IN THE GREAT METROPOLIS
“So they left you and Sim Phinney to keep house, did they, Hiram?”
observed Wingate.
“They did. And, for a spell, we figgered on bein' free from too much
style.
“After they'd gone we loafed into the settin' room or libr'ry, or
whatever you call it, and come to anchor in a couple of big lazy chairs.
“'Now,' says I, takin' off my coat, 'we can be comf'table.'
“But we couldn't. In bobs a servant girl to know if we 'wanted
anything.' We didn't, but she looked so shocked when she see me in my
shirt sleeves that I put the coat on again, feelin' as if I'd ought
to blush. And in a minute back she comes to find out if we was SURE we
didn't want anything. Sim was hitchin' in his chair. Between 'nerves'
and Archibald, his temper was raw on the edges.
“'Say,' he bursts out, 'you look kind of pale to me. What you need is
fresh air. Why don't you go take a walk?'
“The girl looked at him with her mouth open.
“'Oh,' says she, 'I couldn't do that, thank you, sir. That would leave
no one but the cook and the kitchen girl. And the master said you was to
be made perfectly comf'table, and--'
“'Yes,' says Sim, dry, 'I heard him say it. And we can't be comf'table
with you shut up in the house this nice evenin'. Go and take a walk, and
take the cook and stewardess with you. Don't argue about it. I'm skipper
here till the boss gets back. Go, the three of you, and go NOW. D'ye
hear?'
“There was a little more talk, but not much. In five minutes or so the
downstairs front door banged, and there was gigglin' outside.
“'There,' says Simeon, peelin' off HIS coat and throwin' himself back in
one chair with his feet on another one. 'Now, by Judas, I'm goin' to be
homey and happy like poor folks. I don't wonder that Harriet woman's got
nerves. Darn style, anyhow! Pass over that cigar box, Hiram.'
“'Twas half an hour later or so when Margaret, the nursemaid, came
downstairs. I'd almost forgot her. We was tame and toler'ble contented
by that time. Phinney called to her as she went by the door.
“'Is that young one asleep?' he asked.
“'Yes, sir,' says she, 'he is. Is there anything I can do? Did you want
anything?'
“Simeon looks at me. 'I swan to man, it's catchin'!' he says. 'They've
all got it. No, we don't want anything, except--What's the matter? YOU
don't need fresh air, do you?'
“The girl looked as if she'd lost her last friend. Her pretty face was
pale and her eyes was wet, as if she'd been cryin'.
“'No, sir,' says she, puzzled. 'No, sir, thank you, sir.'
“'She's tired out, that's all,' says I. I swan, I pitied the poor thing.
'You go somewheres and take a nap,' I told her. 'Me and my friend won't
tell.'
“Oh, no, she couldn't do that. It wa'n't that she was tired--no more
tired than usual--but she'd been that troubled in her mind lately,
askin' our pardon, that she was near to crazy.
“We was sorry for that, but it didn't seem to be none of our business,
and she was turnin' away, when all at once she stops and turns back
again.
“'Might I ask you gintlemen a question?' she says, sort of pleadin'.
'Sure I mane no harm by it. Do aither of you know a man be the name of
Michael O'Shaughnessy?'
“Me and Sim looked at each other. 'Which?' says I. 'Mike O' who?' says
Simeon.
“'Aw, don't you know him?' she begs. 'DON'T you know him? Sure I hoped
you might. If you'd only tell me where he is I'd git on me knees and
pray for you. O Mike, Mike! why did you leave me like this? What'll
become of me?'
“And she walks off down the hall, coverin' her face with her hands and
cryin' as if her heart was broke.
“'There! there!' says Simeon, runnin' after her, all shook up. He's a
kind-hearted man--especially to nice-lookin' females. 'Don't act so,' he
says. 'Be a good girl. Come right back into the settin' room and tell
me all about it. Me and Cap'n Baker ain't got nerves, and we ain't rich,
neither. You can talk to us. Come, come!'
“She didn't know how to act, seemingly. She was like a dog that's been
kicked so often he's suspicious of a pat on the head. And she was cryin'
and sobbin' so, and askin' our pardon for doin' it, that it took a good
while to get at the real yarn. But we did get it, after a spell.
