REPORTS OF THE “SECRET CONCLAVE.”
We continue our reports of the police of the “Conclave,” so far as we
find them relating to Etherial Softdown and her friends.
This report says of Eusedora Polypheme:—“This woman is between thirty
and thirty-five years of age. She is of New England birth, and
commenced her education at what we consider the female high-schools of
demoralisation on the Continent—’the factories.’
“These establishments are especially patronised by the ‘Council of
Disorganisation,’ who consider them of vast efficiency, on account of
the well-understood certainty with which the results we aim at are
achieved, under this system. So great is this certainty, indeed, that
we may always safely calculate that eight-tenths of the females who
seek employment in them come forth, if they ever do alive, inoculated
with just such principles and habits as we desire to have spread among
the rural population to which the majority of them return. Corrupted
themselves, they act as admirable mediums and conductors of corruption
to the class from whom they went forth innocent, and which receives
them again without suspicion.
“Besides the spinal diseases, affections of the lungs, twisted bodies,
and deformed limbs, which the greater number of these girls take home
with them, all the foolish romanticism of girlhood has been thoroughly
crushed out of them, by the _morale_ which we have promoted in these
institutions, and their minds and tastes have become even more vitiated
than their bodies.
“It will thus be seen that this factory system is our _chef-d’œuvre_ of
demoralisation of the simple agricultural classes.
“But in yet another aspect the results, it will be perceived, are
still more brilliant. We soon found the necessity of creating a
public sentiment in favor of our system, which would put a stop to
officious investigation and interference with our plans. We accordingly
established a defensive literature, in the shape of dainty serials,
announced as being edited by the factory-girls themselves. These were
filled with sentimental effusions, written principally to order,
outside the factories, the general burden of which consisted in
poetico-rural pictures of the joys brought home by the patient and
industrious factory-girl, to some hipshotten father or bedridden
grand-papa. These little incidents were studiously invested with
all that charming unexpectedness and die-away bathos, which is so
attractive to girlish imaginations, and so satisfactory to elder
philanthropists. Then there was still another class of romances,
cultivated with yet more fervid unction. These consisted in stories of
a lovely young girl, who, all for ‘love of independence,’ gave up a
home of luxury, to come to the factories and make a living for herself,
independent of her natural guardians. How this stout-hearted young
lady one day attracted, by her beauty, the attention of a handsome
young gentleman of romantic appearance, who visited the mills along
with a party of other strangers. How the romantic young gentleman
was very much struck, while the strong-minded Angelina was rendered
nervous; how the heart-stricken, after many trials, succeeded in
moving upon the heart of the ‘sleepless gryphon’ of morality with whom
Angelina boarded, to permit him to have an interview—at least in said
gryphon’s presence; how that then and there the young gentleman, in the
most ‘proper’ way declared himself, sought Angelina’s hand, and was
accepted; and how he turned out to be the son of a Southern nabob, and
Angelina, from a poor factory-girl, became one of the foremost ladies
of the land; and how, though, she never forgot her dear and happy
companions of the factory. This same susceptible young Southerner is
the standing hero of four-fifths of these girls, and, as he does not
come every year to make them all rich, we may congratulate ourselves
upon the general morals consequent upon such reasonable expectations.
“Out of one or two thousand girls, there are usually a few who exhibit
some sprightliness. In the ratio of the ductility of their characters,
are they sure to be selected, and brought forward by our managers; and
in proportion as they exhibit their availability, are they readily
promoted to editorships. They receive private salaries, and are
released from any other than nominal participation in the routine of
factory labor. From this distinguished caste of young ladies of the
factory, Eusedora Polypheme originated.
“We expect gratitude from all such favored parties; and Eusedora proved
the most grateful of the grateful. She as readily took to the shallow
limpidity of Mr. Little, _alias_ Tommy Moore, as ever did callow cygnet
to the drains of a Holland flat.
“She possessed, indeed, a marvellous gift of sentiment—a sacchariferous
faculty, that would have caused Cerberus himself to have licked his
jagged lips. She was accordingly encouraged to cultivate transcendental
tendencies, exchanged with the Dial, and, after a few months’ exercise,
she spoke like a veritable Pythoness.
“Considering that she had now made herself sufficiently familiar with
‘The celestial syren’s harmony,’
to make her of value to us abroad, we placed her on our pension-list,
and turned her loose upon society.
