Deals with his mistress as the devil does with a witch, is content to be
her servant for a time, that she may be his slave for ever. He is
esquire to a knight-errant, donzel to the damsels, and gentleman usher
daily waiter on the ladies, that rubs out his time in making legs and
love to them. He is a gamester who throws at all ladies that are set
him, but is always out, and never wins but when he throws at the
candlestick, that is, for nothing; a general lover, that addresses unto
all but never gains any, as universals produce nothing. He never appears
so gallant a man as when he is in the head of a body of ladies and leads
them up with admirable skill and conduct. He is a eunuch-bashaw, that
has charge of the women and governs all their public affairs, because he
is not able to do them any considerable private services. One of his
prime qualifications is to convey their persons in and out of coaches,
as tenderly as a cook sets his custards in an oven and draws them out
again, without the least discomposure or offence to their inward or
outward woman; that is, their persons and dresses. The greatest care he
uses in his conversation with ladies is to order his peruke
methodically, and keep off his hat with equal respect both to it and
their ladyships, that neither may have cause to take any just offence,
but continue him in their good graces. When he squires a lady he takes
her by the handle of her person, the elbow, and steers it with all
possible caution, lest his own foot should, upon a tack, for want of due
circumspection, unhappily fall foul on the long train she carries at her
stern. This makes him walk upon his toes and tread as lightly as if he
were leading her a dance. He never tries any experiment solitary with
her, but always in consort, and then he acts the woman's part and she
the man's, talks loud and laughs, while he sits demurely silent, and
simpers or bows, and cries, "Anon, Madam, excellently good!" &c. &c. He
is a kind of hermaphrodite, for his body is of one sex and his mind of
another, which makes him take no delight in the conversation or actions
of men, because they do so by his, but apply himself to women, to whom
the sympathy and likeness of his own temper and wit naturally inclines
him, where he finds an agreeable reception for want of a better; for
they, like our Indian planters, value their wealth by the number of
their slaves. All his business in the morning is to dress himself, and
in the afternoon to show his workmanship to the ladies, who after
serious consideration approve or disallow of his judgment and abilities
accordingly, and he as freely delivers his opinion of theirs. The glass
is the only author he studies, by which his actions and gestures are all
put on like his clothes, and by that he practices how to deliver what he
has prepared to say to the dames, after he has laid a train to bring
it in.