CONNIE'S BABY.
It is time I told my readers something about the little Theodora. She was
now nearly four years old I think,--a dark-skinned, lithe-limbed, wild
little creature, very pretty,--at least most people said so, while others
insisted that she had a common look. I admit she was not like a lady's
child--only one has seen ladies' children look common enough; neither did
she look like the child of working people--though amongst such, again,
one sees sometimes a child the oldest family in England might be proud of.
The fact is, she had a certain tinge of the savage about her, specially
manifest in a certain furtive look of her black eyes, with which she seemed
now and then to be measuring you, and her prospects in relation to you. I
have seen the child of cultivated parents sit and stare at a stranger from
her stool in the most persistent manner, never withdrawing her eyes, as
if she would pierce to his soul, and understand by very force of insight
whether he was or was not one to be honored with her confidence; and I have
often seen the side-long glance of sly merriment, or loving shyness, or
small coquetry; but I have never, in any other child, seen _that_ look of
self-protective speculation; and it used to make me uneasy, for of course,
like every one else in the house, I loved the child. She was a wayward,
often unmanageable creature, but affectionate,--sometimes after an insane,
or, at least, very ape-like fashion. Every now and then she would take an
unaccountable preference for some one of the family or household, at one
time for the old housekeeper, at another for the stable-boy, at another for
one of us; in which fits of partiality she would always turn a blind and
deaf side upon every one else, actually seeming to imagine she showed the
strength of her love to the one by the paraded exclusion of the others. I
cannot tell how much of this was natural to her, and how much the result
of the foolish and injurious jealousy of the servants. I say _servants_,
because I know such an influencing was all but impossible in the
family itself. If my father heard any one utter such a phrase as "Don't
you love me best?"--or, "better than" such a one? or, "Ain't I your
favorite?"--well, you all know my father, and know him really, for he never
wrote a word he did not believe--but you would have been astonished, I
venture to think, and perhaps at first bewildered as well, by the look of
indignation flashed from his eyes. He was not the gentle, all-excusing man
some readers, I know, fancy him from his writings. He was gentle even to
tenderness when he had time to think a moment, and in any quiet judgment
he always took as much the side of the offender as was possible with any
likelihood of justice; but in the first moments of contact with what he
thought bad in principle, and that in the smallest trifle, he would speak
words that made even those who were not included in the condemnation
tremble with sympathetic fear. "There, Harry, you take it--quick, or
Charley will have it," said the nurse one day, little thinking who
overheard her. "Woman!" cried a voice of wrath from the corridor, "do you
know what you are doing? Would you make him twofold more the child of hell
than yourself?" An hour after, she was sent for to the study; and when she
came out her eyes were very red. My father was unusually silent at dinner;
and, after the younger ones were gone, he turned to my mother, and said,
"Ethel, I spoke the truth. All _that_ is of the Devil,--horribly bad;
and yet I am more to blame in my condemnation of them than she for the
words themselves. The thought of so polluting the mind of a child makes
me fierce, and the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
The old Adam is only too glad to get a word in, if even in behalf of his
supplanting successor." Then he rose, and, taking my mother by the arm,
walked away with her. I confess I honored him for his self-condemnation the
most. I must add that the offending nurse had been ten years in the family,
and ought to have known better.
But to return to Theodora. She was subject to attacks of the most furious
passion, especially when any thing occurred to thwart the indulgence of the
ephemeral partiality I have just described. Then, wherever she was, she
would throw herself down at once,--on the floor, on the walk or lawn, or,
as happened on one occasion, in the water,--and kick and scream. At such
times she cared nothing even for my father, of whom generally she stood
in considerable awe,--a feeling he rather encouraged. "She has plenty of
people about her to represent the gospel," he said once. "I will keep the
department of the law, without which she will never appreciate the gospel.
My part will, I trust, vanish in due time, and the law turn out to have
been, after all, only the imperfect gospel, just as the leaf is the
imperfect flower. But the gospel is no gospel till it gets into the heart,
and it sometimes wants a torpedo to blow the gates of that open." For no
torpedo or Krupp gun, however, did Theodora care at such times; and, after
repeated experience of the inefficacy of coaxing, my father gave orders,
that, when a fit occurred, every one, without exception, should not merely
leave her alone, but go out of sight, and if possible out of hearing,--at
least out of her hearing--that she might know she had driven her friends
far from her, and be brought to a sense of loneliness and need. I am pretty
sure that if she had been one of us, that is, one of his own, he would have
taken sharper measures with her; but he said we must never attempt to treat
other people's children as our own, for they are not our own. We did not
love them enough, he said, to make severity safe either for them or for us.
The plan worked so far well, that after a time, varied in length according
to causes inscrutable, she would always re-appear smiling; but, as to any
conscience of wrong, she seemed to have no more than Nature herself, who
looks out with _her_ smiling face after hours of thunder, lightning, and
rain; and, although this treatment brought her out of them sooner, the fits
themselves came quite as frequently as before.
But she had another habit, more alarming, and more troublesome as well: she
would not unfrequently vanish, and have to be long sought, for in such case
she never reappeared of herself. What made it so alarming was that there
were dangerous places about our house; but she would generally be found
seated, perfectly quiet, in some out-of-the-way nook where she had never
been before, playing, not with any of her toys, but with something she had
picked up and appropriated, finding in it some shadowy amusement which no
one understood but herself.