“This step the Committee have never had cause to regret. She leaped
upon the social stage, a specimen of what the factory system could
produce—achieved the lioness at once, and had the honour of being
hailed in all circles, a phenomenon, a _lusus naturæ_—the world was
undecided which, considering she was nothing but a factory-girl. They
must be eminent institutions surely, since they could turn out young
ladies who talked so ‘divinely,’ possessed ‘such’ command of language,
and were such favorites with the gentlemen!
“There was a society, too, not very far off from this, into which she
had forced her way, and which haughtily called itself ‘the best,’
that held its court in houses with dingy outsides, that lined the
back-alleys; but, amidst garish and sickening splendors within, the
‘highly intellectual’ character of the hollow-eyed and painted queens
who presided there, was equally owing to the educations they had
received at the same ‘eminent’ institutions—only they had had more soul
and less cunning than Eusedora Polypheme, and would not, therefore,
have been so available to the Committee.
“When a class is already sunk as low as it can sink, it is not our
policy to go aside to interfere with them, for they are sure to
fecundate in degradation fast enough; our sole aim is to drag the
grades above down to their level, which we consider a safe one.
“There is nothing so dangerous to the designs of the Committee of
Disorganisation, as soul—what the world calls heart. To an executive
power, these are always considered intrusive and distasteful
superfluities; and it was because Eusedora has managed, by some
surprisingly efficient process, to rid herself of both, that she is to
be so trusted.
“Besides parading her accomplishments everywhere, as merely a fair
average of the education of a factory-girl, she very soon mapped out
for herself a very peculiar field for operations. She became the leader
of a new school of Platonic Sentimentalism, in New England. This was
an achievement—a decided triumph. She soon gathered around her a host
of feminine disciples—principally young and unmarried, with premature
wrinkles on their brows.
“After years of close observation of the operations of this sect,
its police would beg to express to the Committee their unqualified
admiration of the results obtained. The increase of the number of
suicides has been gratifying. The number of young men and girls
rendered worthless for life; the number of elderly men plundered and
cajoled out of their means and driven into dotage, is only equalled by
the surprising rapidity with which the fanaticism has spread; indeed,
it would seem as if the first step towards all the popular forms of
fanaticism, is through Platonic Sentimentalism.
“It seems, that it is through the teachings of this school, of which
Eusedora Polypheme is now the acknowledged priestess, that the
hollowness and unsatisfactory character of all our natural sentiments
and passions is first perceived. This illumination achieved, it
becomes necessary that their place be supplied by what the world
would call morbid sentimentality and unnatural passions, but which
Eusedora Polypheme aptly terms, ‘spherical illuminations’ and ‘divine
ecstacies.’ But since we know, as well as Eusedora, that flesh is
flesh, and blood is blood, we can therefore calculate, with great
precision, whither such mystifications must lead.
“Hardened and sharpened in mind and temper, by a graduation in this
school, its disciples pass, not from it, but through it, into other,
and, to us, not less important fields of activity. Hence come the
fiercest and most unscrupulous partisans of Infidelity, Abolitionism,
and Woman’s Rights. Having learned both theoretically and practically
to disbelieve in themselves, by the most natural transition in the
world, they become infidel of all other truths, and scorn all other
sacrednesses alike. They are then prepared to be of use to us in
a variety of ways. The spirit of antagonism, the love of strife
and notoriety, have assumed in them the sense of duty, justice,
and modesty; a spiritual _diablerie_ has possessed itself of the
emasculated remains of womanhood left in them. Only give them a chance
for martyrdom—only give them an excuse for the cry of persecution, and
upon whatever theme or theory, ology or ism, that may promise to afford
them such healthful and natural excitements, they will at once seize,
and, hugging the dear abstraction to their bosoms, do battle for the
same, with a cunning and unscrupulous ferocity that has no parallel.
“But for their thorough training under the teaching of Eusedora
Polypheme, they might, perhaps, be sometimes disposed to pause, and
inquire if there might not be two sides to every question; whether they
might not have made some slight mistake in crying out ‘Eureka’ so soon.
But, fortunately, they are never troubled with this weakness; and, as
their capacity for mischief is not, therefore, liable to be impaired
by any maudlin conscientiousness, or feeble questioning of their own
infallibility, or that of their teachers, they are from the beginning
as valuable as trained veterans.
