ENVER PASHA, in a proclamation to the Turkish troops, says: "The army
will destroy all our enemies with the aid of Allah and the assistance
of the Prophet." It is rumoured that the KAISER is a little bit piqued
about it.
***
We learn from a German paper that, since the brave Ottomans have
discovered that their Culture and that of the Germans are one, many
Englishmen who live in Crescents are crying out in fury for an
alteration of their addresses.
***
According to a Berlin journal, about 2,000 players of orchestral
instruments have been thrown out of employment by the war. It is
suggested that, with a view to providing them with more employment,
reverses as well as victories should be musically celebrated in the
capital.
***
We are glad to see that the names of battles in Belgium show a
tendency to become more cheery. The other day, for instance, we
had the battle of the Yperlee--and we may yet have a battle of
Yip-i-yaddy-i-yay.
***
It is rumoured that a compromise has been arrived at in regard to the
proposal, emanating from America, that the war shall be stopped for
twenty-four hours on Christmas Day. The combatants, it is said, have
agreed to fire plum-puddings instead of cannon-balls.
***
Among the promotions which we do not remember seeing gazetted is that
of KARL GUSTAV ERNST, a German barber-spy. At the Old Bailey, the
other day, Mr. Justice COLERIDGE promoted him to be a Steinhauer or
stone-hacker.
***
"'MIRACLE' PRODUCER KILLED."--_Daily Chronicle_.
This is unfortunate for the Germans, for if ever they needed a miracle
it is now.
***
"Information that has come into our possession," says _The Grocer_,
"proves _to our satisfaction_ that Germany has been receiving
plentiful supplies of tea from our shores through neutral countries
since the outbreak of hostilities." The italics are ours: the
satisfaction appears to be our contemporary's.
***
A cynic sends us a tip for the recruiting department of our army. "Why
go for the single man?" he asks. "We may expect just as much courage
from the married man. He has already proved his pluck."
***
"HOW DE WET ESCAPED. A MISSING LINK IN THE CORDON."--_Observer_.
The Germans, who have already been calling the Allied forces "The
Menagerie," should appreciate this item.
***
Angry newspaper men are now calling a certain institution the Suppress
Bureau.
***
A solicitor having announced that he is prepared to make the wills of
the men of a certain regiment free of charge, another enterprising
legal gentleman, not to be outdone, would like it to be known that he
is willing to act as residuary legatee without a fee.
***
In his interesting sketch, in _The Times_, of the PRINCE OF WALES'
career at the University, the PRESIDENT of Magdalen mentions that His
Royal Highness "shot at various country houses round Oxford." We hope
that this will not be quoted against the PRINCE by a spiteful German
Press, should any bullet marks be found one day on the walls of some
castle on the Rhine.
***
It came as quite an unpleasant surprise to many persons to learn from
Mr. ASQUITH that the War is costing us a million pounds a day, that
being more than some of us spend in a year.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE RULING PASSION.
_Customer_. "BRING ME SOME SOUP, PLEASE."
_Waitress (absent-mindedly)_. "YES, SIR; PURL OR PLAIN, SIR?"]
* * * * *
The End of the Press Bureau.
"Members of several guilds carried their banners in the
procession which went round the church to the accompaniment of
impressive music and the swinging of censors."--_South Western
Star_.
If this had got about, there would have been a bigger crowd at the
ceremony. As it was, Fleet Street was taken by surprise, and only had
time to prepare a few fireworks for the evening.
* * * * *
"Among other public buildings in a certain town which for many
reasons it will be prudent to refrain from mentioning ... on a
day and date which I need not trouble to repeat...."
No, this is not from our Special Representative behind the Front; it
is the opening passage of _Oliver Twist_, and shows what a splendid
War Correspondent DICKENS would have made.
* * * * *
Teuton Anatomy.
"The clay feet of Germany will be revealed when we take off
the gloves."--_Mr. ARNOLD WHITE in "The Sunday Chronicle."_
So that's where they wear them.
* * * * *
"Questioned with reference to a letter written by him to
Steinhauer, in which he said, 'The name of the gentleman in
Woolwich Arsenal is ----,' the prisoner said that was a false
name."--_Times_.
It's a very silly name anyway.
* * * * *
"The announcement issued by the Press Bureau that carrier
pigeons are to be used officially for certain purposes is an
extremely interesting reversion to what we had regarded as
almost premature ways of carrying news."--_Westminster
Gazette_.
Not so premature as the WOLFF method.
* * * * *
More Information for the Enemy.
"BRITAIN'S SUGAR SUPPLY.
SUFFICIENT FOR EIGHT MOUTHS."--_Aberdeen Evening Gazette_.
We insist on providing one of them.
* * * * *
"Now came the drums and fifes, and now the blare of the brass
instruments, and continuously the singing of the soldiers
of 'Die Wacht am goose step, while the good lieges of
Brus-Rhein.'"--_Adelaide Advertiser_.
A good song, but (so it has always struck us) a clumsy title.
* * * * *