She was very fond of bright colors, especially in dress; and, if she found
a brilliant or gorgeous fragment of any substance, would be sure to hide
it away in some hole or corner, perhaps known only to herself. Her love of
approbation was strong, and her affection demonstrative; but she had not
yet learned to speak the truth. In a word, she must, we thought, have come
of wild parentage, so many of her ways were like those of a forest animal.
In our design of training her for a maid to Connie, we seemed already
likely enough to be frustrated; at all events, there was nothing to
encourage the attempt, seeing she had some sort of aversion to Connie,
amounting almost to dread. We could rarely persuade her to go near her.
Perhaps it was a dislike to her helplessness,--some vague impression that
her lying all day on the sofa indicated an unnatural condition of being,
with which she could have no sympathy. Those of us who had the highest
spirits, the greatest exuberance of animal life, were evidently those whose
society was most attractive to her. Connie tried all she could to conquer
her dislike, and entice the wayward thing to her heart; but nothing would
do. Sometimes she would seem to soften for a moment; but all at once, with
a wriggle and a backward spasm in the arms of the person who carried her,
she would manifest such a fresh access of repulsion, that, for fear of an
outburst of fierce and objurgatory wailing which might upset poor Connie
altogether, she would be borne off hurriedly,--sometimes, I confess, rather
ungently as well. I have seen Connie cry because of the child's treatment
of her.
You could not interest her so much in any story, but that if the buzzing of
a fly, the flutter of a bird, reached eye or ear, away she would dart on
the instant, leaving the discomfited narrator in lonely disgrace. External
nature, and almost nothing else, had free access to her mind: at the
suddenest sight or sound, she was alive on the instant. She was a most
amusing and sometimes almost bewitching little companion; but the delight
in her would be not unfrequently quenched by some altogether unforeseen
outbreak of heartless petulance or turbulent rebellion. Indeed, her
resistance to authority grew as she grew older, and occasioned my father
and mother, and indeed all of us, no little anxiety. Even Charley and Harry
would stand with open mouths, contemplating aghast the unheard-of atrocity
of resistance to the will of the unquestioned authorities. It was what they
could not understand, being to them an impossibility. Such resistance was
almost always accompanied by storm and tempest; and the treatment which
carried away the latter, generally carried away the former with it; after
the passion had come and gone, she would obey. Had it been otherwise,--had
she been sullen and obstinate as well,--I do not know what would have come
of it, or how we could have got on at all. Miss Bowdler, I am afraid,
would have had a very satisfactory crow over papa. I have seen him sit
for minutes in silent contemplation of the little puzzle, trying, no
doubt, to fit her into his theories, or, as my mother said, to find her a
three-legged stool and a corner somewhere in the kingdom of heaven; and we
were certain something or other would come out of that pondering, though
whether the same night or a twelvemonth after, no one could tell. I believe
the main result of his thinking was, that he did less and less with her.
"Why do you take so little notice of the child?" my mother said to him one
evening. "It is all your doing that she is here, you know. You mustn't cast
her off now."
"Cast her off!" exclaimed my father: "what _do_ you mean, Ethel?"
"You never speak to her now."
"Oh, yes I do, sometimes!"
"Why only sometimes?"
"Because--I believe because I am a little afraid of her. I don't know
how to attack the small enemy. She seems to be bomb-proof, and generally
impregnable."
"But you mustn't therefore make _her_ afraid of _you_."
"I don't know that. I suspect it is my only chance with her. She wants a
little of Mount Sinai, in order that she may know where the manna comes
from. But indeed I am laying myself out only to catch the little soul. I am
but watching and pondering how to reach her. I am biding my time to come in
with my small stone for the building up of this temple of the Holy Ghost."
At that very moment--in the last fold of the twilight, with the moon rising
above the wooded brow of Gorman Slope--the nurse came through the darkening
air, her figure hardly distinguishable from the dusk, saying,--
"Please, ma'am, have you seen Miss Theodora?"
"I don't want you to call her _Miss_," said my father.
"I beg your pardon, sir," said the nurse; "I forgot."
"I have not seen her for an hour or more," said my mother.
"I declare," said my father, "I'll get a retriever pup, and train him to
find Theodora. He will be capable in a few months, and she will be foolish
for years."
Upon this occasion the truant was found in the apple-loft, sitting in a
corner upon a heap of straw, quite in the dark. She was discovered only by
the munching of her little teeth; for she had found some wizened apples,
and was busy devouring them. But my father actually did what he had said:
a favorite spaniel had pups a few days after, and he took one of them in
hand. In an incredibly short space of time, the long-drawn nose of Wagtail,
as the children had named him, in which, doubtless, was gathered the
experience of many thoughtful generations, had learned to track Theodora to
whatever retreat she might have chosen; and very amusing it was to watch
the course of the proceedings. Some one would come running to my father
with the news that Theo was in hiding. Then my father would give a peculiar
whistle, and Wagtail, who (I must say _who_) very seldom failed to respond,
would come bounding to his side. It was necessary that my father should
_lay him on_ (is that the phrase?); for he would heed no directions from
any one else. It was not necessary to follow him, however, which would have
involved a tortuous and fatiguing pursuit; but in a little while a joyous
barking would be heard, always kept up until the ready pursuers were guided
by the sound to the place. There Theo was certain to be found, hugging
the animal, without the least notion of the traitorous character of his
blandishments: it was long before she began to discover that there was
danger in that dog's nose. Thus Wagtail became a very important member
of the family,--a bond of union, in fact, between its parts. Theo's
disappearances, however, became less and less frequent,--not that she made
fewer attempts to abscond, but that, every one knowing how likely she was
to vanish, whoever she was with had come to feel the necessity of keeping
both eyes upon her.