HOW THE MAJOR MADE HIS WILL
Colonel Lord George Cleeve, blissfully slumbering in deep armchair
beside the library fire, choked upon a snore and, opening his eyes,
perceived the Major opposite in another deep chair; but the Major was
awake, his frowning gaze was bent upon the fire and ever and anon he
sighed deeply.
"Refuse me, Jack!" exclaimed the Colonel, "to hark to you one would
think you in love and--er--damnably forlorn, you sigh, man, you sigh,
aye, let me perish, you puff grief like any bellows."
"And you snore, George, you snore man, aye, egad, like a very grampus!
None the less I joy to see thee, George," said the Major, rising and
extending his hand. "When did you arrive?"
"Some half-hour since. And snore, did I? Well, 'tis late enough, o'
conscience. Faith Jack, Sir Benjamin brews a devilish strong punch--I
supped with the company at the George. Then strolled over with Tom to
visit ya' charming neighbours. Man Jack, she's a damned fine
creature--ha?"
"She is!" sighed the Major.
"And with an air, Jack--an air." The Major sighed and seemed lost in
thought. "I say an air, Jack."
"An air George, as you say."
"Full up o' womanly graces and adornments feminine."
"True, George."
"And thoroughbred, Jack!" The Major stared pensively into the fire.
"I say all blood and high breeding, Jack."
"Aye, true George, true!"
"Well then, a man might do worse--ha?" The Major started. "How think
ye, Jack? I'm not a marrying man, Jack, as you know, the sex hath
never been a weakness o' mine but I'm touched at last, Jack--aye
touched with a curse on't!"
"God--bless--my--soul!" exclaimed the Major, staring harder than ever.
"'Fore Gad, man Jack, it came on me like a charge o' cavalry. Like you
I meant to live and die a free man and now--O Gad! 'Tis her eyes, I
think, I see 'em everywhere--blue, you'll mind, Jack, blue
as--as--well, blue."
"Aye, they're blue!" nodded the Major, all grave attention at last.
"Well, 'tis her eyes, Jack, or else her dooced demure airs, or her
languishing graces, or her feet, or her shape, or the way she smiles,
or--O damme! Howbeit I'm smitten, Jack--through and through--done for
and be curst to it!"
"You too!" sighed the Major and stared into the fire again.
"Aye--and why not i' faith? I'm a man sound in wind and limb and but
few years ya' senior--why the devil not? She's free to wed and if
she's willing and I've a mind for't who the devil's going to stay
me--ha?" The Major sighed and shook his head. "Save us, Jack, but
ya're curst gloomy, I think!"
"Why as to that, as to that, George, I fear I am. Perhaps if we crack
a bottle before we go to bed--how say you?"
"With all my heart!" So the Major brought bottle and glasses and,
having filled to each other, they sat awhile each staring into the
fire. "And now," continued the Colonel, "what's to stop me a-marrying,
Jack, if I'm so minded, come?"
"Is she likely to--to make you happy, George?"
"Rabbit me--and why not?"
"Well," said the Major hesitatingly, "her age----"
"Dooce take me, she's none so old----"
"Old!" repeated the Major, "nay indeed I----"
"She's no filly I'll allow, Jack, but then I shed my colt's teeth long
ago. Nay, she's rather in her blooming prime, summer--er--languishing
to autumn----"
"Autumn!" murmured the Major, staring.
"No--I see nought against it unless--O smite me, Jack!" The Colonel
set down his glass and stared at the Major who stared back at him.
"Unless what, George?"
"Unless y'are bitten too." The Major frowned into the fire again. "If
y'are, Jack, if y'are, why then damme I'll not come athwart ya'--no,
no--old friends--Gad, no! I'll ride away to-morrow and give you a
clear field."
"I shall never marry--never, George!" said the Major and sighed deeper
than ever. The Colonel refilled his glass, raised it to his lips,
sighed in turn and put it down again.
"Love's a plaguy business!" he groaned. "How old are ye, Jack?"
"Forty-two, almost."
"And I'm forty-five--quite. And i' faith, Jack, when the curst disease
plagues men of our age 'tis there to stay. None the less, man Jack, if
ya' love her, why then Belinda's not for me----"
"Belinda!" exclaimed the Major.
"Aye, who else? What the dooce, man?"
"I--egad, George, I thought--"
"What did ya' think?"
"'Twas Lady Betty you had in mind."
