You know, my dear friend, that in Vienna, every man who can eat a roast
fowl, and (N.B.) pay for it, receives the title of _Euer Gnaden_ (Your
Grace.) In S----,[98] on the other hand, every man who has a whole coat
is called, _in dubio_, _Herr Rath_ (Counsellor;) or still better, _Herr
Geheimer Rath_ (Privy Counsellor.) They do not trouble themselves with
the distinctions between an actual and a nominal _Rath_, a half, (that
is a pensioned,) or a whole, (that is a full-payed,) and a payless
_Rath_, a titular nullity. The attributes and functions of this
mysterious Counsellorship are wonderfully various. In the first place
comes the invalid statesman in the _Residenz_, who, from respect for his
declining years, and as a reward for living over half a century, has
been invested with the yellow griffin; or a provincial chief president,
more remarkable for his prepossessions in his own behalf, than for his
public labours, whom his services on occasion of the visit of some
foreign sovereign have raised to honours and to orders. Here we find the
vigorous prop of the finances, or that 'rara avis,' a man of influence
near the throne, yet as full of modesty as of merit: there a vegetating
_Excellenz_, who knows no other occupation than that of going from house
to house dishing up antiquated jokes and _jeux de mots_, which for half
a century have enjoyed the uninterrupted privilege of delighting 'la
crême de la bonnie société' in the capital. Next we see it in the person
of one who is equally delightful as man and as poet, and who has never
trodden any but the straight forward path. A little further we recognize
it in the form of a less brilliant but more comprehensive genius,
which, although consecrated to Themis, has an acute eye for the glories
of the theatrical, as well as the celestial stars. This Proteus then
transforms itself into a _Cameralist_, celebrated for his breed of sheep
and his political economy, who manures his fields;--then into a
physician, who performs a similar good office on the churchyard. It is
also to be found in the invincible _Landwehr_; nay even the post,[99]
the lottery, &c., cannot exist without it. The court-philosopher, and
court-theologian, all shake hands as _Geheime Räthe_; for so they are,
have been, or shall be hereafter: in short, no nation under the sun is
more richly provided with counsel, and truly of the most privy kind; for
such is the modesty of these countless counsellors, that many of them
keep their talents buried in the most profound secrecy.
It is, however, a real pleasure to see with what unconstrained and
touching 'bonhommie' they bandy titles and compliments, every one
exalting the other, and awaiting in return a grateful reciprocity of
good offices.
The various adjuncts and applications of the poor word _geboren_ (born)
must doubtless for ever remain a mystical enigma to all foreigners who
endeavour to acquire the German language. Without plunging deeper into
this labyrinth, I will only mention for their information, that with us
the meanest beggar will no longer condescend to be merely _geboren_;
that _Edelgeboren_[100] (nobly born) begins to be a sensible affront to
the lower order of official persons; and _Wohlgeboren_ (well born) no
less so to the higher, but not noble functionaries. For my part, I am
very careful to write to my tailor, "_Hochwohlgeborner Herr_"
(High-well-born Sir.) He was moreover a very distinguished man, a
descendant of our old friend Robinson Crusoe, who has attained to
historic importance by the daring and inimitable cut of uniforms: he was
therefore deserving, at the least, of an order of merit.[101]
That no restraint may be imposed on this arbitrary distribution and
assumption of titles, matters are so favourably arranged, that with all
this avidity for rank, there exists no real and fixed order of rank,
either determined by the court, or by birth, or grounded on opinion and
custom, so general and rooted in the nation as to have nearly the force
of law. Sometimes it is birth, oftener place; sometimes merit, sometimes
favour, sometimes irresistible impudence which seizes precedence
wherever accident or circumstances offer it. This gives occasion to many
strange anomalies, which an old nobleman like myself, a Baron von
Tunderdendronk, "qui ne sauroit compter le nombre de ses ânes," as
general P---- said, cannot understand. Complaints, affronts, and
anxieties are therefore endless in society. There is only a certain
lively and excellent old lady, who has the sole and proper art of
maintaining the first place almost everywhere, and under all
circumstances. She unites great talents with remarkable bodily strength
and bravery; and by means of these mingled advantages, sometimes by wit,
sometimes by unimaginable rudeness; sometimes, when nothing else will
do, by a hearty push, she takes and maintains precedency at court and on
all gala occasions. I know from good authority that Countess Kackelack,
at one of our courts (for you know we have many,) felt herself slighted
and aggrieved by a certain court party, and by the advice of her friend
the Starost von Pückling addressed a petition directly to our upright
and equitable ruler, praying that her place might be officially
determined. It was allotted immediately after that of the Princess Bona,
who (for once, on account of the services of her late husband,) is in
possession of the first. The Grand-Marshal (_Grosswürdenträger_,
Grand-dignity-bearer) Prince Weise, brought her the order, and added,
"But, my dear Countess, you must yield precedence to Baroness Stolz, for
with your slender person what can you do against her? A single blow from
her elbow lames you for ever. Do therefore let her go first; for you
know even the police is afraid of her since the famous challenge she put
forth some years ago."
