"That's the question," he nodded with unimpaired cheerfulness, "_what_
are you going to talk about on April _the_ first? Remember it's the
hot-air party of your life. _Ree_-member that each an' every paper in the
United States will print what you say. Now, how about it, friend? Are you
up in your lines?"
Swallowing my repulsion for him I said: "Why are you concerned as to what
may be the subject of my approaching address?"
"There you are, Prof!" he exclaimed delightedly; "I want to do business
with you. That's me! I'm frank about it. Say, there ought to be a wad of
the joyful in it for us both--"
"What?"
"Sure. We can work it any old way. Take Tyng, Tyng and Company, the
typewriter people. I'd be ashamed to tell you what I can get out o'
them if you'll mention the Tyng-Tyng typewriter in your speech--"
"What you suggest is infamous!" I said haughtily.
"Believe _me_ there's enough in it to make it a financial coup, and I ask
you, Prof, isn't a financial coup respectable?"
"You seem to be morally unfitted to comprehend--"
"Pardon _me_! I'm fitted up regardless with all kinds of fixtures. I'm
fixed to undertake anything. Now if you'd prefer the Bunsen Baby Biscuit
bunch--why old man Bunsen would come across--"
"I won't do such things!" I said angrily.
"Very well, very well. Don't get riled, sir. That's only one way to build
on Fifth Avenoo. I've got one hundred thousand other ways--"
"I don't want to talk to you--"
"They're honest--some of them. Say, if you want a stric'ly honest deal
I've got the goods. Only it ain't as easy and the money ain't as big--"
"I don't want to talk to you--"
"Yes you do. You don't reelize it but you do. Why you're fixin' to make
the holler of your life, ain't you? What are you goin' to say? Hey?
What you aimin' to say to make those guys set up? What's the use of
up-stagin'? Ain't you willin' to pay me a few plunks if I _dy_-vulge to
you the most startlin' phenomena that has ever electrified civilization
sense the era of P.T. Barnum!"
I was already hurrying away when the mention of that great scientist's
name halted me once more.
The little flashy man had been tagging along at my heels, talking
cheerfully and volubly all the while; and now, as I halted again, he
struck an attitude, legs apart, thumbs hooked in his arm-pits, and his
head cocked knowingly on one side.
"Prof," he said, "if you'd work in the Tyng-Tyng Company, or fix it up
with Bunsen to mention his Baby Biscuits as the most nootritious of
condeements, there'd be more in it for you an' me. But it's up to you."
"Well I won't!" I retorted.
"Very well, ve-ry well," he said soothingly. "Then look over another line
o' samples. No trouble to show 'em--none at all, sir! Now if P.T.
Barnum was alive--"
I said very seriously: "The name of that great discoverer falling from
your illiterate lips has halted me a second time. His name alone invests
your somewhat suspicious conversation with a dignity and authority
heretofore conspicuously absent. If, as you hint, you have any scientific
information for sale which P.T. Barnum might have considered worth
purchasing, you may possibly find in me a client. Proceed, young sir."
"Say, listen, Bo--I mean, Prof. I've got the goods. Don't worry. I've got
information in my think-box that would make your kick-in speech the event
of the century. The question remains, do I get mine?"
[Illustration: "'Say, listen, Bo--I mean, Prof. I've got the goods.'"]
"What is this scientific information?"
We had now walked as far as Riverside Drive. There were plenty of
unoccupied benches. I sat down and he seated himself beside me.
For a few moments I gazed upon the magnificent view. Even he seemed awed
by the proportions of the superb iron gas tank dominating the prospect.
I gazed at the colossal advertisements across the Hudson, at the freight
trains below; I gazed upon the lordly Hudson itself, that majestic sewer
which drains the Empire State, bearing within its resistless flood
millions of tons of insoluble matter from that magic fairyland which we
call "up-state," to the sea. And, thinking of disposal plants, I thought
of that sublime paraphrase--"From the Mohawk to the Hudson, and from the
Hudson to the Sea."
"Bo," he said, "I gotta hand it to you. Them guys might have got wise if
you had worked in the Tyng-Tyng Company or the Bunsen stuff. There was
big money into it, but it might not have went."