“It seems that the girl--her whole name was Margaret Sullivan--had
been in this country but a month or so, havin' come from Ireland in a
steamboat to meet the feller who'd kept comp'ny with her over there. His
name was Michael O'Shaughnessy, and he'd been in America for four years
or more, livin' with a cousin in Long Island City. And he'd got a good
job at last, and he sent for her to come on and be married to him.
And when she landed 'twas the cousin that met her. Mike had drawn a
five-thousand-dollar prize in the Mexican lottery a week afore, and
hadn't been seen sence.
“So poor Margaret goes to the cousin's to stay. And she found them poor
as Job's pet chicken, and havin' hardly grub enough aboard to feed the
dozen or so little cousins, let alone free boarders like her. And so,
havin' no money, she goes out one day to an intelligence office where
they deal in help, and puts in a blank askin' for a job as servant girl.
'Twas a swell place, where bigbugs done their tradin', and there she
runs into Cousin Harriet, who was a chronic customer, always out of
servants, owin' to the complications of Archibald and nerves. And
Harriet hires her, because she was pretty and would work for a shavin'
more'n nothin', and carts her right off to Connecticut. And when
Margaret sets out to write for her trunk, and to tell where she is, she
finds she's lost the cousin's address, and can't remember whether it's
Umpty-eighth Street or Tin Can Avenue.
“'And, oh,' says she, 'what SHALL I do? The mistress is that hard to
please, and the child is that wicked till I want to die. And I have no
money and no friends. O Mike! Mike!' she says. 'If you only knew you'd
come to me. For it's a good heart he has, although the five thousand
dollars carried away his head,' says she.
“I don't believe I ever wanted to make a feller's acquaintance more than
I done that O'Shaughnessy man's. The mean blackguard, to leave his girl
that way. And 'twas easy to see what she'd been through with Cousin
Harriet and that brat. We tried to comfort her all we could; promised to
have a hunt through Long Island and the directory, and to help get her
another place when she got back from the South, and so on. But 'twas
kind of unsatisfactory. 'Twas her Mike she wanted.
“'I told the Father about it at the church up there,' she says, 'and he
wrote, but the letters was lost, I guess. And I thought if I might see
a priest here in New York he might help me. But the mistress is to go at
noon to-morrer, and I'll have no time. What SHALL I do?' says she, and
commenced to cry again.
“Then I had an idea. 'Priest?' says I. 'There's a fine big church, with
a cross on the ridgepole of it, not five minutes' walk from this house.
I see it as we was comin' up. Why don't you run down there this minute?'
I says.
“No, she didn't want to leave Archibald. Suppose he should wake up.
“'All right,' says I. 'Then I'll go myself. And I'll fetch a priest up
here if I have to tote him on my back, like the feller does the codfish
in the advertisin' picture.'
“I didn't have to tote him. He lived in a mighty fine house, hitched
onto the church, and there was half a dozen assistant parsons to help
him do his preachin'. But he was big and fat and gray-haired and as
jolly and as kind-hearted a feller as you'd want to meet. He said he'd
come right along; and he done it.
“Phinney opened the door for us. 'What's the row?' says I, lookin' at
his face.
“'Row?' he snorts; 'there's row enough for six. That da--excuse me,
mister--that cussed Archibald has woke up.'
“He had; there wa'n't no doubt about it. And he was raisin' hob, too.
The candy, mixed up with the dinner, had put his works in line with his
disposition, and he was poundin' and yellin' upstairs enough to wake the
dead. Margaret leaned over the balusters.
“'Is it the Father?' she says. 'Oh, dear! what'll I do?'
“'Send some of the other servants to the boy,' says the priest, 'and
come down yourself.'
“Simeon, lookin' kind of foolish, explained what had become of the other
servants. Father McGrath--that was his name--laughed and shook all over.
“'Very well,' says he. 'Then bring the young man down. Perhaps he'll be
quiet here.'
“So pretty soon down come Margaret with Archibald, full of the Old
Scratch, as usual, dressed up gay in a kind of red blanket nighty, with
a rope around the middle of it. The young one spotted Simeon, and set up
a whoop.
“'Oh! there's the funny whiskers,' he sings out.
“'Good evenin', my son,' says the priest.
“'Who's the fat man?' remarks Archibald, sociable. 'I never saw such a
red fat man. What makes him so red and fat?'
“These questions didn't make Father McGrath any paler. He laughed, of
course, but not as if 'twas the funniest thing he ever heard.
“'So you think I'm fat, do you, my boy?' says he.
