When I finished reading I cautiously glanced at the door, and, finding it
still on the crack, turned and smiled subtly upon Lezard and Fooss.
In their slowly spreading grins I saw they agreed with me that somebody,
signing himself James Skaw, was still trying to hoax the Great Zoölogical
Society of Bronx Park.
"Gentlemen," I said aloud, injecting innocent enthusiasm into my voice,
"this secret expedition to Baffin Land which we three are about to
organise is destined to be without doubt the most scientifically prolific
field expedition ever organised by man.
"Imagine an entire herd of mammoths preserved in mud and ice through all
these thousands of years!
"Gentlemen, no discovery ever made has even remotely approached in
importance the discovery made by this simple, illiterate trapper, James
Skaw."
"I thought," protested Lezard, "that _we_ are to be announced as the
discoverers."
"We are," said I, "the discoverers of James Skaw, which makes
us technically the finders of the ice-preserved herd of
mammoths--_technically_, you understand. A few thousand dollars,"
I added, carelessly, "ought to satiate James Skaw."
"We could name dot glacier after him," suggested Dr. Fooss.
"Certainly--the Skaw Glacier. That ought to be enough glory for him. It
ought to satisfy him and prevent any indiscreet remarks," nodded Lezard.
"Gentlemen," said I, "there is only one detail that really troubles me.
Ought we to notify our honoured and respected Chief of Division
concerning this discovery?"
"Do you mean, should we tell that accomplished and fascinating lady,
Professor Bottomly, about this herd of mammoths?" I asked in a loud,
clear voice. And immediately answered my own question: "No," I said, "no,
dear friends. Professor Bottomly already has too much responsibility
weighing upon her distinguished mind. No, dear brothers in science, we
should steal away unobserved as though setting out upon an ordinary field
expedition. And when we return with fresh and immortal laurels such as no
man before has ever worn, no doubt that our generous-minded Chief of
Division will weave for us further wreaths to crown our brows--the
priceless garlands of professional approval!" And I made a horrible face
at my co-conspirators.
Before I finished Lezard had taken his own face in his hands for the
purpose of stifling raucous and untimely mirth. As for Dr. Fooss, his
small, porcine eyes snapped and twinkled madly behind his spectacles, but
he seemed rather inclined to approve my flowers of rhetoric.
"Ja," said he, "so iss it besser oursellufs dot gefrozenss herd von
elephanten to discover, und, by and by, die elephanten bei der Pronx Bark
home yet again once more to bring. We shall therefore much praise thereby
bekommen. Ach wass!"
"Gentlemen," said I, distinctly, "it is decided, then, that we shall say
nothing concerning the true object of this expedition to Professor
Bottomly."
Lezard and Fooss nodded assent. Then, in the silence, we all strained our
ears to listen. And presently we detected the scarcely heard sound of
cautiously retreating footsteps down the corridor.
When it was safe to do so I arose and closed my door.
"I think," said I, with a sort of infernal cheerfulness in my tones,
"that we are about to do something jocose to Jane Bottomly."
"A few," said Professor Lezard. He rose and silently executed a
complicated ballet-step.
"I shall laff," said Dr. Fooss, earnestly, "und I shall laff, und I shall
laff--ach Gott how I shall laff my pally head off!"
I folded my arms and turned romanesquely toward the direction in which
Professor Bottomly had retreated.
"Viper!" I said. "The Bronx shall nourish you in its bosom no more! Fade
away, Ophidian!"
The sentiment was applauded by all. There chanced to be in my desk a
bottle marked: "That's all!" On the label somebody had written: "Do it
now!" We did.