Everything must yield to force; and this shows how difficult it is to
secure precedence to mere merit without universal and declared
rules:--merit is so relative. If a minister or a general is a great
man,--who can deny that the best of cooks, the loveliest of
opera-dancers, has great merit? merit which, as history teaches us,
monarchs and states have recognized and honoured.
In England, where antiquity of title gives precedence (be it remarked,
by-the-bye, the safest and best adapted to a monarchy,[102]) the great
Field Marshal and Prime Minister Wellington must yield precedence to the
little Duke of St. Albans, (who is known, indeed, but not very
illustrious,) because the latter is an older Duke; that is to say, the
services of his progenitress Nell Gwynn, an actress and mistress of
Charles II., are of more ancient date than those of the Duke of
Wellington, and consequently entitle her descendants to all the rights
of precedence over the great general.
In our capital it is otherwise. We are generally too well accustomed to
bad eating to estimate very highly the merits of a good cook, and are of
late universally become so virtuous that nobody has a mistress. As to
rewarding merit, that is a thing which does not often come under
contemplation.[103]
What really and mainly gives rank and consideration here, is _to be a
servant_ of the state or of the court, 'n'importe lequel et comment.'
"Beati possidentes." The good old German proverb applies here, "When God
gives a place, he gives brains to fill it." The Bureaucracy has taken
the place of the Aristocracy, and will perhaps soon become equally
hereditary. Even now the Government itself cannot dismiss any of its
'employées' without regular trial and judgment: every man regards his
place as his most stable property, and it is not to be wondered at that
place-holders laud this state of things to the skies. Strange, that
nevertheless all states which have a free constitution,--all in which it
is a recognized principle that the nation, and not any privileged
class--not even that of its official servants--is the main
object,--follow a totally opposite system.[104]
The middle classes are, in another way, happy in their disregarded
state: they enjoy their competence 'con amore,' and, as the salt of
life, they indulge themselves now and then with a lawsuit, for which the
ministers of justice afford them every possible facility. The merchant,
whether Christian or præ-Christian, finds his account in this, and, if
he knows how to come at it, useful patronage. Indeed to have a great
deal of money is almost as good as to be a _wirklicher Geheimerath_
(actual privy counsellor):[105] and rich bankers, who keep a good house,
are reckoned among the privileged classes, and not unfrequently for
these high deserts elevated to nobility.
In this manner, all manage to get something; the unfortunate nobles,
especially those of ancient date, are the only people with whom it goes
hard. Without money, without any land of which he has the free disposal,
his titles affording an example of infinite multiplication, and his
hereditary estates of infinite division, without any share in the
legislation, long stripped of his ancient endowments and benefices,[106]
unnecessarily and unfairly annoyed by the authorities, his ill-supported
claims often bringing upon him not only ridicule and contempt, but
hostility and persecution, the nobleman has, _as member of a
Corporation_, lost all dignity and importance in the eyes of the people,
and he retains scarcely any other distinction than that of serving as
the only stuff out of which to make chamberlains and lords in waiting,
in the respective courts of the capital;--doubtless always a most
enviable lot.