“'Yes, I do,' says Archibald. 'Fat and red and funny. Most as funny as
the whisker man. I never saw such funny-lookin' people.'
“He commenced to point and holler and laugh. Poor Margaret was so
shocked and mortified she didn't know what to do.
“'Stop your noise, sonny,' says I. 'This gentleman wants to talk to your
nurse.'
“The answer I got was some unexpected.
“'What makes your feet so big?' says Archie, pointin' at my Sunday
boots. 'Why do you wear shoes like that? Can't you help it? You're
funny, too, aren't you? You're funnier than the rest of 'em.'
“We all went into the library then, and Father McGrath tried to ask
Margaret some questions. I'd told him the heft of the yarn on the way
from the church, and he was interested. But the questionin' was mighty
unsatisfyin'. Archibald was the whole team, and the rest of us was
yeller dogs under the wagon.
“'Can't you keep that child quiet?' asks the priest, at last, losin' his
temper and speakin' pretty sharp.
“'O Archie, dear! DO be a nice boy,' begs Margaret, for the eight
hundredth time.
“'Why don't you punish him as he deserves?'
“'Father, dear, I can't. The mistress says he's so sensitive that he has
to have his own way. I'd lose my place if I laid a hand on him.'
“'Come on into the parlor and see the pictures, Archie,' says I.
“'I won't,' says Archibald. 'I'm goin' to stay here and see the fat man
make faces.'
“'You see,' says Sim, apologizin' 'we can't touch him, 'cause we
promised his ma not to interfere. And my right hand's got cramps in the
palm of it this minute,' he adds, glarin' at the young one.
“Father McGrath stood up and reached for his hat. Margaret began to cry.
Archibald, dear, whooped and kicked the furniture. And just then the
front-door bell rang.
“For a minute I thought 'twas Cousin Harriet and the Holdens come back,
but then I knew it was hours too early for that. Margaret was too much
upset to be fit for company, so I answered the bell myself. And who in
the world should be standin' on the steps but that big Dempsey man, the
boss of the Golconda House, where me and Simeon had been stayin'; the
feller we'd spoke to that very mornin'.
“'Good evenin', sor,' says he, in a voice as deep as a well. 'I'm glad
to find you to home, sor. There's a telegram come for you at my place,'
he says, 'and as your friend lift the address when he come for the
baggage this afternoon, I brought it along to yez. I was comin' this
way, so 'twas no trouble.'
“'That's real kind of you,' I says. 'Step inside a minute, won't you?'
“So in he comes, and stands, holdin' his shiny beaver in his hand, while
I tore open the telegram envelope. 'Twas a message from a feller I knew
with the Clyde Line of steamboats. He had found out, somehow, that we
was in New York, and the telegram was an order for us to come and make
him a visit.
“'I hope it's not bad news, sor,' says the big chap.
“'No, no,' says I. 'Not a bit of it, Mr. Dempsey. Come on in and have a
cigar, won't you?'
“'Thank you, sor,' says he. 'I'm glad it's not the bad news. Sure, I ax
you and your friend's pardon for bein' so short to yez this mornin', but
I'm in that throuble lately that me timper is all but gone.'
“'That so?' says I. 'Trouble's thick in this world, ain't it? Me and Mr.
Phinney got a case of trouble on our hands now, Mr. Dempsey, and--'
“'Excuse me, sor,' he says. 'My name's not Dempsey. I suppose you seen
the sign with me partner's name on it. I only bought into the business
a while ago, and the new sign's not ready yit. Me name is O'Shaughnessy,
sor.'
“'What?' says I. And then: 'WHAT?'
“'O'Shaughnessy. Michael O'Shaughnessy. I--'
“'Hold on!' I sung out. 'For the land sakes, hold on! WHAT'S your name?'
“He bristled up like a cat.
“'Michael O'Shaughnessy,' he roars, like the bull of Bashan. 'D'yez
find any fault with it? 'Twas me father's before me--Michael Patrick
O'Shaughnessy, of County Sligo. I'll have yez know--WHAT'S THAT?'
“'Twas a scream from the libr'ry. Next thing I knew, Margaret, the nurse
girl, was standin' in the hall, white as a Sunday shirt, and swingin'
back and forth like a wild-carrot stalk in a gale.
“'Mike!' says she, kind of low and faint. 'Mary be good to us! MIKE!'
“And the big chap dropped his tall hat on the floor and turned as white
as she was.
