horses,' replied Mr Darsy, eyeing Willie's bargain with a scrutinising
look; for he had already been so often the subject of attempted
imposition in the way of horse-dealing, that he could not help
entertaining suspicions of the intentions of every one who approached
him for such a purpose. 'I certainly do want a couple of good draught
horses,' he said; 'but really, being no great judge myself, and some
attempts having been made to take me in, I--I----'
"'Feth, I weel believe that, sir,' interposed Willie. 'It's just
incredible the villany that's practised in this trade o' ours.
Some men hae nae conscience, and wad sell their very souls for
gould--gould--gould--that curse o' the human race, that some think was
'Sent to keep the fools in play,
For some to heap and some to throw away.
But _I_, who think more highly of our kind
(And surely Heaven and _I_ are of a mind),
Opine that Nature, as in duty bound,
Deep hid the shining mischief under ground.'
That's my opinion, sir,' continued Willie; 'and I houp ye'll excuse the
liberty I hae taen o' gi'ein ye't in poetry, but Pope comes tricklin'
aff my tongue, whether I will or no, just like water aff a dyuck's
back.'
"'Excuse ye, my friend!' said the astonished and delighted Mr Darsy,
with a gracious smile. 'My dear sir, your quotation requires no apology.
It is appropriate, and to the purpose. A fine idea--tersely and pithily
expressed. The man, sir, who studies Pope as he ought to be studied, and
who acts on the principles he inculcates, will infallibly secure
'What nothing earthly gives or can destroy--
The soul's calm sunshine, and the heartfelt joy.'
"'Yes, sir,' replied Willie:--
'Say, in pursuit of profit and delight,
Who risk the most--that take wrong means, or right,
Of vice or virtue, whether blest or curst;
Which meets contempt, or which compassion first;
Count all the advantage prosperous vice attains--
'Tis but what virtue flies from and disdains.'
"'It is, it is!' shouted Mr Darsy, in ecstasy. 'Enough, my dear sir,
enough,' he said, extending his hand to Willie, while a tear of emotion
glistened in his eye. 'Come into the house, and take a little
refreshment, and let us see if we cannot make a bargain about these
horses. They look very well, and, I daresay, will suit my purpose.'
"'Just the very thing, sir, ye may depend on't,' replied Willie, who had
now dismounted, and was holding both horses by the halters. 'There's
that black ane, I'm unco sweer to part wi't; but the want o' siller gars
a puir man mak mony a sacrifice baith to his interest and to his
feelins. O' that black horse, sir, I may safely say there's no his match
in the county; yet I daurna, nor wadna, ask his price for him, for it
wad be considered just an imposition.'
"'But, my good friend,' interposed Mr Darsy, 'I hope you do not think
that I would take advantage of you in any way--that I would avail myself
of the urgency of your necessities, to give you less than the just value
of your horse. God forbid! You shall have his price, be that what it
may.'
"'Oh, I'm no misdootin that, sir, no the least; but----'
"'I say, my friend, by the way' (here again interrupted Mr Darsy, as
they approached the house, being now within a few yards of the door),
'be so good as make no allusion to Pope in the presence of my sister,
whom you will likely see; for she, poor woman, has just as little
philosophy about her as the rest of her sex. "Woman and fool," you
know--
'Woman and fool are both too hard to hit;
For true no-meaning puzzles more than wit.'
"Willie smiled. 'No far wrang, sir, I daresay. It's, I doot, owre true.'
"'She's a good, kind-hearted creature,' resumed Mr Darsy; 'but if there
be any one thing on earth that she abhors above all other things, it is
Pope. She cannot endure his name, ever since she read his "Characters of
Women;" but you and I, my friend, know that there is more truth in that
essay than her sex would willingly allow.
'In men we various ruling passions find;
In women, two almost divide the kind.
Those, only fix'd, they first and last obey--
The love of pleasure, and the love of sway.'
