not a mite, I shouldn’t cry over it,” and I told him further, fixin’ my
gray eyes upon him serenely, “that there was two or three words that
wasn’t dead, that he would do well to strain off, and bile doun, and take
’em for a stiddy drink.”
He wanted to know what they was, and I told him plainly they was “Mind
your own business.”
He said he would bile ’em doun, and take ’em stiddy as a clock, and
pretty soon he started off for Jonesville--he had staid to home that
day to help his father. And I went on with a serene face a makin’ my
preparations. Josiah didn’t hardly take his eyes off of my face, as I
made ’em. He sot in a dejected way, a claspin’ the World in his two
hands, with a sad look onto his face. He hated to think of my leavin’
him, and goin’ off on a tower. I see he did, and I says to him in a real
affectionate tone,
“Josiah, haint there nothin’ I can do for you in New York, haint you got
any errands to the village?”
He rubbed his bald head in deep thought for a minute or two, and then
says he, (he thinks everything of the World,) “The nigger barber’s wife
to Jonesville came pretty near runnin’ away with another nigger last
night; if you have time I should love to have you go to the Editer of the
World and tell him of it. I am afraid,” says he, and a gloomy, anxious
look over-spread his eye-brow, “I am afraid he haint heard of it.”
I answered him in a soothin’ tone, “That I guessed he had heard of it
before now, I guessed it would be in the next week’s World,” and Josiah
kinder chirked up and went out to work.
The next day I took ten pounds of butter, and 4 dozen of eggs and Josiah
carried me to Jonesville to trade ’em out, to get necessarys for me to
wear on my tower. I didn’t begrech layin’ out so much expense, neither
did Josiah, for we both knew that as I was gettin’ pretty well along in
years, it wasn’t likely I should ever go off on a tower agin. And then I
had been prudent and equinomical all my days, and it wasn’t no more than
right that I should launch out now in a liberal way.
But all the time I was workin’ over that butter, and all the time I was
countin’ out them eggs, Horace was in my mind. Hangin’ such hopes on him
as I hung, I felt that I must do somethin’ openly, to give vent to my
patriotic feelin’s in regard to him.
I never had wore hats, for I felt that I was too old to wear ’em. But
now as I was startin’ off to Jonesville to get necessarys to wear on my
mission to that great and good Horace, I felt that principle called on me
to come out openly, and wear a white hat with a feather. And I felt that
Josiah as the husband of Josiah Allen’s wife, and the carrier of her to
get them necessarys, must also wear one.
The father of Josiah, had left to him with other clothin’, a large white
fur hat. As the old gentleman hadn’t wore it for some 40 or 50 years
prior to and before his desease, (he died when Thomas J. was a baby) it
wasn’t in the hight of fashion. But says I, “Josiah Allen in the name of
Horace and principle will you wear that hat?”
Says he, “I hate to like a dog, for they will think I have stole the
Baptist steeple, and am wearin’ it for a hat.” But seein’ my sad
dissapointed look, says he, “If you say so Samantha, I will wear it for
once.”
Says I with dignity, “It is not your wife, formally Samantha Smith, that
says so, it is principle.”
“Wall!” says he “fetch it on.” Josiah was awful clever to me, I guess it
is natural for all men to conduct themselves cleverer when they are about
to lose their pardners for a spell.
The hat _was big_. I couldn’t deny it. And Josiah bein’ small, with no
hair to fill it up, as I lifted it up with both hands and set it onto
him, his head went right up into it, the brim takin’ him right across the
bottom of his nose.
Says he, out from under the hat, “There hain’t no use a talkin’ Samantha,
I can’t never drive the old mare to Jonesville in this condition, blind
as a bat.”
But I explained it to him, that by windin’ a piller-case, or somethin’
round the top of his head, the hat would fit on, jest as you would fix a
small cork into a big bottle.
