"Gratis," said Mr. Polly. "I never thought of it."
The plump woman pressed her hands to her sides and laughed silently
for a space. "You ought to have charged him sumpthing," she said. "You
better come and have your cold meat, before you do any more puntin'.
You and me'll get on together."
Presently she came and stood watching him eat. "You eat better than
you punt," she said, and then, "I dessay you could learn to punt."
"Wax to receive and marble to retain," said Mr. Polly. "This beef is a
Bit of All Right, Ma'm. I could have done differently if I hadn't been
punting on an empty stomach. There's a lear feeling as the pole goes
in--"
"I've never held with fasting," said the plump woman.
"You want a ferryman?"
"I want an odd man about the place."
"I'm odd, all right. What's your wages?"
"Not much, but you get tips and pickings. I've a sort of feeling it
would suit you."
"I've a sort of feeling it would. What's the duties? Fetch and carry?
Ferry? Garden? Wash bottles? _Ceteris paribus?_"
"That's about it," said the fat woman.
"Give me a trial."
"I've more than half a mind. Or I wouldn't have said anything about
it. I suppose you're all right. You've got a sort of half-respectable
look about you. I suppose you 'aven't _done_ anything."
"Bit of Arson," said Mr. Polly, as if he jested.
"So long as you haven't the habit," said the plump woman.
"My first time, M'am," said Mr. Polly, munching his way through an
excellent big leaf of lettuce. "And my last."
"It's all right if you haven't been to prison," said the plump woman.
"It isn't what a man's happened to do makes 'im bad. We all happen to
do things at times. It's bringing it home to him, and spoiling his
self-respect does the mischief. You don't _look_ a wrong 'un. 'Ave you
been to prison?"
"Never."
"Nor a reformatory? Nor any institution?"
"Not me. Do I _look_ reformed?"
"Can you paint and carpenter a bit?"
"Well, I'm ripe for it."
"Have a bit of cheese?"
"If I might."
And the way she brought the cheese showed Mr. Polly that the business
was settled in her mind.
He spent the afternoon exploring the premises of the Potwell Inn and
learning the duties that might be expected of him, such as Stockholm
tarring fences, digging potatoes, swabbing out boats, helping people
land, embarking, landing and time-keeping for the hirers of two rowing
boats and one Canadian canoe, baling out the said vessels and
concealing their leaks and defects from prospective hirers, persuading
inexperienced hirers to start down stream rather than up, repairing
rowlocks and taking inventories of returning boats with a view to
supplementary charges, cleaning boots, sweeping chimneys,
house-painting, cleaning windows, sweeping out and sanding the tap and
bar, cleaning pewter, washing glasses, turpentining woodwork,
whitewashing generally, plumbing and engineering, repairing locks and
clocks, waiting and tapster's work generally, beating carpets and
mats, cleaning bottles and saving corks, taking into the cellar,
moving, tapping and connecting beer casks with their engines, blocking
and destroying wasps' nests, doing forestry with several trees,
drowning superfluous kittens, and dog-fancying as required, assisting
in the rearing of ducklings and the care of various poultry,
bee-keeping, stabling, baiting and grooming horses and asses, cleaning
and "garing" motor cars and bicycles, inflating tires and repairing
punctures, recovering the bodies of drowned persons from the river as
required, and assisting people in trouble in the water, first-aid and
sympathy, improvising and superintending a bathing station for
visitors, attending inquests and funerals in the interests of the
establishment, scrubbing floors and all the ordinary duties of a
scullion, the ferry, chasing hens and goats from the adjacent cottages
out of the garden, making up paths and superintending drainage,
gardening generally, delivering bottled beer and soda water syphons in
the neighbourhood, running miscellaneous errands, removing drunken and
offensive persons from the premises by tact or muscle as occasion
required, keeping in with the local policemen, defending the premises
in general and the orchard in particular from depredators....
"Can but try it," said Mr. Polly towards tea time. "When there's
nothing else on hand I suppose I might do a bit of fishing."