"Having now reached the house, Mr Darsy desired Willie to remain a
minute in charge of the horses, until he went for his factotum, Sandy
Ramsay, whom he wished to see the animals, and whose judgment he meant
to consult, as to their purchase. Sandy he found, as usual, in the
garden.
"'Here is a decent, honest, well-informed, and intelligent man, Sandy,'
said Mr Darsy, 'with a pair of horses for sale, which I wish you to come
and look at.'
"'What ca' they him, sir?' inquired Sandy.
"'Why, I don't know; I didn't ask his name,' replied Mr Darsy.
"'I hope it's no Willie Craig,' said the former, drawing on his coat;
'for he's a slippery chiel, Willie; an' I wadna say that even my caution
wad be a match for his cunning.'
"'Whether his name be Craig or not, I do not know,' replied Mr Darsy;
'but this I do know, that he seems to be a very intelligent and
conscientious man. He is a great admirer of our favourite author, Sandy,
and quotes him with great propriety and facility; and of such a man I
would not willingly believe any ill.
"'He quotes Pope, sir, does he?' exclaimed Sandy. 'Then, sir, he's just
the man. That's Willie Craig, beyond a' manner o' doot; and the biggest
rogue this day in Scotland.'
"'Come, come, Sandy,' said Mr. Darsy, a little severely, shocked at the
idea of a rogue quoting Pope, and disbelieving the existence of such a
moral incongruity--'come, come, Sandy,' he said, 'you judge too harshly;
you speak unguardedly. The man is, I doubt not, a very honest man; and
"an honest man," you know, Sandy, "is the noblest work of God."'
"'I've seen that disputed, sir,' said Sandy; 'an' I think, after a' wi'
some success. A man of great parts an' genius is surely a nobler
creature than a'.'
"'I'm grieved, Sandy, to find your moral perceptions so weak,' here
interrupted Mr Darsy. 'Don't you see, or rather will you not see,
that----'
"'I really canna see, sir,' interrupted Sandy, in his turn 'that----'
"'Well, but let me explain myself,' again interrupted Mr Darsy; and,
having at length obtained this permission, he went on to expound the
disputed text, after his own views of its bearings.
"Sandy replied; Mr Darsy rejoined; and a hot dispute, of a good
half-hour's continuance, ensued between master and man, on the moral
points involved in the quotation; such disputes, by the way, being a
frequent occurrence between them; for, although they agreed most
cordially on the general merits of Pope, there were many minute
points--some as to the meaning of passages; others as to their
morality--on which they differed, as on the present occasion, and on
which they spoke for hours on end.
"To return to the instance just now under notice: they were thus
engaged--that is, settling the moral bearing of the quotation above
given--and so earnest in their employment, as to be totally oblivious
of everything else--and, amongst the rest, Willie Craig and his
horses--when Miss Darsy came running into the garden, just as her
brother had begun a new section of his defence of Pope, with--
"'Pope, sir--I say Pope distinctly means----'
"'Gracious heaven, Mr Darsy!' exclaimed Miss Sarah, 'are you at that
odious Pope again? Have you forgotten that there has been a man with two
horses waiting on you for this half-hour past? It is too bad--too bad,
Mr Darsy.'
"'I acknowledge it, my dear--I acknowledge it,' replied the benevolent
and good-natured Popite, smiling kindly on his sister; 'but I am sure
the honest man will forgive me when I tell him the cause.'
"'Will he?' said his sister. 'I should rather think he will consider it
an aggravation of the offence.'
"'There you are wrong, Sarah, my dear,' rejoined Mr Darsy; 'for the man
understands these things.'
"'What!' exclaimed his sister, in alarm; 'does _he_ quote Pope, too? Do
horse-jockeys quote Pope?'
"'And why not, my dear?' said Mr Darsy, gladly seizing on this general
query to avoid making any discoveries on the particular one. 'Why not,
my dear? Why may not a horse-jockey understand and appreciate Pope as
well as any other man? There is nothing to hinder him.'