This last truth is duly known to many; and a great deal of talent has
been displayed thereupon by a celebrated authoress, who was some time
ago engaged in a sort of amicable rivalry with her husband on the field
of romance,--a contest which used to produce two or three works of that
nature, consisting of as many volumes each, every Leipsig fair, to the
great joy of the public. The most extraordinary part of the story is,
that the works of the husband were characterized by the overflowing
tenderness of a female pen; those of the wife, on the contrary, by a
somewhat unwieldy quantity of masculine knowledge, a lead which even the
alchemical hand of an amiable and accomplished prince could not turn to
gold. The works of both, especially the former, have outlived their
vogue; and the graceful and child-like simplicity of the Northern
heroes, who tilted at each other with tenderness, looked on their slain
friend with clear blue eyes, and imprinted upon his lips the kiss of
peace; nay, even their wondrous steeds, who galloped over precipitous
crags and swam after their lords through seas, have been forced, spite
of all their marvellous gifts, to give way to Walter Scott's unbreeched
Highlanders.
The poetical young lords of the chamber, and the learned tea-parties of
the noble lady, had long before been deserted as somewhat insipid. In
such a tea-party did Ahasuerus, (as we read in the memoirs of the
Devil,) after his long and restless wanderings, first find repose, and
sink into a refreshing sleep. Since that time, the thick volumes of the
distinguished authoress have dwindled to small tales,--pretty
ephemera,--which live but a day indeed, but are well requited by the
honour of circulating exclusively in courts and antechambers, among
princes, ladies in waiting, and maids of honour, lords of the chamber,
equerries and grooms of the chambers (for nothing within the precinct of
a court is to be treated lightly). Haunted rooms were lately introduced,
but the ghosts were so dull and _fades_, so like white-washed boards,
'avec un bel air de famille,' that the utmost they could do was to make
one _think_ of a cold shudder, never to excite one. The most piquant of
all these stories was unquestionably that which 'persiffloit' the
society of the capital, in which poor Viola played a very suspicious
part, and a fashionable lady was introduced, who sold her for a large
sum to an illustrious person. This story was justly called moral: for it
excited in every person of good feeling, who read it, detestation of
calumny and of hasty condemnations. The ill-natured, however, were
delighted with it for other reasons; and so in one way or other it was
not without value. It might fairly be called a master-piece when
compared with the "Tales of the middle ages," full of virtue and
distress, of Christianity and indecency, of Italianism and Germanism,
which the necessities of journal and almanack literature call into
existence by myriads, and of which we may say with Schiller, "When
people are gorged with vice, set virtue on the table."[107] These do not
reach either the one or the other; but, from the beginning to the end,
one suffers the moral 'pendant' of a so-called medical cure by nausea.
After enduring all sorts of allusions, the whole thing burns in the pan,
and so far from being fit to bring to table, the unfortunate reader is
for a long time disgusted with all food whatsoever.[108]
But to return to the learned and amiable lady, of whom we were just
speaking. At the time I was in those regions, a strange swarm of insects
sported in the wintry sun of her courtly and literary celebrity, ycelped
in the great world a coterie, which, I believe, establishes it as a
principle (who has not principles now-a-days?), that nobles have really
and truly a different sort of blood in their veins from that of other
men; and that if a common tree can be ennobled at all, it can be only by
the process of grafting; for instance, by the insertion of some
illegitimate scion of a noble stock. They teach that this nobility
should remain, before all things, pure and distinct; it must dishonour
itself neither by trade nor by any speculations of public utility, which
latter offence has lately been denounced as the cause of the decay of
the nobility of the land by a certain Frau von Tonne in a very
voluminous work. To dabble a little in authorship and artistship is
lawful (even for money, nay for burghers' money,) seeing that
artists[109] occupy a sort of middle region between the noble and the
_bourgeois_. A constitutional high nobility and a representative
government are by no means to the taste of this party; from the very
natural reason that under any such terrible system, men, the date of
whose nobility is known to nobody but themselves, and whose encumbered
estates are split up into portions of microscopic invisibility, would be
condemned to the horror of being compelled to take their seat in the
Chamber of Commons (where else?). Who can blame them, therefore, under
circumstances, for preferring the chambers of princes, especially if
they can lord it there? Which Heaven forfend! It is to be hoped they
will remain merely titular, and not actual _privy_ counsellors and
_lords_ of the bedchamber.
