GERMS AND HOW HE AVOIDED THEM. APPENDICITIS.
Morbid fears have been briefly mentioned. It may now be in order for me to
chronicle some of the hygienic measures that I have pursued with a view to
averting diseases to which I thought I might succumb. In a former chapter
I reported having subjected myself to many rigid conditions in the hope of
ridding myself of infirmities which I then had. Now I am looking to the
future with the idea that prevention is better than cure.
The germ theory gave me a great deal of worry. I learned a bit about it
and some of the habits of the ubiquitous bacillus. In this matter the
little learning was, as usual, a dangerous thing. Germs were constantly on
my mind, if not in my brain. It seemed that they were ever lying in wait
for me and there was no avenue of escape. Sometimes my scrupulous care in
trying to ignore the microbe caused me to be the subject of unfavorable
comment. Once, at communion service, I took pains to give the cup a
thorough rubbing before putting it to my chaste lips. It had just passed
an unkempt and unwashed brother, and for my little act of circumspection I
gained his ill-will. However, on the next occasion the cup came direct to
me from the lips of a good-looking young woman and I remember that I did
not take the usual precautions. This shows how inconsistent I was. I have
since learned that some of the most virulent germs are to be found in the
mouths of young ladies of the "Gibson-girl" type.
When I was necessarily obliged to quench my thirst at a public
drinking-place I drank up close to the _right_ side of the handle of the
cup, as I thought that would be the spot least contaminated. In order not
to breathe any more germs than I could possibly avoid, I kept away from
theatres and places where motley crowds assemble and shunned dust and
impure air as I would a leper. I had read that there was on the market a
sanitary mask to be worn when going to places where there was the greatest
danger of coming into contact with germs, but I did not think that I could
work up sufficient nerve to appear in public muzzled in this way. I knew
from reading how many million microbes of different kinds there are
inhabiting every cubic inch of air, and it was indeed appalling to think
what even one of them would do for me if it chanced to hit me in a
vulnerable spot. I did the best I could and kept my windows open wide both
day and night, that some of these little imps of Satan might ride out on
the breeze. _On a cold day I would sit shivering with my overcoat and
heavy wraps on, while the wind was blowing a hurricane through any room._
At this some of the neighbors were wont to smile, but when they rather
intimated that I was a little off I reminded them that Columbus and all
other men who lived in advance of the times were regarded as hopeless
lunatics.
[Illustration: The wind was blowing a hurricane through my room.]
One evening when I went to bed with my windows open as usual the weather
was quite warm, but the temperature suddenly fell during the night and I
chilled, in consequence of which I nearly had pneumonia. After that I
thought it best to exclude some of the elements and try to put up with the
germs. I went to the other extreme of avoiding fresh air. My main reason
for doing so was that I read that one could become immune to his own brand
of germs--the kind that constantly live in your own house and eat your own
food. I thought this seemed reasonable, on the same principle that parents
can get used to their own children easier than they can to other people's
pestiferous brats. I don't know that there is science about any of
this--no means of escape is all there is to it.
Of late years I have changed my opinion regarding germs, the same as I
have done over and over regarding everything else. We are all apt to think
that the only good germs are like good Indians--dead ones. Perhaps most of
these microscopic creatures are conservative and play some useful part in
life's economy if we only knew what it is. Then we don't know whether
microbes are the cause or the product of disease--just as we don't know
which came first, the hen or the egg. What we don't know in this matter
would make a stupendous volume. At any rate it is of no use to run from
germs, for they are omnipresent.
Appendicitis was a disease that I spent much time in battling. I read up
on it and knew all the symptoms. I went to the public library and hunted
up a Gray's _Anatomy_ and studied the appendix. It seemed to be a little
receptacle in which to side-track grape-seeds and other useless rubbish. I
would no sooner have knowingly swallowed a grape- or a lemon-seed than I
would a stick of dynamite. I would not eat oysters lest I get a piece of
shell or even a pearl into my vermiform appendix. I was exceedingly
careful never to swallow anything which I thought might contain a gritty
substance. I had once heard a lecturer on hygiene and sanitation speak of
the limy coat which forms on the inside of our tea-kettles from using
"hard" water. He stated that in time we would get that sort of crust
inside of us from drinking water which contained mineral matter. I thought
how easy it would be for some of it to chip off and slip into the appendix
and set up an inflammation. So to be on the safe side, I thought I would
try drinking spring water for a while, but it gave me a bad case of
malaria. I then came to the conclusion that between being dead with
chills and having an inner concrete lining I would choose the latter,
which seemed the lesser evil. But with some friend being operated upon for
appendicitis nearly every day I could not easily dismiss this disease from
my mind. Yet I realized that it was a high-toned disease and also a
high-priced one, and that most fellows with my commercial rating are
immune from it.
I happened to be visiting a friend in a small town, for a few days, and
was acquiring a voracious appetite. One evening I was seized with a sudden
pain, and I knew the dread disease had come at last. The doctor came. He
was an old-fashioned fellow without any frills, but he had what books and
colleges do not always bestow--a head full of common sense. I said:--
"Doctor, will it have to be done to-night?"
"What done?" asked the doctor.
"Because," I replied, putting my hand on my left side, where the pain was,
"I have appendicitis and I supposed----"
"My friend," said this well-seasoned physician, "you are perhaps not aware
of the fact that the appendix is on the _right_ side."
My knowledge of anatomy had betrayed me.
The old doctor then gave me this homely advice, which may or may not be
correct. At any rate I never forgot it. He said:--
"You've been eating too much and have a little indigestion and
stomach-ache. But like thousands of others who have fertile imaginations,
you have appendicitis--on the brain. People rarely had this disease thirty
years ago. Why should they have it so frequently to-day? Is the human body
so radically different from what it was a few years ago? I have been
practicing my profession here for twenty-five years and during all this
time I have seen very few cases of severe appendicitis, and those
recovered under common-sense medical treatment. There may be an occasional
case that requires the surgeon's knife, but such are exceedingly rare."
I have never since had a symptom of the disease, and somehow I can't help
associating _appendicitis_ with _hospitalitis_.