_Abimelech Henley to Sir Arthur St. Ives_
Most Onnurable Sir,
_Wenbourne-Hill_
It doth appear as how your onnur be amisst. Whereby I did a partly a
queery as much; thof so be as it be no fault of mine. For why? There be
reasons and causes. For when as a man has a nothink to fear of nobody,
I am of a mind that a may pen his thofts to any man. Why not? Always a
savin and exceptin your onnurable onnur.
And ast for a man's a portin himself, there be times and seasons for
all thinks. Whereof as Friar Bacon said to Friar Bungy and of the
Brazen-head, A time was--A time is--And a time is past. And ast for a
threatening about foreclosures, why what have I to say to a gentleman,
if a will not redeem his mortgages when the time be? The law must look
to it, to be sure. Always a savin and exceptin your onnurable onnur,
still say I. So that it be altogether compus mentus that quarrels and
rupturs are none of my seekin. Whereby your onnurable onnur will look
to that. No man can deny that every man has a rite to his own. For why?
A pays scot and lot, and has a nothink for it but law.
And ast for a man's a growin of rich, why as I do take it a's a not the
worse for that. And ast for a man's a growin of poor, why a what had I
to do, thof so be that some be wise and some be otherwise? Whereof so
long as the rhino do ring, the man is the man, and the master's the
master. A's a buzzard in grain that do flicker, and fleer, and tell a
gentleman a be no better nur a bob gudgeon, a cause a do send the
yellow hammers a flying; for thof it might a be happen to be true
enough, a would get small thanks for his pains. Every man eat his meat,
and he that do like cut his fingers. The foolish hen cackles, and the
cunning quean chuckles. For why? A has her chalk and her nest egg
ready. Whereof I tout and trump about at no man, an a do not tout and
trump about at me. Always a savin and exceptin your onnurable onnur;
and not a seekin of quarrels and rupturs, an they do not seek me.
Otherwise, why so. Plain and positive; that's best, when a man do find
the shoe to pinch.
And ast for law, why he that has a got the longest head will have a
most on't for money: and he that has a got the longest purse will
behappen not to be the first to cry peccavi. Whereof if a man do don
his hat on his head, an a see good cause, why not? For I do a warrant a
will see good cause, an a do doff it under his arm.
Whereby every why has a wherefore. Any fool can a put down his five
nothings; but a's a clever kinchin an a can place a so much as a I
afore 'em. Whereof the first frost that brings a white crow may, in
sitch a case, behappen to shew him his betters. For why? A's a got
wherewithall to get more: and a knows the trick on't too, or a would a
never a got so much. Whereby an it comes to a huff an a gruff, a may
not chuse to be arm a kimbo'd, any more nur another; for a may be
happen to have a Rowland for an Oliver. A may behappen to be no
Jack-a-farthin weazle-faced whipster. A may have stock and block to go
to work upon; and may give a rum for a glum: always a savin and
exceptin your onnurable onnur. Showin whereby as I want no quarrels nur
rupturs, but peace and good will towards men, if so be as the whys and
the wherefores do a bear me out.
Whereof thof a man be but a Mister, a may behappen to buy and sell a
knight of the shire: that is under favour, and a savin and exceptin of
your onnurable onnur. For why? I be as ready to a quit my hands of
quarrels and rupturs as another.
Whereby if the Edgemoor estate be mine, why it is my own. For why? Bein
it was my cash that a covered it. Whereof his younk onnur was all a
mort, and a down in the mouth, when a did come to me. The world was
wide, and a might a gone further and a fared worse. A's a dolt indeed
that will part with money, and not have money's worth. Whereby I had a
bin starvin, and pinchin, and scrapin, and coilin, and moilin; in heat
and in cold; up a early and down a late; a called here and a sent
there; a bidden and a chidden, and a forbidden to boot; every body's
slave forsooth; whereby I am now my own master. Why not? Who can gain
say it? Mayhap a savin and exceptin of your onnurable onnur; witch is
as it may be. For why? I wants a nothink to do with quarrels and
rupturs, no more nur another; but that's as thinks shall turn out.
Whereby one man's hair mayhap may stand an end as well as another's,
exceptin that I wears a wig. An I give the kole, I'll have the dole.
And ast for somebody's son, if so be as a man be to be twitted a thisn,
after all the gunpowder pistols and bullets, and scowerins, and firms,
and bleedins, and swimmins, and sinkins, and risks, and rubs, and sea
scapes, and shore scapes, at home and abroad, by land and by water, and
savins of precious lives and precious cash, why if so be as all this be
to stand for nothink, it is a time for a man to look about'n.
To be sure your onnur is so good as to say my son is a younk gentleman,
and so forth. Whereby this gracious and ever mercy fool lovin kindness
would go to the cockles of my heart; ay and my chitterlins would crow,
and I should sing O be joyfool, if so be as I did find as words wus any
think but wind. Whereof when your onnurable onnur is compulsionated,
willy nilly, to be so all bountifool as to profess to the ownin of
obligations, why that is summut. But fair speeches wonnot heal broken
pates; and a mouthfool of moonshine will send a man hungry to bed.
Promise may be a fair dog, but Performance will catch the hare.
Whereby had thinks a bin as they might a bin, why then indeed it would
a bin summut. But as to the wherewithalls of the twenty thousand
pounds, being as it be, why the think is unpossable to be done. For
why? The case is altered. Whereof it is best to be downright. Will is
free, and money for me.
Whereby this marriage match with the Clifton family, had my oar bin
asked, would never a bin of my advizin. For why? I shall not give my
lard to butter my neighbour's bacon.
And ast for favours received, why may be so. But what then? Since if so
be thof it wus sometimes fair, why it wus sometimes foul. And a good
man may behappen to be all as much as a good master. And if a man have
a spent his whole lifetime in a pickin, and a cullin, and a coinin, and
a furbishin up fine words, to tickle the ears of fine folks, why a
ought in all conscience to get the wherewithalls for his pains. For if
an a gentleman will eat pine apples a must not expect to pay for
pippins. Always as aforesaid a savin and exceptin your onnurable onnur.
So that if quarrels and rupturs will come, they may not a be said to be
of my seekin.
Bein as I am, ever and amen, with all pious jakillations and jubilees
of blessins and praise, never failin to pray for due time to repent us
of all our manifold sins and wickedness, God of his mercy be good unto
us, and save us and deliver us, on our death bed, from the everlastin
flamin sulphur of the burnin lake. Amen, an it be his holy will!
Umbelly beggin leave to superscribe meself,