I Choose my Way.
The dead man lay there, embracing the empty box that had brought him to
his death; and for many minutes I sat within a yard of him, detained by
the fascination and grim mockery of the picture no less than by physical
weakness and a numbness of my brain. My body refused to act, and my mind
hardly urged its indolent servant. I was in sore distress for Marie
Delhasse,--my vehement cry witnessed it,--yet I had not the will to move
to her aid; will and power both seemed to fail me. I could fear, I could
shrink with horror, but I could not act; nor did I move till the
increasing pain of my wound drove me, as it might any unintelligent
creature, to scramble to my feet and seek, half-blindly, for some place
that should afford shelter and succor.
Leaving Lafleur and the box where they lay, a pretty spectacle for a
moralist, I stumbled through the wood back to the path, and stood there in
helpless vacillation. At the house I should find better attendance, but
old Jean's cottage was nearer. The indolence of weakness gained the day,
and I directed my steps toward the cottage, thinking now, so far as I can
recollect, of none of the exciting events of the night nor even of what
the future still held, but purely and wholly of the fact that in the
cottage I should find a fire and a bed. The root-instincts of the natural
man--the primeval elementary wants--asserted their supremacy and claimed a
monopoly of my mind, driving out all rival emotions, and with a mighty
sigh of relief and content I pushed open the door of the cottage,
staggered across to the fire and sank down on the stool by it, thanking
Heaven for so much, and telling myself that soon, very soon, I should feel
strong enough to make my way into the inner room and haul out Jean's
pallet and set it by the fire and stretch my weary limbs, and, if the pain
of my wound allowed me, go to sleep. Beyond that my desires did not reach,
and I forgot all my fears save the one dread that I was too weak for the
desired effort. Certainly it is hard for a man to think himself a hero!
I took no note of time, but I must have sat where I was for many minutes,
before I heard someone moving in the inner room. I was very glad; of
course it was Jean, and Jean, I told myself with luxurious
self-congratulation, would bring the bed for me, and put something on my
wound, and maybe give me a chink of some fine hot cognac that would spread
life through my veins. Thus I should be comfortable and able to sleep, and
forget all the shadowy people--they seemed but shadows half-real--that I
had been troubling my brain about: the duke, and Marie, whose face danced
for a moment before my eyes, and that dead fellow who hugged the box so
ludicrously. So I tried to call to Jean, but the trouble was too great,
and, as he would be sure to come out soon, I waited; and I blinked at the
smoldering wood-ashes in the fire till my eyes closed and the sleep was
all but come, despite the smart of my arm and the ache in my unsupported
back.
But just before I had forgotten everything the door of the inner room
creaked and opened. My side was toward it and I did not look round. I
opened my eyes and feebly waved my left hand. Then a voice came, clear and
fresh:
"Jean, is it you? Well, is the duke at the house?"
I must be dreaming; that was my immediate conviction, for the voice that I
heard was a voice I knew well, but one not likely to be heard here, in
Jean's cottage, at four o'clock in the morning. Decidedly I was dreaming,
and as in order to dream a man must be asleep, I was pleased at the idea
and nodded happily, smiling and blinking in self-congratulation. But that
pleasant minute of illusion was my last; for the voice cried in tones too
full of animation, too void of dreamy vagueness, too real and actual to
let me longer set them down as made of my own brain:
"Heaven! Why, it's Mr. Aycon! How in the world do you come here?"
To feel surprise at the Duchess of Saint-Maclou doing anything which she
might please to do or being anywhere that the laws of Nature rendered it
possible she should be, was perhaps a disposition of mind of which I
should have been by this time cured; yet I was surprised to find her
standing in the doorway that led from Jean's little bedroom dressed in a
neat walking gown and a very smart hat, her hands clasped in the surprise
which she shared with me and her eyes gleaming with an amused delight
which found, I fear, no answer in my heavy bewildered gaze.