"'Oh, certainly not,' replied Miss Darsy; 'but oh! if he was dosed with
Pope as I am--if he had Pope! Pope! ringing in his ears night and day,
in all situations and on all occasions, as I have--he would grow sick,
sick, at the very name.'
"'Ah, Sarah, Sarah!' replied her brother, smiling--
'Believe me--good as well as ill--
Woman's at best----
"'Pope again!' screamed Miss Darsy, putting her fingers in her ears, and
rushing distractedly away from her Pope-mad brother.
"The latter looked after her with a smile of pity, and perhaps a very
slight matter of contempt mingled with it, and began again, and finished
with additional emphasis, the quotation in which he had been
interrupted. Then, turning to Sandy--
"'Let us go and take a look at this honest man's horses, Sandy,' he
said. 'We have used him rather ill, after all; but I'll explain.'
"In the next minute the parties had met, and the first thing Mr Darsy
did was to explain to Willie, as he had proposed to do, the reason of
his absence.
"'A' richt, sir--a' richt,' replied Willie, graciously. 'There's far
frae bein ony harm dune; and, besides, your excuse is a guid ane,
although ye had been an hour langer.'
"Willie, at the special request of Sandy Ramsay, now proceeded to put
his horses through their paces; and, while the former was at a little
distance in the performance of this duty--'Is that the man you meant,
Sandy?' said Mr Darsy.
"'I dinna ken him by sight, sir--only by repute,' replied Sandy; 'but,
if he quotes Pope to you, he maun be the man, for he's a cunning
scoundrel, and doubtless kens you're fond o' the little crooked poet.'
"'Sandy, Sandy, you have a scurrilous tongue,' said Mr Darsy. 'You'll
find the man prove an honest one, I have no doubt, and will, I am sure,
feel then ashamed of what you are now saying to his prejudice.'
"'Maybe, sir; but I'll be surer o' my man after I hae heard a quotation
or twa, and still surer after ye hae bocht the horses; for if he doesna
_do_ ye, he's most assuredly no Willie Craig.'
"Here the conversation was interrupted by the return of the
horse-dealer, who approached them, leading one of his horses at a full
trot. Both animals having been subjected to this display--
"'Now, my good friend,' said Mr Darsy, 'what's your price?'
"'Why, then, juist to be at a word wi' ye, sir,' replied Willie, taking
off his hat with one hand, and scratching his head with the other, 'I'll
take thirty guineas for the black ane, and twenty for the brown; and I'm
sure that's a dead bargain--juist throwing the cattle awa. It's no a
month since I was offered forty guineas in my loof for that black beast,
but I wasna sae hard pressed for siller then as I'm noo, and I refused
it.'
"'Sandy,' said Mr Darsy, turning to the farmer, 'what do you say to
these prices? You have some knowledge of horses.'
"'I say, sir, that, as near as I can guess, they're juist aboot the
dooble o' what they ocht to be. That black horse, if I'm no mista'en, is
broken-winded, and 'll be dead lame in a week; and the brown ane's no a
grain better.'
"Willie looked at Mr Darsy with a smile of conscious integrity, and of
calm contempt at once of the slander and the judgment of the slanderer.
The unsuspecting Mr Darsy returned the look, attributing Sandy's
decision to prejudice.
"'Come now, Sandy,' said the farmer, 'forget that you have any interest
to serve in this matter, and deal fairly between man and man.'
"'But it's no between man and man, sir,' said Sandy; 'it's between man
and a horse-jockey; and it's weel kent that's no a fair match. It wad
tak the deil himsel to deal wi' a horse-couper.'
"Willie smiled again the smile of conscious innocence; and, turning to
Mr. Darsy, said--
"'I rather think ye will agree wi' me, sir, that
'Honour and shame from no condition rise;
Act well your part'--
and he looked expressively at Sandy--
_there_ all the honour lies.'
