Tub-swill, tub-swill! _have_ you any tub-swill?
I will send my footman to fetch it, if I may;
For I'm hoping _all_ the restaurants and all the nicest clubs will
Give me broken victuals, if I send for them each day;
In the Park, in Piccadilly,
Down at Ascot, in the Shires,
We've been up in terms like "filly,"
"Dams" and "sires,"
"Smooths" and "wires;"
Now it's "gilts" and it's "boars"
And it's "suckers" and it's "stores"--
The terms that one acquires
Now we're keeping pigs to pay.
Hog-wash, hog-wash! _are_ you selling hog-wash
In a pretty bottle with a nice pneumatic spray?
Nevermore in perfume shall a useless little dog wash;
In my heart and boudoir precious piggy's holding sway.
Oh, indeed, it's _worse_ than silly
If a person now admires
An inedible young filly,
Dams and sires,
Smooths and wires;
For in gilts and in boars
And in suckers and in stores
Proper keenness one acquires
Now we're keeping pigs to pay.
* * * * *
"A Berlin telegram says that the Kaiser has created the Austrian
Emperor a Field-Marshal.
The material damage done was insignificant."--_Glasgow Evening Times_.
But the moral effect was tremendous.
* * * * *
"More Food.--Wanted, Partner, either sex, to increase stock open-air
pig-farm."--_Morning Paper_.
An opening for one of the Food Hogs we read so much about.
* * * * *