_Evening._
I could bear no longer to sit still in my room, while the castle
opposite to my windows tempted me forth. As soon therefore as A---- had
taken his departure, I procured a mountain pony and rode out in high
spirits. This remarkable edifice was built by the proprietor of the
slate quarries, situated about three miles distant, which bring him a
yearly income of 40,000_l._ He has laid out a part in the most
delightful situation on the sea-shore; and has pursued the strange but
admirably executed idea of erecting every building within its enclosure
in the old Saxon style of architecture. The English falsely ascribe the
introduction of this style to the Anglo-Saxons: it arose in the time of
the emperors of Saxon line; and it is quite certain that none of the
numerous Saxon remains are to be traced to an earlier date. The high
wall, which surrounds the park in a circuit of at least a German mile,
has a very singular appearance; pointed masses of slate three or four
feet high, and of irregular shape, are built upright into the top of the
wall. At every entrance a fortress-like gate with a portcullis frowns on
the intruder,--no inapt symbol, by-the-bye, of the illiberality of the
present race of Englishmen, who shut their parks and gardens more
closely than we do our sitting-rooms. The favoured visitor must then
cross a drawbridge before he passes the gate-way of the imposing castle.
The black marble of the island of Anglesea, rudely hewn, harmonizes
admirably with the majestic character of the surrounding scenery. The
pure Saxon style is preserved in the minutest details, even in the
servants' rooms and meanest parts of the building. In the eating-hall I
found an imitation of the castle of William the Conqueror, at Rochester,
which I formerly described to you. What could then be accomplished only
by a mighty monarch, is now executed, as a plaything,--only with
increased size, magnificence and expense,--by a simple
country-gentleman, whose father very likely sold cheeses. So do times
change!
The ground-plan of the building, which the architect had the politeness
to show me, gave occasion to certain domestic details, which I am glad
to be able to communicate to you; because nearly all large English
country-houses are constructed on the same plan; and because in this, as
in many other things, the nice perception of the useful and commodious,
the exquisite adaptation of means to ends, which distinguish the
English, are conspicuous. The servants never wait in the
ante-room,--here called the hall,--which, like the overture of an opera,
is designed to express the character of the whole: it is generally
decorated with statues or pictures, and, like the elegant staircase and
the various apartments, is appropriated to the use of the family and
guests, who have the good taste rather to wait on themselves than to
have an attendant spirit always at their heels. The servants live in a
large room in a remote part of the house, generally on the ground-floor,
where all, male and female, eat together, and where the bells of the
whole house are placed. They are suspended in a row on the wall,
numbered so that it is immediately seen in what room any one has rung:
a sort of pendulum[110] is attached to each, which continues to vibrate
for ten minutes after the sound has ceased to remind the sluggish of
their duty. The females of the establishment have also a large common
room, in which, when they have nothing else to do, they sew, knit, and
spin: close to this is a closet for washing the glass and china which
comes within their province. Each of them, as well as of the
men-servants, has her separate bed-chamber in the highest story. Only
the 'housekeeper' and the 'butler' have distinct apartments below.
Immediately adjoining that of the housekeeper, is a room where coffee is
made, and the store-room containing every thing requisite for breakfast,
which important meal, in England, belongs especially to her department.
On the other side of the building is the washing establishment, with a
small court-yard attached; it consists of three rooms, the first for
washing, the second for ironing, the third, which is considerably
loftier, and heated by steam, for drying the linen in bad weather. Near
the butler's room is his pantry, a spacious fire-proof room, with
closets on every side for the reception of the plate which he cleans
here, and the glass and china used at dinner, which must be delivered
back into his custody as soon as it is washed by the women. All these
arrangements are executed with the greatest punctuality. A locked
staircase leads from the pantry into the beer and wine cellar, which is
likewise under the butler's jurisdiction.
