To speak no otherwise of this varnished rottenness than in truth and
verity he is, I must define him to be a demure creature, full of oral
sanctity and mental impiety; a fair object to the eye, but stark naught
for the understanding, or else a violent thing much given to
contradiction. He will be sure to be in opposition with the Papist,
though it be sometimes accompanied with an absurdity, like the islanders
near adjoining unto China, who salute by putting off their shoes,
because the men of China do it by their hats. If at any time he fast, it
is upon Sunday, and he is sure to feast upon Friday. He can better
afford you ten lies than one oath, and dare commit any sin gilded with a
pretence of sanctity. He will not stick to commit fornication or
adultery so it be done in the fear of God and for the propagation of the
godly, and can find in his heart to lie with any whore save the whore of
Babylon. To steal he holds it lawful, so it be from the wicked and
Egyptians. He had rather see Antichrist than a picture in the church
window, and chooseth sooner to be half hanged than see a leg at the name
of Jesus or one stand at the Creed. He conceives his prayer in the
kitchen rather than in the church, and is of so good discourse that he
dares challenge the Almighty to talk with him extempore. He thinks every
organist is in the state of damnation, and had rather hear one of Robert
Wisdom's psalms than the best hymn a cherubim can sing. He will not
break wind without an apology or asking forgiveness, nor kiss a
gentlewoman for fear of lusting after her. He hath nicknamed all the
prophets and apostles with his sons, and begets nothing but virtues for
daughters. Finally, he is so sure of his salvation, that he will not
change places in heaven with the Virgin Mary, without boot.