NIECE.
RENE. "The hounds of justice are laying for me just outside the door.
Fly with me, my beloved!" (_Enter the_ DUCHESS.)
DUCHESS. "She will not fly if I am at all acquainted with myself.
Gyurll, this fellow murdered my son, and I will give him up to justice."
(_Enter_ COURT PHYSICIAN.)
COURT PHYSICIAN. "Your Grace is mistaken. True, your son lay dead for a
month or two, but by a judicious application of four dozen bottles of my
"Universal Hair Restorer and Consumption Cure," he has recovered. Here
he comes."
DUCHESS. "'Tis he! 'Tis my son, though rather thin about the legs. RENE,
I forgive you. Marry the gyurrll if you wish. Bless you, my children."
_Curtain_.
FIRST USHER. "Go round, somebody, and wake the people up. If you don't,
they'll sit here and snore all night"
SECOND USHER. "No they won't. They'll wake up, now the play is over."
And the event proves that he is right. Slowly and gapingly the audience
arises, strolls sleepily out of the door, and entering wrong stages, is
carried to all manner of wrong destinations. So strong is the soporific
influence of the Phillipic drama, that not until hours after the play is
over, does the average spectator become sufficiently wakeful to express
an intelligible regret that Mr. WALLER and Mrs. MOLLENHAUER should not
have made their reappearance on the stage in some drama in which they
could have had an opportunity to act, and in which the public could have
taken some little interest.
MATADOR.
* * * * *
OUR FILTHY LUCRE.
Messrs. BROCKWAY, brewers, have lately been subjected to law process for
the impropriety of "cleansing" revenue stamps connected with the ale
business, with the view of using them over again.
In one point of view there seems to have been a hardship in the case
referred to. Millions of people are daily occupied in dirtying our
lovely currency stamps, as well as in "using them over again," and yet
nobody has ever been "brought up" for the diabolical act.
* * * * *
INTERESTING TO INVESTOR.
Weekly meetings are being held by the Department of Docks, to hear
suggestions from inventors. It is expected, of course, that the latter
will be willing to be tried by their Piers.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE TWO PICTURES.
THIS IS A YOUNG MAN GETTING READY FOR A PARTY.
AND THIS IS A PARTY GETTING READY FOR A YOUNG MAN.]
* * * * *
SOCIETY, ETC.
It is rather a pleasing recreation, when no other is at hand, to read
the letters of some of the New York correspondents who do the heavy
Trite and the small Horrible for the outside barbaric folios. Standing
on the shore of their Firth of Froth, so to speak, we watch with
considerable interest the unique soarings and divings of "Our Own." One
of these writers informs the readers of a Boston paper that "There is a
great deal of business talent in New York," and that "There is a great
deal of what is called fashionable society in New York." _There_ is
wisdom in solid chunks. It is highly important that such facts as these
should be stated seriously in State street and be conned in Beacon
street. "Our Own," be it remembered, is speaking of the "Tone of
Society," and he proceeds to remark, with great pertinence, that in our
unfortunate city, "There is a coarse, rude, uncivil way of doing
business, so general as to attract attention. If you do not take a hack
at the impertinent solicitation of the driver, he will unquestionably
curse you." "The telegraph operator grabs your message and eyes you as
if you were a pickpocket." Now, Mr. PUNCHINELLO does not offer himself
as an apologist for the abusive and obstreperous hackman, but he wishes
to say that in the course of his active and eventful career he has had
various conferences with those servants of the sidewalk, and he has
never yet been unquestionably cursed by any one of the whole bad lot.
Only yesterday he had occasion to intimate to one of these tide-waiters,
that vehicular aid was not desired. There was a merry twinkle in the eye
of the Rejected, and he added, as an additional persuader, "Baggage
Smashed!" Mr. PUNCHINELLO felt gratified at sincerity in an unexpected
direction.
"Our correspondent" is also exercised on the old-time grievance of
ladies in the horse-cars. He declares that "It is the rarest thing in
the world for a New York lady to return the slightest acknowledgement
for a seat tendered to her. She takes the seat as if it were her right,
_and gives the gentleman a withering look for his impertinence in being
in it when she entered_."
PUNCHINELLO has been more fortunate. He has been crowded by sitters, and
punched with umbrellas; his eloquent nose has been offended by filthy
straw, full often, in his Avenue travel, until he hopes fervently that
we may have a new method of getting up and down town; it isn't pleasant
to be _knocked_ down; but he has never yet been _withered_.
Oh, no. He does not require a lady to genuflect before him to show her
appreciation of a gentlemanly act. Mr. PUNCHINELLO, being a gentleman of
the old school, and of several colleges and universities, is quite
satisfied by a nod and a smile, or "Thank you." And one or the other he
is pretty certain to receive. He never encounters the withering look
which madam gives to other men to mad 'em. But alas for "our own"
unlucky correspondent!
