[Footnote 1: Written by Mr. Henley in his confinement, and taken from
the wainscot in which it was concealed after the catastrophe.]
Whether what I am about to write may ever be found, or whether I the
writer may ever be heard of more, are both very doubtful events. It may
be of some use to mankind, should this brief narrative hereafter be
read; as it may tend to exemplify the progress of the passions, and to
shew after having begun in error the excesses of which they are
capable. I speak under the supposition that this paper may fall into
the hands of persons who know more of Mr. Clifton, and of the affair to
which I allude, than even I myself at present know; or, if I did, than
I have time and opportunity to relate.
With that hope, and addressing myself to such persons, I will
endeavour, as long as I have the means and am able, accurately to
recount the particulars of what has befallen me, from the time I was
first beset to the latest minute of my remaining where I am; whether my
removal happen by death or release; of which, though apparently beyond
hope, it would certainly be wrong to despair.
Oh, Anna St. Ives! Should thine eye ever glance over this paper,
ignorant as I am of thy destiny, though too well assured it is a
fearful one, think not, while I seem to narrate those incidents only
which have happened to myself, that I am attentive to self alone; that
I have forgotten the nobler duties of which we have so often sweetly
discoursed; or that the memory of thee and thy sufferings has ever been
absent from my heart!--But why bid thee be just? To whom didst thou
ever do a wilful wrong? Oh pardon me!--Live on, shouldst thou still be
permitted to live, and labour with redoubled ardour in the great cause
of truth! Despair not! Heave not a sigh, drop not a tear; but sacrifice
thy private ills to public good!
Before I begin, it is necessary to notice that I had the sum of eight
thousand pounds about me, in bank-bills: for it is this circumstance
which seems to have insured my death. Our walk was to have ended by
four o'clock, and the money to have been left at the banker's as we
returned. I cannot however acquit myself of neglect. I ought not to
have forgotten that money, under our present wretched system, is the
grand stimulus to vice; that accidents very little dreamed of daily
happen; and that procrastination is always an error.
As I was walking with the lady whose name I have just mentioned, in
some fields between Kensington and Brompton, we saw Mr. Clifton pass on
horseback, and I believe in less than a minute a man assault him, and
fire a pistol, with an intent to rob him as I then supposed.
I ran to his aid; and, immediately after the flight of this real or
imaginary robber, I was myself attacked, and laid senseless, by a blow
I received on the side of my head; which, as there was no person in
front able to strike at me, must have come from behind. I saw no more
for that time of Mr. Clifton. The blow was very violent, and is still
severely felt.
When I recovered my senses, I found my arms confined by a straight
waistcoat; such as are used to secure maniacs. I endeavoured to call
for assistance, but the man who had charge of me, for there were
several, thrust his thumb in the larynx, forced open my mouth, and
gagged me. He has twice had occasion, as he supposed, to use me thus;
and both times with such violence as seemingly to require the utmost
effort mind could make, to recover respiration; the thrust of his thumb
was so merciless, and the sensation of strangling so severe.
They brought me to a house thoroughly prepared for confinement. It is
an old but heavy building, walled round, and provided with bars, bolts,
chains, massy locks, and every precaution to impede escape.
I was led by one pair of stairs, to apartments consisting of two
chambers; the one roomy, the other much smaller; in which last is a
bed.
As soon as I was safe in the room, the master man among them, who as I
have since learned is a professed keeper of the insane, ungagged me,
took off the straight waistcoat, and then they all left me.
I stood I know not how long in that stupor of amazement which the
scene, and the crowding conjuctures of imagination, necessarily
produced.
At length, I roused my mind to more activity. I then set myself to
inspect the apartments. In the largest there was a fire place, and a
fire; but neither shovel, tongs nor poker; except a small stick as a
substitute for a poker, with which I certainly could not knock a
man down. The furniture consisted of a chair, a table, a broken
looking-glass, and an old picture, in panel, of the sacrifice of Isaac,
with Abraham's knife at his throat. It stares me now in the face, and
is a strong emblem of my own situation; except that my saving angel
seems wanting.
In the other room, exclusive of the bed and its appurtenances, there
was a second chair, which with an old walnut-tree clothes-press was its
whole inventory.
In this room was a closet, with several shelves almost to the ceiling;
the topmost of them so high as but just to be reached by me, when
standing on a chair. I swept my hand along the shelves, and found them
as I thought empty.
I then examined the windows. There were only two, one to each room; the
remainder having been walled up; and these each of them provided with
thick iron bars, so near to each other as to admit but of a small part
of the face passing between them. There was a casement to the front
room only; and I found a piece of paper tied to the handle of it, on
which was written--'You are closely watched: if you attempt to make any
signals, or shout, or take any other means to inform persons you are
here, your lodging will be changed to one much more disagreeable.'
