listen to reason? I had
them a dead bargain, or I should not have bought them. The silver rims
alone will sell for double the money.”
“A fig for the silver rims!” cried my wife, in a passion; “I dare swear
they won’t sell for above half the money at the rate of broken silver,
five shillings an ounce.”
“You need be under no uneasiness,” said I, “about selling the rims, for
they are not worth sixpence; for I perceive they are only copper
varnished over.”
[Illustration]
“What!” cried my wife; “not silver! the rims not silver!”
“No,” cried I; “no more silver than your saucepan.”
“And so,” returned she, “we have parted with the colt, and have got only
a gross of green spectacles, with copper rims and shagreen cases? A
murrain take such trumpery! The blockhead has been imposed upon, and
should have known his company better.”
“There, my dear,” cried I, “you are wrong; he should not have known them
at all.”
“To bring me such stuff!” returned she; “if I had them, I would throw
them into the fire.”
“There again you are wrong, my dear,” said I; “for though they are
copper, we shall keep them by us, as copper spectacles, you know, are
better than nothing.”
By this time the unfortunate Moses was undeceived. He now saw that he
had been imposed upon by a prowling sharper, who, observing his figure,
had marked him for an easy prey. I therefore asked the circumstances of
his deception. He sold the horse, it seems, and walked the fair in
search of another. A reverend-looking man brought him to a tent, under
pretence of having one to sell.
“Here,” continued Moses, “we met another man, very well dressed, who
desired to borrow twenty pounds upon these, saying that he wanted money,
and would dispose of them for a third of the value. The first gentleman
whispered me to buy them, and cautioned me not to let so good an offer
pass. I sent to Mr. Flamborough, and they talked him up as finely as
they did me; and so at last we were persuaded to buy the two gross
between us.”
Our family had now made several vain attempts to be fine. “You see, my
children,” said I, “how little is to be got by attempts to impose upon
the world. Those that are poor and will associate with none but the rich
are hated by those they avoid, and despised by those they
follow.”--OLIVER GOLDSMITH.