THE SACRIFICE--RACE LOYALTY
Getting back to the affair of the Scotch girl, I hated to give up her
kindness and friendship. I would have given half my life to have had her
possess just a least bit of negro blood in her veins, but since she did
not and could not help it any more than I could help being a negro, I
tried to forget it, straightened out my business and took a trip east,
bent on finding a wife among my own.
As the early morning train carried me down the road from Megory, I hoped
with all the hope of early manhood, I would find a sensible girl and not
like many I knew in Chicago, who talked nothing but clothes, jewelry,
and a good time. I had no doubt there were many good colored girls in
the east, who, if they understood my life, ambition and morality, would
make a good wife and assist me in building a little empire on the Dakota
plains, not only as a profit to ourselves, but a credit to the negro
race as well. I wanted to succeed, but hold the respect and good will of
the community, and there are few communities that will sanction a
marriage with a white girl, hence, the sacrifice.
I spent about six weeks visiting in Chicago and New York, finally
returning west to southern Illinois to visit a family in C--dale, near
M--boro, who were the most prosperous colored people in the town. They
owned a farm near town, nine houses and lots in the city, and were
practical people who understood business and what it took to succeed.
They had a daughter whom I had known as a child back in the home town
M--plis, where she had cousins that she used to visit. She had by this
time grown into a woman of five and twenty. Her name was Daisy Hinshaw.
Now Miss Hinshaw was not very good-looking but had spent years in school
and in many ways was unlike the average colored girl. She was attentive
and did not have her mind full of cheap, showy ideals. I had written to
her at times from South Dakota and she had answered with many inviting
letters. Therefore, when I wrote her from New York that I intended
paying her a visit, she answered in a very inviting letter, but boldly
told me not to forget to bring her a nice present, that she would like a
large purse. I did not like such boldness. I should have preferred a
little more modesty, but I found the purse, however, a large seal one in
a Fifth Avenue shop, for six dollars, which Miss Hinshaw displayed with
much show when I came to town.
The town had a colored population of about one thousand and the many
girls who led in the local society looked enviously upon Miss Hinshaw's
catch--and the large seal purse--and I became the "Man of the Hour" in
C--dale.
The only marriageable man in the town who did not gamble, get drunk and
carouse in a way that made him ineligible to decent society, was the
professor of the colored school. He was a college graduate and received
sixty dollars a month. He had been spoiled by too much attention,
however, and was not an agreeable person.
Miss Hinshaw was dignified and desired to marry, and to marry somebody
that amounted to something, but she was so bold and selfish. She took a
delight in the reports, that were going the rounds, that we were
engaged, and I was going to have her come to South Dakota and file on a
Tipp County homestead relinquishment that I would buy, and we would then
get married.
The only objector to this plan was myself. I had not fallen in love with
Miss Hinshaw and did not feel that I could. Daisy was a nice girl,
however, a little odd in appearance, having a light brown complexion,
without color or blood visible in the cheeks; was small and bony; padded
with so many clothes that no idea of form could be drawn. I guessed her
weight at about ninety pounds. She had very good hair but grey eyes,
that gave her a cattish appearance.
She had me walking with her alone and permitted no one to interfere. She
would not introduce me to other girls while out, keeping me right by her
side and taking me home and into her parlor, with her and her alone, as
company.
One day I went up town and while there took a notion to go to the little
mining town, to see the relatives who had got me the job there seven
years before. But it was ten miles, with no train before the following
morning. Just then the colored caller called out a train to M--boro and
St. Louis, and all of a sudden it occurred to me that I had almost
forgotten Miss Rooks. Why not go to M--boro? I had not expected to pay
her a visit but suddenly decided that I would just run over quietly and
come back on the train to C--dale at five o'clock that afternoon. I
jumped aboard and as M--boro was only eight miles, I was soon in the
town, and inquiring where she lived.
I found their house presently--they were always moving--and just a
trifle nervously rang the bell. The door was opened in a few minutes and
before me stood Jessie. She had changed quite a bit in the three years
and now with long skirts and the eyes looked so tired and dream-like.
She was quite fascinating, this I took in at a glance. She stammered
out, "Oh! Oscar Devereaux", extending her hand timidly and looking into
my eyes as though afraid. She looked so lonely, and I had thought a
great deal of her a few years ago--and perhaps it was not all dead--and
the next moment she was in my arms and I was kissing her.
