him to the verge of death, and with his restoration to health reason was
restored also. He had come to take his bride to his bosom--he met her
the bride of another. It was a scene of misery.
"O Agnes! Agnes!" groaned Henry, "would to Heaven I had died! You are
another's, though your heart is mine! Farewell! Farewell!--we must meet
no more! I have endured much, but never misery like this!"
She could only exclaim, "Henry!" and speech failed her--recollection
fled. Henry Cranstoun struck his hand upon his brow, and rushed wildly
away. Agnes was conveyed to her father's house, as being nearer than
that of her bridegroom's. She was laid upon her bed, she seemed
unconscious of all around, and her tongue only uttered the word "Henry."
She rose not again from the bed on which she was laid, and within a week
her gentle spirit fled. The shock which Henry had met with occasioned a
relapse of the fever from which he had but recently recovered. He was
taken to the village inn. He felt that death was about to terminate his
sufferings, and when he heard of the death of his Agnes, he requested to
be buried by her side. Within three weeks he died, and his latest wish
was fulfilled--he was laid by the side of Agnes Percy, and a rose-tree
was planted over their grave.
THE HENPECKED MAN.
Every one has heard the phrase, "_Go to Birgham!_" which signifies much
the same as bidding you go to a worse place. The phrase is familiar not
only on the Borders, but throughout all Scotland, and has been in use
for more than five hundred years, having taken its rise from Birgham
being the place where the Scottish nobility were when they dastardly
betrayed their country into the hands of the first Edward; and the
people, despising the conduct and the cowardice of the nobles, have
rendered the saying, "_Go to Birgham!_" an expression of contempt until
this day. Many, however, may have heard the saying, and even used it,
who know not that Birgham is a small village, beautifully situated on
the north side of the Tweed, about midway between Coldstream and Kelso;
though, if I should say that the village itself is beautiful, I should
be speaking on the wrong side of the truth. Yet there may be many who
have both heard the saying and seen the place, who never heard of little
Patie Crichton, the bicker-maker. Patie was of diminutive stature, and
he followed the profession (if the members of the _learned professions_
be not offended at my using the term) of a cooper, or bicker-maker, in
Birgham for many years. His neighbours used to say of him, "The puir
body's henpecked."
Patie was in the habit of attending the neighbouring fairs with the
water-cogs, cream-bowies, bickers, piggins, and other articles of his
manufacture. It was Dunse fair, and Patie said he "had done
extraordinar' weel--the sale had been far beyond what he expeckit." His
success might be attributed to the circumstance that, when out of the
sight and hearing of his better half, for every bicker he sold, he gave
his customers half-a-dozen jokes into the bargain. Every one, therefore,
liked to deal with little Patie. The fair being over, he retired with a
crony to a public-house in the Castle Wynd, to crack of old stories over
a glass, and inquire into each other's welfare. It was seldom they met,
and it was as seldom that Patie dared to indulge in a single glass;
but, on the day in question, he thought they could manage another gill,
and another was brought. Whether the sight of it reminded him of his
domestic miseries, and of what awaited him at home, I cannot tell; but,
after drinking another glass, and pronouncing the spirits excellent, he
thus addressed his friend:--
"Ay, Robin" (his friend's name was Robin Roughead), "ye're a happy
man--ye're maister in your ain hoose, and ye've a wife that adores and
_obeys_ ye; but I'm nae better than naebody at my ain fireside. I'll
declare I'm waur: wife an' bairns laugh at me--I'm treated like an
outlan' body an' a fule. Though without me they micht gang an' beg,
there is nae mair respeck paid to me than if I were a pair o' auld
bauchels flung into a corner. Fifteen years syne I couldna believed it
o' Tibby, though onybody had sworn it to me. I firmly believe that a
guid wife is the greatest blessin that can be conferred upon a man upon
this earth. I can imagine it by the treasure that my faither had in my
mither; for, though the best may hae _words_ atween them occasionally,
and I'm no saying that they hadna, yet they were just like passin
showers, to mak' the kisses o' the sun upon the earth mair sweet after
them. Her whole study was to please him and to mak' him comfortable. She
was never happy but when he was happy; an' he was just the same wi' her.
