"Ah, there's just the question--if we could know all! But my point is
precisely, for the present, that you do deny it."
"Of course I deny it," said Mrs. Briss.
I took a moment, but my silence held her. "Your 'of course' would be
what I would again contest, what I would denounce and brand as the word
too much--the word that spoils, were it not that it seems best, that it
in any case seems necessary, to let all question of your consistency
go."
On that I had paused, and, as I felt myself still holding her, I was not
surprised when my pause had an effect. "You do let it go?"
She had tried, I could see, to put the inquiry as all ironic. But it was
not all ironic; it was, in fact, little enough so to suggest for me some
intensification--not quite, I trust, wanton--of her suspense. I should
be at a loss to say indeed how much it suggested or half of what it
told. These things again almost violently moved me, and if I, after an
instant, in my silence, turned away, it was not only to keep her
waiting, but to make my elation more private. I turned away to that tune
that I literally, for a few minutes, quitted her, availing myself thus,
superficially, of the air of weighing a consequence. I wandered off
twenty steps and, while I passed my hand over my troubled head, looked
vaguely at objects on tables and sniffed absently at flowers in bowls. I
don't know how long I so lost myself, nor quite why--as I must for some
time have kept it up--my companion didn't now really embrace her
possible alternative of rupture and retreat. Or rather, as to her action
in this last matter, I am, and was on the spot, clear: I knew at that
moment how much _she_ knew she must not leave me without having got from
me. It came back in waves, in wider glimpses, and produced in so doing
the excitement I had to control. It could _not_ but be exciting to talk,
as we talked, on the basis of those suppressed processes and unavowed
references which made the meaning of our meeting so different from its
form. We knew ourselves--what moved me, that is, was that she knew
me--to mean, at every point, immensely more than I said or than she
answered; just as she saw me, at the same points, measure the space by
which her answers fell short. This made my conversation with her a
totally other and a far more interesting thing than any colloquy I had
ever enjoyed; it had even a sharpness that had not belonged, a few hours
before, to my extraordinary interview with Mrs. Server. She couldn't
afford to quarrel with me for catechising her; she couldn't afford not
to have kept, in her way, faith with me; she couldn't afford, after
inconceivable passages with Long, not to treat me as an observer to be
squared. She had come down to square me; she was hanging on to square
me; she was suffering and stammering and lying; she was both carrying it
grandly off and letting it desperately go: all, all to square me. And I
caught moreover perfectly her vision of her way, and I followed her way
even while I judged it, feeling that the only personal privilege I
could, after all, save from the whole business was that of
understanding. I couldn't save Mrs. Server, and I couldn't save poor
Briss; I _could_, however, guard, to the last grain of gold, my precious
sense of their loss, their disintegration and their doom; and it was for
this I was now bargaining.
It was of giving herself away just enough not to spoil for me my bargain
over my treasure that Mrs. Briss's bribe would consist. She would let me
see as far as I would if she could feel sure I would _do_ nothing; and
it was exactly in this question of how much I might have scared my
couple into the sense I _could_ "do" that the savour of my suspense most
dwelt. I could have made them uneasy, of course, only by making them
fear my intervention; and yet the idea of their being uneasy was less
wonderful than the idea of my having, with all my precautions,
communicated to them a consciousness. This was so the last thing I had
wanted to do that I felt, during my swift excursion, how much time I
should need in the future for recovery of the process--all of the finest
wind-blown intimations, woven of silence and secrecy and air--by which
their suspicion would have throbbed into life. I could only,
provisionally and sketchily, figure it out, this suspicion, as having,
little by little--not with a sudden start--felt itself in the presence
of my own, just as my own now returned the compliment. What came back to
me, as I have said, in waves and wider glimpses, was the marvel of their
exchange of signals, the phenomenon, scarce to be represented, of their
breaking ground with each other. They both had their treasure to guard,
and they had looked to each other with the instinct of help. They had
felt, on either side, the victim possibly slip, and they had connected
the possibility with an interest discernibly inspired in me by this
personage, and with a relation discoverably established by that
interest. It wouldn't have been a danger, perhaps, if the two victims
hadn't slipped together; and more amazing, doubtless, than anything else
was the recognition by my sacrificing couple of the opportunity drawn by
my sacrificed from being conjoined in my charity. How could they know,
Gilbert Long and Mrs. Briss, that actively to communicate a
consciousness to my other friends had no part in my plan? The most I had
dreamed of, I could honourably feel, was to assure myself of their
independent possession of one. These things were with me while, as I
have noted, I made Grace Brissenden wait, and it was also with me that,
though I condoned her deviation, she must take it from me as a charity.
I had presently achieved another of my full revolutions, and I faced her
again with a view of her overture and my answer to her last question.
The terms were not altogether what my pity could have wished, but I
sufficiently kept everything together to have to see that there were
limits to my choice. "Yes, I let it go, your change of front, though it
vexes me a little--and I'll in a moment tell you why--to have to. But
let us put it that it's on a condition."
"Change of front?" she murmured while she looked at me. "Your
expressions are not of the happiest."
But I saw it was only again to cover a doubt. My condition, for her, was
questionable, and I felt it would be still more so on her hearing what
it was. Meanwhile, however, in spite of her qualification of it, I had
fallen back, once and for all, on pure benignity. "It scarce matters if
I'm clumsy when you're practically so bland. I wonder if you'll
understand," I continued, "if I make you an explanation."
"Most probably," she answered, as handsome as ever, "not."
"Let me at all events try you. It's moreover the one I just promised;
which was no more indeed than the development of a feeling I've already
permitted myself to show you. I lose"--I brought it out--"by your
agreeing with me!"
"'Lose'?"
"Yes; because while we disagreed you were, in spite of that, on the
right side."
"And what do you call the right side?"
"Well"--I brought it out again--"on the same side as my imagination."