So that bein’ arrainged, my next thought was for my own hat, and I
thought mournfully as I examined it, mine would be as much too small as
his was too big; it was an old one of Tirzah Ann’s, it was pure white,
but it was small for _her_, and nobody could have got me even to have
tried it onto my head, for love or money. But in such a nature as J.
Allen’s wife’s, _principle_ is all in all.
And as I looked in the glass and see how awfully I looked in it, a
feelin’ of grandeur--self sacrificin’ nobility and patrotism swelled up
in me, and made my face look redder than ever, I am naturally very fresh
colored. And I felt that for the sake of Horace and principle, I could
endure the burnin’ sun, and mebby the scoffs and sneers of Jonesville,
they bein’ most all on the side of Grant. I took a old white silk bunnet
linin’ of mine, and put a new bindin’ round the edge, it bein’ formally
bound with pink. And then after readin’ a chapter in Fox’es Book of
Martyrs--a soul stirrin’ chapter, concernin’ them that was biled in oil
and baked on gridirens for principle--I sallied out to get a feather to
put onto it.
We hadn’t no white feathers by us, and I shouldn’t have felt like
runnin’ Josiah into any extra expense to buy one, if there had been a
feather store in the door yard. But our old rooster “Hail the Day,” as
Thomas Jefferson calls him, had the most curlin’est, and foamin’est tail
feathers you ever see, white as snow. And inspired by the most pure and
noble and lofty sentiments that can animate the human breast, I chased
up that old rooster for nigh onto half an hour. At last I cornered him
behind the barn, and as I held him tight to my breast, and pulled out
by main strength two long slim feathers, that quirled and waved in a
invitin’ manner, I says to him,
“This is hard for you, old Hail the Day. But you are not the rooster I
take you to be, you are not like your mistress, if you are not willin’ to
suffer in the cause of Right.”
He flopped his wings, when I let him go, and crowed nobly. I fixed the
feathers in and we set out. But I was more scairt than hurt in the line
of scoffs. As we went into Jonesville not a scoff did I see--not a single
scoff. No! they all smiled as they looked at us, they see the power of
principle, and they was proud of us. Some of ’em laughed, they admired us
so.
[Illustration: VISIT TO JONESVILLE.]
We drove up to the store and I went in with my butter and eggs, Josiah
havin’ business to the blacksmiths. The clerk looked at me, and he
smiled, and says he,
“I see you are for Horace Greeley.” He almost snickered but he checked
himself, looked meachin’, as he see my keen gray eye fixed onto his hat
which he had on, it was a kind of a mice coler, no principle shone on it
of any kind.
“Yes,” says I, “I am for Horace,” and agin I looked keenly and searchin’ly
at that hat, and says I “Be you on either side or be you on the fence?”
“Wall,” says he “I am kinder on the fence at the present time. But I
didn’t get up there because I am a coward, I got up there through policy;
when you are on the fence, you haint a steppin’ on the feet of either
party, it is a safe place, and it is a sightly place, you can see better
than you can on the ground.”
“When do you calculate to get off?” says I.
“Oh right after ’lection,” says he. “I shall get off on the side that
beats.”
I see here was a chance for me to do good and says I,
“Young man, ridin’ a fence never carried any man or woman into nobility
or honor,” says I, “you may saddle and bridle a fence with all the velvet
cushioned caution, and silver mounted excuses, and shinin’ policy you are
a mind to, but you never could get Josiah Allen’s wife on to it, she had
ruther walk afoot,” says I, “them brave warriors that go canterin’ doun
life’s battle field, leadin’ on the forlorn hope in the cause of Right,
don’t go ridin’ a fence.”
