SERVANTS.
An English writer, speaking of servants, says:--
"There is no question but that we should seek to perform _all_ our
duties without hope of recompense; and yet, as regards our treatment of
servants, we should be especially careful that, in endeavoring to make
their bodily comfort and mental improvement an object of consideration,
we do not allow ourselves to dwell on the hope of gratitude or affection
from them in return. Many have done so, and having, with that view, been
tempted to accord unwise indulgences and to overlook serious faults,
they have found that, far from gaining the love of their servants, they
have incurred their contempt; and when they have perceived that their
favors, unappreciated, have led but to new encroachments, they have
hardened their hearts and rushed into an opposite extreme. Then they
have considered their servants as mere machines, from which labor must
be extorted by all available means.
"A man servant is rarely grateful, and seldom attached. He is generally
incapable of appreciating those advantages which, with your cultivated
judgment, you know to be the most conducive to his welfare. Do you
accord to him regular hours, a stated allowance of work; do you refrain
from sending him out because it is wet and he is unwell; do you serve
yourself rather than ring for him at dinner time; he will rarely have
the grace to thank you in his heart for your constant consideration.
Hear him! He will thus describe a comfortable place:--'There were very
few in the family; when they went out of a night, we made it up of a
morning; we had nice hot suppers, and the cook made a good hash for
breakfast, and we always got luncheon between that and dinner; and we
were all very comfortable together, and had a friend in when we liked.
Master swore at us sometimes, but often made us a present for it when he
had been very violent; a good-hearted man as ever lived, and mistress
was quite the lady, and never meddled with servants. It was a capital
place!'
"Servants' sympathies are with their equals. They feel for a poor
servant run off his legs, and moped to death; they have no feeling for a
pains-taking mistress, economical both from principle and scanty means;
they would (most of them) see her property wasted, and her confidence
abused without compunction. It is the last effort of a virtue in a
servant if, without any _private reason_, he should discharge his duty
by informing you of the injury which you are enduring at the hands of
his fellow servant. It is an effort of virtue, for it will bring down
many a bitter taunt and hard word upon his faithful head. '_I_ never got
a servant out of a place by telling tales on him,' will be said to him.
Directly a servant departs, we all know, tongues, tied before, are
loosed, to gain our favor by apparent candor. When it can avail us
nothing, we are told. We all know this, and have said, 'Be silent now,
you should have mentioned this at the time.' Supposing, then, you have
the _rara avis_, the servant that 'speaks at the time,' be chary of him,
or let me say _her_, (the best servants are women.) Oh! as you value
her, let her not suppose you cannot part with her. Treat her with
confidence, but with strict impartiality; reprove when necessary,
mildly, but decidedly; lest she should presume (power is so tempting),
and compel you, if you would retain your freedom, to let her go.
"There is one thing a man servant values beyond all that your kindness
and your consideration can do for him--his liberty; liberty to eat,
drink, and be merry, with your things in the company of his own friends;
liberty to get the housemaid to clean his candlesticks, and bring up his
coals; and the housemaid wishes for liberty to lie in bed in the
morning, because she was up so late talking to John in the pantry;
liberty to wear flounces and flowers. The cook desires liberty too. For
this liberty, if you grant it, they will despise you; if you deny it,
they will respect you. Aim at their esteem; despair of their love or
gratitude; make your place what the best class of servants will value,
and, though in their heart, they may not thank you for it, you will
gain, perhaps, one servant out of twenty who will keep gross imposition
and gross immorality at bay.
"These remarks can never be intended to deny the warm attachment of
female servants to the children of their employers. Deep love, no doubt,
is lavished by many a woman on the babe she has nursed. There is a
great deal to be said on the chapter of nurses which would require to be
dealt with by itself. Much wisdom is required in the administration of a
nursery, to which few general rules would apply. Cruel is the tyranny
the nurse frequently practises on the parent, who often refrains from
entering her nursery, not from want of love to her children, but
positive dread of the sour looks which greet her. Let her be firm, let
no shrinking from grieving her darling, who would 'break his heart if
his Nanna went,' deter her from discharging the encroaching servant.
"I know a lady who was quietly informed by her nurse that she must have
a 'specified hour' for visiting her children, for that her entering
without ceremony was most inconvenient. The poor young lady, who was
fully persuaded her delicate infant would die, if removed to a
stranger's hands, meekly obeyed, and though tortured by the cries of the
poor sickly baby, never dared to intrude lest the nurse should abandon
it. This is a true history, and the sequel may as well be given: that
the nurse remained seven years, at the end of which time, having become
insupportable, though really devoted to the children, she gave warning,
and, though it cost her mistress bitter tears and much resolution, she
was suffered to depart, and then peace entered that house.