"'Unquestionably,' replied Mr Darsy, 'it is
'Worth makes the man, and want of it the fellow;
The rest is all but leather and prunello.'
"'Yes, sir,' said Willie--
'For modes of faith, let graceless zealots fight,
His can't be wrong whose life is in the right.'
"'Certainly not--certainly not,' exclaimed Mr Darsy, in raptures.
'One self-approving hour whole years outweighs
Of stupid starers, and of loud hurrahs.'
"'Nae denyin't,' said Willie; 'and to a' wha doot it, I wad say--
Know, then, this truth (enough for man to know),
Virtue alone is happiness below.'
And, as he repeated the last line, he laid his hand with solemn emphasis
on his heart.
"This last quotation did Willie's business.
"'Come, come,' said Mr Darsy, shedding tears of delight, and taking
Willie by the arm to conduct him into the house, 'let us settle this
small matter at once, and off hand. Just say at once, my friend, the
lowest sum you really will take for these horses, and they are mine.
Sandy there is a well-meaning man, but he has his prejudices, as we all
have.'
"'Weel then, sir, juist to be at a word wi' ye,' replied Willie, 'I'll
tak nine-and-twenty guineas for the black horse, and nineteen for the
brown ane; and if that's no a bargain, I never gied or got ane in my
life.'
"'They're no worth the half o't, I manteen,' exclaimed Sandy,
energetically.
"'Hush, Sandy, hush, man,' said Mr Darsy. 'I'm sure the horses are a
fair bargain. This honest man would never ask more than they are worth.'
"'Wadna he, feth? said Sandy, with a satirical smile. 'Sir, I'm thinkin
ye'll fin out that before ye're a week aulder. Wait ye till the horses
hae been twa days in the plough, and ye'll see whether he has asked mair
than the worth o' them or no. I wadna trust him farrer than I could
throw a bull by the tail.'
"'Sandy, Sandy,' exclaimed Mr Darsy, in a deprecating tone, 'you have
really a scandalous tongue. Have you forgot that beautiful verse in the
universal prayer--
'Teach me to feel another's wo;
To hide the fault I see;
That mercy I to others show,
That mercy show to me.'
"'That's a' very weel, sir; but I canna agree to hide the _cheat_ I
see--that's a different sort o' thing a'thegither.'
"'Sandy,' said Mr Darsy, in a still more angry tone, 'I really will hear
no more of this.' And thus rebuked, Sandy said no more; he saw it would
be useless.
"Leaving the latter in charge of the horses, Mr Darsy and Willie now
went into the house; and there the latter received the price of his
cattle, together with a comfortable refection, during which he and his
host kept up a running fire of quotations from Pope.
"The former, as the reader will recollect, had cautioned the latter not
to make any allusion to the author just named in the hearing of his
sister; and this caution Willie observed. He took care to make no
quotations while she was present; but he had not been put on his guard
against her overhearing them, and the consequence was, that some of them
were made in a tone so emphatically loud, that she did overhear them,
even from the distance of an adjoining apartment. Perhaps few else than
Miss Sarah could have discerned what were the words so spoken; but _her_
ears were so sensitively alive to the language of the abhorred Pope,
that she at once recognised them; and on doing so, immediately sent for
her brother to come and speak with her, for she had known him to have
been repeatedly swindled by Pope-quoters before, some of whom had
committed a scrap or two to memory for the express purpose.
"'James,' said Miss Sarah, on his coming into the apartment where she
was,'I hear that man quoting Pope. Now, James, I beg you'll be on your
guard; for you may depend upon it he intends to cheat you. Recollect how
often you have been taken in by Pope-quoters. There was the man that
borrowed five pounds from you, on the strength of a quotation; there was
the man that got your name to a fifty-pound bill, of which you had
afterwards to pay every farthing, through precisely a similar claim on
your bounty--for he had no other; then there was the fellow whom you
recommended to the wood-merchants, and who forged a bill on his
employers; then there were the silver spoons that you bought from the
packman, and that turned out to be pewter and tin--all because they
quoted Pope; then there was----But it would take me a week to go over
half the impositions of which you have been the victim, through that
detested and detestable Pope.'