He looked stricken, and I asked him in a milder tone to look at his green
braige for viels. He took off that hat and threw it doun behind the
counter, and brought out the braige, and I bought right there on the spot
a yard and a quarter of it. I then bought a pair of new cotton gloves,
a good sized umbrella, a pair of morocco shoes, a pair of pink elastic
garters, and two as good stockin’s as Jonesville afforded, and butter
would pay for. I haint one to flounce the outside of the platter, and
let the inside go bony and ragged. I haint no opinion of wolves on the
outside, and sheep on the inside, I want to be sheep clear to the bone,
in dress as well as principle. Wall, who should come into the store, jest
as I was examinin’ the green braige through my spectacles, but Betsey
Bobbet. My purchases lay all round me on the counter, and says she,
“Josiah Allen’s wife, what means this extravagant outlay of expendature?”
Says I, as coolly as if I went there every mornin’ before breakfast,
“I am goin’ to New York village on a tower.”
She fairly screamed out, “What a coincidence!”
Says I calmly, “It haint no such thing, it is green braige for a viel. It
is 75 cents a yard.”
“You do not understand me, Josiah Allen’s wife,” says she. “I mean
that it is so singulah and coinciding that I am goin’ theah too. Cousin
Melindy, she that married Ebenezah Williams, is just goin’ with the
consumption. And I felt that duty was a drawin’ of me theah. As I told
motheh, in case of anything’s happenin’, in case that Melindy should
expiah, how sweet and soothin’ it would be to Ebenezah to have somebody
theah, that could feel for him. It would about kill Ebinezah to lose
Melindy, and I feel that it would be so sweet and comfortin’ for him to
have somebody on hand to lean on;” she smiled sweetly as she continued,
“there is almost a certainty that Melindy is about to be took from our
aching hearts. But I fall back on the scripture, and on my duty, and try
to feel as if I could give her up. When do you start?”
“Thursday mornin’,” says I in a tone as cold as a grindstone in January,
for I see what was before me.
She clasped her two hands and smiled on me two times, and cried out
agin, “Oh, what anotheh coincidence! jest the day I was intending to
embark. Oh,” says she, “how sweet it will be for you to have a congenial
companion on the way, as the poet Robinson Selkirk sweetly singeth,
‘Oh solitude, where are the charms
Mr. Sage hath seen in thy face?’
Don’t you say so, Josiah Allen’s wife?”
“I respect Mr. Sage,” says I, “he is a man I admire, and Mr. Selkirk
don’t know beans,” and I added in frigid tones, “when the bag is
untied.” I see that my emotions was a gettin’ the better of me, I see
my principals was a totterin’. I recollected that I was a member of the
Methodist meetin’ house, and the words of a him come back to me, with a
slight change in ’em to suit the occasion.
“Shall I be carried to New York,
On floury bags of ease?”
I turned and shouldered my cross.
“Betsey we will set sail together Thursday mornin’.” I then turned
silently and left the store, for I felt than any further effort would
have been too much for me.
Thursday mornin’ found me to the depott in good season. Betsey also was
on time. I didn’t feel haughty nor at all proud, but still I felt that I
was a independent householder startin’ to New York village on a tower at
my own expense. I see that all the car folks felt friendly towards me for
thier was a pleasant smile on their faces every time they looked at me
and Betsey.
I wasn’t trimmed off so much as Betsey, but I looked well. I had on that
good calico dress, a large black silk mantilly, a good shirred silk
bunnet large enough to shade my face some, my bran new cotton gloves, my
veil and my umbrell.
Betsey, I always thought put on too much to look well, howsomever
everybody to their own mind. She had on a pale blue parmetta dress, with
flounces and puckers onto it, a overskirt and a greek bender of the same,
trimmed with checkered delain, out on a biasin’, a close fittin’ bask
of the delain, which was pink and yellow plaid and which was pinked out
on the edge with a machine. She had on a white bobbinet lace hat, jest
big enough to cover her bump of self-esteem, trimmed with red and yellow
roses and long ends of otter colored ribbon and white lace, then she had
long cornelian ear rings, a string of beads round her neck, and a locket
and a big blue breast pin and a cornelian cross. A pair of new white
cotton gloves, trimmed with two rows of broad white cotton edgin’ five
cents a yard--for I seen her buy it--and two horsehair bracelets. And
with her new teeth and her long bran new tow curls, and waterfalls and
frizzles all full of otter colored rosettes, I tell you she looked gay.