"I'm getting warm," said I at first, but then I made an effort to rouse
myself. "I was a bit hurt, you know," I went on; "that little villain
Pierre--"
"Hurt!" cried the duchess, springing forward. "How? Oh, my dear Mr. Aycon,
how pale you are!"
After that remark of the duchess', I remember nothing which occurred for a
long while. In fact, just as I had apprehended that I was awake, that the
duchess was real, and that it was most remarkable to find her in Jean's
cottage, I fainted, and the duchess, the cottage, and everything else
vanished from sight and mind.
When next I became part of the waking world I found myself on the sofa of
the little room in the duke's house which I was beginning to know so well.
I felt very comfortable: my arm was neatly bandaged, I wore a clean shirt.
Suzanne was spreading a meal on the table, and the duchess, in a charming
morning gown, was smiling at me and humming a tune. The clock on the
mantelpiece marked a quarter to eight.
"Now I know all about it," said the duchess, perceiving my revival. "I've
heard it all from Suzanne and Jean--or anyhow I can guess the rest. And
you mustn't tire yourself by talking. I had you brought here so that you
might be well looked after; because we're so much indebted to you, you
know."
"Is the duke here?" I asked.
"Oh, dear, no; it's all right," nodded the duchess. "I don't know--and I
do not care--where the duke is. Drink this milk, Mr. Aycon. Your arm's not
very bad, you know--Jean says it isn't, I mean--but you'd better have milk
first, and something to eat when you feel stronger."
The duchess appeared to be in excellent spirits. She caught up a bit of
toast from the table, poured out a cup of coffee, and, still moving about,
began a light breakfast, with every sign of appetite and enjoyment.
"You've come back?" said I, looking at her in persistent surprise.
Suzanne put the cushions behind my back in a more comfortable position,
smiled kindly on us, and left us.
"Yes," said the duchess, "I have for the present, Mr. Aycon."
"But--but the duke--" I stammered.
"I don't mind the duke," said she. "Besides, he may not come. It's rather
nice that you're just a little hurt. Don't you think so, Mr. Aycon? Just a
little, you know."
"Why?" was all I found to say. The reason was not clear to me.
"Why, in the first place, because you can't fight till your arm's
well--oh, yes, of course Armand was going to fight you--and, in the second
place, you can and must stay here. There's no harm in it, while you're
ill, you see; Armand can't say there is. It's rather funny, isn't it, Mr.
Aycon?" and she munched a morsel of toast, and leaned her elbows on the
table and sent a sparkling glance across at me, for all the world as she
had done on the first night I knew her. The cares of the world did not
gall the shoulders of Mme. de Saint-Maclou.
"But why are you here?" said I, sticking to my point.
The duchess set down the cup of coffee which she had been sipping.
"I am not particular," said she. "But I told the Mother Superior exactly
what I told the duke. She wouldn't listen any more than he would. However,
I was resolved; so I came here. I don't see where else I could go, do you,
Mr. Aycon?"
"What did you tell the Mother?"
The duchess stretched one hand across the table, clenching her small fist
and tapping gently with it on the cloth.
"There is one thing that I will not do, Mr. Aycon," said she, a touch of
red coming in her cheeks and her lips set in obstinate lines. "I don't
care whether the house is my house or anybody else's house, or an
inn--yes, or a convent either. But I will not be under the same roof with
Marie Delhasse."
And her declaration finished, the duchess nodded most emphatically, and
turned to her cup again.
The name of Marie Delhasse, shot forth from Mme. de Saint-Maclou's pouting
lips, pierced the cloud that had seemed to envelop my brain. I sat up on
the sofa and looked eagerly at the duchess.
"You saw her, then, at the convent?" I asked.
"Yes, I met her in the chapel. Really, I should have expected to be safe
from her there. And the Mother would not turn her out!" And then the
duchess, by a sudden transition, said to me, with a half-apologetic, half
challenging smile: "You got my note, I suppose, Mr. Aycon?"
For a minute I regarded the duchess. And I smiled, and my smile turned to
a laugh as I answered:
"Oh, yes! I got the note."
