Just as he entered these mansions of misery, his ears were invaded with a
hoarse and dreadful voice, exclaiming, "You, Bess Beetle, score a couple
of fresh eggs, a pennyworth of butter, and half a pint of mountain to the
king; and stop credit till the bill is paid:--He is now debtor for
fifteen shillings and sixpence, and d--n me if I trust him one farthing
more, if he was the best king in Christendom. And, d'ye hear, send
Ragged-head with five pounds of potatoes for Major Macleaver's supper,
and let him have what drink he wants; the fat widow gentlewoman from
Pimlico has promised to quit his score. Sir Mungo Barebones may have
some hasty pudding and small beer, though I don't expect to see his coin,
no more than to receive the eighteen pence I laid out for a pair of
breeches to his backside--what then? he's a quiet sort of a body, and a
great scholar, and it was a scandal to the place to see him going about
in that naked condition. As for the mad Frenchman with the beard, if you
give him so much as a cheese-paring, you b--ch, I'll send you back to the
hole, among your old companions; an impudent dog! I'll teach him to draw
his sword upon the governor of an English county jail. What! I suppose
he thought he had to do with a French hang-tang-dang, rabbit him! he
shall eat his white feather, before I give him credit for a morsel of
bread."
Although our adventurer was very little disposed, at this juncture, to
make observations foreign to his own affairs, he could not help taking
notice of these extraordinary injunctions; especially those concerning
the person who was entitled king, whom, however, he supposed to be some
prisoner elected as the magistrate by the joint suffrage of his fellows.
Having taken possession of his chamber, which he rented at five shillings
a week, and being ill at ease in his own thoughts, he forthwith secured
his door, undressed, and went to bed, in which, though it was none of the
most elegant or inviting couches, he enjoyed profound repose after the
accumulated fatigues and mortifications of the day. Next morning, after
breakfast, the keeper entered his apartment, and gave him to understand,
that the gentlemen under his care, having heard of the Count's arrival,
had deputed one of their number to wait upon him with the compliments of
condolence suitable to the occasion, and invite him to become a member of
their society. Our hero could not politely dispense with this instance
of civility, and their ambassador being instantly introduced by the name
of Captain Minikin, saluted him with great solemnity.
This was a person equally remarkable for his extraordinary figure and
address; his age seemed to border upon forty, his stature amounted to
five feet, his visage was long, meagre, and weather-beaten, and his
aspect, though not quite rueful, exhibited a certain formality, which was
the result of care and conscious importance. He was very little
encumbered with flesh and blood; yet what body he had was well
proportioned, his limbs were elegantly turned, and by his carriage he was
well entitled to that compliment which we pay to any person when we say
he has very much the air of a gentleman. There was also an evident
singularity in his dress, which, though intended as an improvement,
appeared to be an extravagant exaggeration of the mode, and at once
evinced him an original to the discerning eyes of our adventurer, who
received him with his usual complaisance, and made a very eloquent
acknowledgment of the honour and satisfaction he received from the visit
of the representative, and the hospitality of his constituents. The
captain's peculiarities were not confined to his external appearance; for
his voice resembled the sound of a bassoon, or the aggregate hum of a
whole bee-hive, and his discourse was almost nothing else than a series
of quotations from the English poets, interlarded with French phrases,
which he retained for their significance, on the recommendation of his
friends, being himself unacquainted with that or any other outlandish
tongue.