She says to me as she met my keen gaze.
“I don’t know but what you think I am foolish Josiah Allen’s wife,
in enrobing myself in my best a coming on the road. But these are my
sentiments. I knew we should get theah before night, and I should proceed
at once to Ebinezah’s, and if anything should be a happening, if it
should be the house of mourning, I thought it would be so comforting to
Ebinezah, to see me looking beautiful and cheerful. Yon know theah is
everything in first impressions. I mean of course,” she added hastily,
“that I am that sorry for poor lonely widdowers and especially Ebinezah,
that if I could be a comfort to them, I would be willing to sacrifice
a tablespoonful of my heart’s best blood, much moah this blue parmetta
dress. These are my sentiments Josiah Allen’s wife.”
Says I coldly, “I should know they was yours Betsey, I should know they
was yours, if I should meet ’em in my porridge dish.”
But the time drew near for the cars to bear me away from Josiah, and I
began to feel bad.
I don’t believe in husbands and wives partin’ away from each other,
one livin’ in Europe, and one in New York village, one in Wall street,
and the other on a Long Branch, one in Boston, and the other in North
America. As the poet truly observes,
“When the cat is away the mice’s will go to playin’.”
As for me, I want my husband Josiah where I can lay my hand on him any
time, day or night, I know then what he is about. Though so far as
jealousy is concerned, Bunker Hill monument, and Plymouth Rock would be
jest as likely to go to flirtin’ and cuttin’ up, as either of us. We have
almost cast iron confidence in each other. But still it is a sweet and
satisfyin’ thought to know jest where your consort is, and what he is
about, from hour to hour.
Josiah and me didn’t shed no tears as we each of us parted, though our
hearts ached with anguish we both of us felt it our duty to be calm. I
felt a tear risin’ to my eye, but with a almost fearful effort I choked
it back and said in low accents as we grasped holt of each others hands
at partin’,
“Good by, Josiah, remember to feed the hens, and keep the suller door
shet up.”
He too struggled nobly for composure and conquered, and in a voice of
marble calm he said,
“Good by Samantha, don’t spend no more money than is necessary.”
The Ingin hitched to the front car give a wild yell, as if he felt our
two woes--Josiah’s and mine--and we parted for the first time in goin’ on
15 years.
As I sunk back on the wooden bottomed car seat, perfectly onmanned by my
efforts at commandin’ myself, for the first time I felt regret at my wild
and perilous undertakin’.
[Illustration]
MEETING GRANT AND COLFAX.
We had to change cars about noon, as we went into the depot to get our
tickets, the ticket man looked so kinder lonesome stuck in there alone,
for all the world as if he had done somethin’ and his mother had shet him
up, that I thought I would make a little talk with him.
He favored Celestine Wilkins’es husband considerable, jest such a
meachin’ lookin’ feller, and I knew Celestine’s husband had a brother
down this way somewhere, and so to kinder open a conversation with him, I
asked him “If he ever had any relation that married a girl by the name of
Gowdey?”
You ought to have heard how that feller snapped me up--he couldn’t have
answered me any shorter, if I had asked him to run away with me.
But thinks’es I to myself, he has got morbid through lonesomness. I
pitied him shet up alone there, and so in a few minutes I begun agin.
“I didn’t know but he was your brother, he has a good deal such a
meachin’ look to him,” and says I, “The country round here hain’t so
pleasant as Jonesville, do you think it is sir?”
“He didn’t know or care nothin’ about Jonesville.”
His tone was sharper than that sword aged two, that the bible tells of.
Says I, “Young man you needn’t take my head quite off, if you never did
see Jonesville nor had any other advantages. I hain’t to blame for it.”
And thinks’es I to myself, you may be lonesome for all of me, you may die
of lonesomness for all I care, I shan’t try to make any more talk with
you to make your time pass off easier.
