The love-story of to-day differs in one essential way from the
love-story of yesterday. Yesterday's love story always ended with
marriage bells; to-day's, which is a far harder love-story to write,
begins with them. Earlier authors, in short, shirked the real problem
of marriage, they ended where they should have begun. For the main
difficulties do not lie in the period of falling in love, in the
courtship or the honeymoon, but in the preservation of love after these
passionate preliminaries are over.
Now, I would like to be able to say that the modern love-story affords a
sure sign of a change that has taken place in our attitude towards
marriage. I am not, however, at all certain. We talk a great deal, I
fear, that is all. The innumerable tragedies of marriage among us to-day
are witness to our failure; they have a far closer connection than often
is recognized with the romantic and vulgar poverty of our point of view.
Our romances are slightly vulgar. Vulgarity is a sign of confusion and
weakness of spirit. We still far too much associate romance with
courtship and not with marriage; that is one reason English marriages so
often are unhappy. "Thank God that our love-time is ended!" cried a
north country bride on the day that marriage terminated her long
engagement.
Now, I do not know whether this delightful story is true, but it does
illustrate the attitude of many ordinary couples, whose love adventure
ends at the very hour it should begin. Every true marriage ought to be a
succession of courtships.
Love is not walking round a rose-garden in the sunshine; it's living
together, growing together. And the honeymoon is as trifling as the
_hors d'oeuvre_ in comparison with wedded-love, and as unable to satisfy
the deep needs of women and men. Falling in love, wooing, and
honeymooning are a short and easy episode, but marriage is long and
always difficult. And the finding and maintaining happiness is a
definite achievement and not an accident, for _it is beyond accident_.
It is the result of a steadfast ideal and a diligent cultivation.