I did not go back to C--dale on the five nor on the eight o'clock--and I
did not want to on the last train that night. I was having the most
carefree time of my life. They were hours of sweetest bliss. With Jessie
snugly held in the angle of my left arm, we poured out the pent-up
feelings of the past years. I had a proposition to make, and had reasons
to feel it would be accepted.
The family had a hard time making ends meet. Her father had lost the
mail carrier's job and had run a restaurant later and then a saloon.
Failing in both he had gone to another town, starting another restaurant
and had there been assaulted by a former admirer of Jessie's, who had
struck him with a heavy stick, fracturing the skull and injuring him so
that for weeks he had not been able to remember anything. Although he
was then convalescing, he was unable to earn anything. Her mother had
always been helpless, and the support fell on her and a younger brother,
who acted as special delivery letter carrier and received twenty dollars
a month, while Jessie taught a country school a mile from town,
receiving twenty-five dollars per month. This she turned over to the
support of the household, and made what she earned sewing after school
hours, supply her own needs. It was a long and pitiful tale she related
as we walked together along a dark street, with her clinging to my arm
and speaking at times in a half sob. My heart went out to her, and I
wanted to help and said: "Why did you not write to me, didn't you know
that I would have done something?"
"Well," she answered slowly, "I started to several times, but was so
afraid that you would not understand." She seemed so weak and forlorn in
her distress. She had never been that way when I knew her before, and I
felt sure she had suffered, and I was a brute, not to have realized it.
Twelve o'clock found me as reluctant to go as five o'clock had, but as
we kissed lingeringly at the door, I promised when I left C--dale two
evenings later I would stop off at M--boro and we would discuss the
matter pro and con. This was Saturday night.
The next morning I called to see Daisy. I was unusually cheerful, and
taking her face in my hands, blew a kiss. She looked up at me with her
grey eyes alert and with an air of suspicion, said: "You've been kissing
somebody else since you left here." Then leading me into the parlor in
her commanding way, ordered me to sit down and to wait there until she
returned. She had just completed cleaning and dusting the parlor and it
was in perfect order. She seemed to me to be more forward than ever that
morning, and I felt a suspicion that I was going to get a curtain
lecture. However, I escaped the lecture but got stunned instead.
Daisy returned in about an hour, dressed in a rustling black silk dress,
with powdered face and her hair done up elegantly and without ceremony
or hesitation planted herself on the settee and requested, or rather
ordered me to take a seat beside her. She opened the conversation by
inquiring of South Dakota, and took my hand and pretended to pare my
finger nails. I answered in nonchalant tones but after a little she
turned her head a little slantingly, looked down, began just the least
hesitant, but firmly: "Now what arrangements do you wish me to make in
regard to my coming to South Dakota next fall?"
For the love of Jesus, I said to myself, if she hasn't proposed. Now one
advantage of a dark skin is that one does not show his inner feeling as
noticeably as those of the lighter shade, and I do not know whether Miss
Hinshaw noticed the look of embarrassment that overspread my
countenance. I finally found words to break the deadly suspense
following her bold action.
"Oh!" I stammered more than spoke, "I would really rather not make any
arrangements, Daisy."
"Well," she said, not in the least taken back, "a person likes to know
just how they stand."
"Yes, of course," I added hastily. "You see," I was just starting in on
a lengthy discourse trying to avoid the issue, when the door bell rang
and a relative of mine by the name of Menloe Robinson, who had attended
the university the same time Miss Hinshaw had, but had been expelled for
gambling and other bad habits, came in. He was a bore most of the time
with so much of his college talk, but I could have hugged him then, I
felt so relieved, but Miss Hinshaw put in before he got started to
talking, wickedly, that of course if I did not want her she could not
force it.
The next day at noon I left for St. Louis but did not mention that I was
scheduled to stop off at M--boro. Miss Hinshaw had grown sad in
appearance and looked so lonely I felt sorry for her and kissed her
good-bye at the station, which seemed to cheer her a little. She was
married to a classmate about a year later and I have not seen her since.
Jessie was glad to see me when I called that evening in M--boro, and we
went walking again and had another long talk. When we got back, I sang
the old story to which she answered with, "Do you really want me?"
"Sure, Jessie, why not." I looked into her eyes that seemed just about
to shed tears but she closed them and snuggled up closely, and
whispered, "I just wanted to hear you say you wanted me."