Fathom's expectations with respect to the fair orphan having thus proved
abortive, he lost no time in bewailing his miscarriage, but had immediate
recourse to other means of improving his small fortune, which, at this
period, amounted to near two hundred pounds. Whatever inclination he had
to resume the character he had formerly borne in the polite world, he
durst not venture to launch out again into the expense necessary to
maintain that station, because his former resources were now stopped, and
all the people of fashion by this time convinced of his being a needy
adventurer. Nevertheless, he resolved to sound the sentiments of his old
friends at a distance, and judge, from the reception he should meet with,
how far he might presume upon their countenance and favour. For he
rightly supposed, that if he could in any shape contribute to their
interest or amusement, they would easily forgive his former pretensions
to quality, arrogant as they were, and still entertain him on the footing
of a necessary acquaintance.
With this view, he one day presented himself at court in a very gay suit
of clothes, and bowed, at a distance, to many of his old fashionable
friends of both sexes, not one of whom favoured him with any other
notice, than that of a quarter curtsey, or slight inclination of the
head. For, by this time, the few that remembered him knew from what
retirement he now emerged, and avoided him accordingly as the jail
infection. But the greater part of those who had cultivated him in the
zenith of his fortune were now utter strangers to his person, which they
had actually forgot, amidst the succession of novelties that surrounded
them; or, if they did recollect his name, it was remembered as an old
fashion which had been many months out of date.
Notwithstanding these mortifying discouragements, our hero, that same
evening, effected a lodgment in a certain gaming-house not far from St.
James's; and, as he played pretty high, and made a parade of his ready
money, he was soon recognised by divers persons of consequence, who
cordially welcomed him to England, on pretence of believing he had been
abroad, and with great complacency repeated their former professions of
friendship. Though this was a certain way of retaining the favour of
those worthies, while his finances continued to flourish, and his
payments were prompt, he knew the weakness of his funds too well, to
think they could bear the vicissitudes of play; and the remembrance of
the two British knights who had spoiled him at Paris, hung over his
imagination with the most frightful presages. Besides, he perceived that
gaming was now managed in such a manner, as rendered skill and dexterity
of no advantage. For the spirit of play having overspread the land, like
a pestilence, raged to such a degree of madness and desperation, that the
unhappy people who were infected, laid aside all thoughts of amusement,
economy, or caution, and risked their fortunes upon issues equally
extravagant, childish, and absurd.
The whole mystery of the art was reduced to the simple exercise of
tossing up a guinea, and the lust of laying wagers, which they indulged
to a surprising pitch of ridiculous intemperance. In one corner of the
room might be heard a pair of lordlings running their grandmothers
against each other, that is, betting sums on the longest liver; in
another the success of the wager depended upon the sex of the landlady's
next child; and one of the waiters happening to drop down in an
apoplectic fit, a certain noble peer exclaimed, "Dead for a thousand
pounds." The challenge was immediately accepted; and when the master of
the house sent for a surgeon to attempt the cure, the nobleman, who set
the price upon the patient's head, insisted upon his being left to the
efforts of nature alone, otherwise the wager should be void. Nay, when
the landlord harped upon the loss he should sustain by the death of a
trusty servant, his lordship obviated the objection, by desiring that the
fellow might be charged in the bill.
In short, the rage of gaming seemed to have devoured all their other
faculties, and to have equalled the rash enthusiasm of the inhabitants of
Malacca in the East Indies, who are so possessed with that pernicious
spirit, that they sacrifice to it not only their fortunes, but also their
wives and children; and then letting their hair down upon their
shoulders, in imitation of the ancient Lacedaemonians when they devoted
themselves to death, those wretches unsheathe their daggers, and murder
every living creature in their way. In this, however, they differ from
the gamesters of our country, who never find their senses, until they
have lost their fortunes, and beggared their families; whereas the Malays
never run amuck, but in consequence of misery and despair.
Such are the amusements, or rather such is the continual employment of
those hopeful youths who are destined by birth to be the judges of our
property, and pillars of our constitution. Such are the heirs and
representatives of those patriots who planned, and those heroes who
maintained, the laws and freedom of their country; who were the patrons
of merit, the fathers of the poor, the terror of vice and immorality, and
at once the ornaments and support of a happy nation.
Our adventurer considered all these circumstances with his wonted
sagacity, and, seeing upon what precarious footing he must stand, should
he rank himself with such society, he wisely came to the resolution of
descending one step in the degrees of life, and of taking upon him the
title of physician, under which he did not despair of insinuating himself
into the pockets of his patients, and into the secrets of private
families, so as to acquire a comfortable share of practice, or captivate
the heart of some heiress or rich widow, whose fortune would at once
render him independent and happy.
