Yet, in the midst of all this attention, his medical capacity seemed to
be quite forgot. They respected his good breeding, were charmed with his
voice, and admired the fine touches of his hand upon the violin; but in
cultivating the fiddler, they utterly neglected the physician; and in
vain did he attempt to divide their regard, by taking all opportunities
to turn the conversation into a more interesting channel. It was to
little purpose he endeavoured to arouse the wonder of his audience with
frequent descriptions of portentous maladies and amazing cures he had
seen and performed in the course of his study and practice abroad; and to
no effect did he publicly busy himself in making experiments on the
mineral water, in which he pretended to have made several new and
important discoveries. These efforts did not make a lasting impression
upon the minds of the company; because they saw nothing surprising in a
physician's being acquainted with all the mysteries of his art; and, as
their custom was already bespoke for others of the profession, whom it
was their interest to employ, our adventurer might have starved amidst
the caresses of his acquaintance, had not he derived considerable
advantage from a lucky accident in the course of his expectancy.
A gentlewoman's daughter, of a weakly constitution, by drinking the
waters, had so far recovered her health and complexion, as to allure the
affection of a young squire in the neighbourhood, who amused her for some
time with his addresses, until his heart was seduced by the charms of
another young lady lately arrived at the wells. The forsaken nymph,
shocked at this disgrace and mortification, relapsed into her former
languishing disorder; and was by her mother put under the management and
prescription of a physician, who had been an industrious enemy of Fathom
from his first appearance at Tunbridge. The patient, though violently
chagrined at the levity of her quondam admirer, was not altogether
without hope, that the very same inconstancy which had prompted him to
leave her, might in time induce him to return, after the novelty of his
new passion should be wore off; and this hope served to support her under
the sorrow and disgrace of her disappointment. At length, however, the
squire and his new mistress disappeared; and some busybody was officious
enough to communicate this piece of news to the forlorn shepherdess, with
this additional circumstance, that they were gone to a neighbouring
parish to be joined in the bands of wedlock.
These fatal tidings were no sooner imparted to the abandoned Phillis,
than she was seized with an hysteric fit; and, what rendered the accident
more unfortunate, her physician had been called to the country, and was
not expected at Tunbridge till next day. The apothecary was immediately
summoned; and, being either puzzled by the symptoms, or afraid of
encroaching upon the province of his superiors, advised the old lady to
send for Doctor Fathom without delay. She had no other objection to this
expedient, but the enmity which she knew subsisted between the two
leeches; yet, hearing that her own doctor would not consult with Fathom
upon his return but, perhaps renounce the patient, by which means her
daughter's health might be endangered, she would not solicit our hero's
assistance, until the young lady had remained seven hours speechless and
insensible; when, her fear prevailing over every other consideration, she
implored the advice of our adventurer, who, having made the necessary
interrogations, and felt the patient's pulse, which was regular and
distinct, found reason to conclude that the fit would not last much
longer, and, after having observed that she was in a very dangerous way,
prescribed some medicines for external application; and, to enhance their
opinion of his diligence and humanity, resolved to stay in the room and
observe their effect.
His judgment did not fail him on this occasion. In less than half an
hour after his embrocations had been applied, she recovered the use of
her tongue, opened her eyes, and having, in delirious exclamations,
upbraided her perfidious lover, became quite sensible and composed,
though she continued extremely low and dejected. To remedy these
sinkings, certain cordials were immediately administered, according to
the prescription of Doctor Fathom, upon whom extraordinary encomiums were
bestowed by all present, who believed he had actually rescued her from
the jaws of death; and as he was by this time let into the secrets of the
family, he found himself in a fair way of being an egregious favourite of
the old gentlewoman; when, unluckily, his brother, having dismissed his
country patient with uncommon despatch, entered the apartment, and eyed
his rival with looks of inexpressible rage; then, surveying the patient,
and the phials that stood upon the table, by turns, "What, in the name of
God!" cried he, "is the meaning of all this trash!"