Fathom, finding this gentleman of a very communicative disposition,
thought he could not have a fairer opportunity of learning the history of
his fellow-prisoners; and, turning the conversation on that subject, was
not disappointed in his expectation. "I don't doubt, sir," said he, with
the utmost solemnity of declamation, "but you look with horror upon every
object that surrounds you in this uncomfortable place; but, nevertheless,
here are some, who, as my friend Shakespeare has it, have seen better
days, and have with holy bell been knolled to church; and sat at good
men's feasts, and wiped their eyes of drops that sacred pity hath
engendered. You must know, sir, that, exclusive of the canaille, or the
profanum vulgus, as they are styled by Horace, there are several small
communities in the jail, consisting of people who are attracted by the
manners and dispositions of each other; for this place, sir, is quite a
microcosm, and as the great world, so is this, a stage, and all the men
and women merely players. For my own part, sir, I have always made it a
maxim to associate with the best of company I can find. Not that I
pretend to boast of my family or extraction; because, you know, as the
poet says, Vix ea nostra voco. My father, 'tis true, was a man that
piqued himself upon his pedigree, as well as upon his politesse and
personal merit; for he had been a very old officer in the army, and I
myself may say I was born with a spontoon in my hand. Sir, I have had
the honour to serve his Majesty these twenty years, and have been bandied
about in the course of duty through all the British plantations, and you
see the recompense of all my service. But this is a disagreeable
subject, and therefore I shall waive it; however, as Butler observes:
My only comfort is, that now
My dubbolt fortune is so low,
That either it must quickly end,
Or turn about again and mend.
"And now, to return from this digression, you will perhaps be surprised
to hear that the head or chairman of our club is really a sovereign
prince; no less, I'll assure you, than the celebrated Theodore king of
Corsica, who lies in prison for a debt of a few hundred pounds. Heu!
quantum mutatus ab illo. It is not my business to censure the conduct of
my superiors; but I always speak my mind in a cavalier manner, and as,
according to the Spectator, talking to a friend is no more than thinking
aloud, entre nous, his Corsican majesty has been scurvily treated by a
certain administration. Be that as it will, he is a personage of a very
portly appearance, and is quite master of the bienseance. Besides, they
will find it their interest to have recourse again to his alliance; and
in that case some of us may expect to profit by his restoration. But few
words are best.
"He that maintains the second rank in our assembly is one Major
Macleaver, an Irish gentleman, who has served abroad; a soldier of
fortune, sir, a man of unquestionable honour and courage, but a little
overbearing, in consequence of his knowledge and experience. He is a
person of good address,--to be sure, and quite free of the mauvaise
honte, and he may have seen a good deal of service. But what then? other
people may be as good as he, though they have not had such opportunities;
if he speaks five or six languages, he does not pretend to any taste in
the liberal arts, which are the criterion of an accomplished gentleman.
"The next is Sir Mungo Barebones, the representative of a very ancient
family in the north; his affairs are very much deranged, but he is a
gentleman of great probity and learning, and at present engaged in a very
grand scheme, which, if he can bring it to bear, will render him famous
to all posterity; no less than the conversion of the Jews and the
Gentiles. The project, I own, looks chimerical to one who has not
conversed with the author; but, in my opinion, he has clearly
demonstrated, from an anagrammatical analysis of a certain Hebrew word,
that his present Majesty, whom God preserve, is the person pointed at in
Scripture as the temporal Messiah of the Jews; and, if he could once
raise by subscription such a trifling sum as twelve hundred thousand
pounds, I make no doubt but he would accomplish his aim, vast and
romantic as it seems to be.
"Besides these, we have another messmate, who is a French chevalier, an
odd sort of a man, a kind of Lazarillo de Tormes, a caricatura; he wears
a long beard, pretends to be a great poet, and makes a d---ed fracas with
his verses. The king has been obliged to exert his authority over him
more than once, by ordering him into close confinement, for which he was
so rash as to send his majesty a challenge; but he afterwards made his
submission, and was again taken into favour. The truth is, I believe his
brain is a little disordered, and, he being a stranger, we overlook his
extravagancies.
"Sir, we shall think ourselves happy in your accession to our society.
You will be under no sort of restraint; for, though we dine at one table,
every individual calls and pays for his own mess. Our conversation, such
as it is, will not, I hope, be disagreeable; and though we have not
opportunities of breathing the pure Arcadian air, and cannot, 'under the
shade of melancholy boughs, lose and neglect the creeping hours of time,'
we may enjoy ourselves over a glass of punch or a dish of tea. Nor are
we destitute of friends, who visit us in these shades of distress. The
major has a numerous acquaintance of both sexes; among others, a first
cousin of good fortune, who, with her daughters, often cheer our
solitude; she is a very sensible ladylike gentlewoman, and the young
ladies have a certain degagee air, that plainly shows they have seen the
best company. Besides, I will venture to recommend Mrs. Minikin as a
woman of tolerable breeding and capacity, who, I hope, will not be found
altogether deficient in the accomplishments of the sex. So that we find
means to make little parties, in which the time glides away insensibly.