After this determination, his next care was to concert measures for his
first appearance in this new character; well knowing, that the success of
a physician, in a great measure, depends upon the external equipage in
which he first declares himself an adept in the healing art. He first of
all procured a few books on the subject of medicine, which he studied
with great attention during the remaining part of the winter and spring,
and repaired to Tunbridge with the first of the season, where he appeared
in the uniform of Aesculapius, namely, a plain suit, full trimmed, with a
voluminous tie-periwig; believing that in this place he might glide, as
it were, imperceptibly into the functions of his new employment, and
gradually accustom himself to the method and form of prescription.
A man so well known in the gay world could not be supposed to effect such
a transformation without being observed; and therefore, in order to
anticipate the censure and ridicule of those who might be tempted to make
themselves merry at his expense, he, on his arrival at the wells,
repaired to the shop of an apothecary, and calling for pen, ink, and
paper, wrote a prescription, which he desired might be immediately made
up. While this was doing by the servant, he was invited into a parlour
by the master, with whom he entered into conversation touching the
properties of the Tunbridge water, which seemed to have been his
particular study; and indeed he had perused Rouzee's treatise on that
subject with indefatigable assiduity. From this theme, he made
digressions into other parts of medicine, upon which he spoke with such
plausible elocution, that the apothecary, whose knowledge in that art was
not very profound, looked upon him as a physician of great learning and
experience, and hinted a desire of knowing his name and situation.
Fathom accordingly gave him to understand, that he had studied physic,
and taken his degrees at Padua, rather for his amusement, than with any
view of exercising medicine, as he then could not possibly foresee the
misfortunes which had since happened to his family, and by which he was
now compelled to have recourse to a profession that was very much beneath
the expectations of his birth. Yet he bore his disappointments with
resignation, and even good-humour, and blessed his stars for having
inclined him to the study of any branch of knowledge by which he might be
enabled to laugh at the vicissitudes of fortune. He then observed, that
he had practised with some applause at the hot well near Bristol, before
he thought he should be ever reduced to the necessity of taking a fee,
and that, in all probability, his metamorphosis, when known, would
furnish matter of surprise and merriment to some of his old acquaintance.
The apothecary was equally struck with his polite address, and pleased
with his agreeable discourse. He consoled him for the misfortunes of his
family, by assuring him, that in England nothing could be more
honourable, or indeed profitable, than the character of a physician,
provided he could once wriggle himself into practice; and insinuated,
that, although he was restricted by certain engagements with other
persons of the faculty, he should be glad of an opportunity to show his
regard for Doctor Fathom. This was a very effectual method which our
hero took to intimate his new character to the public. By the industry
and communicative disposition of the apothecary, it was circulated in
half a day through every family in the place; and, next morning, when
Ferdinand appeared, the company forthwith assembled in separate groups,
and from each knot he heard his name reverberated in a whisper.
Having thus announced himself to all whom it might concern, and allowed
the ladies two days to discuss the merit of his transfiguration, together
with the novelty of the case, he ventured to salute, at a distance, a
lady and her daughter, who had been his patients at the hot well; and,
although they honoured his bow with the return of a slight curtsey, they
gave him not the least encouragement to make a nearer approach.
Notwithstanding this rebuff, he concluded, that, should the health of
either come in question, they would renew their application to his skill,
and what was refused by their pride would be granted by their
apprehension. Here, however, he happened to be mistaken in his
conjecture.
The young lady being seized with a violent headache and palpitation, her
mother desired the apothecary to recommend a physician; and the person
with whom he was contracted being at that time absent, he proposed Doctor
Fathom as a man of great ability and discretion. But the good lady
rejected the proposal with disdain, because she had formerly known him in
the character of a Count--though that very character was the chief reason
that had then induced her to crave his advice.
Such is the caprice of the world in general, that whatever bears the face
of novelty captivates, or rather bewitches, the imagination, and
confounds the ideas of reason and common sense. If, for example, a
scullion, from the clinking of pewter, shall conceive a taste for the
clinking of rhyme, and make shift to bring together twenty syllables, so
as that the tenth and last shall have the like ending, the composition is
immediately extolled as a miracle; and what appeals to the admiration is
not the wit, the elegance, or poetry of the work, but the uncultivated
talent and humble station of the author. A reader does not exclaim,
"What a delicate sentiment! what a beautiful simile! what easy and
musical versification!"--but cries in rapture, "Heavens! what a prodigy a
poet from the scullery! a muse in livery! or, Apollo with a trowel!"--The
public is astonished into liberality--the scullion eats from those
trenchers he scoured before--the footman is admitted into the coach
behind which he was wont to stand--and the bricklayer, instead of
plastering walls, bedaubs his illustrious partner with the mortar of his
praise. Thus, lifted into a higher sphere, their talents receive
cultivation; they become professed bards, and though their subsequent
works bear evident marks of improvement, they are neglected among the
rest of their brethren, because that novelty, which recommended them in
the beginning, no longer remains.