“'MAGGIE!' he hollers. And then they closed in on one another.
“Sim and the priest and Archie had followed the girl into the hall. Me
and Phinney was too flabbergasted to do anything, but big Father McGrath
was cool as an ice box. When Archibald, like the little imp he was, sets
up a whoop and dives for them two, the priest grabs him by the rope of
the blanket nighty and swings him into the libr'ry, and shuts the door
on him.
“'And now,' says he, takin' Sim and me by the arms and leadin' us to the
parlor, 'we'll just step in here and wait a bit.'
“We waited, maybe, ten minutes. Archibald, dear, shut up in the libr'ry,
was howlin' blue murder, but nobody paid any attention to him. Then
there was a knock on the door between us and the hall, and Father
McGrath opened it. There they was, the two of 'em--Mike and
Maggie--lookin' red and foolish--but happy, don't talk!
“'You see, sor,' says the O'Shaughnessy man to me, ''twas the
five-thousand-dollar prize that done it. I'd been workin' at me trade,
sor--larnin' to tind bar it was--and I'd just got a new job where the
pay was pretty good, and I'd sint over for Maggie, and was plannin' for
the little flat we was to have, and the like of that, when I drew that
prize. And the joy of it was like handin' me a jolt on the jaw. It put
me out for two weeks, sor, and when I come to I was in Baltimore, where
I'd gone to collect the money; and two thousand of the five was gone,
and I knew me job in New York was gone, and I was that shamed and sick
it took me three days more to make up me mind to come to me Cousin
Tim's, where I knew Maggie'd be waitin' for me. And when I did come back
she was gone, too.'
“'And then,' says Father McGrath, sharp, 'I suppose you went on another
spree, and spent the rest of the money.'
“'I did not, sor--axin' your pardon for contradictin' your riverence.
I signed the pledge, and I'll keep it, with Maggie to help me. I put
me three thousand into a partnership with me friend Dempsey, who was
runnin' the Golconda House--'tis over on the East Side, with a fine bar
trade--and I'm doin' well, barrin' that I've been crazy for this poor
girl, and advertisin' and--'
“'And look at the clothes of him!' sings out Margaret, reverentlike.
'And is that YOUR tall hat, Mike? To think of you with a tall hat! Sure
it's a proud girl I am this day. Saints forgive me, I've forgot Archie!'
“And afore we could stop her she'd run into the hall and unfastened
the libr'ry door. It took her some time to smooth down the young one's
sensitive feelin's, and while she was gone, me and Simeon told the
O'Shaughnessy man a little of what his girl had had to put up with along
of Cousin Harriet and Archibald. He was mad.
“'Is that the little blackguard?' he asks, pointin' to Archibald, who
had arrived by now.
“'That's the one,' says I.
“Archibald looked up at him and grinned, sassy as ever.
“'Father McGrath,' asks O'Shaughnessy, determined like, 'can you marry
us this night?'
“'I can,' says the Father.
“'And will yez?'
“'I will, with pleasure.'
“'Maggie,' says Mike, 'get your hat and jacket on and come with the
Father and me this minute. These gintlemen here will explain to your
lady when she comes back. But YOU'LL come back no more. We'll send for
your trunk to-morrer.'
“Even then the girl hesitated. She'd been so used to bein' a slave that
I suppose she couldn't realize she was free at last.
“'But, Mike, dear,' she says. 'I--oh, your lovely hat! Put it down,
Archie, darlin'. Put it down!'
“Archibald had been doin' a little cruisin' on his own hook, and he'd
dug up Mike's shiny beaver where it had been dropped in the hall. Now he
was dancin' round with it, bangin' it on the top as if it was a drum.
“'Put it down, PLEASE!' pleads Margaret. 'Twas plain that that plug was
a crown of glory to her.
“'Drop it, you little thafe!' yells O'Shaughnessy, makin' a dive for the
boy.
“'I won't!' screams Archibald, and starts to run. He tripped over the
corner of a mat, and fell flat. The plug hat was underneath him, and it
fell flat, too.
“'Oh! oh! oh!' wails Margaret, wringin' her hands. 'Your beautiful hat,
Mike!'
“Mike's face was like a sunset.
“'Your reverence,' says he, 'tell me this; don't the wife promise to
“obey” in the marriage service?'
“'She does,' says Father McGrath.