I've heard him say that she was worth untold gold. But, O Robin! if I
think that a guid wife is the greatest blessin a man can enjoy, weel do
_I_ ken that a scoldin, domineerin wife is his greatest curse. It's a
terrible thing to be snooled in your ain house--naebody can form an idea
o't but they wha experience it.
"Ye remember whan I first got acquainted wi' Tibby, she was doing the
bondage work at Riselaw. I first saw her coming out o' Eccles kirk ae
day, and I really thocht that I had never seen a better-faured or a more
gallant-looking lass. Her cheeks were red and white like a half-ripe
strawberry, or rather, I should say, like a cherry; and she seemed as
modest and meek as a lamb. It wasna very lang until I drew up; and,
though she didna gie me ony great encouragement at first, yet, in a week
or twa, after the ice was fairly broken, she became remarkably ceevil,
and gied me her oxter on a Sunday. We used to saunter about the
loanings, no saying meikle, but unco happy; and I was aye restless whan
I was out o' her sight. Ye may guess that the shoemaker was nae loser by
it during the six months that I ran four times a-week, wet or dry,
between Birgham and Riselaw. But the term-time was drawing nigh, and I
put the important question, and pressed her to name the day. She hung
her head, and she seemed no to ken weel what to say; for she was sae mim
and sae gentle then, that ye wad hae said 'butter wadna melt in her
mouth.' And when I pressed her mair urgently--
"'I'll just leave it to yersel, Peter,' says she.
"I thocht my heart wad louped out at my mouth. I believe there never was
a man sae beside himsel wi' joy in this warld afore. I fairly danced
again, and cut as many antics as a merryandrew. 'O Tibby,' says I,
'I'm owre happy now!--Oh, haud my head!
This gift o' joy is like to be my dead.'
"'I hope no, Peter,' said she; 'I wad rather hae ye to live than dee for
me.'
"I thocht she was as sensible as she was bonny, and better natured than
baith.
"Weel, I got the house set up, the wedding-day cam, and everything
passed owre as agreeably as onybody could desire. I thocht Tibby turning
bonnier and bonnier. For the first five or six days after the weddin,
everything was '_hinny_,' and '_my love_,' and '_Tibby, dear_,' or
'_Peter, dear_.' But matters didna stand lang at this. It was on a
Saturday nicht, I mind, just afore I was gaun to drap work, that three
or four acquaintances cam into the shop to wush me joy, and they
insisted I should pay off for the weddin. Ye ken I never was behint
hand; and I agreed that I wad just fling on my coat and step up wi' them
to Orange Lane. So I gaed into the house and took down my market coat,
which was hangin behint the bed; and after that I gaed to the kist to
tak out a shilling or twa; for, up to that time, Tibby had not usurped
the office of Chancellor o' the Exchequer. I did it as cannily as I
could; but she had suspected something, and heard the jinkin o' the
siller.
"'What are ye doing, Patie?' says she; 'whar are ye gaun?'
"I had never heard her voice hae sic a sound afore, save the first time
I drew up to her, when it was rather sharp than agreeable.
"'Ou, my dear,' says I, 'I'm just gaun up to Orange Lane a wee while.'
"'To Orange Lane!' says she; 'what in the name o' fortune's gaun to tak
ye there?'
"'O hinny,' says I, 'it's just a neebor lad or twa that's drapped in to
wush us joy, and, ye ken, we canna but be neebor-like.'
"'Ay! the sorrow joy them!' says she, 'and neebor too!--an' how meikle
will that cost ye?'
"'Hoot, Tibby,' says I, for I was quite astonished at her, 'ye no
understand things, woman.'
"'No understand them!' says she; 'I wish to guidness that ye wad
understand them though! If that's the way ye intend to mak the siller
flee, it's time there were somebody to tak care o't.'