"Really, doctor," replied the mother, a little confounded at being thus
taken by surprise, "Biddy has been taken dangerously ill, and lain seven
or eight hours in a severe fit, from which I am confident she would never
have recovered without the help of a physician; and as you were absent,
we had recourse to this gentleman, whose prescription hath had a happy
and surprising effect." "Effect!" cried this offended member of the
faculty, "pshaw!--stuff!--who made you judge of effects or causes?" Then
advancing to the patient, "What has been the matter, Miss Biddy, that you
could not wait till my return?"
Here Fathom interposing, "Sir," said he, "if you will step into the next
room, I will communicate my sentiments of the case, together with the
method upon which I have proceeded, that we may deliberate upon the next
step that is to be taken." Instead of complying with this proposal, he
seated himself in a chair, with his back to our adventurer, and, while he
examined Miss Biddy's pulse, gave him to understand, that he should not
consult with him about the matter.
Fathom, not in the least disconcerted at this uncivil answer, walked
round his antagonist, and, placing himself in his front, desired to know
his reason for treating him with such supercilious contempt. "I am
resolved," said the other, "never to consult with any physician who has
not taken his degrees at either of the English universities." "Upon the
supposition," replied our adventurer, "that no person can be properly
educated for the profession at any other school." "You are in the
right," answered Doctor Looby; "that is one of many reasons I have to
decline the consultation."
"How far you are in the right," retorted Fathom, "I leave the world to
judge, after I have observed, that, in your English universities, there
is no opportunity of studying the art; no, not so much as a lecture given
on the subject. Nor is there one physician of note in this kingdom who
has not derived the greatest part of his medical knowledge from the
instructions of foreigners."
Looby, incensed at this asseveration, which he was not prepared to
refute, exclaimed, in a most infuriate accent, "Who are you?--whence came
you?--where was you bred? You are one of those, I believe, who graduate
themselves, and commence doctors, the Lord knows how; an interloper, who,
without licence or authority, comes hither to take the bread out of the
mouths of gentlemen who have been trained to the business in a regular
manner, and bestowed great pains and expense to qualify themselves for
the profession. For my own part, my education cost me fifteen hundred
pounds."
"Never was money laid out to less purpose," said Ferdinand; "for it does
not appear that you have learned so much as the basis of medical
requirements, namely, that decorum and urbanity which ought to
distinguish the deportment of every physician. You have even debased the
noblest and most beneficial art that ever engaged the study of mankind,
which cannot be too much cultivated, and too little restrained, in
seeking to limit the practice of it to a set of narrow-minded, illiberal
wretches, who, like the lowest handicraftsmen, claim the exclusive
privileges of a corporation. Had you doubted my ability, you ought to
have satisfied yourself in a manner consistent with decency and candour;
but your behaviour on this occasion is such a malicious outrage upon good
manners and humanity, that, were it not for my regard to these ladies, I
would chastise you for your insolence on the spot. Meanwhile, madam,"
addressing himself to the mother, "you must give me leave to insist upon
your dismissing either that gentleman, or me, without hesitation."
This peremptory language had an instantaneous effect upon the hearers.
Looby's face grew pale, and his nether lip began to tremble. The patient
was dismayed, and the old gentlewoman concerned and perplexed. She
earnestly besought the gentlemen to be reconciled to each other, and
enter into a friendly consultation upon her daughter's distemper; but,
finding both equally averse to accommodation, and Fathom becoming more
and more importunate in his demand, she presented him with a double fee;
and giving him to understand that Doctor Looby had long attended the
family, and was intimately acquainted with her own and Biddy's
constitution, said, she hoped he would not take it amiss if she retained
her old physician.
