THREATENED WITH CRUCIFIXION
When it was apparent to the Germans that they were able to get no
satisfaction from me and could not intimidate me into admitting that I
was paid by the British Government, they tried more effective measures.
I am frank to admit that during the whole of the proceeding I was
frightened. I will go even further than that and confess I was scared
nearly to death.
Physically I was intimidated and terrorized and at times I could realize
and even see that my knees were shaking, and trembling from fright. Yet
strange as it may sound, mentally I was calm and cool and kept my wits
about me perfectly. And, my friends, you can say what you please about
the delusions that men have of God's presence, and about the "Onlooking
Father" being merely a dream-fancy of the imagination, but you can't
talk to me with any effect and replace your fatalism for my faith! I'm
not theorizing now, for I _know_! I know that an unseen Friend held my
life in those awful moments and overruled the designs of those inhuman
officials. I admit that I was scared--scared stiff--and yet, at the same
time, never did I become confused mentally; not once did I make a single
conflicting statement, nor in any way give those inquisitors any ground
whatever for confirming their suspicions. If I had made a single break,
or even become excited, or protested innocence, or appealed to the
American diplomats, or anything of the kind, the effect would have been
very bad for me. I simply let those hell-hounds go to it and do their
worst, and as God is in heaven I believe to this day that my cool
bearing and mental composure had a tremendous influence with them. To
speak United States, "it got their goat." If you quail before a German,
or show fear, he's got you.
And when as a last resort they threatened me with the most awful
punishment that is conceivable, I still stood firm. They said I would
tell what I knew or they would know the reason why.
A big, burly brute then took me out into a big court-yard and showed me
a fence which had a cross painted on it. As we stepped out the back
door, four soldiers were lined up out there with their rifles and
gleaming bayonets. Another man had a hatchet in his hand and a pan of
short spikes.
The detective who brought me out then told me in a confidential tone
that if I did not make a clean sweep of the whole affair and tell them
my mission and my activities in that country they were going to crucify
me at once. I believe I flushed red, but not from fright. Anger such as
I never want to return to my poor soul seized hold of me as I shouted
into his teeth, "You can crucify me, sir, but you can only make yourself
a criminal, not me; God help you!"
There was a moment's silence. Then, "Bring him in," the man said quietly
to the soldiers, and I was taken into the room where I had been before.
I now felt a little more confidence, for I felt that I had cowed them
down and thereafter they did not seem to be quite so cold and arrogant.
But I was put into the hands of a different man. They have such a
wonderful system of dodging responsibility and of passing you over to
other people. I do not believe that cowardly cur dared to deal with me
any longer and I never saw him again. I was now given over to
Laubenthal, a very tall, business-like fellow, who seemed to have great
authority. He asked me many more questions, writing down the answers
and seeming to put in his own ideas, and then he told me to sign the
paper, which was several pages long. He said it was simply my own story,
and like a fool, I wrote my name to it, before I really knew what it was
I was signing.
Later, when I thought what it might be, I trembled. It might have been
my death warrant!
Over an hour passed, not much was said for a time. I was in the same
room where Edith Cavell was sentenced and out of which she was taken
through the back door, lined up against a blank wall and shot.
Presently, at an ominous moment, Laubenthal stepped over to the wall and
took down a white cloth. Holding it dangling conspicuously by the corner
he started over toward my chair. My spine went ice. I thought he was
going to tie it about my eyes and I was going to be taken out the back
door and stood up against the blank wall. All my former sins came back.
I faced eternity. It was an awful moment, but quickly passing from the
sublime to the ridiculous, do you know I never realized before what a
difference there is in the way a man can carry a rag! If he had taken it
by the middle, as any decent, sane man would do, I might have thought he
was going to do what I believe he eventually did, wash his hands and
use it as a towel. Holding it by that corner, however, looked too
suspicious for me. It was an innocent rag, but he carried it in a funny
way, and without joking, I will say that I have had a wholesome respect
for a rag ever since. I now believe he was purposely trying to scare me.
Well, if he was, he certainly succeeded. Von Bissing then came in and
gave me a ten minute curtain lecture which was anything but pleasant.
After a time, however, evidently deciding that there was no case against
me, Laubenthal went to the telephone and had a conversation in German. I
heard him mention my name, but I did not know whether it meant release
or execution, and there is quite a difference. Soon he called over to me
and asked me if I was ready to leave that day. Like a flash I said,
"Yes, sir; yes, sir." I had been ready for several days. He gave me a
permit, saying, "Get out on the seven o'clock train tonight and don't
come back." Well, I've been in the habit of missing trains all my life,
but I was at that depot at six o'clock. I wouldn't have missed that
train for all the iron crosses in the Kaiser's foundry. I got out. That
is, I _started_ for Holland.
However, I was pulled off the train by a husky German soldier at the
first stop this side of the Holland border, about two miles from the
line, and told that my papers were not in order and I would be compelled
to go back again to Brussels and get them changed.
Now, Laubenthal had told me not to come back. I knew he meant it, too.
And I didn't intend to go back--not that soon.