"I had put the silver in my pocket, and I was gaun to the door mair
surprised than I can weel express, when she cried to me--
"'Mind what ye spend, and see that ye dinna stop.'
"'Ye need be under nae apprehensions o' that, hinny,' said I, wishing to
pacify her.
"'See that it be sae,' cried she, as I shut the door.
"I joined my neebors in a state of greater uneasiness o' mind than I had
experienced for a length o' time. I couldna help thinkin but that Tibby
had rather early begun to tak the upper hand, and it was what I never
expected from her. However, as I was saying, we went up to Orange Lane,
and we sat doun, and ae gill brocht on anither. Tibby's health and mine
were drunk; we had several capital sangs; and, I daresay, it was weel on
for ten o'clock afore we rose to gang awa. I was nae mair affected wi'
drink than I am at this moment. But, somehow or ither, I was uneasy at
the idea o' facing Tibby. I thought it would be a terrible thing to
quarrel wi' her. I opened the door, and, bolting it after me, slipped
in, half on the edge o' my fit. She was sitting wi' her hand at her
haffit by the side o' the fire, but she never let on that she either saw
or heard me--she didna speak a single word. If ever there was a woman
'Nursing her wrath to keep it warm,'
it was her that nicht. I drew in a chair, and, though I was half-feared
to speak--
"'What's the matter, my pet?' says I--'what's happened ye?'
"But she sat looking into the fire, and never let on she heard me.
'E'en's ye like, Meg Dorts,' thought I, as Allan Ramsay says; but I
durstna say it, for I saw that there was a storm brewing. At last, I
ventured to say again--
"'What ails ye, Tibby, dear?--are ye no weel?'
"'Weel!' cried she--'wha can be weel? Is this the way ye mean to carry
on? What a time o' nicht is this to keep a body to, waiting and fretting
on o' ye, their lane? Do you no think shame o' yoursel?'
"'Hoot, woman,' says I, 'I'm surprised at ye; I'm sure ye hae naething
to mak a wark about--it's no late yet.'
"'I dinna ken what ye ca' late,' said she; 'it wadna be late amang yer
cronies, nae doubt; but if it's no late, it's early, for I warrant its
mornin.'
"'Nonsense!' says I.
"'Dinna tell me it's nonsense,' said she, 'for I'll be spoken to in na
sic way--I'll let you ken that. But how meikle has it cost ye? Ye wad be
treating them, nae doubt--and how meikle hae ye spent, if it be a fair
question?'
"'Toots, Tibby!' said I, 'whar's the cause for a' this? What great deal
could it cost me?'
"'But hair by hair makes the carle's head bare,' added she--'mind ye
that; and mind ye that ye've a house to keep aboon your head noo. But,
if ye canna do it, I maun do it for ye--sae gie me the key o' that
kist--gie me it instantly; and I'll tak care how ye gang drinkin wi' ony
body and treatin them till mornin again.'
"For the sake o' peace I gied her the key; for she was speakin sae loud
that I thocht a' the neebors wad hear--and she had nae suner got it,
than awa she gaed to the kist and counted every shilling. I had nae
great abundance then mair than I've now; and--
"'Is that a' ye hae?' said she; 'an' yet ye'll think o' gaun drinkin and
treatin folk frae Saturday nicht till Sabbath mornin! If this is the
life ye intend to lead, I wush to guidness I had ne'er had onything to
say to ye.'
"'And if this is the life ye intend to lead me,' thought I, 'I wush the
same thing.'
"But that was but the beginnin o' my slavery. From that hour to this she
has continued on from bad to worse. No man livin can form an idea o'
what I've suffered but mysel. In a mornin, or rather, I may say, in a
forenoon, for it was aye nine or ten o'clock afore she got up, she sat
doun to her tea and white scones and butter, while I had to be content
wi' a scrimpit bicker o' brose and sour milk for kitchen. Nor was this
the warst o't; for, when I cam in frae my wark for my breakfast, mornin
after mornin, the fire was black out; and there had I, before I could
get a bite to put in my mouth, to bend doun upon my knees and blaw it,
and blaw it, till I was half-blind wi' ashes--for we hadna a pair o'
bellowses; and there wad she lie grumblin a' the time, ca'in me useless
_this_, and useless _that_; and I just had to put up wi' it. But, after
our first bairn was born, she grew far warse, and I becam mair and mair
miserable every day. If I had been sleeping through the nicht, and the
bairn had begun a kickin, or whingin--then she was at the scoldin, and I
was sure to be started out o' my sleep wi' a great drive atween the
shouthers, and her crying--
"'Get up, ye lazy body, ye--get up, and see what's the maiter wi' this
bairn.'