“'D'ye hear that, you that's to be Margaret O'Shaughnessy? You do? Well,
then, as your husband that's to be in tin minutes, I order you to give
that small divil what's comin' to him. D'ye hear me? Will yez obey me,
or will yez not?'
“She didn't know what to do. You could see she wanted to--her fingers
was itchin' to do it, but--And then Archie held up the ruins of the hat
and commenced to laugh.
“That settled it. Next minute he was across her knee and gettin' what
he'd been sufferin' for ever sence he was born; and gettin' all the back
numbers along with it, too.
“And in the midst of the performance Sim Phinney leans over to me with
the most heavenly, resigned expression on his face, and says he:
“'It ain't OUR fault, Hiram. We promised not to interfere.'”
“What did Sam Holden and his wife say when they got home?” asked Captain
Sol, when the triumphant whoops over Archibald's righteous chastisement
had subsided.
“We didn't give him much of a chance to say anything. I laid for him in
the hall when he arrived and told him that Phinney had got a telegram
and must leave immediate. He wanted to know why, and a whole lot more,
but I told him we'd write it. Neither Sim nor me cared to face Cousin
Harriet after her darlin' son had spun his yarn. Ha! ha! I'd like to
have seen her face--from a safe distance.”
Captain Bailey Stitt cleared his throat. “Referrin' to them
automobiles,” he said, “I--”
“Say, Sol,” interrupted Wingate, “did I ever tell you of Cap'n Jonadab's
and my gettin' took up by the police when WE was in New York?”
“No,” replied the astounded depot master. “Took up by the POLICE?”
“Um--hm. Surprises you, don't it? Well, that whole trip was a surprise
to me.
“When Laban Thorp set out to thrash his son and the boy licked him
instead, they found the old man settin' in the barnyard, holdin' on to
his nose and grinnin' for pure joy.
“'Hurt?' says he. 'Why, some. But think of it! Only think of it! I
didn't believe Bill had it in him.'
“Well, that's the way I felt when Cap'n Jonadab sprung the New York plan
on to me. I was pretty nigh as much surprised as Labe. The idea of a man
with a chronic case of lockjaw of the pocketbook, same as Jonadab had
worried along under ever sence I knew him, suddenly breakin' loose with
a notion to go to New York on a pleasure cruise! 'Twas too many for me.
I set and looked at him.
“'Oh, I mean it, Barzilla,' he says. 'I ain't been to New York sence I
was mate on the Emma Snow, and that was 'way back in the eighties. That
is, to stop I ain't. That time we went through on the way to Peter T.'s
weddin' don't count, 'cause we only went in the front door and out the
back, like Squealer Wixon went through high school. Let's you and me go
and stay two or three days and have a real high old time,' says he.
“I fetched a long breath. 'Jonadab,' I says, don't scare a feller this
way; I've got a weak heart. If you're goin' to start in and be divilish
in your old age, why, do it kind of gradual. Let's go over to the
billiard room and have a bottle of sass'parilla and a five-cent cigar,
just to break the ice.'
“But that only made him mad.
“'You talk like a fish,' he says. 'I mean it. Why can't we go? It's
September, the Old Home House is shut up for the season, you and me's
done well--fur's profits are concerned--and we ought to have a change,
anyway. We've got to stay here in Orham all winter.'
“'Have you figgered out how much it's goin' to cost?' I asked him.
“Yes, he had. 'It won't be so awful expensive,' he says. 'I've got some
stock in the railroad and that'll give me a pass fur's Fall River. And
we can take a lunch to eat on the boat. And a stateroom's a dollar;
that's fifty cents apiece. And my daughter's goin' to Denboro on a
visit next week, so I'd have to pay board if I stayed to home. Come on,
Barzilla! don't be so tight with your money.'
“So I said I'd go, though I didn't have any pass, nor no daughter to
feed me free gratis for nothin' when I got back. And when we started,
on the followin' Monday, nothin' would do but we must be at the depot
at two o'clock so's not to miss the train, which left at quarter past
three.
“I didn't sleep much that night on the boat. For one thing, our
stateroom was a nice lively one, alongside of the paddle box and just
under the fog whistle; and for another, the supper that Jonadab had
brought, bein' mainly doughnuts and cheese, wa'n't the best cargo to
take to bed with you. But it didn't make much diff'rence, 'cause we
turned out at four, so's to see the scenery and git our money's worth.
What was left of the doughnuts and cheese we had for breakfast.
