_Emperor of R-ss-a_.--To personally visit Siberia.
_King of It-ly_.--To come to terms with the Vatican.
_Emperor of G-rm-ny_.--To stay at home.
_King of P-rtug-l_.--To accept the situation in Africa.
_President C-rn-t_.--To forget the existence of Egypt.
_King of Sp-n_.--To master the difficulties of the Alphabet.
_Emperor of A-str-a_.--Between Kingdom and Empire, to make both ends
meet.
_Lord S-l-sb-ry_.--To prepare for the General Election.
_Mr. Gl-dst-ne_.--To explain Home Rule.
_Lord R. Ch-rch-ll_.--To give up racing in favour of politics.
_Mr. H.M. St-nl-y_.--To re-write _Darkest Africa_.
_General B-th_.--To publish a balance-sheet that will please all.
_Mr. Sheriff A-g-st-s H-rr-s_.--To attend to his professional duties,
and get through his official work.
_And Mr. P-nch_.--To bear as gaily as ever the weight of half a
century.
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SUGGESTION FOB MR. W.B. AT THE T.R.O.--Should Mr. WILSON BARRETT
contemplate giving another _Matinée_ of that out-of-date play, _The
Lady of Lyons_, why not change its title to _The Old Lady of Lyons_?
No extra charge for this suggestion.
* * * * *
GENUINE ORANGE BITTERS.--Police Protection to TIM HEALY.
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[Illustration: MODERN VERSION OF "PAUL AND VIRGINIA."]
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