_Coke Clifton to Guy Fairfax_
_London, Dover Street_
Join chorus and rejoice with me, Fairfax, for I feel something like a
transient hilarity of heart. I think I am half in a temper to tell my
tale as it ought to be told. Time was when it would have been pregnant
with humour.
The very master-devil that I wanted has appeared to me, and we have
signed and consigned ourselves over to the great work of mutual
vengeance! Be patient and you shall hear the manner of it. Two nights
ago I was at the theatre. The king was there; Garrick played; the crowd
was great, and no places were to be procured. During the first act I
and two more stood elbowing each other at the door of one of the front
boxes, the seats of which were all full. The person who was next me was
hard-favoured, had a look of audacious impudence, with that mixture of
dress which forms the vulgar genteel, and spoke the brogue.
The act being over the audience rose, and my gentleman, with the
nonchalance assurance of his character, a total disregard of the
feelings and convenience of others, and an entire complaisance for his
own, stepped forward into the second seat from the door, on which there
were previously four people, its full compliment. But he had noticed
they were not all so athletic as himself, and was determined to make
them sit close.
The persons next him, observing his redoubtable look, hesitated for a
moment, but at length began to remonstrate. They addressed him two or
three times without his deigning to appear to hear them; till, either
encouraged by his silence or warmed by vexation, they spoke loud enough
to call the attention of the people around them.
The Hibernian then sat himself down, threw his arm over the railing
of the box, and his body in a careless posture, and very coolly
answered--'Pray now be asy, and don't disturb the good company.'
A squabble ensued, and the Irishman continued to answer them with the
utmost contempt. In a short time two of them gained courage enough to
threaten to turn him out; to which he replied--'Oh! By the sweet Jasus
but I should be glad to see the pretty boy that would dare to lay a
little finger upon me!'
After another wrangle, and treating their reasonings and half menaces
with the most contemptuous disregard, a gentleman from the next box
interfered, and observed it certainly was very improper behaviour. The
Irishman turned round, surveyed him from head to foot, and answered--'I
find you have all got your quarrelling tackle on board to night; and so
as I must fight somebody, and as you, mister, appear to be the most of
a gintleman, why I will talk to you when the play is over. For which
raison sit down, and make all yourselves asy.'
The beginning of the second act and the impatience of the house to hear
their favourite soon imposed silence, and the Irishman kept his seat.
I was so much diverted by the complete impudence of the fellow, that
though one of the box-keepers had found me a place, I determined to
return, and see how this petty brawl was to end. Accordingly I took
care to be round in time, before the curtain dropped; till which the
hero of it had kept quiet possession of his usurped seat.
The moment the audience rose he turned about, and with a look which I
imagine no man but himself could assume, first on this side of him and
next on that, addressed his opponents with--'Now if any of you are
still disordered in the body, and want to lose a little blood, why
follow me.'
The two persons that sat next to him were both Jews, and one of them
who appeared to have the most spirit had a knotted crab-stick in his
hand, and insisted that the Irishman should not leave the company, till
he had first given satisfaction for the insult he had committed on them
all. The Hibernian replied--'All? Is it all together you mane, or one
after another? Perhaps you don't understand the tools of a gintleman,
and want to box me! Faith and I should have no great objection to that
either, with any half dozen of you, one down and t'other come on. But
you must use no unlawful weapons, my sweet fillow.'
So saying, he wrested the Jew's crab-stick from him, laid hold of it at
each end, and snapped it in two across the railing of the box; adding
with infinite composure of countenance--'This is an improper plaything
for you, master Jackey, and you might do yourself a damage with it.
Here is half a crown for you. Take it, man, and buy yoursilf a genteel
bit of rattan, to beat the little pug dogs away, when they bark after
you in the street.'
Insolent as the fellow was, there was no resisting his humour, and the
laugh was general. The vexed Israelite endeavoured to persist, and the
Irishman drew a dirty letter out of his pocket, from the back of which
he tore the direction, and giving it to the angry Jew, said--'If you
have any stomach for a good breakfast tomorrow morning, I shall be at
home; and the hot rolls and butter will be ready at ten.'
He then strode over the seats and went into the lobby, where he was
followed by the crowd.
My curiosity was highly excited, and I requested the Jew to let me read
his address.
Imagine, Fairfax, my surprise at seeing the name of Mac Fane! That is,
of the gambler and bully who some time ago had been attempting to
plunder brother Edward; and who had been so successfully opposed by the
family knight-errant, Henley! Among the busy conjectures of my
fermenting brain concerning the instruments I might happen to want,
should things as they have done come to an extremity, the supposed
qualifications of this hero had more than once passed in review. The
behaviour to which I had this evening been a witness perfectly
confirmed all my former conjectures, which I instantly recollected; I
therefore determined not to lose sight of him.