PUNCHINELLO has often had occasion to confer with the gentlemen who
"blow messages on the hollow wire," as they say out at Fort
Laramie,--but he disclaims ever having been looked upon as a
pick-pocket. Behold his smiling face and say if any telegraph operator
could be so slow as to believe him a fingerer of other men's fobs.
* * * * *
COMMERCIAL CON.
Why does the Ocean Commerce of America remind one of the railings of a
gallery? Because, just now, it is simply Ballast Trade.
* * * * *
"THEREBY HANGS A TAIL."
A citizen of Dubuque is said by a newspaper itemizer to have lately
developed a tail. We do not believe it; but that the author of the story
is a tale-bearer, himself, is a matter beyond question.
BOOK NOTICES.
ANTONIA. A Novel. By GEORGE SAND. Boston: ROBERTS BROTHERS.
The popularity of Madame DUDEVANT'S writings is now at its zenith, and
the present volume is a very welcome addition to those already so well
set forth by Messrs. ROBERTS. It has been translated into excellent
idiomatic English by Miss VIRGINIA VAUGHAN.
POEMS. By DANTE GABRIEL ROSSETTI. Boston: ROBERTS BROTHERS.
Comparatively new to the public as a poet, Mr. D. G. ROSSETTI has yet
evinced so much of the poetic fire in his contributions to magazine
literature, from time to time, as to warrant the reproduction of them in
book form, and this has been done in a very tasteful manner by Messrs.
ROBERTS.
By an error in our notice of "The Men who Advertise," (see PUNCHINELLO
No. 13,) the name of the publishers of that useful volume, Messrs. G.P.
ROWELL & Co., was omitted.
* * * * *
A. T. Stewart & Co.
Offer & Large Stock of
BROCHE GRENADINES,
At 12-1/2 cents per yard, recently sold at 25 cents.
Broche Grenadine
At 20 cents per yard, reduced from 30 cents.
_THREE CASES_.
Black Ground Grenadines,
Embroidered, with Silk Bouquet, EXTRA RICH, 50
cents per yard, value $1.
TWO CASES
Striped Japanese Silks,
Extra heavy, only $1 per yard.
ONE CASE MAGNIFICENT AND STYLISH
SASH RIBBONS.
A Choice Assortment of
Crepe de Chene,
In the latest Paris colors, for Dresses and Millinery
purposes.
GREAT REDUCTIONS
Will be made in their Stocks of
Hosiery, Printed Jaconets, Organdies.
Percales, &c.
BROADWAY,
4th Avenue, 9th and l0th Streets.
* * * * *
A. T. STEWART & Co.
Have largely replenished with
NOVELTIES.
Their Stock of
Silks, Dress Goods.
Linen, Lawn and Organdie
DRESSES.
Misses' and Children's
Ready-Made Garments and Underwear.
Llama Lace Shawls, Jackets, &c.
BROADWAY,
4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Street.
* * * * *
A. T. Stewart & Co.
Have received and opened
4 Cases Extra Quality
Black Iron Grenadine,
Price 75c. per yard, upwards. Also,
2 Cases
Colored Iron Grenadines,
50c. per yard, upwards.
2 Cases
Colored Trimming Satins,
In all the scarce shades of color.
1 Case Extra Rich
Sash Ribbons, Neckties, Bonnet Ribbons,
ETC., ETC.,
BROADWAY,
4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Street.
* * * * *
Extraordinary Bargains.
A. T. Stewart & Co.
Offer at Less than One-Half their Cost,
Paris and Domestic Made Silk,
Barege, Organdie and Tulle
DRESSES,
VERY SLIGHTLY INJURED,
Suitable for Street or Evening wear.
The above will be exhibited in the section of the
Second story next to the corner of Broadway and 9th Street.
BROADWAY,
4th Ave., 9th and 10th Sts.
* * * * *
PUNCHINELLO.
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* * * * *
PUNCHINELLO.
[ILLUSTRATION: REFLECTION BY A 'LONGSHORE MAN.
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WATERING-PLACES, YET, IF YOU PUT YOUR HEAD OUT OF SIGHT FOR A MOMENT,
YOUR FEET ARE IN DANGER OF BECOMING A FOUNDATION FOR A MUD PALACE."]
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THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.
The New Burlesque Serial,
Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO,
BY
ORPHEUS C. KERR,
Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the year.
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1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, TICKNOR'S FIELDS,
NEW JERSEY.
2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken as he
appears "Every Saturday," will also be found in the same number.
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* * * * *
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