IN WHICH LADY BELINDA TALKS
"And pray mam," enquired the Major as they strolled over velvety lawn,
"are you and my lady Betty settled in the country for good?"
The Lady Belinda stopped suddenly and raised clasped hands to heaven.
"Hark to the monster!" she ejaculated, "O Lud, Major, how can you?
Stop in the country--I? O heaven--a wilderness of cabbages and
caterpillars--of champing cows and snorting bulls! Sir, sir, at the
bare possibility I vow I could positively swoon away----"
"Don't, mam!" cried the Major hastily. "No, no mam, pray don't," he
pleaded.
"I detest the country sir, I----"
"Quite so, quite so," said the Major soothingly, "cows mam, I
understand--quite natural indeed!"
"I loathe and abominate the country, sir--so rude and savage! Such mud
and so--so infinite muddy and clingy! What can one do in the country
but mope and sigh to be out of it?"
"Well, one can walk in it, mam, and----"
"Walk, sir? But I nauseate walking--in the country extremely. Think
of the brooks sir, so--so barbarously wet and--and brooky. Think of
the wind so bold to rumple one and spiky things to drag at and tear and
take liberties with one's garments! Think of the things that creep and
crawl and the things that fly and buzz--and the spiders' webs that
tickle one's face! No sir, no--the country is no place for one endowed
with a fine and delicate nature."
"Certainly not, mam," said the Major heartily. "Then you'll be leaving
shortly?"
"I so beseech Heaven on my two bended knees, sir, but alas, I know not!
'Tis Betty--an orphan, sweet child and in my care. But indeed she's so
wickedly wilful, so fly-by-night, so rampant o' youth and--and
unreason."
"Indeed, mam!"
"And though sweet Bet is an angel of goodness she hath a temper, O!"
"Hum!" said the Major.
"And such--such animal spirits! So vulgarly robust! Such rude health
and vigorous as a dairy-maid! And talking of dairy matters, only the
other morning I found her positively--milking a cow!"
"Egad and did you so, mam?"
"And this morning such a romping in the dairy and there was she--O sir!"
"What, mam?"
"Arms all naked--churning, sir!
"O, churning?"
"Riotously, sir!"
"Did you--er--swoon, mam?"
"Indeed I could ha' done, dear Major, but--'twixt you and me, though
dear Bet hath the best of hearts, she is perhaps a little unsympathetic
I'll not deny, and hath betimes a sharp tongue, I must confess."
"Indeed I--I should judge so, mam."
"O you men!" sighed the Lady Belinda, turning up her eyes, "so quick to
spy out foibles feminine--la sir and fie! But indeed though I do love
my sweet Bet, O passionately, truth bids me say she can be almost
shrewish!"
"You have my sympathy, mam!"
"Dear Major, I deserve it--if you only knew! The pranks she hath
played me--so wild, so ungoverned, so--so unvirginal!" The Major
winced. "I have known her gallop her horse in the
paddock--man-fashion!" The Major looked relieved; perceiving which,
Lady Belinda, sinking her voice, continued: "And once, sir, O heaven,
can I ever forget! Once--O I tremble to speak it! Once----" The
Major flinched again. "Once, sir, she actually ventured forth dressed
in--in--O I blush!--in--O Modesty! O Purity!--in--O----!"
"Madam, a God's name--in what?"
"Male attire, sir--O I burn!"
The Major did the same.
"Not--you don't mean--abroad, mam, in--in 'em?"
"I do, sir, I do! She swaggered down the Mall, sir ogling the women,
and finding me alone and I not knowing her, she did so leer and nudge
me that I all but swooned 'twixt fear and modesty, sir!"
"Good God!" ejaculated the Major, faintly, "was she--alone, madam?"
"She was with her naughty brother Charles and methought he'd die of his
unseemly mirth. A wild youth, indeed and she hath the same lawless
spirit, sir. All their motherless days I have cared for 'em and what
with their waywardness and my own high-strung nature--O me!"
"I can conceive your days have not been--uneventful, mam."
"Charles is known to you, of course, sir?"
"No, mam."
"But your nephew Pancras and he are greatly intimate!"
"I've never even heard of him, madam."
"Why then you don't know that poor, naughty, misguided Charles
is--hush, they come! Yonder, sir--O Cupid, a ravishing couple!"
Lady Betty and the Viscount were approaching them, quarrelling as
usual, she bright-eyed and flushed of cheek, he handsome, debonair and
unutterably serene.
"A truly noble pair, dear Major!" sighed Lady Belinda.
"Indeed, yes, mam!"
"'Twould be an excellent match?"
"Excellent!"
"Both so well suited, so rich, so handsome----"
"And so--young, mam!"
"O sir, I yearn to have 'em married!" The Major was silent. "'Twould
tame her wildness, I warrant. How think you?"
"Belike it would, madam."
"Then let us conspire together for their good, dear sir! Let us wed
'em as soon as may be--come?"
"But mam, I--er--indeed, madam, I know nought of such things I----"
"Nay sir, never doubt but we shall contrive it betwixt us. 'Tis then
agreed--O 'twill be pure! Henceforth we are conspirators, dear Major,
O 'tis ravishing! Hush--yonder come the gentlemen to make their
adieux, I think--let us meet 'em!"
As one in a dream the Major gave her his hand and together they
rejoined the company who took leave of their host with much bowing of
backs, flirting of ruffles, flicking of handkerchiefs and tapping of
snuff-boxes. As the Major stood to watch their departure my lady Betty
beckoned him to her side:
"And pray, dear sir, hath my aunt recounted you all my sins?" she
enquired soft-voiced.
"I have learned you can milk a cow and felicitate you----"
"Of course she told you how I wore breeches, sir?"
The Major gasped, and stood before her blushing and mute; perceiving
which, she laughed:
"Indeed, they become me vastly well!" she murmured, and sank before him
in the stateliest of curtseys. "Au revoir, my dear Major Jack!" she
laughed and giving her hand to an attendant adorer, moved away down the
drive with all the gracious dignity of a young goddess.
Long after the gay company had vanished from sight Major d'Arcy stood
there, head bowed, hands deep-plunged in coat pockets and with the
flush still burning upon his bronzed cheek.