_Anna Wenbourne St. Ives to Louisa Clifton_
_Chateau de Villebrun_
I cannot sufficiently applaud the resolute propriety of Frank, since
our last conversation. Indeed, Louisa, his fortitude is admirable! He
does not indulge self-compassion, by brooding over his own loss. Nor
does he, like other mistaken people whose affections have met
disappointment, suppose himself into sufferings, which swell into
existence in proportion as they are imagined to be real. His evident
determination is not to permit any selfish motive to detach him from
the great purposes of life; but cheerfully to submit to what is
inevitable, without thinking it an evil.
In the mean time, I have been indulging a hope, which at moments has
appeared almost a certainty, that Clifton, by our mutual efforts, shall
acquire all this true ardour, which is so lovely in Frank. How sorry am
I to observe that the haughtiness of Clifton and the coldness of Frank
seem to be increasing! To what can this be attributed? Their behaviour
is so peculiar that I almost dread something has happened, with which I
am unacquainted.
But perhaps it is the present temper of my mind: the effect of
sensations too irritable, doubts too tremulous, and fears too easily
excited. I cannot forget the conversation: it haunts me; and, did not
Frank set me the example of fortitude, I have sometimes doubted of my
own perseverance.
Oh, how mean is this in me! Is not the task I have proposed to myself a
worthy and a high one? Am I not convinced it is an inevitable duty? And
shall he, even under a contrary conviction, outstrip me in the
career?--Generous and excellent youth, I will imitate thy most eminent
virtues!
The Count de Beaunoir still continues to be particular, in what he
calls his adoration of me; but his tone and style are too romantic to
authorize me in any serious remonstrance. Clifton is not pleased, and
the Count and he have fallen into a habit of rallying each other, and
vaunting of what lovers dare do, to prove their affection. Their irony
took so serious a turn, yesterday, that Clifton proposed they should
load their pistols, and both holding by the corner of a handkerchief,
fire at each other. Considering the temper in which they were, and the
constitutional extravagance of the Count, the proposal was terrifying:
but I had the presence of mind to give it an air of ridicule, by
saying--You do not understand the true point of gallantry, gentlemen.
You should go to Japan, where one noble-blooded person draws his sabre,
and dispatches himself, to prove he is acquainted with the high
punctilio and very essence of honour; while another, enraged that he
should be in waiting and have a dish to carry up to the emperor's
table, requests he would condescend to live till he can come down
again, that he may shew he knows what honour is as well as his
disingenuous enemy, who had taken such an unfair advantage.
The Count laughed, and Clifton I should hope was not displeased that it
was impossible the conversation should again assume the same desperate
and absurd tone.
I took an opportunity to ask him privately how he could indulge such
intemperate passions; but I was obliged to soften my admonition by all
possible mildness. I know not whether I did right, but I even took his
hand, pressed it between mine, and requested of him, with an ardour
which I think must sink deeply in his mind, to do justice to himself,
to exert those powers of thought which he certainly possessed, and to
restrain passions which, if not restrained, must deter me, or any woman
worthy of him, from a union that would be so dangerous.
The impression would have been stronger, but that unfortunately his
quick sensations took a different turn. Feeling me clasp his hand, he
dropped on his knee, and with an ecstasy which he seemed unable to
resist kissed both mine, talked something of bliss unutterable, and,
recollecting the conclusion of my sentence, added that the very thought
of losing me was madness. We were interrupted, and I began to fear lest
my true motive should have been misunderstood.
Oh! Louisa, what a world is this! Into what false habits has it fallen!
Can hypocrisy be virtue? Can a desire to call forth all the best
affections of the heart be misconstrued into something too degrading
for expression?
I know not, but I begin to fear that no permanent good can be effected
at present, without peril. If so, shall I listen only to my fears;
shrink into self; and shun that which duty bids me encounter? No.
Though the prejudices of mankind were to overwhelm me with sorrows, for
seeking to do good, I will still go on: I will persevere, will
accomplish or die.
Yet I know not why I am in this mood! But so I am, and Louisa will
forgive me. I talk of sufferings? What have I suffered? What can those
who, mature in reason, are superior to prejudice suffer? But who are
they? My prejudices hourly rise up in arms against me. Every day am I
obliged to combat what the day before I thought I had destroyed. Could
we, at the same moment that we correct our own mistakes, correct those
of the whole world, the work were done at once. But we have to struggle
and to struggle; and, having to-day shaken off the burs that hung about
us, tomorrow we give a glance and perceive them sticking as closely and
as thick as ever!
I wish to question Frank, concerning these alarms; but he seems
purposely to avoid giving me an opportunity. Perhaps however I am
mistaken; and I hope I am. The restless fancy is frequently too full of
doubts and fears. Oh, how beautiful is open, artless, undisguised
truth! Yet how continually are dissimulation and concealment
recommended as virtues! Whatever mistakes, public or private, they may
think they have discovered, and however beneficial it might be to
correct them, men must not publish their thoughts; for that would be to
libel, to defame, to speak or to write scandal!
When will the world learn that the unlimited utterance of all thoughts
would be virtuous? How many half-discovered half-acknowledged truths
would then be promulgated; and how immediately would mistake, of every
kind, meet its proper antidote! How affectionately and unitedly would
men soon be brought to join, not in punishing, nor even in reproving,
but in reforming falsehood! Aided and encouraged by your dear and
worthy mother, we have often discoursed on these things, Louisa: and
the common accidents of life, as well as those peculiar to myself,
render such conversations sweet to recollection.
I must conclude: for though we write best when thoughts flow the most
freely, yet at present I find myself more inclined to think than to
write.