I followed a very romantic road, which led me through the park, and then
along the bank of a beautifully wooded mountain stream, and in about an
hour arrived at the slate quarry, which lies in the midst of the
mountains, six miles from the castle. From what I have already told you,
you may imagine what a vast work this is. Five or six high terraces of
great extent rise one above another on the side of the mountain; along
these swarm men, machines, trains of a hundred wagons attached together
and rolling rapidly along the iron railways, cranes drawing up heavy
loads, water courses, &c. It took me a considerable time to give even a
hasty glance at this busy and complicated scene. In order to reach a
remote part of the works, where they were then blasting rocks with
gunpowder,--a process which I had a great desire to see,--I was obliged
to lie down in one of the little iron wagons which serve for the
conveyance of the slate, and are drawn by means of a windlass through a
gallery hewn in the solid rock, only four feet in height, four hundred
paces in length, and pitch dark. It is a most disagreeable sensation to
be dragged through this narrow passage at full speed, and in Egyptian
darkness, after having had ample opportunity of seeing at the entrance
the thousand abrupt jagged projections by which one is surrounded. Few
strangers make the experiment, spite of the tranquillizing assurances of
the guide who rides before. It is impossible to get rid of the idea that
if one came in contact with any of these salient points, one would, in
all probability, make one's egress without a head. After passing through
this gallery, I had to walk along a path at the edge of the precipice,
only two feet wide, and without any railing or defence; then to pass
through a second low cavern, when I reached the fearfully magnificent
scene of operations.
It was like a subterranean world! Above the blasted walls of slate,
smooth as a mirror, and several hundred feet high, scarcely enough of
the blue heaven was visible to enable me to distinguish mid-day from
twilight. The earth on which we stood was likewise blasted rock; just in
the middle was a deep cleft six or eight feet wide. Some children of the
workmen were amusing themselves in leaping across this chasm, for the
sake of earning a few pence. The perpendicular sides were hung with
men, who looked like dark birds, striking the rock with their long
picks, and throwing down masses of slate which fell with a sharp and
clattering sound. But on a sudden the whole mountain seemed to totter,
loud cries of warning re-echoed from various points,--the mine was
sprung. A large mass of rock loosened itself slowly and majestically
from above, fell down with a mighty plunge, and while dust and splinters
darkened the air like smoke, the thunder rang around in wild echoes.
These operations, which are of almost daily necessity in one part or
other of the quarry, are so dangerous, that, according to the statement
of the overseer himself, they calculate on an average of one hundred and
fifty men wounded, and seven or eight killed in a year. An hospital,
exclusively devoted to the workmen on this property, receives the
wounded; and on my way I had met, without being aware of it, the body of
one who had fallen the day before yesterday; 'car c'est comme un champ
de bataille.' The people who escorted it were so smartly dressed and so
decorated with flowers, that I at first took the procession for a
wedding, and was shocked when, in answer to my inquiry for the
bridegroom, one of the attendants pointed in silence to the coffin which
followed at some distance. The overseer assured me that half these
accidents were owing to the indifference of the men, who are too
careless to remove in time and to a sufficient distance, though at every
explosion they have full warning given them. The slate invariably splits
in sharp-edged flakes, so that an inconsiderable piece thrown to a great
distance, is often sufficient to cut a man's hand, leg, or even head,
clean off. On one occasion, this last, as I was assured, actually
happened.
As we ourselves were not far enough from the 'foyer,' I instantly obeyed
the signal, and turned on the left through the infernal gallery, to
inspect the more peaceful operations: these are extremely varied and
interesting. Paper cannot be cut more neatly and rapidly than slates are
here; and no deal board can split more easily and delicately than the
blocks which the workmen with one single stroke of the mallet divide
into slices, from three to four feet in breadth, as thin as the thinnest
pasteboard. The rough blocks come from the region I have just described,
down Parisian 'montagnes russes' to the stone-hewer; and, as in those,
the downward impetus of the loaded wagons sends them up again when
empty. The iron railways are not here, as they commonly are, concave,
but convex, and the wagon wheels correspond.
_July 17th._
The day has passed in rest, writing, and reading; so that it affords few
materials. But before I go to bed I must indulge the delightful habit of
chatting with you. I was just thinking of home, and our honoured friend
L----, who is now travelling, and has sent me a whole volume of his
former lucubrations. Shall I send you a specimen? Listen then.