“We made the dock on time, and the next thing was to pick out a hotel.
I was for cruisin' along some of the main streets until we hove in sight
of a place that looked sociable and not too expensive. But no; Jonadab
had it all settled for me. We was goin' to the 'Wayfarer's Inn,' a
boardin' house where he'd put up once when he was mate of the Emma Snow.
He said 'twas a fine place and you could git as good ham and eggs there
as a body'd want to eat.
“So we set sail for the 'Wayfarer's,' and of all the times gittin' to a
place--don't talk! We asked no less than nine policemen and one hundred
and two other folks, and it cost us thirty cents in car fares, which
pretty nigh broke Jonadab's heart. However, we found it, finally, 'way
off amongst a nest of brick houses and peddler carts and children, and
it wa'n't the 'Wayfarer's Inn' no more, but was down in the shippin'
list as the 'Golconda House.' Jonadab said the neighborhood had changed
some sence he was there, but he guessed we'd better chance it, 'cause
the board was cheap.
“We had a nine-by-ten room up aloft somewheres, and there we set down on
the edge of the bed and a chair to take account of stock, as you might
say.
“'Now, I tell you, Jonadab,' says I; 'we don't want to waste no time,
and we've got the day afore us. What do you say if we cruise along
the water front for a spell? There's ha'f a dozen Orham folks aboard
diff'rent steamers that hail from this port, and 'twouldn't be no more'n
neighborly to call on 'em. There's Silas Baker's boy, Asa--he's with the
Savannah Line and he'd be mighty glad to see us. And there's--'
“But Jonadab held up his hand. He'd been mysterious as a baker's mince
pie ever sence we started, hintin' at somethin' he'd got to do when we'd
got to New York. And now he out with it.
“'Barzilla,' he says, 'I ain't sayin' but what I'd like to go to the
wharves with you, first rate. And we will go, too. But afore we do
anything else I've got an errand that must be attended to. 'Twas give
to me by a dyin' man,' he says, 'and I promised him I'd do it. So that
comes first of all.'
“He got his wallet out of his inside vest pocket, where it had been
pinned in tight to keep it safe from robbers, unwound a foot or so of
leather strap, and dug up a yeller piece of paper that looked old enough
to be Methusalem's will, pretty nigh.
“'Do you remember Patrick Kelly in Orham?' he asks.
“'Who?' says I. 'Pat Kelly, the Irishman, that lived in the little old
shack back of your barn? Course I do. But he's been dead for I don't
know how long.'
“'I know he has. Do you remember his boy Jim that run away from home?'
“'Let's see,' I says. 'Seems to me I do. Freckled, red-headed rooster,
wa'n't he? And of all the imps of darkness that ever--'
“'S-sh-sh!' he interrupted solemn. 'Don't say that now, Barzilla. Sounds
kind of irreverent. Well, me and old Pat was pretty friendly, in a way,
though he did owe me rent. When he was sick with the pleurisy he sends
for me and he says, “Cap'n 'Wixon,” says he, “you're pretty close with
the money,” he says--he was kind of out of his head at the time and
liable to say foolish things--“you're pretty close,” he says, “but
you're a man of your word. My boy Jimmie, that run away, was the apple
of my eye.”'
“'That's what he said about his girl Maggie that was took up for
stealin' Mrs. Elkanah Higgins's spoons,' I says. 'He had a healthy crop
of apples in HIS orchard.'
“'S-sh-h! DON'T talk so! I feel as if the old man's spirit was with
us this minute. “He's the apple of my eye,” he says, “and he run away,
after me latherin' the life out of him with a wagon spoke. 'Twas all
for his good, but he didn't understand, bein' but a child. And now I've
heard,” he says, “that he's workin' at 116 East Blank Street in the city
of New York. Cap'n Wixon, you're a man of money and a travelin' man,” he
says (I was fishin' in them days). “When you go to New York,” he says,
“I want you to promise me to go to the address on this paper and hunt
up Jimmie. Tell him I forgive him for lickin' him,” he says, “and die
happy. Will you promise me that, Cap'n, on your word as a gentleman?”
And I promised him. And he died in less than ten months afterwards, poor
thing.'
“'But that was sixteen--eighteen--nineteen years ago,' says I. 'And the
boy run away three years afore that. You've been to New York in the past
nineteen years, once anyhow.'