"An' this was the trade half-a-dizen o' times in a nicht.
"At last, there was ae day, when a' that I had dune was simply saying a
word about the denner no bein ready, and afore ever I kenned whar I was,
a cracky-stool that she had bought for the bairn cam fleein across the
room, and gied me a dirl on the elbow, that made me think my arm was
broken. Ye may guess what a stroke it was, when I tell ye I couldna lift
my hand to my head for a week to come. Noo, the like o' that, ye ken,
was what mortal man couldna stand.
"'Tibby,' said I, and I looked very desperate and determined, 'what do
ye mean by this conduct? By a' that's gracious, I'll no put up wi' it
ony langer!'
"'Ye'll no put up wi' it, _ye cratur_!' said she; 'if ye gie me ony mair
o' yer provocation, I'll pu' yer lugs for ye--wull ye put up wi' that?'
"It was terrible for a man to hear his ain wife ca' him _a
cratur_!--just as if I had been a monkey or a laupdoug!
"'O ye disdainfu' limmer,' thought I; 'but if I could humble your proud
spirit, I wad do it!' Weel, there was a grand new ballant hawkin about
the country at the time--it was ca'd 'Watty and Meg'--ye have nae doubt
seen't. Meg was just such a terrible termagant as my Tibby; and I
remembered the perfect reformation that was wrought upon her by Watty's
bidding her farweel, and threatenin to list. So it just struck me that I
wad tak a leaf out o' the ballant. Therefore, keeping the same serious
and determined look, for I was in no humour to seem otherwise--'Tibby,'
says I, 'there shall be nae mair o' this. But I will gang and list this
very day, and ye'll see what will come owre ye then--ye'll maybe repent
o' yer conduct whan it's owre late.'
"'List! ye _totum_ ye!' said she; 'do ye say _list_?' and she said this
in a tone and wi' a look o' derision that gaed through my very soul.
'What squad will ye list into?--what regiment will tak ye? Do ye intend
to list for a fifer laddie?' And as she said this, she held up her
oxter, as if to tak me below't.
"I thought I wad hae drapped doun wi' indignation. I could hae strucken
her, if I durst. Ye observe I am just five feet twa inches and an
eighth, upon my stokin-soles. That is rather below the army
standard--and I maun say it's a very foolish standard; for a man o' my
height stands a better chance to shoot anither than a giant that wad
fire owre his head. But she was aware that I was below the mark, and my
threat was of no avail; so I had just to slink awa into the shop, rubbin
my elbow.
"But the cracky-stool was but the beginnin o' her drivin; there wasna a
week after that but she let flee at me whatever cam in the way, whenever
I by accident crossed her cankered humour. It's a wonder that I'm in the
land o' the living; for I've had the skin peeled off my legs--my arms
maistly broken--my head cut, and ither parts o' my body a' black and
blue, times out o' number. I thought her an angel whan I was courtin
her; but, O Robin! she has turned out--I'll no say what--an adder!--a
teeger!--a she fury!
"As for askin onybody into the house, it's a thing I durstna do for the
life that's in my body. I never did it but ance, and that was whan an
auld schulefellow, that had been several years in America, ca'ed at the
shop to see me. After we had cracked a while--
"'But I maun see the wife, Patie,' says he.
"Whether he had heard aboot her behaviour or no, I canna tell; but, I
assure ye, his request was onything but agreeable to me. However, I took
him into the house, and I introduced him wi' fear and tremblin.