"To this tirade poor Mr Darsy listened with the utmost patience and
meekness, while a smile of good-nature, blended with an expression of
pity for his sister's blindness to the merits of the poet, played on his
intelligent and benevolent countenance.
"'Well, Sarah, my dear,' he said, when his sister had done speaking, 'if
I have been taken in by these people, as I am willing enough to allow I
have, whether does the shame and disgrace lie with them or me?'
"'I do not know, James, where the shame and disgrace lie,' said his
sister; 'but I have a pretty good guess, and so have you, where the loss
does. But all that I have to say, just now, James, is--be on your guard
in your dealings with this Pope-quoting horse-couper.'
"Mr Darsy was about to come out with a quotation in reply--he had a
very apt one at his finger ends--but, recollecting that this would only
further irritate his sister, he made a violent effort, and suppressed
it, and merely said, with his usual benevolent smile, 'I'll take care,
Sarah, my dear; I'll take care.' And, saying this, he left the
apartment, and, rejoined Willie Craig, who soon after took his leave,
with his money in his pocket, and a good dose of whisky punch under his
belt.
"On leaving the house, Willie came accidentally across Sandy Ramsay, who
was at the moment in the act of yoking the black horse to a cart.
"'Ye hae gotten a prime beast there, Sandy,' said Willie.
"'If we hae, I'm thinkin we hae paid as weel for him,' replied the
latter dryly. 'I'm dootin ye hae saft-saped the master to some purpose.
Ye hae come Pope owre him, as ither folks hae dune before ye.'
"Willie smiled significantly, clapped his finger to his nose, and walked
on without vouchsafing any other reply.
"'What horse is that, Sandy?' said Mr Darsy on the forenoon of the
second day after Willie Craig's visit, as the former approached the
house, leading an old grey, lame beast by the halter.
"'Do ye no ken him, sir?' replied Sandy, with an ominous smile.
"'No,' rejoined Mr Darsy, gravely.
"'Indeed, it's little wonder. This is Willie Craig's _black_ horse, but
your grey ane.'
"'What do you mean, Sandy?' said Mr Darsy, in a tone of alarm. 'You
don't mean to say that that's my horse, my black horse?'
"'It's a' that's for him, sir?' replied Sandy. 'A shower o' rain's made
a' the difference. It has washed him into what ye see him--made him as
grey as an auld rat. But his change o' colour's no the warst o't. See,
he hasna a leg to staun upon, and every teeth that was in his head's
faun oot. There they are, every ane.' And Sandy pulled a handful of
horse-teeth out of his pocket. 'I hurried him hame out o' the plough,'
continued Sandy, 'before he wad fa' in pieces a'thegither, as I expected
every moment he wad do.'
"Mr Darsy held up his hands in amazement at this most extraordinary
metamorphosis of his famous black charger, and muttered an ejaculation
of surprise at the very strange occurrence, but said nothing for a few
seconds. Although he said nothing, however, he felt a good deal; not for
the pecuniary loss it involved--for that he did not care--but for the
credit of the admirers of Pope. His sister, too--what would she say to
it? Here was another instance of imposition chargeable against his
adored author, to add to the long list of which she was already in
possession. It was an awkward affair. He would ten times rather that the
price of the horse had been thrown into the sea; and this he would
cheerfully have done, had the alternative been put in his power. But
there was no help for it.