Before I knew who he was I had been glad to see the squabble continued,
because it drew out the strong traits of this very eccentric genius;
but I grew impatient to put an end to it the moment I had made the
discovery.
The thing was not difficult. His character was too desperate and
determined not to inspire fear; and the humour of his phraseology and
brogue made the laugh always on his side. The passions of his opponents
counteracting each other died away. The farce was going to begin, and
he advised them to 'go, and not lose full eighteen pennyworth out of
their five shillings.'
Finding the morsel was too hard for their digestion, they took his
advice and returned quietly to their seats: while he several times
traversed the lobby, and looked first into one box and then into
another, to let them see that there he was.
My resolution was formed, and I soon found an opportunity of falling
into conversation with him; and as I took care that my tone should
answer the intended purpose, he presently invited me to adjourn, and
take what he called a bottle and a bird at the Shakespeare.
The proposal exactly suited me, and away we went.
He called for a private room, which I should have done if he had not,
though with a very different view. My appearance made him hope he had
caught a gudgeon. He presently began to turn the discourse upon various
kinds of gaming. Billiards, tennis, hazard, and pass-dice, were each of
them mentioned; and, to encourage him, I gave him to understand I knew
them all. He then talked of cards, and asked if I had any objection to
take a hand at picquet; 'just to pass away an hour before supper.' I
answered none.
Accordingly the waiter was rung for, and the cards were presently upon
the table.
He proposed playing for a trifle; from one guinea to five; not more;
'becase as why, he was tied up from deep play. He had lost five
thousand pounds within six weeks, and they had had a pretty pigeon of
him!--[Had you but seen the form and features of this pigeon, Fairfax!]
For which raison he must take care and not be plucked any more. It was
the misfortune of his timper not to know when to stop; and there was
not so unlucky a fillow in the three kingdoms. He was always the
bubble, play at what he would, and every snap-jack knew him to be his
mark.'
Such was the lesson which this fellow had got by rote, and had been
retailing to all comers for years. But I have observed of gamblers that
they cannot forbear rehearsing their own cant even in the company of
each other, and when they are convinced every soul that hears them
knows they are lying.
I however had my purpose to serve, and we sat down to our game. The
stakes were five guineas a side. According to custom, I won the three
or four first games; and he pretended to curse, and fret, and again ran
over his bead-roll of being pigeoned, plucked bare, bubbled, done up,
and the whole catalogue of like genteel phrases.
The first game he won he proposed, as luck was perhaps taking a turn in
his favour, to double the stakes, and I indulged him. He suffered me to
win the following game. I say suffered, cheating being taken into the
account; for I am certain that at the fair game I am his master. But
that is no matter.
The three following games were all his own, and he then began to repeat
the remainder of his part. 'By the blissed Jasus he would not believe
his own eyes! Three games together!' The fellow swore, with one of the
deepest oaths his memory could furnish, such a thing had never happened
to him before in his whole life! 'But now that he was in luck, he would
as soon play for a hundred guineas as for a thirteener.'
He endeavoured to provoke me to increase the stake; and, by the supper
not coming up, I am convinced the waiter and he understood each other,
and that the signal had been given. I refused to play for a greater
sum, and we continued till he had won fifty guineas, he incessantly
swearing--'By the blissed crook! By the hind leg of the holy lamb! By
Saint Peter's pretty beard!' and by all manner of oaths, some of them
of the most whimsical and others of the most horrible kind, that he had
never been a winner so much before in all his life. From the first ten
guineas that he won to the last it was still the same tune.
I then rang the bell and ordered supper, thinking the sum sacrificed
quite sufficient; though not more than enough to serve my purpose.
While we were eating, he endeavoured by all the arts he knew to excite
the passion of gaming in me; and he is a tolerable adept. But my mind
was too intent upon another subject. I watched the moment when he was
at the height of his hopes, which I had purposely encouraged to produce
my intended effect, and then asked him if he did not know Captain St.
Ives?
Impudent as the fellow is, his countenance for a moment was fixed, his
mouth open, and his eye struggling to get rid of alarm, that it might
begin its enquiries. I followed up my blow by adding--
You won three thousand guineas of him I think, Mr. Mac Fane, which I am
told were never paid--
The fellow put his hand into a side-pocket, which he had in the body of
his coat. I instantly suspected he had a small pair of pistols there,
and my suspicions were afterward confirmed. He drew it back, having
satisfied himself that they were actually forth-coming, and then
recovered himself so far as to ask--