"On the choice of servants much of the comfort of the young housekeeper
depends. It often happens that her choice has been determined by
appearance rather than the value of character. If such be the case, she
will have many difficulties to encounter. It is, in the present day,
hardly safe to take a servant if there be a single objection to
character, however it may be glossed over by the person referred to on
this point; for there is now an unhealthy disposition to pass over the
failings of servants who have left their places, and to make them
perfect in the eyes of others. In respect to sobriety, many people will
not acknowledge that a servant had had the vice of drinking, but will
cover the unpleasant truth in such gentle and plausible terms that it
becomes difficult to comprehend how far the hint is grounded, or not. Be
assured when a lady or gentleman hesitates on this point, or on that of
honesty, it is wiser not to engage a servant. Nor are you deviating from
Christian charity in not overlooking a dereliction of so material a
sort. The kindest plan to the vast community of domestic servants is to
be rigid in all important points, and having, after a due experience, a
just confidence in them, to be somewhat indulgent to errors of a more
trivial nature.
"If all young housekeepers were strict upon the subject of dress, much
misery to servants would be saved, much temptation avoided, and
self-reproach prevented. Instead of this kind, and wise, and matronly
particularity, a type of the good, old-fashioned common sense of our
grandmothers, ladies now countenance their ladies'-maids in
discontinuing caps, or, if they have caps, in wearing flowers and lace,
flowered gowns, and other items of little apparent moment in detail, but
of much importance to a community as serviceable to the public when well
managed and respectable, as they are odious and noxious when immoral or
insolent. After these cruel indulgences, ladies marvel when they find
servants rise above their station and that they will not bear even a
mild reproof; they wonder that a plain, useful servant is nowhere to be
met with. There is now no medium between the fine lady with mittens and
flowers who dresses your hair, and the dirty sloven of a lodging-house.
All housemaids must now be upper housemaids; cooks must be cooks and
housekeepers. The homely housemaid--that invaluable character in her
way--is indeed difficult to be found; and, at a time when cleanliness is
at its zenith, the rarity is to discover any one who will clean. All,
except the raw country girl, expect to have deputies; and, if we go on
to perfection in this unhealthy system, we shall soon have no working
servants above twenty years of age. The consequence is, that a greater
number of servants are kept in every household than formerly in similar
families; many of these menials are corrupted by congregating together
and by idleness. The loud and crying complaints of the worthlessness of
this class are but too justly founded. That they are more mercenary than
ever, is owing to the pernicious system which lifts them up above their
condition, but fails to elevate them in the moral standard. In the scale
of virtue they sink every day lower and lower; in the outward attributes
they are, as they consider it, raised in character and improved in
appearance.
"But is it so? The beauty of every thing is fitness. Is the half-fine,
unlady-like, yet lady-like creature, who answers to your dressing-room
bell, half so respectable as the old-fashioned, plainly dressed,
careful, homely maiden of your young days? Is it not with a feeling of
disgust that you turn from the attempted finery, and sigh for plain
collars, and caps undecked by flowers, again? I think, among the
best-bred, the most sensible, and, indeed, the most highly born people
of a superior stamp, this disgust is so strong that, in some families, a
grave and suitable costume is introduced for the female servants, and
the effect is satisfactory, both on the appearance and on the mode of
thinking of these persons. But this wise, and therefore kind plan, is
far from being general; and I have heard that a lady's-maid complained
to her mistress that she found herself the subject of ridicule, owing to
her not wearing silks, and indeed satins, as the other ladies'-maids
did.
"It becomes the duty of ladies of influence to rise above the silly
vanity which, I fear, affects some of them, of seeing their
ladies'-maids as smart as ladies, and to oppose innovations on the
decencies of society, so pernicious to the class upon whom much of our
comfort depends. In setting out in life, a young married lady ought to
be more than ordinarily strict in these matters, for her inexperience
will certainly be taken advantage of to some extent. If she be rich
enough to have a housekeeper, let her endeavor to select one of strict
religious faith, plain in attire, grave, but kind, and of good sense,
and even intelligence; for cultivation of mind will never, whatever may
be stated, detract from the utility of a servant. It is absurd to
attribute to the diffusion of knowledge the deterioration of servants;
it is rather owing to the scanty amount of knowledge among them. Most
superficial is the education about which so much is said and written;
were servants more thoroughly grounded in many branches of knowledge,
they would be wiser, less rapacious, more systematic, and better
contented than they are. They are wretched reasoners, generally losing
sight of their own true interest, and grasping at that which is unreal
and visionary. If they were better educated, this would not be the case;
they would be less vain, less credulous; they would know what qualities
to respect; they would weigh better the advantage of their lot; and they
would work better as servants. They would give mind, where now they only
give hands; and their acquirements, taken from school as they are in
very early youth, are not ever likely to be such as to make the routine
of their work distasteful to them, from over refinement or cultivation.
"It is always desirable to have, if possible, servants of one faith. But
if it so happens that you have a Roman Catholic servant and a Protestant
in your service, you are bound to allow each the free exercise of her
religion, and you ought not to respect them if, out of interest, they
will conform to yours. An exercise of authority on this point amounts,
in my opinion, to an act of tyranny, and it can only tend to promote
insincerity, and, perhaps, engender scepticism in its object. Nothing
is, indeed, so dangerous as to unsettle the faith of the lower classes,
who have neither time nor opportunity of fairly considering subjects of
religious controversy.