"'Tibby, dear,' said I--and I dinna think I had ca'ed her _dear_ for ten
years afore--'here's Mr W----, an auld schulefellow o' mine, that's come
a' the way frae America, an' ca'ed in to see ye.'
"'Ye're aye meetin wi' auld schulefellows, or some set or ither, to tak
ye aff yer wark,' muttered she, sulkily, but loud enough for him to
hear.
"I was completely at a loss what to do or say next; but, pretending as
though I hadna heard her, I said, as familiarly and kindly as I could,
though my heart was in a terrible swither--'Bring out the bottle, lass.'
"'Bottle!' quo' she, 'what bottle?--what does the man mean?--has he
pairted wi' the little sense that he ever had?' But had ye seen her as
she said this!--I've seen a cloud black when driven wi' a hurricane, and
I've seen it awfu' when roarin in the agony o' thunder; but never did I
see onything that I was mair in fear o' than my wife's face at that
moment. But, somehow or ither, I gathered courage to say--'Hoots, woman,
what's the use o' behavin that way? I'm sure ye ken weel aneugh it's the
speerit bottle.'
"'The speerit bottle!' cried she, wi' a scream; 'and when was there a
speerit bottle within this door? Dinna show yoursel aff to your American
freend for a greater man than ye are, Patie. I think, if wi' a' that ye
bring in I get meat and bits o' duds for your bairns, I do very weel.'
"This piece o' impudence completely knocked me stupid, for, wad ye
believe it, Robin, though she had lang driven a' my freends frae about
the house, yet never did ony o' _her_ freends ca'--and that was maistly
every Sunday, and every Coldstream market-day--but there was the bottle
out frae the cupboard, which she aye kept under lock and key; and a
dram, and a bit short-bread nae less, was aye and to this day handed
round to every ane o' them. They hae discovered that it's worth while to
make Patie the bicker-maker's a half-way house. But, if I happen to be
in when they ca', though she pours out a fu' glass a-piece for them, she
takes aye guid care to stand in afore me when she comes to me, between
them and me, so that they canna see what she is doing, or how meikle she
pours out; and, I assure ye, it is seldom a thimblefu' that fa's to my
share, though she hauds the bottle lang up in her hand--mony a time, no
a weetin; and again and again have I shoved my head past her side, and
said, 'Your health, Mrs So-and-so'--or, 'Yours, Mr Such-a-thing,' wi' no
as meikle in my glass as wad droun a midge. Or, if I was sae placed that
she durstna but, for shame, fill a glass within half-an-inch o' the tap
or sae, she wad gie me a look, or a wink, or mak a motion o' some kind,
which weel did I ken the meanin o', and which was the same as
saying--'Drink it if ye daur!' O Robin, man! it's weel for ye that no
kens what it is to be a footba' at your ain fireside. I daresay, my
freend burned at the bane for me; for he got up, and--
"'I wish you good-day, Mr Crichton,' said he; 'I have business in Kelso
to-night yet, and can't stop.'
"I was perfectly overpowered wi' shame; but it was a relief to me when
he gaed awa--and I slipped out after him, and into the shop again.
"But Tibby's isna the only persecution that I hae to put up wi'; for we
hae five bairns, and she's brought them a' up to treat me as she does
hersel. If I offer to correct them, they cry out--'I'll tell my
mither!'--and frae the auldest to the youngest o' them, when they speak
aboot me, it is _he_ did this, or _he_ did that--they for ever talk o'
me as _him!--him!_ I never got the name o' _faither_ frae ane o'
them--and it's a' her doings. Now, I just ask ye simply if ony faither
would put up wi' the like o' that! But I maun put up wi't. If I were
offering to lay hands upon them for't, I am sure and persuaded she wad
raise a' Birgham about me--my life wadna be safe where she is--but,
indeed, I needna say that, for it never is.