Though our hero was much mortified at this triumph of his rival, he made
a virtue of necessity, and retired with great complaisance, wishing that
Miss Biddy might never again be the subject of such a disagreeable
dispute. Whether the patient was frighted at this altercation, or
displeased with her mother's decision against an agreeable young fellow,
who had, as it were, recalled her from the grave, and made himself master
of the secret that rankled at her heart, or the disease had wound up her
nerves for another paroxysm, certain it is, she all of a sudden broke
forth into a violent peal of laughter, which was succeeded by the most
doleful cries, and other expressions of grief; then she relapsed into a
fit, attended with strong convulsions, to the unspeakable terror of the
old gentlewoman, who entreated Doctor Looby to be expeditious in his
prescription. Accordingly he seized the pen with great confidence, and a
whole magazine of antihysteric medicines were, in different forms,
externally and internally applied.
Nevertheless, either nature was disturbed in her own efforts by these
applications, or the patient was resolved to disgrace the doctor. For
the more remedies that were administered, her convulsions became the more
violent; and in spite of all his endeavours, he could not overcome the
obstinacy of the distemper. Such a miscarriage, upon the back of his
rival's success, could not fail to overwhelm him with confusion;
especially as the mother baited him with repeated entreaties to do
something for the recovery of her daughter. At length, after having
exercised her patience in vain for several hours, this affectionate
parent could no longer suppress the suggestions of her concern, but, in
an incoherent strain, told him that her duty would not suffer her to be
longer silent in an affair on which depended the life of her dear child.
That she had seen enough to believe he had mistaken the case of poor
Biddy, and he could not justly blame her for recalling Doctor Fathom,
whose prescription had operated in a miraculous manner.
Looby, shocked at this proposal, protested against it with great
vehemence, as an expedient highly injurious to himself. "My remedies,"
said he, "are just beginning to take effect, and, in all probability, the
fit will not last much longer; so that, by calling in another person at
this juncture, you will defraud me of that credit which is my due, and
deck my adversary with trophies to which he has no pretension." She was
prevailed upon, by this remonstrance, to wait another half hour, when
perceiving, as yet, no alteration for the better, and being distracted
with her fears, which reproached her with want of natural affection, she
sent a message to Doctor Fathom, desiring to see him with all possible
despatch.
He was not slow in obeying the call, but hastening to the scene of
action, was not a little surprised to find Looby still in the apartment.
This gentleman, since better might not be, resolved to sacrifice his
pride to his interest, and, rather than lose his patient altogether, and
run the risk of forfeiting his reputation at the same time, stayed with
intention to compromise his difference with Fathom, that he might not be
wholly excluded from the honour of the cure, in case it could be
effected. But he had reckoned without his host in his calculation of the
Count's placability; for, when he put on his capitulating face, and,
after a slight apology for his late behaviour, proposed that all
animosity should subside in favour of the young lady, whose life was at
stake, our hero rejected his advances with infinite disdain, and assured
the mother, in a very solemn tone, that, far from consulting with a man
who had treated him so unworthily, he would not stay another minute in
the house, unless he should see him discarded; a satisfaction barely
sufficient to atone for the affront he himself had suffered by the unjust
preference she had before given to his rival.
There was no remedy. Looby was obliged to retreat in his turn; then our
adventurer, approaching the bedside, reconnoitred the patient, examined
the medicines which had been administered, and lifting up his eyes in
expressive silence, detached the footman with a new order to the
apothecary. It was well the messenger used expedition, otherwise Doctor
Fathom would have been anticipated by the operation of nature; for, the
fit having almost run its career, Miss Biddy was on the point of
retrieving her senses, when the frontal prescribed by Fathom was applied;
to the efficacy of this, therefore, was ascribed her recovery, when she
opened her eyes, and began to pour forth unconnected ejaculations; and in
a few moments after, she was persuaded to swallow a draught prepared for
the purpose, her perception returned, and Ferdinand gained the reputation
of having performed a second miracle.