"REFLECTIONS OF A PIOUS SOUL OF SANDOMIR, OR SANDOMICH.[111]
"1. _On occasion of the quantity of Schnapps drunk at my expense by the
Saxon postillions._
"How much better is our country in all respects than any other! Really
one witnesses strange things! For instance, it is certainly an
extraordinary circumstance,--and yet after repeated experience I cannot
doubt it,--that when the horses here are tired and lazy, (which, alas!
is too often the case,) the postilion has only to drink Schnapps, to
render them brisk and active. The wisdom of Nature and her hidden powers
are unfathomable! The above-mentioned phenomenon may perhaps be
elucidated by the well-known fact, that wine begins to ferment in the
cask when the vine blossoms.[112] At the last stage before Torgau, my
companion Count S----, Lieutenant of the Guards, from Potsdam, upon whom
the light of Grace hath not yet broken, and who consequently is unduly
moved by worldly things, was so angry with the postilion that he shook
his stick at him, and called him a Saxon dog. 'O Lord! no, sir,'
answered the fellow stupidly; 'there you're mistaken--we have been
Prussian dogs these ten years and more.' This is a plain proof that the
people here are entirely destitute of that high civilization which
prevails among us.
"2. _After my signal deliverance on the 6th of July, 1827._
"For four weeks I have not been able to write! With thankfulness and
deep inward feeling I now take up my pen for the first time, to set
forth the wonderful dispensation I have experienced. As I was travelling
to M---- last month, I was overturned directly before the door of the
tollhouse, and broke my right arm. My first exclamation--I confess it to
my shame--was a shocking curse: but my second, thanks, fervent thanks to
the Creator that I had broken my arm and not my neck. In such events we
clearly perceive the 'unfathomable ways' and the protecting arm of
Providence, which is ever at hand to help us at the moment of need. Did
not my life hang upon a hair? and was it not the Lord's pleasure herein
to give me an impressive proof that it depends on him alone to close my
eyes for ever, or still to preserve my young life, which perhaps (for
what is impossible to him?) is reserved for great and weighty things?
Yes, ye philosophers, with heartfelt joy and triumph do I feel it, Faith
alone makes us happy.
"3. _On occasion of my being nearly drowned in the Elbe, near Torgau._
"Certain it is that we ought not to venture into the water till we can
swim, as a Grecian sage hath very justly remarked. I was so imprudent as
to bathe yesterday without having acquired this art, for I ever kept
myself far aloof from all revolutionary gymnastics and exercises of that
sort, and being seized with a cramp in the calf of my leg, and
consequently somewhat frightened, I should perhaps now be among the
dead, had it not been for a man whom Heaven led in this direction,
_exactly at this time_, for my preservation. Can I be blind at such
repeated proofs of special interposition in my favour? The whole Elbe
is, nevertheless, become rather disagreeable to me. I strive with this
as a blameable feeling, since we ought to recollect how useful this
river is to many of our fellow-creatures.[113] The remark has I believe
been made before, but it nevertheless is not the less worthy of
attention--that wherever we find a large city, we almost invariably find
a great river by the side of it;--but so wisely, so graciously has a
kind Providence arranged all things for our good, though we men
acknowledge it but too seldom! Yes, Nature, like a good mother, has
taken care for all. To the bee she gave her sting, to the beaver his
tail, to the lion his strength, to the ass patience; but to man his
lofty understanding, and--on subjects which this, with our deceitful
reason, cannot reach--divine revelations. O how thankful do I always
feel when I think rightly on this! I, who moreover have so much more
cause than numbers of my brethren to be thankful for the manifold bodily
and mental advantages I enjoy. May I never forget them!--Amen.
"4. _On occasion of my being forced to pay Abraham the Jew my twice
prolonged bill, with 'alterum tantum.'_
"I have been sorely disquieted by the doubt, whether the Jews are really
to remain to the end of the world; and, in spite of the curse which lies
upon them, scattered and oppressed as they are on earth, to continue for
ever to cheat us so astonishingly as they do.
