She lingered apparently with the idea of cheering me up. "It's been
such fun," she said. "Professor Lezard and I have already located over
a hundred and fifty mammoths within a short distance of here, and
apparently there are hundreds, if not thousands, more in the vicinity.
The ivory alone is worth over a million dollars. Isn't it wonderful!"
She laughed excitedly and danced away to join the others. Then, out of
the black depth of my misery a feeble gleam illuminated the Stygian
obscurity. There was one way left to stay my approaching downfall--only
one. Professor Bottomly meant to get rid of me, "for the good of the
Bronx," but there remained a way to ward off impending disaster. And
though I had lost the opportunity of my life by disbelieving the simple
honesty of James Skaw,--and though the honors and emoluments and applause
which ought to have been mine were destined for this determined woman,
still, if I kept my head, I should be able to hold my job at the Bronx.
Dr. Delmour was immovable in the good graces of Professor Bottomly; and
the only way for me to retain my position was to marry her.
The thought comforted me. After a while I felt well enough to arise and
partake of some luncheon.
They were all seated around the campfire when I approached. I was
welcomed politely, inquiries concerning my health were offered; but the
coldly malevolent glare of Dr. Fooss and the calm contempt in Lezard's
gaze chilled me; and I squatted down by Daisy Delmour and accepted a dish
of soup from her in mortified silence.
Professor Bottomly and James Skaw were feasting connubially side by side,
and she was selecting titbits for him which he dutifully swallowed, his
large mild eyes gazing at vacancy in a gentle, surprised sort of way as
he gulped down what she offered him.
Neither of them paid any attention to anybody else.
Fooss gobbled his lunch in a sort of raging silence; Lezard, on the other
side of Dr. Delmour, conversed with her continually in undertones.
After a while his persistent murmuring began to make me uneasy, even
suspicious, and I glared at him sideways.
Daisy Delmour, catching my eye, blushed, hesitated, then leaning over
toward me with delightful confusion she whispered:
"I know that you will be glad to hear that I have just promised to marry
your closest friend, Professor Lezard--"
"What!" I shouted with all my might, "have _you_ put one over on me,
too?"
Lezard and Fooss seized me, for I had risen and was jumping up and down
and splashing them with soup.
"Everybody has put one over on me!" I shrieked. "Everybody! Now I'm going
to put one over on myself!"
[Illustration: "'Everybody has put one over on me!' I shrieked."]
And I lifted my plate of soup and reversed it on my head.
They told me later that I screamed for half an hour before I swooned.
Afterward, my intellect being impaired, instead of being dismissed from
my department, I was promoted to the position which I now hold as
President Emeritus of the Consolidated Art Museums and Zoölogical Gardens
of the City of New York.
I have easy hours, little to do, and twenty ornamental stenographers and
typewriters engaged upon my memoirs which I dictate when I feel like it,
steeped in the aroma of the most inexpensive cigar I can buy at the
Rolling Stone Inn.
There is one typist in particular--but let that pass.
_Vir sapit qui pauca loquitor._