“The jargon of the sect, which they acquire with wonderful facility,
constitutes their logic; and their efficiency in the use of this
weapon, consists in the savage, waspish, and persevering iteration of
its phrases, at all times and on all occasions.
“It is astonishing, the ease with which the majority of mankind can be
bullied, especially from within the bulwark of petticoats. But when
at once the terrible aspect is hid behind the mask of Circe, as the
followers of Polypheme know so well to accomplish, the power becomes
resistless indeed.
“The principal weapons of offence used by the followers of Polypheme,
in all their subsequent metamorphoses, are, first and foremost, what is
technically termed the ‘electrical eye.’ This is the most brilliant and
effective of their weapons. It is not by any means necessary that the
spiritual Amazon should have been gifted by Nature, in this respect;
for the arts of Polypheme were clearly inspired from
‘Some other deity than Nature,
That shapes man better.’
“After long practice, the power is acquired of dilating or straining
the eyes wide open, and suffusing them at the same time. The moisture
gives them a marvellous effect of electrical splendor. As this habitual
tension can only be sustained for a few seconds at a time, Polypheme
happily offsets it by the modest habit of dropping her eyes towards the
floor, or a flower or book in her hand; then up go the
‘Downy windows close,’
and out leaps another humid flash, to electrify her audience.
“Great energy and activity of gesticulation is recommended, in order
to distract attention, as much as possible, from the fact, that these
cruelly-worked eyes sometimes run over with the ‘salt-rheum’—of any
thing but ‘grief.’ A loud voice, too, is especially recommended—as,
without it, somebody else might be heard in the room.
“Secondly, a thorough knowledge of the minor dramatics of emphasis
is also suggested. Sneers should be thoroughly practised before the
glass, as well as interjections, exclamations, shrieks of wonder and
surprise. The grimaces of rage, worked up with great ferocity, without
the slightest regard to the poor victim. Scorn should be lofty and
incredibly superb; archness, irresistible, taking care not to pucker
the wrinkles in the brow too much; sentiment, nothing short of the
white rolling-up of two huge spheres in spasm. Childlike simplicity
requires great practice in the dancing-room; it is very effective, when
artistically done. Favorite poets—Petrarch, Shelley, Mrs. Elizabeth
Brownson, and her husband, ‘poor Keats.’ Gods—Tom Moore, Byron, and
Author of Festus. High-priest of the Arcana—Emerson. Priestess—Margaret
Fuller Ossoli. Apocalypse—The Dial, &c., &c.
“Travelling should be studied as an art. The many correspondences
held in different portions of the country should be made the dutiful
occasion of sentimental visits, which, as they may be protracted for a
month or two, will, no doubt, result in the effectual ‘saving’ of some
half-dozen, at the very least, of both sexes. Neither scrip nor money
need be provided for the journey; for is not the laborer worthy of his
hire? Besides, who ever heard of a lioness carrying a purse? The world
owes all its benefactors a living.
“It is necessary to be an authoress—abundantly prolific and intensely
literary: to write dashing, slashing, graceful letters, in which your
own superb horsewomanship shall always figure most prominently; next,
your own disinterestedness; next, your own amiability, and dangerous
powers of attraction; and, last, the dashing, slashing, graceful
character of your own wit; your romantic love-affairs, by brook and
meadow, on highway and in byway, by ocean-side or in greenwood.
“These, with a lofty scorn of the commonplace, a darling love of the
arts—that is, you must know the names of the pictures, and what they
are all about, but most particularly the names of the painters. And
if somebody says the picture is a good one, be on terms of intimacy
with the painter, or at least in close correspondence with him; and be
sure he is a ‘noble spirit,’ a ‘divine creature,’ one of the ‘elect of
genius,’ whose ‘eyes have been unsealed to the touch of the Promethean
fire.’
“Must know French, Italian, German, and Spanish phrases, out of the
Pronouncing Dictionary. Quote these occasionally, but very guardedly,
when you are certain there are no apeish foreigners or troublesome old
fogy scholars present.
“Thus panoplied, the novitiate will be, in every sense, the equal of
Eusedora Polypheme herself, and entitled to go upon the pension-list
of the Committee. Indeed, we are booking them rapidly, and sending out
missionaries in every direction.
“The disciples of this school are among the chief favorites of the
‘Committee of Disorganisation.’”