So it fared with our adventurer in his new occupation. There was
something so extraordinary in a nobleman's understanding medicine, and so
uncommon in a physician's prescribing gratis, that the curiosity and
admiration of the company at Bristol were engaged, and they followed his
advice, as the direction of some supernatural intelligence. But, now
that he professed himself one of the faculty, and might be supposed to
have refreshed his memory, and reinforced his knowledge for the occasion,
he was as much overlooked as any other physician unsupported by interest
or cabal; or, at least, the notice he attracted was not at all to the
advantage of his character, because it wholly regarded the decline of his
fortune, which is a never-failing fund of disgrace.
These mortifications did not overcome the patience and perseverance of
Fathom, who foresaw, that the soothing hand of time would cast a veil of
oblivion over those scenes which were remembered to his prejudice; and
that, in the meantime, though he was excluded from the private parties of
the fair sex, in which his main hope of success was placed, he should be
able to insinuate himself into some degree of favour and practice among
the male patients; and some lucky cure, properly displayed, might be the
means of propagating his fame, and banishing that reserve which at
present interfered with his purpose. Accordingly, it was not long before
he found means to break that spell of universal prejudice that hedged him
in. At the ordinary which he frequented, his polite carriage, facetious
remarks, and agreeable stories soon conciliated the regard of his
fellow-guests, among whom he sometimes rallied his own transformation
with singular good-humour and success. He was even witty upon his want
of employment, and used to observe, that a physician without practice
had one comfort to which his brethren were strangers, namely, that the
seldomer he had occasion to prescribe, the less he had upon his
conscience on account of being accessory to the death of his
fellow-creatures.
Nothing so effectually blunts the shafts of ridicule, and defeats the
aims of slander, as this method of anticipation. In spite of the arrows
that were levelled against his reputation from every tea-table at
Tunbridge, he made his party good among almost all the gay young
gentlemen that frequented the place. Far from avoiding his company, they
began to court his conversation, and he was commonly seen in the walks
surrounded with a group of admirers.
Having thus paved the way for a total removal of the invidious
prepossession that obstructed his views, he, one night, while every
person was lulled in the arms of repose, and universal silence prevailed,
tuned his violin, and began to play some masterly airs, in a tone so
uncommonly expressive, and with such ravishing dexterity of execution,
that a certain lady, who lodged in the same house, being waked by the
music, and ignorant of the source from which it flowed, listened with
rapture, as to the harp of an angel, and, wrapping herself in a loose
gown, rose and opened her chamber door, in order to discover in what
apartment the musician resided. She no sooner entered the passage, than
she found her fellow-lodgers already assembled on the same occasion; and
there they remained during the best part of the night, transported by the
harmony which our hero produced.
Doctor Fathom was immediately known to be the author of this
entertainment; and thus retrieved the benefit of that admiration which he
had forfeited by appearing in the shape of a physician. For, as people
had formerly wondered to see a count skilled in medicine, they were now
amazed to find a physician such a master in music.
The good effects of this stratagem were almost instantaneous. His
performance became the topic of discourse among all the fashionable
company. His male friends complimented him from the information of the
other sex; and that lady whom he had regaled, instead of that shyness and
disdain with which she used to receive his salutation, at their very next
meeting in the thoroughfare, returned his bow with marks of profound
respect. Nay, at midnight, she, with the rest, took post in the same
place where they had been stationed before; and, by frequent tittering,
and repeated whispers, gave intimation to Fathom, that they would be glad
of a second serenade. But he was too well acquainted with the human
passions to indulge this their desire. It was his interest to inflame
their impatience, rather than to gratify their expectation; and therefore
he tantalised them for some hours, by tuning his violin, and playing some
flourishes, which, however, produced nothing to fulfil their wishes.
At the ordinary, he was accosted by a gentleman, a lodger in the same
house, who assured him, that the ladies would take it as a great favour
if he would let them know when he intended to amuse himself again with
his instrument, that they might not, by falling asleep beforehand,
deprive themselves of the pleasure of hearing his music. To this message
he replied, with an air of consequence and reserve, that, though music
was not the art he professed, he should be always complaisant enough to
entertain the ladies to the utmost of his power, when their commands were
signified to him in a manner suited to his character; but that he would
never put himself on the footing of an itinerate harper, whose music is
tolerated through the medium of a board partition. The gentleman having
reported this answer to his constituents, they empowered him to invite
Doctor Fathom to breakfast, and he was next morning introduced with the
usual ceremony, and treated with uncommon regard by all the females of
the house, assembled for his reception.
Having thus broken the ice of their aversion in one part, so as that the
beams of his personal accomplishments had room to operate, he soon
effected a general thaw in his favour, and found himself growing once
more into request amongst the most amiable part of the creation. His
company was coveted, and his taste consulted in their balls, concerts,
and private assemblies; and he recompensed the regard they paid to him
with an incessant exertion of his agreeable talents, politeness, and
good-humour.