"Lady Bet----!" The Colonel whistled. "So-ho!" he exclaimed and
turned, full of eager questions but seeing how the Major scowled into
the fire again, sipped his wine instead and thereafter changed the
subject abruptly.
"Ya'r Viscount's a fine lad, Jack!" The Major's brow cleared instantly.
"Aye, indeed, Tom's a man, 'spite all his modish airs and affectations,
a man! Where is he, by the way?"
"Went to bed hours since and very rightly, seeing what's toward."
"As what, George?"
"His forthcoming duel with Dalroyd." The Major sat suddenly upright.
"A duel with--Dalroyd!"
"What, didn't ya' know?"
"Not a word."
"Why true, it only happened this evening."
"And when do they fight?"
"That's the curst queer thing about the affair. I don't know, he don't
know--nobody knows but Dalroyd. 'Tis a black business, Jack, a black
business and looks ill for the lad!"
"Aye!" said the Major, rising and beginning to pace to and fro. "Pray
tell me of it, George."
"Well, i' the first place, 'tis a hopeful youth, your nephew, Jack, a
lovely lad. Smite me, I never saw an affront more pleasantly bestowed
nor more effectively! Such a polished business with him and pure joy
for the spectators, he insulted his man so gracefully yet so thoroughly
that their steel was out in a twinkling. But the place was cluttered
with chairs and tables, so Alvaston and Tripp fell upon Dalroyd and I
and Captain West on the Viscount and parted 'em till the matter could
be arranged more commodiously for 'em. Well, we cleared the floor and
locked the door, they seeming so eager for one another's blood and
then--damme, Dalroyd refuses to fight. 'No, gentlemen,' says he,
smiling but with death aglare in his eyes, 'I grant Viscount Merivale a
day or so more of life, when it suits me to kill him I'll let him
know,' and off he goes. 'Tis a vile black business, for if ever I saw
a killer, 'tis this Dalroyd. Though why the lad goes out of his way to
affront such a man, God only knows. And talking of the affront I've
told the story plaguy ill. Here sits Dalroyd, d'ye see, at cards,
Jack, and along comes my fine young gentleman and insults him beyond
any possibility o' doubt. 'Ah,' says Dalroyd, laying down his cards,
'I believe, I verily believe he means to be offensive!' 'Gad love me,
sir,' smiles the Viscount, 'I'm performing my best endeavour that way.'
'You mean to quarrel, then,' says Dalroyd. ''Twill be pure joy, sir!'
bows the Viscount. 'Impossible!' sneers Dalroyd. 'Why then, sir,'
beams the Viscount, 'perhaps a glass of wine applied outwardly will
make my intention quite apparent, because if so, sir, I shall be happy
to waste so much good wine on thing of so little worth.' O Jack, 'twas
pure--never have I seen it better done. But 'tis an ill business all
the same, for when they meet 'twill go ill with the lad, I fear--aye, I
greatly fear!"
"Why then, they shan't meet!" said the Major gently.
"Eh--eh?" cried the Colonel. "Damme, Jack--who's to prevent?"
"I, of course, George."
"Aye, but how, a Gad's name?
"First, I do know Dalroyd a rogue unworthy to cross blades with the
Viscount----"
"I doubt 'twill serve, Jack, I doubt."
"Secondly, I intend to cross blades with Dalroyd myself."
"You Jack--you? O preposterous! Smite me, 'tis most irregular."
"Indeed and so it is, George, but----" the Major smiled, and knowing
that smile of old the Colonel shrugged his shoulders. "I will but ask
you to be here in this room to-morrow night at--say twelve
o'clock--alone, George."
"When you use that tone, Jack, I know you'll do't. But how you'll
contrive thing so impossible is beyond me. And talking of Dalroyd the
resemblance is strong, he's very like----"
"Ah, you mean like Effingham."
"Aye, like Effingham--and yet again he's--different, Jack, and besides
'tis impossible!"
"Ten years must needs alter a man," said the Major thoughtfully.
"George, I'd give very much to know if Dalroyd bears a certain scar."
"Impossible, Jack--quite, your thrust was too sure."
"Hum!" said the Major, "howbeit I cross blades with Dalroyd as soon as
possible, which reminds me I've made no will and 'tis best to be
prepared, George, and you shall witness it if you will."
So the document was drawn up, blunt and soldier-like, and duly attested.
"A will, Jack," said the Colonel throwing down the pen, "is a curst
dust to dust and dry bones business, let's ha' another bottle."
"Egad, and so we will!" answered the Major. "And drink success to thy
wooing, George."