I hope yet to shew you, sir, they are noble duties; which it is the
excess of guilt to neglect.
It puzzles me to conceive by what means his father could have become so
rich!
He has all his life been rapacious after money. His faculties are
strong, but perverted. What would have been wisdom is degenerated into
cunning. He has made himself acquainted with usurers, and they have
made him acquainted with spendthrifts. He has traded in annuities, and
profited by the eagerness of youth to enjoy: and, since I must be
sincere, he has encouraged you, sir, to pursue plans of expence with a
view solely to his own profit.
Well, well; should this marriage take place, it will all return into
the family.
That should be no motive, sir, with either you or me.
I do not know that. You understand your own reasons, and I mine; and if
they should but answer the same end there will be no harm.
I was going to reply, but Sir Arthur left me; being unwilling to hear
arguments which he took it for granted he should not understand.
Frank came in soon after, and I repeated to him what had been said.
Louisa, I must tell you the truth and the whole truth. Since I have
begun to imagine I might indulge my thoughts in dwelling on his exalted
qualities and uncommon virtues, my affection for them has greatly
increased: and they never appeared to me more lovely than in the
struggles and checks which his joy received, at the hope of our union,
by the recollection of the loss of Mr. Clifton. He like me is
astonished at the powers of your brother's mind, and at their
perversion; and he fears that this attempt, having failed, will but
serve to render that perversion more obdurate, nay perhaps more active.
He seems even to dread lest I am not secure; which his desire to guard
and caution me against would not suffer him to repress or conceal. His
tenderness and ecstasy, and indeed, Louisa, they were both very strong,
were mingled with regret equally vivid: and Mr. Clifton! Mr. Clifton!
repeatedly burst from him.
While I was relating what had passed between me and Sir Arthur to
Frank, and now again since I have been writing it to you, I accused
myself of coldness, and of shrinking from or rather of half delivering
the truth, lest Sir Arthur should think me a forward girl, or lest I
should think myself capable of too sudden a change. But of the degree
of that change do you, my friend, judge. I have at all times
endeavoured to shew you my naked heart, and often have violently
struggled against every disguise. I never concealed from myself that I
thought more highly of Frank Henley than of Mr. Clifton; but I imagined
principle taught me to prefer what principle now warns me to shun. I am
more and more convinced of the error of marrying a bad man in order to
make him good. I was not entirely ignorant of this before, and
therefore flattered myself the good might be effected previous to
marriage. I forgot, when passion has a purpose to obtain, how artful it
is in concealment.
I have another quarrel with myself, for having been so desirous of
proving to my own conviction that the world's prejudices and the
prejudices of my family ought to be respected, while that opinion
accorded with my practice; and of being now so equally alert to prove
the reverse. Such are the deceptions which the mind puts upon itself!
For indeed I have been very desirous of acting with sincerity in both
instances. I can only say that I feel more certain at present; for
before I had doubts, and now I have none. If you suspect me to be
influenced by inclination, tell me so without reserve.
All good be with my friend! May she profit by my mistakes!