But he was furnished with a piece of intelligence, of much more energy
than all she had taken, and so soon as he concluded she was capable to
bear the news without any dangerous emotion, he, among other articles of
chit-chat culled for her amusement, took the opportunity of telling the
company, that Squire Stub (the cause of Miss Biddy's disorder) had, in
his way to matrimony, been robbed of his bride, by a gentleman to whom
she had been formerly engaged. He had waited for her on purpose at an
inn on the road, where he found means to appease her displeasure, which
he had, it seems, incurred, and to supersede her new lover, whom she
quitted without ceremony; upon which the squire had returned to
Tunbridge, cursing her levity, yet blessing his good stars for having so
seasonably prevented his ruin, which would have infallibly been the
consequence of his marrying such an adventurer.
It would be superfluous to observe, that these tidings operated like an
admirable specific on the spirits of the young lady, who, while she
affected to pity the squire, was so much overjoyed at his disappointment,
that her eyes began to sparkle with uncommon vivacity, and in less than
two hours after the last of those terrible attacks, she was restored to a
better state of health than she had enjoyed for many weeks. Fathom was
not forgot amidst the rejoicings of the family. Besides an handsome
gratuity for the effects of his extraordinary skill, the old lady
favoured him with a general invitation to her house, and the daughter not
only considered him as the restorer of her health, and angel of her good
fortune, but also began to discover an uncommon relish for his
conversation; so that he was struck with the prospect of succeeding
Squire Stub in her affection. A conquest which, if sanctioned by the
approbation of the mother, would console him for all the disappointments
he had sustained; for Miss Biddy was entitled to a fortune of ten
thousand pounds, provided she should marry with the consent of her
parent, who was the sole executrix of the father's will.
Animated with the hope of such an advantageous match, our adventurer
missed no opportunity of improving the lodgment he had made, while the
two ladies failed not to extol his medical capacity among all their
female acquaintances. By means of this circulation, his advice was
demanded in several other cases, which he managed with such an imposing
air of sagacity and importance, that his fame began to spread, and before
the end of the season, he had ravished more than one half of the business
from his competitor. Notwithstanding these fortunate events, he foresaw,
that he should find great difficulty in transplanting his reputation, so
as to take root in London, which was the only soil in which he could
propose to rise to any degree of prosperity and independence; and this
reflection was grounded upon a maxim which universally prevails among the
English people, namely, to overlook and wholly neglect, on their return
to the metropolis, all the connexions they may have chanced to acquire
during their residence at any of the medical wells. And this social
disposition is so scrupulously maintained, that two persons who lived
in the most intimate correspondence at Bath or Tunbridge, shall in
four-and-twenty hours so totally forget their friendship, as to meet in
St. James's Park, without betraying the least token of recognition; so
that one would imagine these mineral waters were so many streams issuing
from the river Lethe, so famed of old for washing away all traces of
memory and recollection.
Aware of this oblivious principle, Doctor Fathom collected all his
qualifications, in order to make such an impression upon the heart of
Miss Biddy, as would resist all her endeavours to shake him from her
remembrance; and his efforts succeeded so well, that Squire Stub's
advances to a reconciliation were treated with manifest indifference. In
all probability our hero would have made a very advantageous campaign,
had not his good fortune been retarded by an obstruction, which, as he
did not perceive it, he could not possibly surmount. In displaying his
accomplishments to captivate the daughter, he had unwittingly made an
absolute conquest of the mother, who superintended the conduct of Miss
Biddy with such jealous vigilance, that he could find no opportunity of
profiting by the progress he had made in her heart; for the careful
matron would never lose sight of her, no, not for one moment.
Had the old lady given the least intimation to our adventurer, of the
sentiments she entertained in his behalf, his complaisance was of such a
pliable texture, that he would have quitted his other pursuit, and made
her the sole object of his attention. But she either depended upon the
effect of his own good taste and discernment, or was too proud to
disclose a passion which he had hitherto overlooked.