"I meant it," said she. "But I suppose I must forgive you now. You've been
so brave, and you're so much hurt." And the duchess' eyes expressed a
gratifying admiration of my powers.
I fingered my arm, which lay comfortably enough in the bandages and the
sling that Suzanne's care had provided for it. And I rose to my feet.
"Oh, you mustn't move!" cried the duchess, rising also and coming to where
I stood.
"By Jove, but I must!" said I, looking at the clock. "The duke's got four
hours' start of me."
"What do you want with my husband now?" she asked. "I don't see why you
should fight him; anyhow, you can't fight him till your arm is well."
The duchess' words struck on my ear and her dainty little figure was
before my eyes, but my thoughts were absent from her.
"Don't go, Mr. Aycon," said she.
"I must go," I said. "By this time he'll be at the convent."
A frown gathered on the duchess' face.
"What concern is it of yours?" she asked. "I--I mean, what good can you
do?"
"I can hardly talk to you about it--" I began awkwardly; but the duchess
saved me the trouble of finishing my sentence, for she broke in angrily:
"Oh, as if I believe that! Mr. Aycon, why are you going?"
"I'm going to see that the duke doesn't--"
"Oh, you are very anxious--and very good, aren't you? Yes, and very
chivalrous! Mr. Aycon, I don't care what he does;" and she looked at me
defiantly.
"But I do," said I, and seeing my hat on the cabinet by the wall, I walked
across the room and stretched out my hand for it. The duchess darted after
me and stood between my hat and me.
"Why do you care?" she asked, with a stamp of her small foot.
There were, no doubt, many most sound and plausible reasons for
caring--reasons independent of any private feelings of my own in regard to
Marie Delhasse; but not one of them did I give to the duchess. I stood
before her, looking, I fear, very embarrassed, and avoiding her accusing
eyes.
Then the duchess flung her head back, and with passionate scorn said to
me:
"I believe you're in love with the woman yourself!"
And to this accusation also I made no reply.
"Are you really going?" she asked, her voice suddenly passing to a note of
entreaty.
"I must go," said I obstinately, callously, curtly.
"Then go!" cried the duchess. "And never let me see you again!"
She moved aside, and I sprang forward and seized my hat. I took no notice
of the duchess, and, turning, I walked straight toward the door. But
before I reached it the duchess flung herself on the sofa and buried her
face in the cushions. I would not leave her like that, so I stood and
waited; but my tongue still refused to find excuses, and still I was in a
fever to be off.
But the duchess rose again and stood upright. She was rather pale and her
lips quivered, but she held out her hand to me with a smile. And suddenly
I understood what I was doing, and that for the second time the proud
little lady before me saw herself left and neglected for the sake of that
woman whose presence made even a convent uninhabitable to her; and the
bitter wound that her pride suffered was declared in her bearing and in
the pathetic effort at dignity which she had summoned up to hide her pain.
Yet, although on this account I was sorry for her, I discerned nothing
beyond hurt pride, and was angry at the pride for the sake of Marie
Delhasse, and when I spoke it was in defense of Marie Delhasse, and not in
comfort to the duchess.
"She is not what you think," I said.
The duchess drew herself up to her full height, making the most of her
inches.
"Really, Mr. Aycon," said she, "you must forgive me if I do not discuss
that." And she paused, and then added, with a curl of her lip: "You and my
husband can settle that between you;" and with a motion of her hand she
signed to me to leave her.
Looking back on the matter, I do not know that I had any reason to be
ashamed or to feel myself in any sort a traitor to the duchess. Yet some
such feelings I had as I backed out of the room leaving her standing there
in unwonted immobility, her eyes haughty and cold, her lips set, her grace
congealed to stateliness, her gay agility frozen to proud stiffness.
And I left her thus standing in obedience to the potent yet still but
half-understood spell which drew me from her side and would not suffer me
to rest, while the Duke of Saint-Maclou was working his devices in the
valley beneath the town of Avranches.