"'Sandy,' said Mr Darsy, after musing for a moment on the astounding
deception which had just come to light, 'I'll tell you what it is,
regarding this very strange affair. I think it very possible--nay, very
likely--that the man Craig has been himself imposed upon with this
horse, and that he knew nothing of its defects; for I cannot believe
that so decent, intelligent, and well-informed a man as he is, could be
guilty of such villany as this. I cannot believe it. Now, then, Sandy,
I'll tell you what you'll do--you'll take the brown horse----'
"'Wi, your leave, sir, I'll no do that, for yon beast's no chancy to
come near, let alane to ride. He's the maist vicious brute I ever saw,
and 'll neither hap, stap, nor win. I dinna think ye'll ever get ony
guid o' him.'
"'God bless me!' exclaimed Mr Darsy, confounded at this additional
misfortune; 'he seemed quiet enough when brought here by Craig.'
"'Nae doot o't, he did,' replied Sandy; 'and heaven knows hoo the
scoundrel managed it! But he's a very different thing noo, I can tell
ye, sir.'
"'Dear me! that's really odd,' said Mr Darsy. 'Well, then, Sandy, I'll
tell you what you'll do: you'll go to our good neighbour Mr Pentland,
and get the loan of a pony from him, and ride over the length of
Craig's--he lives, you know, at Longlane; it's only about nine miles
distant--and tell him what has taken place; and I have no doubt he will
at once refund the money, or, at any rate, give us other horses instead
of those we have bought. He, indeed, said he would do the former, if we
found anything wrong with them within a month.'
"'Catch him there, sir, if ye can,' said Sandy. 'The deil a bodle o' the
price he'll ever gi'e back. He's no sae saft in the horn as that. He wad
promise ye, I ha'e nae doot--he promises the same thing to every ane he
sells a horse to; but whar's the man ever got a penny back frae Willy
Craig, for a' that? I would gie half-a-croon mysel to see him.'
"'Well, well, but do you just try him, Sandy,' said Mr Darsy; 'and I
have no doubt you will find all turn out right, notwithstanding of
appearances.'
"Thus summarily enjoined, Sandy obtained the loan of a pony, mounted,
and set off for Longlane, to have an interview with Willie Craig on the
subject of his master's purchase.
"Willie was standing at the door of his own house when Sandy approached;
and, knowing well what he came about, would have retreated; but it was
too late. He was seen; and, aware of this, he kept his ground manfully,
and resolved to face out fearlessly the coming storm, as he had done
many a one of a similar kind before. On Sandy's approach, Willie,
thrusting his hands into his breeches-pockets, and bursting into a loud
laugh, hailed his coming visiter with--
'Come, then, my friend! my genius! come along!'
"'Ay, I'll come along,' replied Sandy, angrily; 'and maybe to your cost.
"'Awake, my St John!' shouted Willie--
'Awake, my St John! leave all meaner things
To low ambition, and the pride of kings;
Let us (since life can little more supply),
Than just to look about us, and to die----'
"'Come, come, Willie, nane o' yer blarney for me,' said Sandy, now
dismounting. 'Ye're no gaun to saft-sape me that way. What kind o'
horses were they ye selt us?
"'Just the very pick o' the country,' replied Willie, coolly.
"'Ay, if ye mean the warst,' said Sandy. 'But to come to the point at
ance--I'm sent here, Willie, by Mr Darsy--although I ken weel it's a
fruitless errand--to tell ye that yer horses hae turned oot to be no
worth their hides; that yer black ane has changed to a dirty grey wi' a
shower o' rain, and is dead lame; and that the brown ane'll neither work
in plough nor cart.'
"'Dear me, Sandy, ye surprise me!' replied Willie, with a look of
amazement as like the genuine as it was possible for any man to assume.
"'Maybe I do,' said Sandy; 'but I hardly believe it. However, this
being the case, my master has sent me to say that he expects you'll
refund him the siller, as ye promised, or find him ither twa horses
worth the amount, in their stead.'
"'Whee-ee-ee-ou!' whistled Willie. 'Is that the next o't? Weel, I didna
think your maister was sae unreasonable a man as that comes to, Sandy;
but there's a heap o' queer folk in this world.'
"'My feth! there's that,' said the latter; 'and some o' them no far
aff.'