We got on to the cars agin and got a good seat. I wanted to set by an
open winder, and Betsey didn’t. I mistrust she thought the wind would
take the kink out of her frizzles, and so she went on a seat or 2 ahead
of me. There was a lot of fashionable lookin’ folks came in too, and one
of ’em came along and set right down in the seat with me, the cars bein’
pretty full. She was dressed up like a doll, but she didn’t act stuck
up a mite, my opinion is, she knew what belonged to good manners, and I
offered her some caraway, for I liked her looks. She took it and thanked
me for it, and says I to make talk with her,
“Are you goin’ far on the cars?”
She said, “She wasn’t goin’ far on this route, she was goin’ to a
waterin’ place.”
“How far?” says I.
“Oh 2 or 300 miles,” says she.
“Good land!” says I, “Can’t you find any water nearer hum? Why,” says I,
“I should think you would be choked before you got there.” Says I, “Our
cistern and well sometimes gives out in hot weather, but Josiah always
draws water from the creek,” why says I, full of pity for her, “If I
hadn’t any water to the house, and nobody to draw it for me I should
rather drive myself to the creek and water myself 3 times a day, than to
start off on the cars so far after it. Howsumever every body to their own
mind.”
She kinder laughed with her eyes, and, said somethin’ about “seasides”
and “sea bathin’” or somethin’ and I felt it was my duty to say to her,
“You needn’t go 300 miles for that, you can get good seasides to
Jonesville for 75 cents. Tirzah Ann, Josiah’s girl by his first wife, got
one for that. I don’t wear hats myself, except,” says I with dignity,
“in the cause of Right and for the good of the Human Race. And as for
seein’ bathin’, I myself would go the other way, ruther than foller it
up; howsumever everybody to thier own taste.” But I kep’ thinkin’ of it,
and I couldn’t help breakin’ out agin, and speakin’ my mind; says I, in
a good deal colder accents, “I would as soon go to a horse race--and
sooner,” for the more I thought of it the more I thought that no virtuous
woman would start off 300 miles to see bathin’ goin’ on. I acted offish
after that, and was sorry I had give her the caraway.
Her face looked red, and she started up and went back and sot doun
by some of her mates, and I was glad she did. She pretended to be a
laughin’, and she was talkin’ to ’em awful busy; but I see one eye was on
me the most of the time--she felt guilty.
At the very next station house two fellers come in that everybody seemed
to be lookin’ at, and payin’ attention to. But they didn’t seem to mind
it. They come in and sot doun right in the seat between me and Betsey.
After they had sot doun, one of ’em took a cigar out of his pocket, and
put it in his mouth. It wasn’t lit, but he held it between his teeth as
if it was a great comfort to him. Thinks’es I, it is kinder queer works,
but I can stand it if the R. R. Company can. But Betsey leaned her head
back, and says to him,
“Was you aware, kind sir, that cigars was confiscated on the cars?”
He didn’t say a word, but held on to it with his teeth as if it was
dreadful comfortin’ to him. And she asked him over again. But not a word
did he say. I guess she asked him five times--but not a word did she get
out of him. And then she turned to the feller with him, the smilin’ chap,
and says she,
“Is your companion a deaf male?”
He smiled. Agin she asked him,
“Is your pardner deprived of his eahs?”
“Oh no,” says he, “he has got ears,” and agin he smiled.
Thinks’es I, it is pretty queer works, but it is none of my business.
I guess we had rode nigh on to an hour in jest that way, Betsey kinder
oneasy and nestlin’ round, I calm and placid in demeaniour and one of the
men between us a holdin’ that cigar in his mouth, as if it was indeed
consolin’, and the other one a smilin’ blandly, at nothin’ in particular.
Everybody in the cars seemed to be a lookin’ at ’em, and thinks’es I, it
is no wonder, for of all the good natured lookin’ men I ever see, he is
the cap sheaf. Thinks’es I, I wish every ticket agent in the world could
have his benine face to hang up before ’em, for a sampler, for if there
was ever a race that had the appearance of bein’ brought up on vinegar
and ten-penny nails, it is them.
