THE LOSS OF ALL.
"The loss of all love has to give,
Save pardon for love wronged."
--O. MEREDITH.
"Here I am, Theo. Honor says you want to see me."
Evelyn Desmond closed the door behind her; and at sight of her husband
transformed into his very self--freed at last from all disfigurements--she
ran to him with outstretched arms.
"Theo, are you really all right again? I can hardly believe it."
But Desmond had no answer to give her. He simply squared his right
arm, warding off her hands.
Then she saw the hard lines of his mouth, the inexpressible pain in
his eyes; and, clutching at his rigid forearm, tried to force it down.
She might as well have tried to shift a bar of iron.
"What's the matter with you now?" she asked, half petulant, half
fearful. "Has anything else gone wrong? Haven't we had enough misery
and depression----?"
"There's no more call for acting, Evelyn," Desmond interposed with an
ominous quietness more disconcerting than anger--"Doesn't your own
conscience tell you what may have gone wrong?"
At that the colour left her face. "You mean--is it about--me?" she
asked with shaking lips.
"Yes. About you." Her pitiful aspect softened him; he took her arm and
set her gently down upon a chair;--the selfsame chair that Paul had
occupied half an hour ago. "Don't be frightened," he said gently; "I
won't hurt you more than I must. Ever since we married I have done my
utmost to help you, spare you, shield you; but now--we've got to
arrive at a clear understanding, once for all. First I want you to
answer a question or two, straightly, without prevarication. You went
out early, it seems. Where?"
"To Mrs Riley's----"
"And after?"
"I met Mr Kresney--quite by chance. He wanted me to come in to tea. He
said Miss Kresney would soon be home--and I--I----"
"No need for polite fabrications;" he took her up quickly. "You went
in. Miss Kresney did _not_ come home. Is this the first time he has
trapped you with a convenient lie? Tell me that."
Words and tone roused her to a passing flash of retaliation.
"If you're going to get so angry, Theo, I won't tell you _any_thing,
and I _won't_ be questioned like a creature in a witness-box! Some
one's been saying horrid things of me. Major Wyndham, I suppose. You
wouldn't listen to any one else. It's very mean of him----"
Desmond took a hasty step forward. "How dare you speak so of the
straightest man living!" he cried with imperious heat. "You, who have
taken advantage of my blindness to deceive me deliberately a second
time, on account of a cad who isn't fit to tie your shoe-strings. I've
been blind in more than one way lately. But that is over now. I am not
likely to repeat the mistake of trusting you implicitly--after this."
She cowered under the lash of his just wrath, hiding her face and
crying heart-broken tears--the bitterest she had yet shed. In
snatching at the shadow it seemed she had lost the substance past
recall.
"Oh! You are cruel--horrible!" she wailed, with her disarming,
pathetic air of a scolded child that made a rough word to her seem
cowardly as a blow.
"No need to break your heart over it," he said more gently; "and as
to cruelty, Evelyn, haven't you abused my faith in your loyalty and
dragged my pride in the dust by letting your name be coupled with that
man's, though I told you plainly I had good reasons for distrusting
and disliking him. I suppose he made a dead set at you while I was
away--cowardly brute! But what hits me hardest of all is not your
indiscretion; it's your persistent crookedness that poisons
everything. It was the same over your bills last year--as I told you
then. It's the same now. It's a poor look-out if a man can't trust his
own wife; but I suppose you must have lied to me--and to Honor, a
dozen times this last week."
It had cost him an effort to speak so plainly and at such length; but
his wife's uneven breathing was the only answer he received.
He came closer and laid an arm round her shoulder.
"Evelyn--Ladybird--have you nothing to say to me?"
"N--no," she answered in a choked voice, without uncovering her face;
"it wouldn't be any use."
"Why not? Am I so utterly devoid of understanding?"
"No--no. But you brave, strong sort of people can't ever know how hard
little things are for--for people like me. It has been so--dull
lately. You had--all those men, and--I was lonely. It was nice to have
some one--wanting me--some one not miles above my head. But I knew you
would be cross if I told you--and--and--" tears choked her
utterance--"oh, it's no good talking. You'd never understand."
"I understand this much, my dear," he said. "You are done up with the
strain of nursing, and badly in need of a change. But we shall soon
get away on leave now; and I will see to it that you shall never feel
dull or out of it again. Only one thing I insist upon--your intimacy
with--that man is at an end. No more riding with him; no more going to
his bungalow. From to-day you treat him and his sister as mere
acquaintances."
She faced him now with terror-stricken eyes. For while he spoke, she
had perceived the full extent of her dilemma.
"But, Theo--there isn't any need for that," she urged, with a thrill
of fear at her own boldness. "They would think it so odd. What
excuses could I possibly make?"
"That's your affair," Desmond answered unmoved. "You are a better hand
at it than I am. My only concern is that you shall put an end to this
equivocal state of things for good."
At that she hid her face again, with a sob of despair. "I can't do
it--I _can't_. It's impossible!" she murmured vehemently more to
herself than to him.
Her unexpected opposition fanned his smouldering wrath to a blaze. He
took her by the shoulder--not roughly, but very decisively.
"_Impossible!_ What am I to understand by that?"
It was the first time he had touched her untenderly; and she quivered
in every nerve.
"I--I don't know. I can't explain. But--it's true."
For one instant he stood speechless;--then:
"Great Heavens, Evelyn!" he broke out, "don't you see that you are
forcing upon me a suspicion that is an insult to us both?"
She looked up at him in blank bewilderment, then jerked herself free
from his hand.
"I--I don't understand what you mean. But if you _will_ think horrid
things of me you may. I can't explain and--I won't!"
"You--_won't_," Desmond repeated slowly, frozen incredulity in his
eyes; and she, fearing she had gone too far, caught at the hand she
had shaken off.
"Oh, Theo, what _does_ it matter after all?" she urged between
irritation and despair, "when you know quite well it's you--that I
love?"
The appeal was too ill-timed to be convincing; and Desmond's smile had
a tinge of bitterness in it.
"You have an uncommonly original way of showing it," he said coldly;
"and the statement doesn't square with your refusal to explain
yourself. You have broken up the foundations of--things to-day,
Evelyn! You have killed my trust in you altogether. You may remember,
perhaps,--what that involves." And withdrawing his hand he turned and
left her.
But he had roused her at last by the infliction of a pain too intense
for tears. She sprang up, knocking over the chair that fell with a
thud on the carpet, and hurried after him, clinging to his
unresponsive arm.
"Theo, Theo, take care what you say! Do you mean--truthfully that you
don't--love me any more?"
"God knows," he answered wearily. "Let me alone now, for Heaven's
sake, till I can see things clearer. But I'll not alter my decision
about Kresney, whatever your mysterious impossibilities may be."
Freeing himself gently but deliberately, he went over to the verandah
door and stood there, erect, motionless, his back towards her, looking
out upon the featureless huts of the servants' quarters with eyes that
saw nothing save a vision of his wife's face, as it had shone upon
him, more than two years ago, in the Garden of Tombs.
And it was shining upon him now--had he but guessed it,--not with the
simple tenderness of girlhood; but with the despairing half-worshipping
love of a woman.
When he heard the door close softly behind her, he came back into the
room, mechanically righted the chair, and sitting down upon it buried
his face in his hands.