Stands candidate for cuckold, and if he miss of it, it is none of his
fault, for his merit is sufficiently known. He is commonly no lover, but
able to pass for a most desperate one where he finds it is like to prove
of considerable advantage to him, and therefore has passions lying by
him of all sizes proportionable to all women's fortunes, and can be
indifferent, melancholy, or stark-mad according as their estates give
him occasion; and when he finds it is to no purpose, can presently come
to himself again and try another. He prosecutes his suit against his
mistress as clients do a suit in law, and does nothing without the
advice of his learned counsel, omits no advantage for want of
soliciting, and, when he gets her consent, overthrows her. He endeavours
to match his estate, rather than himself, to the best advantage, and if
his mistress's fortune and his do but come to an agreement, their
persons are easily satisfied, the match is soon made up, and a cross
marriage between all four is presently concluded. He is not much
concerned in his lady's virtues, for if the opinion of the Stoics be
true, that the virtuous are always rich, there is no doubt but she that
is rich must be virtuous. He never goes without a list in his pocket of
all the widows and virgins about the town, with particulars of their
jointures, portions, and inheritances, that if one miss he may not be
without a reserve; for he esteems Cupid very improvident if he has not
more than two strings to his bow. When he wants a better introduction he
begins his addresses to the chambermaid, like one that sues the tenant
to eject the landlord, and according as he thrives there makes his
approaches to the mistress. He can tell readily what the difference is
between jointure with tuition of infant, land, and money of any value,
and what the odds is to a penny between them all, either to take or
leave. He does not so much go a-wooing as put in his claim, as if all
men of fortune had a fair title to all women of the same quality, and
therefore are said to demand them in marriage. But if he be a wooer of
fortune, that designs to raise himself by it, he makes wooing his
vocation, deals with all matchmakers, that are his setters, is very
painful in his calling, and if his business succeed, steals her away and
commits matrimony with a felonious intent. He has a great desire to
beget money on the body of a woman, and as for other issue is very
indifferent, and cares not how old she be so she be not past
money-bearing.