“'I know it. But I forgot. I'm ashamed of it, but I forgot. And when
I was goin' through the things up attic at my daughter's last Friday,
seein' what I could find for the rummage sale at the church, I come
across my old writin' desk, and in it was this very piece of paper with
the address on it just as I wrote it down. And me startin' for New York
in three days! Barzilla, I swan to man, I believe something SENT me to
that attic.'
“I knew what sent him there and so did the church folks, judgin' by
their remarks when the contribution came in. But I was too much set back
by the whole crazy business to say anything about that.
“'Look here, Jonadab Wixon,' I sings out, 'do you mean to tell me that
we've got to put in the whole forenoon ransackin' New York to find a boy
that run off twenty-two years ago?'
“'It won't take the forenoon,' he says. 'I've got the number, ain't I?'
“'Yes, you've got the number where he WAS. If you want to know where I
think he's likely to be now, I'd try the jail.'
“But he said I was unfeelin' and disobligin' and lots more, so, to cut
the argument short, I agreed to go. And off we put to hunt up 116
East Blank Street. And when we located it, after a good hour of askin'
questions, and payin' car fares and wearin' out shoe leather, 'twas a
Chinese laundry.
“'Well,' I says, sarcastic, 'here we be. Which one of the heathen do you
think is Jimmie? If he had an inch or so more of upper lip, I'd gamble
on that critter with the pink nighty and the baskets on his feet. He has
a kind of familiar chicken-stealin' look in his eye. Oh, come down on
the wharves, Jonadab, and be sensible.'
“Would you believe it, he wa'n't satisfied. We must go into the wash
shop and ask the Chinamen if they knew Jimmie Kelly. So we went in and
the powwow begun.
“'Twas a mighty unsatisfyin' interview. Jonadab's idea of talkin' to
furriners is to yell at 'em as if they was stone deef. If they don't
understand what you say, yell louder. So between his yells and the
heathen's jabber and grunts the hullabaloo was worse than a cat in a hen
yard. Folks begun to stop outside the door and listen and grin.
“'What did he say?' asks the Cap'n, turnin' to me.
“'I don't know,' says I, 'but I cal'late he's gettin' ready to send
a note up to the crazy asylum. Come on out of here afore I go loony
myself.'
“So he done it, finally, cross as all get out, and swearin' that all
Chinese was no good and oughtn't to be allowed in this country. But he
wouldn't give up, not yet. He must scare up some of the neighbors and
ask them. The fifth man that we asked was an old chap who remembered
that there used to be a liquor saloon once where the laundry was now.
But he didn't know who run it or what had become of him.
“'Never mind,' I says. 'You're as warm as you're likely to be this trip.
A rum shop is just about the place I'd expect that Kelly boy WOULD be
in. And, if he's like the rest of his relations on his dad's side, he
drank himself to death years ago. NOW will you head for the Savannah
Line?'
“Not much, he wouldn't. He had another notion. We'd look in the
directory. That seemed to have a glimmer of sense somewheres in its
neighborhood, so we found an apothecary store and the clerk handed us
out a book once again as big as a church Bible.
“'Kelly,' says Jonadab. 'Yes, here 'tis. Now, “James Kelly.” Land of
Love! Barzilla, look here.'
“I looked, and there wa'n't no less than a dozen pages of James Kellys
beginning with fifty James A.'s and endin' with four James Z.'s. The Y
in 'New York' ought to be a C, judgin' by that directory.
“'Godfrey mighty!' I says. 'This ain't no forenoon's job, Jonadab. If
you're goin' through that list you'll have to spend the rest of your
life here. Only, unless you want to be lonesome, you'll have to change
your name to Kelly.'
“'If I'd only got his middle letter,' says he, mournful, ''twould have
been easier. He had four middle names, if I remember right--the old man
was great on names--and 'twas too much trouble to write 'em all down.
Well, I've done my duty, anyhow. We'll go and call on Ase Baker.'
“But 'twas after eleven o'clock then, and the doughnuts and cheese I
had for breakfast was beginnin' to feel as if they wanted company. So we
decided to go back to the Golconda and have some dinner first.
“We had ham and eggs for dinner, some that was left over from the last
time Jonadab stopped there, I cal'late. Lucky there was hot bread and
coffee on the bill or we'd never got a square meal. Then we went up to
our room and the Cap'n laid down on the bed. He was beat out, he said,
and wanted to rest up a spell afore haulin' anchor for another cruise.”