TELLS OF A FEW NEW OCCUPATIONS AND VENTURES.
Only casual mention has been made for a while concerning my occupations.
The reader may imagine that in the pursuit of health I found no time to
engage in the usual avocations of life. If such be your opinion I would
say, be at once undeceived. The neurasthenic has the faculty of being able
to turn off more work of a varied and useless character than any person
living. I had a fund of information, mainly of a superficial nature, but
it enabled me to turn my hand to a great many different things. I had once
studied shorthand and I put this acquirement to what I thought was a
useful purpose. I carried a number of note-books and took down everything
that I saw or heard. Whenever a man of reputed wisdom was heard speaking,
either from the rostrum or in private conversation, I was busy in the
mechanical act of writing it down, and in so doing failed to get from the
talk that inspiration which is so often more important than the mere
words of the story. I had such a mess of notes in these little hooks and
crooks that I never found time to hunt anything up and read it over. In
fact, I doubt whether in all this rubbish I could have found anything I
wanted had I searched ever so long. Still I obtained considerable
information, mainly as I did when a boy, by absorption.
I was full of tables and statistics. By keeping some of these in my brain
in an easy place to get at them when wanted, I was able to formulate rules
and plans for almost any condition that might arise. By unloading abstruse
and unusual facts at the proper time and place I gained the reputation of
being a very shrewd fellow, but I was always careful to introduce subjects
in which my assertions were likely to go unchallenged. I had established
the habit of reasoning by deduction and analogy, and would often startle
people by what they thought was my profound wisdom. I had a system of cues
by which I tried to cultivate a memory so tenacious that nothing could
escape me, but this proved a great deal like my voluminous note-taking. It
often crowded out some things of the most vital importance; besides, I
often forgot my cues--just as one ties a string in his button-hole to keep
from forgetting something and then forgets to look at the string.
By my suave manners and versatile speech I was enabled to work myself into
the good graces of people and thus obtain desirable positions. But always
on some pretext I shifted from one thing to another. Once I held for a
short time a very remunerative place in a banking establishment, but I got
to thinking that in case of robbery or defalcation I might be unjustly
accused; so I promptly handed in my resignation. Through the
recommendations of influential friends I was next able to secure a
Government clerkship which I held for a few months. My reason for
remaining with it so long was perhaps due to the fact that I became
interested in social problems and I was in touch with a class of people
from whom I could obtain valuable ideas. As soon as I thought I had
mastered the intricacies of socialism, I started out on a lecture tour. I
wanted to enlighten benighted humanity on economic matters and unfold to
it a scheme that would lift the burden of poverty from its shoulders. If
I could get this feasible plan of mine in operation, with the proper
distribution of wealth and everybody compelled to work just a little, we
could all have a tolerable easy time. The poor, over-worked and under-fed
people would then have a chance to read and cultivate their minds. It did
not occur to me at the time that among the wealthy who had oceans of time
there was a paucity of mind cultivation.
The lecture was a failure; my ideas were too far in advance of the times,
and I realized as never before that great movements, like great bodies,
must move slowly. However, two or three wealthy and enthusiastic
co-workers came to my financial rescue right nobly. I could usually find
some one fool enough to "back up" any scheme I might see fit to project.
The next thing I conceived was to work to the front in a manufacturing
industry of some kind. I had read that, for mastering all the details of a
business, there was nothing like beginning at the ground and working up.
Nearly all men of affairs had begun in that way; why should I not?
Accordingly I started in as a laborer in a foundry with the full
determination of forging to the front. But the first day I burned my hand
and I at once gave up the idea of ever becoming a captain of industry.
Having dabbled in literary work a little at odd times I had obtained a
slight recognition as a writer. My vivid imagination had impressed two or
three magazine editors favorably. One of these in particular called for
more of my short stories, and in his letter occurred these sentences:--
"You have what is known to psychologists as 'creative imagination,' but
you paint your pictures in a plausible manner. You are great on synonyms:
seldom use a word of any length more than once in the same manuscript; and
last, but not least, your diction is so clear and concise that it seems to
the reader that you are talking to him."
This swelled me up with conceit and I thought if these words be true, why
should I bury my talents in a little magazine in exchange for a paltry
twenty-five dollars per thousand words? I would write a play and do
something worth while. Just as I had the skeleton of the play well formed
and a good start made on it, I came into the possession of a few thousand
dollars by the death of an uncle in California. I at once invested the
money in a farm--the most sensible thing I ever did. Now I thought that I
would move to the country and live the life of a retired country
gentleman. The seclusion of rural life would better enable me to put vim
and inspiration into my literary efforts. But I found that the farm was
too lonesome, with only hired help about me, so I secured a tenant and
hied back to my city quarters.
These are only a few of my undertakings. Everything was "for a short
time." This phrase occurs monotonously often, a fact of which I am not
unaware, but I don't know how to obviate it.
While most of my ventures have been failures, as the world reckons
failure, yet they have all been a source of satisfaction to me. Some day I
feel that I shall find a life-work that will be to my liking and have a
salutary effect upon me mentally and physically.