"While on the subject of servants, I must deprecate the over-indulgence
of the present system towards them. Formerly they were treated with real
kindness, but it was the kindness that exacted duty in return, and took
a real interest in the welfare of each servant. The reciprocal tie in
former times between servant and master was strong, now it is wholly
gone. The easy rule of masters and mistresses proceeds far more from
indifference than from kindness of heart; for the real charity is to
keep servants steadily to their duties. They are a class of persons to
whom much leisure is destruction; the pursuits of their idle hours are
seldom advantageous to them, and theirs are not minds which can thrive
in repose. Idleness, to them, is peculiarly the root of all evil, for,
if their time is not spent in vicious amusements, it is often passed in
slander, discontent, or vanity. In writing thus, I do not recommend a
hard or inconsiderate system to servants. They require, and in many
instances they merit, all that can be done to alleviate a situation of
servitude. They ought not to be the slaves of caprice or the victims of
temper. Their work should be measured out with a just hand; but it
should be regularly exacted in as much perfection as can be expected in
variable and erring human nature.
"Another point on which I would recommend firmness is that of early
hours. In this respect example is as important as precept; but, however
uncertain you may be yourself, I would not relax a rule of that kind.
For every comfort during the day depends upon the early rising of your
servants. Without this, all their several departments are hurried
through or neglected in some important respect.
"Your mode of address to servants must be decisive, yet mild. The
authoritative tone I do not recommend. It is very unbecoming to any
young person, and it rarely attains the end desired; but there is a
quiet dignity of deportment which few servants ever can resist. This
should be tempered with kindness, when circumstances call it forth, but
should never descend to familiarity. For no caution is more truly kind
than which confines servants strictly to their own sphere.
"Much evil results from the tendency, more especially of very young, or
of very old mistresses of families, to partiality. Commonly, one servant
becomes the almost avowed favorite; and it is difficult to say whether
that display of partiality is the more pernicious to the servant who is
the object of it, or to the rankling and jealous minds of the rest of
the household. It is true that it is quite impossible to avoid
entertaining a greater degree of confidence in some servants than in
others; but it should be shown with a due regard to the feelings of all.
It is, of course, allowable towards those who take a decidedly
responsible and confidential situation in a household. Still, never let
such persons assume the reins of government; let them act the part of
helmsman to the vessel, but not aspire to the control of the captain.
"It is generally wise and right, after a due experience of the
principles and intentions of servants, to place confidence in their
honesty, and to let them have the comfort of knowing that you do so. At
the same time, never cease to exercise a system of supervision. The
great principle of housekeeping is regularity; and without this (one of
the most difficult of the minor virtues to practice) all efforts to
promote order must be ineffectual. I have seen energetic women, clever
and well-intentioned, fail in attaining a good method, owing to their
being uncertain in hours, governed by impulse, and capricious. I have
seen women, inferior in capacity, slow, and apathetic, make excellent
heads of families, as far as their household was concerned, from their
steadiness and regularity. Their very power of enduring monotony has
been favorable to their success in this way, especially if they are not
called upon to act in peculiar and difficult cases, in which their
actual inferiority is traceable. But these are not the ordinary
circumstances of life.
"In closing these remarks on the management of servants, let me exhort
you never to forget that they are fellow-laborers, in the life of
probation, with ourselves; let us not embitter their lives by harshness,
or proffer to them temptation from carelessness and over-indulgence.
Since all that is given us of this world's goods is but in trust, let us
regard our servants as beings for whose conduct, while under our
control, we are more or less responsible. It is true that, if they come
to us with morals wholly depraved, it is not likely that the most
strenuous exertions can amend them; but many waver between good and
evil. Let us endeavor to excite in their minds a respect for virtue, to
give them motives for industry, inducements to save their wages. Those
who have large households should not deem the morals of the meanest of
their servants beneath their investigation, or too obscure for their
influence to reach."
Some attention is absolutely necessary, in this country, to the training
of servants, as they come here from the lowest ranks of English and
Irish peasantry, with as much idea of politeness as the pig domesticated
in the cabin of the latter.
Opening the door seems a simple act, yet few servants perform it in a
proper, respectful manner. Let your servant understand that the door
must be opened immediately after the bell rings. Visitors, from neglect
of this rule, will often ring several times, and finally leave the door.
I have known an instance when in a case of severe illness the patient
lost the visit of the doctor, who, after ringing some minutes, was
obliged to pay other visits, and could not return to the sufferer's
house until several hours later.
When opening the door some servants hold it ajar and hold a long parley
with the person on the steps, as if afraid they wished to enter for the
purpose of murder or theft.
Train them to answer the door promptly, speak politely to any one who
may be there, excuse you, if necessary, to visitors in courteous terms,
or, if you are in, show the callers into the parlor, take their card,
and come back quickly with your answer.