Then I have a small collection of books which are at your service. You
may amuse yourself with Shakespeare, or Milton, or Don Quixote, or any of
our modern authors that are worth reading, such as the Adventures of
Loveill, Lady Frail, George Edwards, Joe Thompson, Bampfylde Moore Carew,
Young Scarron, and Miss Betsy Thoughtless; and if you have a taste for
drawing, I can entertain you with a parcel of prints by the best
masters."
A man of our hero's politeness could not help expressing himself in the
warmest terms of gratitude for this courteous declaration. He thanked
the captain in particular for his obliging offers, and begged he would be
so good as to present his respects to the society, of which he longed to
be a member. It was determined, therefore, that Minikin should return in
an hour, when the Count would be dressed, in order to conduct him into
the presence of his majesty; and he had already taken his leave for the
present, when all of a sudden he came back, and taking hold of a
waistcoat that lay upon a chair, "Sir," said he, "give me leave to look
at that fringe; I think it is the most elegant knitting I ever saw. But
pray, sir, are not these quite out of fashion? I thought plain silk,
such as this that I wear, had been the mode, with the pockets very low."
Before Fathom had time to make any sort of reply, he took notice of his
hat and pumps; the first of which, he said, was too narrow in the brims,
and the last an inch too low in the heels. Indeed, they formed a
remarkable contrast with his own; for, exclusive of the fashion of the
cock, which resembled the form of a Roman galley, the brim of his hat, if
properly spread, would have projected a shade sufficient to shelter a
whole file of musketeers from the heat of a summer's sun; and the heels
of his shoes were so high as to raise his feet three inches at least from
the surface of the earth.
Having made these observations, for the credit of his taste, he retired,
and returning at the time appointed, accompanied Ferdinand to the
apartment of the king, at the doors of which their ears were invaded with
a strange sound, being that of a human voice imitating the noise of a
drum. The captain, hearing this alarm, made a full stop, and, giving the
Count to understand that his majesty was busy, begged he would not take
it amiss, if the introduction should be delayed for a few moments.
Fathom, curious to know the meaning of what he had heard, applied to his
guide for information, and learned that the king and the major, whom he
had nominated to the post of his general-in-chief, were employed in
landing troops upon the Genoese territory; that is, that they were
settling beforehand the manner of their disembarkation.
He then, by the direction of his conductor, reconnoitred them through the
keyhole, and perceived the sovereign and his minister sitting on opposite
sides of a deal board table, covered with a large chart or map, upon
which he saw a great number of mussel and oyster shells ranged in a
certain order, and, at a little distance, several regular squares and
columns made of cards cut in small pieces. The prince himself, whose
eyes were reinforced by spectacles, surveyed this armament with great
attention, while the general put the whole in action, and conducted their
motions by beat of drum. The mussel-shells, according to Minikin's
explanation, represented the transports, the oyster-shells were
considered as the men-of-war that covered the troops in landing, and the
pieces of card exhibited the different bodies into which the army was
formed upon its disembarkation.
As an affair of such consequence could not be transacted without
opposition, they had provided divers ambuscades, consisting of the enemy,
whom they represented by grey peas; and accordingly General Macleaver,
perceiving the said grey peas marching along shore to attack his forces
before they could be drawn up in battalia, thus addressed himself to the
oyster-shells, in an audible voice:--"You men-of-war, don't you see the
front of the enemy advancing, and the rest of the detachment following
out of sight? Arrah! the devil burn you, why don't you come ashore and
open your batteries?" So saying, he pushed the shells towards the
breach, performed the cannonading with his voice, the grey peas were soon
put in confusion, the general was beat, the cards marched forwards in
order of battle, and the enemy having retreated with great precipitation,
they took possession of their ground without farther difficulty.