"But there is ae thing that grieves me beyond a' that I hae mentioned to
ye. Ye ken my mither, puir auld body, is a widow now. She is in the
seventy-sixth year o' her age, and very frail. She has naebody to look
after her but me--naebody that has a natural right to do it; for I never
had ony brothers, as ye ken; and, as for my twa sisters, I daresay they
have just a sair aneugh fecht wi' their ain families, and as they are at
a distance, I dinna ken how they are situated wi' their guidmen--though
I maun say for them, they send her a stane o' oatmeal, an ounce o'
tobacco, or a pickle tea and sugar, now and then, which is very likely
as often as they hae it in their power; and that is a great deal mair
than I'm _allowed_ to do for her--me that has a right to protect and
maintain her. A' that she has to support her is fifteenpence a-week aff
the parish o' Mertoun. O Robin, man!--Robin, man!--my heart rugs within
me, when I talk to you about this. A' that I hae endured is naething to
it! To see my puir auld mither in a state o' starvation, and no to be
allowed to gie her a saxpence! O Robin, man!--Robin, man!--is it no
awfu'? When she was first left destitute, and a widow, I tried to break
the maiter to Tibby, and to reason wi' her.
"'O Tibby, woman!' said I, 'I'm very distressed. Here's my faither laid
in the grave, and I dinna see what's to come o' my mither, puir
body--she is auld, and she is frail--she has naebody to look after or
provide for her but me.'
"'You!' cried Tibby--'you! I wush ye wad mind what ye are talkin about!
Ye have as many dougs, I can tell ye, as ye hae banes to pike! Let your
mither do as ither widows hae done afore her--let the parish look after
her.'
"'O Tibby, woman!' said I; 'but if ye'll only consider--the parish money
is very sma', and, puir body, it will mak her heart sair to receive a
penny o't; for she weel kens that my faither would rather hae dee'd in a
ditch than been behauden to either a parish or an individual for a
saxpence.'
"'An' meikle they hae made by their pride,' said Tibby. 'I wush ye wud
haud your tongue.'
"'Ay, but Tibby,' says I, for I was nettled mair than I durst show it,
'but she has been a guid mother to me, and ye ken yoursel that she's no
been an ill _guid-mother_ to ye. She never stood in the way o' you an'
me comin thegither, though I was paying six shillings a-week into the
house.'
"'And what am I obliged to her for that?' interrupted my Jezebel.
"'I dinna ken, Tibby,' says I; 'but it's a hard thing for a son to see a
mother in want, when he can assist her. Now, it isna meikle she
takes--she never was used wi' dainties; and, if I may just tak her hame,
little will serve her, and her meat will ne'er be missed.'
"'Ye born idiot!' cried Tibby. 'I aye thought ye a fule--but ye are
warse than a fule! Bring your mither here! An auld, crossgrained,
faut-finding wife, that I ne'er could hae patience to endure for ten
minutes in my days! Bring her here, say ye! No! while I live in this
house, I'll let ye ken that I'll be _mistress_.'
"Ay, and maister too, thought I. I found it was o' nae use to argue wi'
her. There was nae possibility o' gettin my mither into the house; and
as to assisting her wi' a shillin or twa at a time by chance, or paying
her house rent, or sending her a load o' coals, it was perfectly out o'
the question, and beyond my power. Frae the nicht that I went to Orange
Lane to this moment, I hae never had a saxpence under my thumb that I
could ca' my ain. Indeed, I never hae money in my hands, unless it be on
a day like this, when I hae to gang to a fair, or the like o' that; and
even then, before I start, her leddyship sees every bowie, bicker, and
piggin, that gangs into the cart--she kens the price o' them as weel as
I do; and if I shouldna bring hame either money or goods according to
her valuation, I actually believe she wad murder me. There is nae
cheatin her. It is by mere chance that, having had a guid market, I've
outreached her the day by a shillin or twa; and ane o' them I'll spend
wi' you, Robin, and the rest shall gang to my mither. O man! ye may
bless your stars that ye dinna ken what it is to hae a termagant wife."
"I am sorry for ye, Patie," said Robin Roughead; "but really I think, in
a great measure, ye hae yoursel to blame for it a'!"