Having nothing with which I could employ myself except my thoughts, and
these flowing in abundance, I sat meditating and undisturbed till it
was almost dark. A little before five o'clock as I suppose, perhaps
later, for I forgot to say my watch and purse had been taken from me,
with a promise that they should be returned, I heard the sound of
distant bolts and locks, that belong to the outer gates and doors, and
soon afterward of men in loud conversation.
The keeper and two of his assistants came up to me, and once more
brought the straight waistcoat, into which they bade me thrust my arms.
I hesitated, and told them I did not choose to have my arms confined.
To which the keeper replied--'B--- my b---- eyes! None of your jabber,
or I'll fetch you another rum one! I'll knock you off the roost again!'
From this speech I conclude it was he who gave me the blow with the
bludgeon, when I was first secured.
As he said this, he raised his bludgeon; with which kind of weapon they
were all three armed, and had locked the door after them. There was no
remedy, and I obeyed.
As soon as they had confined my arms they left me, and remembering the
bank-notes which I had in my fob, I began to fear they had come to the
knowledge of this circumstance; though I could not imagine by what
means. Some short time afterward, perhaps a quarter of an hour, the
bolts and chains of my door again began to rattle, and one person
singly came in. It was dark, and I could not distinguish his features,
but I recollected his form: it was the gambler Mac Fane; the sound of
his voice presently put it beyond a doubt.
Without speaking a word, he came up to me and made a violent blow at
me. I perceived it coming, sprang upward, and received it on the tip of
my shoulder, his hand driving up to my neck. From his manner, I guess
it hurt him at least as much as me; for his passion immediately became
outrageous, and he began cursing, kicking, spitting at me, and treating
me with various other indignities, which are wholly unworthy of
remembrance.
His passion was so loud and vehement that the keeper, hearing him, came
up. Just as he entered Mac Fane struck me again, and with more effect,
for he knocked me down; and was proceeding to kick me in a manner that
might perhaps have been fatal, had not the keeper interfered.
I said not one word the whole time, nor as I recollect uttered any
sound whatever; and it was with difficulty that the keeper, who is even
a more powerful man than himself, could get him away.
I was once more left in solitude and darkness; and thus sat, with fresh
subjects for reflection, ruminating on this worthless Mac Fane, my
rencontre with him and Mr. Clifton, the extreme malignancy of his
temper, and all the connecting circumstances that are allied to events
which I cannot now relate.
About eight o'clock my door once more opened, and a little boy of
fourteen years of age, as he tells me, brought me a light and some
food. The boy imagined me to be mad, and entered the room with great
reluctance, his master the keeper standing at the door, cursing him,
threatening him with the horse-whip, and obliging him to do as he was
bidden! which was to release me from the strait-waistcoat, spread a
threadbare half-dirty napkin over the table, set the plates, and wait
till I had eaten. The trepidation of the poor boy at setting my arms at
liberty was extreme.
The door was not open but ajar, and secured by three chains, between
which the boy crept; the keeper standing and looking on, with one arm
leaning on the middle chain, and his head only in the chamber.
I observed that the boy had an intelligent countenance, though
considerably under the influence of fear; with strong marks of kindness
in it, but stronger of dejection.
The furniture, the napkin, knives and forks, and every circumstance
denoted the poverty of the man who is my jailer: and his proceedings
proved there scarcely could be any guilt from which he would start, to
remove this supposed evil. The thought could not escape me, nor the
jeopardy in which I should stand, should the money I had in my
possession be discovered.
I ate what was brought me, and endeavoured by the mildness and
cheerfulness of my look to inspire the boy with confidence. I have no
doubt but he was surprised to see so docile a madman, not having yet
ever seen any, and being from description exceedingly terrified at the
idea of the trade to which he has been forcibly apprenticed. I spoke to
him two or three times, apparently to ask him for the trifles he could
reach me, but in reality with another view. I likewise addressed him
two or three other times in dumb-show, with as much mildness and
meaning in my look as circumstances so insignificant would permit.
The effect my behaviour had upon him was very evident; and after
beginning in fear and confusion, he left me in something like hope and
tranquillity. My prison door was locked, the candle taken away, and I
left in darkness. I was no more molested during that night.
My thoughts were too busy to suffer me to sleep. I sat without moving I
know not how long. The extreme stillness of all around me added to the
unity of the gloom, and produced a state of mind which gives wholesome
exercise to fortitude. Deep as I was in thought, I remember having been
two or three times roused by the sternness of the keeper's voice, which
I heard very plainly, and which was generally some command, closing
with a curse, and as I supposed directed to the poor boy.
My bed-chamber door was open, and after some time I removed into it,
and sat down on the feet of the bed, again falling into reveries which
fixed me motionless to the place. I cannot tell what was the hour, nor
how long I had been thus seated; but I was roused by the sound of a
door opening, and once more by the voice of the keeper, which I heard
so distinctly as to doubt for a moment whether it were not in my own
chamber.