"Yet is not this very doubt a sin? since we are assured in many holy
books that this will certainly be the case. Besides, the conversion of
these misguided wretches is now proceeding from our country, whence the
greatest light formerly went forth. But alas! here a new fearful doubt
besets me: Will all the inhabitants of the earth ever _be called_
Christians? It is indeed so declared: but in the course of my learned
studies I lately met with a calculation which, to my horror, showed me
that out of eight hundred millions of souls on the earth, only two
hundred millions are called by the true name. Let us hope, however, that
the worthy and admirable Bible Societies will do their part, and not
weary. The English cannot be truly in earnest in this matter, seeing
that as yet they have hardly made a convert in India. It is probable
that they, as usual, have only political ends in view.[114] I read
lately, that a Hindoo audaciously answered a missionary who was trying
to convert him, 'I shall not suffer myself to be converted to
Christianity by you, till you consent to be converted to the religion of
Brama by me. I believe in the truth of my religion, as you believe in
the truth of yours; and what is right for one, is fair for the other.
Some fables and abuses may perhaps have crept into both, but they are of
the same family.' What dreadful views! I myself, who,--I say it without
vain-glory,--persuaded an old Jew, whose trade had fallen off, to be
baptized, (for which I still allow him a pension,) sought also to
contribute my mite by the spiritual change of a _real_ Indian, who after
many wonderful adventures had been driven into our hyperborean regions,
where the Herrnhuters had long, though vainly, laboured at his
conversion. He heard me very patiently; and, to say the truth, I was so
carried away by the momentous nature of the circumstance, that I
wondered at my own eloquence. But what was the result? he smiled at me,
took my gift, shook his head like a Chinese idol, and left me without an
answer.
"P. S. I have just heard, to my inexpressible horror, that the Jew I
converted is dead: and being seized on his death-bed by pangs of
conscience (would any body think it possible?) turned Jew again.
"5. _On returning from Madame R----'s funeral._
"A most remarkable incident occurred here a few days ago. About ten
years since a pretty and, what is far more important, a pious young
woman served in a confectioner's shop. Although exposed by her sweet
occupation to many temptations, (for all young men who frequent
confectioners' shops have not my morals,) she would listen to no one,
and found all her pleasure in godliness. She never missed a
prayer-meeting at President S----'s, or at any other house where she
could gain admittance; and above all, went to church at least once every
Sunday. One Sunday, however, (it was St. Martin's day if I mistake not,)
she forgot her duty and staid at home, busied with worldly attire. Then
did the Tempter draw near in the form of a young man, to whom she had
long been secretly attached. It seems probable that on that fatal day he
made great advances in her favour, since they were shortly after
married. At first they lived very happily, and had several children. By
degrees she exhibited a sensible falling off in piety, in consequence of
the cares and distractions of married life. The unhappy woman appeared
greatly attached to her duties as wife and mother, and henceforth
preferred them to the comfort of prayer-meetings and pious readings. But
the consequences of her carnal-mindedness soon appeared: her husband was
assailed by numerous and, as I am assured, otherwise undeserved
misfortunes; some of her children died; the whole family fell into
poverty; and the husband, at length, into the deepest melancholy. Last
Sunday, exactly on the tenth anniversary of that fatal Sunday on which
the misguided girl did _not_ go to church, her husband in a paroxysm of
madness horribly murdered himself and his wife.--Here may be seen that
the divine wrath if slow, is so much the more sure. I refrain from all
severe animadversions:--but he who is not rendered serious by this
warning, who does not see how sinful and dangerous it is to neglect,
even for once, regular attendance at church, is truly an object of my
pity. He can be made wise only by his own suffering; and well is it for
him if he become so in time!
"6. _On my last disappointment at D----._
"I am very unfortunate in love,--a circumstance which it is difficult to
understand; but it is nevertheless true that another of my best laid
plans has miscarried!