After a while, I got kinder hungry. My basket hung right up over them
two men, and I rose up, and went to reach up for it, when the smilin’
chap got up a smilin’ and says he to me, “Can’t I assist you, madam?” and
he reached up smilin’ as sweet as a rose, to take it doun, when all of
a sudden the handle slipped out at one end, and doun come the contents
right on to his face. One nut-cake, a long, slim one, sot up straight on
his nose, as handsome as you ever see a circus man ride a white horse.
But most mournful of all, I had some biled eggs, and unbeknown to me,
Tirzah Ann had took ’em out too quick, before they was much more than
warmed through, and they broke onto his face and all run doun into his
whiskers. But if you will believe it, that blessed man smiled.
[Illustration: THE SMILIN’ STRANGER.]
Thinks I to myself, “Good land! was there ever such a clever critter on
earth?” I handed him a clean towel, and told him I was sorry. But he
smiled, and said, “it wasn’t any matter,” and wiped his sweetly smilin’
face, and handed the towel back smilin’.
The other feller never said a word, though one of the eggs broke onto
the legs of his white pantaloons. Jest at this crisis, a tall man with
whiskers came up, and said somethin’ to ’em, and they got up and went to
the other end of the car, where there was a lot of smart lookin’ men. As
they went by me the clever feller slipped on a piece of orange peel, and
a most fell. But if you will believe it, the critter smiled.
I see that all of them smart lookin’ men acted dreadful reverential
towards the two, and I says to a bystander behind me, “Can you tell me
sir who that clever critter is, and the other one?” Says he, “That is
Skyler Colfax, and General Grant.”
I rose right up in my seat, for at the mention of them two honored names,
such emotions rushed onto me--that it drownded out fear, and all the
shrinkin’ bashfulness of my sect, and I forgot in that wrapped moment
that I wasn’t Josiah, and I advanced right onwards towards them two
noble men. Every man round ’em see the lofty expression onto my face, and
kinder fell back, and I walked right up and gripped Skylers’es hand with
one of mine, while I held my umbrell in the other tremblin’ with emotion.
“Skyler, I am glad Tirzah Ann took ’em out too quick.”
He didn’t know what I meant, but that blessed man smiled, and agin I
spoke in the same tremblin’ tones.
“I am glad they was rare done.”
Agin he smiled, and agin I spoke, and I mastered my feelin’s, with a
effort, and spoke out loud and clear,
“The hen that laid them eggs, never shall do another day’s work as long
as my name is Josiah Allen’s wife. I know jest which one laid ’em, for
old speckle face’s eggs are so big that we always keep ’em for our own
use.” Says I, “it makes me proud and happy to think I am the owner of
that hen, for if it hadn’t been for them eggs, I never should have felt
so well acquainted with you. If it hadn’t been for them eggs that broke
onto your good and honored face, I never should have had the privilege of
graspin’ holt of your hand and sayin’ to you what I now say, that though
goodness and patience and faithfulness may be made light of by some,
they are jest what is goin’ to carry Uncle Sam triumphant onward, with
a smilin’ face, when the egg shells of uncivil war break on his honest
face, and thier yelks run down into his whiskers.”
Here my feelin’s almost overcame me agin, and as he smiled at me, and
spoke kinder pleasant to me--and smiled agin, I turned silently away and
grasped holt of General Grant’ses hand, and says I, in still more chokin’
accents--
“Ulysses this is a proud day for Josiah Allen’s wife,” says I, “Ulysses
how do you do?”
He didn’t say nothin’ but nodded kinder pleasant to me, and I says in
the same almost tremblin tones for I knew he thought every thing of
his relations. “How is Mr. Dents’es folks, are they all enjoying good
health?” He nodded agin kinder pleasant but didn’t say a word, and I
proceeded on--