At the same time a broad ray of light suddenly struck against the wall
of my bed-room. I followed it with my eye: I was still at the foot of
the bed, and its direction was from the left to the right. I had much
inclination to pull off my shoes, and endeavour to trace by what
aperture it entered; but on further reflection, I concluded it would be
best not to excite any alarm, in a mind which cannot but be continually
tormented by suspicion and fear.
I paid strict attention however to every circumstance that might aid my
memory, in tracing it on the morrow.
The voice of the keeper, for he spoke several times, was now much more
distinct than before: he was going to bed, and the question--'Are you
sure all is safe?'--was repeated several times with great anxiety, and
was answered in the affirmative by a man's voice--'Do you hear him
stir?' said the keeper.--The reply was--'No--But I am sure I heard him
a little before ten.'
The keeper however could not be satisfied, and in less than five
minutes I heard my door unbolting. The keeper and both his men came in
with their bludgeons. He asked morosely why I did not go to bed. I
answered because I had no inclination to sleep. He went again to the
windows, and examined the very walls with the utmost circumspection;
and afterward turning away said--'Sleep or wake, I'll be d---- if you
have any chance.'
He then left me, and I presently afterward saw the ray of light again,
and heard his various motions at going to bed.
I passed the night without closing my eyes, and in the morning began to
examine where it was possible the light should obtain admission. I
placed myself in the same situation, and looking to the left saw the
closet was in that direction, and that the door was open.
Looking into it I found that a part of the flooring, in the left hand
corner, was decayed; and that the ceiling beneath had a fissure of some
width.
I thought it a fortunate circumstance that sounds were conveyed
so distinctly into my apartments: though I speak chiefly of the
bed-chamber; for it was the loudness of the keeper's voice, and the
stillness of surrounding objects, which most contributed to my hearing
him in the front apartment. Not but the decayed state of the building
favoured the conveyance of sound, in all directions.
I began to consider how far I could improve the means that offered
themselves, and, watching my opportunity in the course of the day, with
my fingers and by the aid of the stick left to stir my fire, I removed
some of the decayed mortar to the right and left, and increased the
aperture on the inside; but was exceedingly careful not to push any
flakes, or part of the ceiling, down into the floor below. The
attention I paid to this was very exact, for it was of the utmost
consequence. Nor was I less accurate in pressing together the rubbish I
scraped away into vacant corners between the joints, and leaving no
traces that should lead to discovery.
All these precautions were highly necessary, as the behaviour of the
keeper had proved; for when he came into my chamber in the morning, as
he did early with his customary attendants, he searched and pried about
with all the assiduity of suspicion.
At breakfast I was again waited on by the boy, and watched by the
keeper. It was necessary I should not excite alarms, in a mind so full
of apprehension: I therefore behaved with reserve to the boy, though
with great complacency, said little, and dismissed him soon.
In the forenoon the door opened again: the boy was sent in with the
straight waistcoat, and the keeper said to me--'Come, sir; put on your
jacket!--Here, boy, be handy!'--I once more hesitated, and asked if Mr.
Mac Fane were coming to pay me another visit? He did not return me a
direct answer, but replied--'If you will put on the jacket, you may go
and stretch your pins for half an hour in the garden: if not stay where
you are, and be d----!'
After a short deliberation, I concluded that to comply was prudent; and
I very peaceably aided the boy in performing his office. As my back was
turned to the keeper, I smiled kindly and significantly to the boy; to
which he replied by a look expressive of surprise and curiosity.
It cannot be supposed but that my mind had been most anxiously
enquiring into the possibility and means of escape, while in my prison;
and that the moment this unexpected privilege was granted me, its whole
efforts were directed to the same subject.
I walked in the garden overlooked, and in a certain manner followed, by
the keeper and his attendants: I therefore traversed it in various
directions, without seeming to pay the least attention to the object on
which my mind was most busy. But the chance of escape, my hands being
thus confined, appeared to be as small in the garden as in the house.
It is completely surrounded by a high wall, which joins the house at
each end. It had one small gate, or rather door, which was locked and
bolted; and had no other entrance, except from the house. After having
walked about an hour as I suppose, the keeper asked me, in a tone
rather of command than question, if I were not tired. I answered--No.
To which he replied, But I am. Accordingly, without saying another
word, I returned to my prison.
I will attempt no description of the sufferings of my mind, and the
continual fears by which it was distracted: not for myself, for there
was no appearance, at this time, that any greater harm than confinement
was intended me, but for another. The subject is torturing: but
resignation and fortitude are duties. My reason for mentioning it is
that it strongly excited me to some prompt effort at escape.
I could think of none, except of endeavouring to convince the keeper it
was more his interest to give me my freedom, than to keep me in
confinement. Consequently, when my dinner was brought, and he had taken
his station, I asked him if he would do me the favour to converse with
me for half an hour; either privately or in the presence of his own
men.