"Because she happened to faint away in your arms last night is no symptom
that she prefers you. Is it?"
"No."
"Then why do you seem to think that tactful, delicate, and assiduous
attentions on my part may prove not entirely unwelcome to this unusually
intelligent--"
"Smith!"
"What?"
"Miss White is not only a trained nurse, but she also is about to receive
her diploma as a physician."
"How do you know?"
"She told me."
"When?"
"When you were building the fire last night. Also, she informed me that
she had relentlessly dedicated herself to a eugenic marriage."
"When did she tell you _that_?"
"While you were bringing in a bucket of water from the lake last night.
And furthermore, she told me that _I_ was perfectly suited for a eugenic
marriage."
"_When_ did she tell you _that_?" I demanded.
"When she had--fainted--in my arms."
"How the devil did she come to say a thing like that?"
He became conspicuously red about the ears:
"Well, I had just told her that I had fallen in love with her--"
"Damn!" I said. And that's all I said; and seizing a paddle I made
furiously for shore. Behind me I heard the whirr of the piano wire as
Brown started the electric reel. Later I heard him clamping the hood on
the hydroscope; but I was too disgusted for any further words, and I dug
away at the water with my paddle.
In various and weird stages of morning déshabillé the heavy artillery
came down to the shore for morning ablutions, all a-row like a file of
ducks.
They glared at me as I leaped ashore:
"I want my breakfast!" snapped Mrs. Batt. "Do you hear what I say, guide?
And I don't wish to be kept waiting for it either! I desire to get out of
this place as soon as possible."
"I'm sorry," I said, "but I intend to stay here for some time."
"What!" bawled the heavy artillery in booming unison.
But my temper had been sorely tried, and I was in a mood to tell the
truth and make short work of it, too.
"Ladies," I said, "I'll not mince matters. Mr. Brown and I are not
guides; we are scientists from Bronx Park, and we don't know a bally
thing about this wilderness we're in!"
"Swindler!" shouted Mrs. Batt, in an enraged voice. "I knew very well
that the United States Government would never have named that puddle of
water after _me_!"
"Don't worry, madam! I've named it after Mr. Brown. And the new species
of gigantic fish which I discovered in this lake I have named after
myself. As for leaving this spot until I have concluded my scientific
study of these fish, I simply won't. I intend to observe their habits and
to capture one of them if it requires the remainder of my natural life to
do so. I shall be sorry to detain you here during such a period, but it
can't be helped. And now you know what the situation is, and you are at
liberty to think it over after you have washed your countenances in Lake
Kitten Brown."
Rage possessed the heavy artillery, and a fury indescribable seized them
when they discovered that Indians had raided their half ton of feminine
perquisites. I went up a tree.
When the tumult had calmed sufficiently for them to distinguish what I
said, I made a speech to them. From the higher branches of a neighboring
tree Kitten Brown applauded and cried, "Hear! Hear!"
"Ladies," I said, "you know the worst, now. If you keep me up this tree
and starve me to death it will be murder. Also, you don't know enough to
get out of these forests, but I can guide you back the way you came. I'll
do it if you cease your dangerous demonstrations and permit Mr. Brown and
myself to remain here and study these giant fish for a week or two."
[Illustration: "'If you keep me up this tree and starve me to death
it will be murder.'"]
They now seemed disposed to consider the idea. There was nothing else for
them to do. So after an hour or two, Brown and I ventured to descend from
our trees, and we went among them to placate them and ingratiate
ourselves as best we might.
"Think," I argued, "what a matchless opportunity for you to be among the
first discoverers of a totally new and undescribed species of giant fish!
Think what a legacy it will be to leave such a record to posterity! Think
how proud and happy your descendants will be to know that their ancestors
assisted at the discovery of _Minnius Smithii_!"
"Why can't they be named after _me_?" demanded Mrs. Batt.
"Because," I explained patiently, "they have already been named after
_me_!"
"Couldn't _something_ be named after me?" inquired that fearsome lady.
"The bats," suggested Brown politely, "we could name a bat after you with
pleasure--"
I thought for a moment she meant to swing on him. He thought so, too, and
ducked.
"A bat!" she shouted. "Name a _bat_ after _me_!"
"Many a celebrated scientist has been honoured by having his name
conferred upon humbler fauna," I explained.
But she remained dangerous, so I went and built the fire, and squatted
there, frying bacon, while on the other side of the fire, sitting side
by side, Kitten Brown and Angelica White gazed upon each other with
enraptured eyes. It was slightly sickening--but let that pass. I was
beginning to understand that science is a jealous mistress and that any
contemplated infidelity of mine stood every chance of being squelched.
No; evidently I had not been fashioned for the joys of legal domesticity.
Science, the wanton jade, had not yet finished her dance with me.
Apparently my maxixe with her was to be external. _Fides servanda est._
* * * * *
That afternoon the heavy artillery held a council of war, and evidently
came to a conclusion to make the best of the situation, for toward
sundown they accosted me with a request for the raft, explaining that
they desired to picnic aboard and afterward row about the lake and
indulge in song.
So Brown and I put aboard the craft a substantial cold supper; and the
heavy artillery embarked, taking aboard a guitar to be worked by Miss
Dingleheimer, and knitting for the others.
It was a lovely evening. Brown and I had been discussing a plan to
dynamite the lake and stun the fish, that method appealing to us as the
only possible way to secure a specimen of the stupendous minnows which
inhabited the depths. In fact, it was our only hope of possessing one of
these creatures--fishing with a donkey engine, steel cable, and a hook
baited with a bat being too uncertain and far more laborious and
expensive.
I was still smoking my pipe, seated at the foot of the big pine-tree,
watching the water turn from gold to pink: Brown sat higher up the slope,
his arm around Angelica White. I carefully kept my back toward them.
On the lake the heavy artillery were revelling loudly, banqueting,
singing, strumming the guitar, and trailing their hands overboard across
the sunset-tinted water.
I was thinking of nothing in particular as I now remember, except that I
noticed the bats beginning to flit over the lake; when Brown called to me
from the slope above, asking whether it was perfectly safe for the heavy
artillery to remain out so late.
"Why?" I demanded.
"Suppose," he shouted, "that those fish should begin to jump and feed on
the bats again?"