"For a long time I had loved Miss M---- with all the fire of my
impetuous character. I did not venture to declare it; but my eyes, which
I fixed upon her for hours with languishing tenderness, spoke too
plainly not to be understood. Nevertheless, I had never been able to win
aught but a scornful smile from my adored fair; when an important epoch,
viz. her eighteenth birthday, arrived. I determined now to lay storm to
her heart by some distinguished act of gallantry--which I could do with
the greater propriety, and without any stings of conscience, since I
never entertain any but the most virtuous designs. I now meditated long
what to choose;--roses, and all sorts of botanical presents, as fruit
and the like, are so common-place;--dress would not do, for that would
have looked like an insinuation that I thought her vain;--still less
could I offer her any thing costly, which would have appeared an
indirect accusation of a mercenary spirit: I dared not choose a pious
hymn-book, or other godly work, lest I should sinfully profane what is
holy by using it with an earthly aim;--no, it must be something tender,
and containing a delicate allusion to our situation. Suddenly, like a
flash of lightning in a dark night, the thought occurred to me that the
season of new herrings was at hand. The word electrified me, and, with
the wonted rapidity of my conceptions, I instantly saw the meaning which
lay hidden. I immediately sent an estafette to Berlin, where, as is well
known, every thing new is to be had, in order, if possible, to get the
above-mentioned creatures of the Lord before the annual advertisement of
them appeared in the two blotting-paper journals of that city. Every
thing succeeded according to my wishes:--ere many days had elapsed, a
couple lay before me. I had them laid upon some leaves of artificial
'forget-me-not,' instead of parsley, and once more reflected upon all
that their mute language (I mean the herrings') could convey.
"It would perhaps appear too far-fetched were I to urge how _herring_
resembles _hymen_; these words having clearly an etymological relation,
since both begin with a great H,[115] and a little _n_ occurs in both.
But there was one circumstance which spoke plainer, viz. that they were
a _couple_--the principal point of view from which they were to be
regarded. The blue colour, which reminds us of heaven, signified our
mutual gentleness and meekness; and the strong salt wherewith they were
salted, the acuteness of our understandings, and our attic wit. The
unfading leaves cried aloud, 'Forget me not!' and at the same time
clearly alluded to that never-fading delight we should find in each
other! But in my opinion the crown of the whole was the pretty play of
words which is in the name itself--_herring_--_here-ring_. It was
impossible for me to declare my love and my honourable intentions more
plainly, and at the same time more delicately, (in every sense of the
word, for new herrings are a great delicacy in Prussia and Saxony.) To
make all doubly sure, however, I laid on them a beautiful rose, painted
and cut out of Chinese rice-paper, in the leaves of which I concealed
with a trembling hand the first effort of my youthful muse, in which I
expressed all these tender and delicate ideas.
"Who could believe that all would be in vain! The mother answered me in
plain prose, briefly and carelessly, that her daughter was very sorry
that she had always had an idiosyncratical antipathy to herrings; so
strong indeed, that she had not been able to sit out the last play of
the celebrated Wilibald Alexis, having accidentally heard that his real
name was Herring. She therefore sent me back my fish and the
accompanying poetry, with many thanks for my good intentions.
"Happily, godliness consoles a spirit truly possessed by it for every
thing; but I was obliged to read the Bible two hours before I recovered
my accustomed patience and composure. I read for my edification the
history of Jonas; and although the whale which swallowed him was so very
large, it continually disappeared in my fancy before the luckless
herrings.
"In my anger (which alas! I have not yet completely conquered) I must
now censure some things in the two blotting-paper periodicals above
mentioned. They ought not only to strive after a more correct
orthography in their advertisements, but to pay some attention to the
sense. In a collection of natural curiosities made by a Berlin friend of
mine, I find two of the above-named newspapers, containing the two
following notices of deaths inserted by the same unfortunate father; and
an old advertisement of a concert.
1. 'This day the Lord, on his journey through Tettow, took to himself my
youngest son Fritz, with his teeth.'
2. (A month later). 'This day the Lord again took to himself my daughter
Agnes to eternal blessedness.'
3. 'On Monday a concert will be given at the theatre. The receipts are
to serve as the basis of a fund destined for the support of our
countrymen who fell in defence of their country.'
"Now I ask anybody whether this is not making death
ludicrous,--certainly a grievous sin, even when done unintentionally."
So far friend L----.
But the night grows pale--already the morning dawns. I must say,
therefore, like Moore, it is day--therefore good night. I send you this
long letter, which an acquaintance takes to London to-morrow morning,
through our embassy; and with it a hearty kiss, which I hope the
P---- custom-house will suffer to pass undisputed.