(_BY OUR INTREPID INTERVIEWER._)
Feeling that your readers would be interested in learning Mr. CHOSE's
own view of the unpleasant affair, I called upon the distinguished
Arctic Explorer just as he was sitting down to breakfast.
"Now, Mr. CHOSE, is it really true," I asked, "that you stole the
umbrellas?"
The face of the warrior flushed angrily, for a moment, and then
regaining his composure, he replied that he could not see the point of
possessing himself of articles that would be absolutely valueless in
those extremely northern latitudes.
"That is not the question," I persisted. "I am sure you will forgive
me, when you remember that I speak in the name of the Public; but what
I want, and what they want to know is, Did you steal the umbrellas?
Now, Mr. CHOSE, you can surely answer Yes or No."
"I don't see what either you or they have to do with it," replied
the Arctic Explorer, cutting off the top of a boiled egg, "but as a
matter of fact, I had nothing whatever to do with any of the luggage
of the expedition. So, if it is said, that I walked about with a
shower-protector that was not my own, you can value the story for what
it is worth. Why, on the very face of it, the report is ridiculous!"
"Exactly," I agreed, "but, then, the world is uncharitable. However,
Mr. CHOSE, perhaps you can tell me if it is true that your friend and
colleague, Mr. BLANK, converted an aged Esquimaux into what he termed
Iced Greenlander?"
'I have heard the story, certainly; but cannot say whether it is
true or not. When the incident is alleged to have happened, I was in
another part of the country, having been sent there to change novels
at the local circulating library."
"But would you say it was probable?"
"Distinctly not. BLANK was a noble-hearted, chivalrous, merry,
gladsome, gallant young fellow. He was the soul of honour. Why," he
added, with deep emotion, "I have left as much as fourpence in coppers
on a mantel-piece alone with him, and on my return nave found every
halfpenny of the money untouched!"
"Then do you not think he pushed the old man into the
sausage-machine?"
"If he did, it must have been either accidentally, or to win a
wager, or perhaps as practical joke. That he would do anything open
to censure at the hands of the severest moralist, is absolutely
incredible. Why, he is a Loamshire man!"
"So I have heard; and, now, Mr. CHOSE, as I see that you have finished
your breakfast, I will put to you a purely personal question. Is it
true that you poisoned your grandmother, drowned your uncle, stifled
your niece, and hanged your brother-in-law?"
The Arctic Explorer pulled angrily at his moustache, and said
something about the reports to which I referred being exaggerated.
"And may I take it that you have never been in gaol for picking
pockets? And when it is said that you were turned out of a Club for
cheating at cards--"
But at this point I was assisted to take my leave with so much
abruptness, that I was forced to leave my last question but partially
formulated. On finding myself once more in the street, I noticed that
I was reclining in the gutter, bare-headed. A little later, however,
my hat was thrown after me.
* * * * *